Orphan Petal

November 2023 - Part 4

Shirley knows who he is

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(pictures done by ai)

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Doctor Mary
Shirley has found himself. He accepts that he is happier as a transgender boy and a regressed child who wears diapers and likes to be treated as a toddler. It's a relief that Shirley is finding his identity. I still wonder what the motivation is. Is Shirley’s identity girlish and babyish because he wants to impress Aunty or others or because he likes attention? Is it Shirley's way to hide in another persona? Maybe this is just the way Shirley is and who he is. It makes me wonder: what will happen to Shirley if his girly ways are not who he is and are just a symptom of something else or just trying to be different or impressing others?

Austin:
Logan thinks I am in love with Jason. It's a bit strange when you think about it. Jason used to make my life hell. He was once one of my worst enemies, and now he is a good friend. I did not answer Logan when he said that. I think I may have blushed when he said this. I am also confused. Am I not too young to have a romantic partner? I know I am a teen, and some boys have girlfriends at my age. However, a part of my mind was saying that having a boyfriend in public at my age. This could also lead to trouble and unwanted attention. Still, Logan could be right. I do have feelings for Jason; I just do not understand these feelings.

Susan
Shirley is happy again, and once again, his sweet, playful self. He always asks me to dress up with him or play with his dollhouse. We also practice dancing. Shirley is not being bullied at school after Jason became his protector. I am delighted that Shirley is happy once again and not worrying or thinking too much. He is trying to be a child and have fun. I am worried if he will be accepted by others at school. Wearing girl clothes is one thing, and it seems like most people can accept that. After all, being LGBT+ is not frowned upon and is accepted by many. However, the others cannot understand why Shirley wears diapers and always has a pacifier close to him. I can understand in a way why others of my age think this is strange. We all want to act older and be older, while Shirley wants to act younger.

Aunty
I took Shirley and Susan shopping today for clothes. Shirley does not really need clothes, as he is still very small for his age. Susan is growing, so she could do with new clothes. She was a bit surprised that I invited her shopping, as she expected I would only want to shop with Shirley. It was a fun outing and a great break from the daily life we had. It was also a bit funny to see the difference between the two. They are the same age, yet so different. Susan did not want anything feminine, and she wanted clothes a teen would wear, even though she is only 11. Shirley, on the other hand, wanted feminine and cute clothes a toddler girl would wear. I did not try to influence their decision and let them choose the clothes that they wanted. It was a great trip to the shopping mall, and it was great to see them both happy and excited. They even laughed when a shopping assistant told me that I had two lovely daughters.

Shirley
Susan and I started ballet classes. Our dance teacher was delighted to see us back. She told us that we were practising for a ballet show we would do in December. I was so happy that I was once again dancing. I do not know why I stopped when the Sterlings did not want me. I promised myself that I would never stop dancing again. I feel so free when I am dancing. I feel like I am showing who I am and what I can offer the world. It helps that I am good at it and a fast learner. Now I can look forward to the ballet show that we will be having at Christmas. Starting ballet again reinforced what I have been learning lately… When I accept who I am and am not afraid to show the world this, then I am happy. When I try to be what society expects me to be, then I am unhappy and impossible to be around.

Dickens
Today I took a big step. I asked Aunty on a date. She agreed when I asked her, which shocked me. So we went to a fancy restaurant, and Aunty looked like a Hollywood star. As we ate, we talked about ourselves. We tried not to talk about work but used this chance to get to know each other. Aunty is a very interesting woman. She is a rich woman and does not have to work, yet she wants to do something good in her life. The date showed me one thing: how much Aunty and I can have a good time together. After the date, I knew that I had strong feelings for this woman and knew that I was in love with her. The thing is, I do not know how she feels about me. Time will tell.

Aunty
The date went very well, and Dickens is the nicest man I ever met. He told me that he had never experienced love in his life that lasted long. Dickens always wanted children, and that's probably why he chose to work with children. I am pretty much the same. I never trusted men. The date made me wonder why I never had children myself. I think I was very selfish in my younger days. I didn’t have patience with children and didn’t know how to be with them. When I think back on how I manipulated my nephew into being a sissy baby boy because I did not like boys, If I had children, I would ruin their lives, especially if I had sons. It made me think once again about Shirley. Would I pay as much attention to him if he were not so feminine? Does it make him more interesting that he likes dresses and does not mind being treated like a toddler?

Susan
Aunty is not the same person she was when I came to the child's home. Then she was a dominant woman who just ordered us around. It's like she was distant from us and didn’t care. I always felt she did not respect who we were and just told us how we should be and dress. I think she has changed so much. I could understand why she was so interested in Shirley. She likes feminine boys, and this makes Shirley interesting to her. Until now, Aunty has always kept her distance from me. This has changed. She took me shopping, which she had never done before. She has also started spending a lot of time with me, even when Shirley is not there. Aunty wants to listen to me and hear what is going on in my life. It's a bit strange that she spends so much time with me. I just wonder if I can trust Aunty. Can a person change so much, especially as an adult? Is she using me for some plan she has?

