Orphan Petal

November 2023 - Part 3

Shirley knows who he is

Doctor Mary
Sometimes, when we can't help a person who won't listen to our advice, it can be so frustrating. Everyone seems to be offering advice to Shirley and thinks he is being very selfish when dealing with his feelings and emotions. Shirley does have flaws. He indeed finds it hard to think about other people. He is also a very sensitive child and can be unsure about himself. When you think of it, Shirley has undergone major changes in his life in the last year. Shirley is at a crossroads in his life now. He must find his identity, and what's more important, accept it.

Jason
The Sterlings wanted to adopt me first until I suggested that they adopt Shirley. He did not work out because they didn’t want a boy who thought he was a girl. If they had adopted me first, then none of the drama we are experiencing with Shirley would have happened. I would have been some rich people's son now. I would never have to save up for a computer game again. I am mad that I do not have a choice about whether I want to be adopted or not. Why do adults think that they always know better? I am a teen! This would be my last chance to have a family