Shirley
Today I read an essay in class that seems to have provoked many. Here is an excerpt of what I wrote: “I have been called a bully before; I have been called a sissy; I have been called a baby. Some have even called me weird and a freak. Some have even said I do not deserve friends or to be loved. In the last year, I have learnt a lot about myself and the world. I used to be like, so many of you are listening to me now. I used to tease and bully others. Now I have tried to be on the other side and be the one who is bullied. I refuse to be a victim, and people can say what they want about me. I know I am different from other boys. I am more feminine, and at times I am more like a girl than a boy. I know it's not normal for someone my age to have to wear nappies and like using pacifiers and baby bottles. This does not make me a bad person. I do not want to hurt anyone. I just want to be myself and have a good childhood. So you can call me a sissy, baby, freak, or whatever you want. I will not be defined by what you call me. I will be defined by who I am and know that there is a place for me in this world and boys like me.”

Aunty
Dickens and I have been spending a lot of time together. The best is when we go on long walks together. We would talk about everything. Dickens is a good and interesting man, and I love being with him. I did realise something today. It happened as we were on one of our walks. We suddenly started holding each other's hands. I felt like I was on a cloud in heaven when we did this. I felt like a small school girl in love for the first time. My relationship with Dickens has become scary. I may be falling in love with my own boss. Any sane person would know that this is wrong. I should not mix a professional relationship with my boss with a romantic one. It would not end well and could harm the work that we are doing here at the orphanage. We can also end up hurting each other. The thing is that I cannot help the feelings that I have.

Shirley
Jason has been supportive lately. He has been protecting me at school from the bullies, and this has meant that school has not been so bad. Jason even commented that he thought the dress I was wearing was pretty. I believe that Jason is trying his best to be nice to me. I know he does not understand me the way I am and this is understandable. Jason is the definition of what dads want their sons to be like. He may be gay, but I don’t think people think that is worse than a boy like me wearing dresses and needing diapers. I tried to be nice to Jason today. I told him that we are all different and we should respect people's differences. The Sterlings wanted to adopt Jason, and I told Jason that I would not be bitter if he decided to agree to the adoption. Jason just shrugged his shoulders and said the Sterlings had not contacted him since he told them that he was gay.

Jason
You would think that it is Valentine's Day now. There are rumours that Dickens and Aunty were holding hands. Today, when Austin was visiting me, we were in the orphanage garden, sitting by some flowers. We were not saying much, and before I knew it, Austin and I were holding hands. When we looked at each other, we just blushed and said nothing about holding hands. We kept on holding hands. Romance is in the air, and I loved every minute of it. For me, holding hands was not some smoochy kind of thing. It was a sign that Austin and I now had a special relationship. I do not know if we could be called boyfriends or not. I am just happy that Austin is special to me.

Shirley
Susan and I practised ballet dancing today. I think it's so funny that she is not very good at it but tries her best. I did my best to help her by telling her how she should move. It was so much fun, and it was great that Susan and I could always have fun together. She may not have been good at dancing, but Susan was great at fixing hair. I never had a bad hair day when she helped me when she did my hair. I can't fix hair the way she does. When I do it, the hair looks like a wild bush.

Susan
I used to think I was in love with Shirley. That was just a phase. It could also have been confused feelings about how I felt about him. Now I know that I am not in love with Shirley. I consider Shirley to be my best friend for life. Shirley is more like a sister to me than anything else. He is like a sister who borrows my clothes and plays with my toys. Shirley is happy again, and that makes a difference. I hated when he was depressed and felt sorry for himself. Then he becomes impossible to be around. So I am going to enjoy being around him now while he is in such a good mood. I think that's why I consider him a sister. He is a blessing in my life, but at the same time, he can be so annoying and put my patience to the limit.

Dickens
Aunty and I have been spending a lot of time together. I know that we have feelings for each other. So I asked her if could we become a pair romantically. In the olden days, it was called courting. Aunty told me that she had to think about it. This saddened me, as it sounded like a rejection. Why did she not jump up and down in joy and let me take her in my arms? I tell you that at times, women can be so confusing. Men will never understand the way a woman thinks.

Austin
I was speaking with Logan and my mom today. She was so kind to adopt me, and I loved it here. I finally had a family that loved me, and I loved them. Shirley has been on my mind lately. He has hurt me a lot in the past but is forgiven for all he did. I still care for him and think that he deserves the happiness that I have. So at dinner, I casually asked Logan and Mom if it would not be a good idea that we adopted Shirley...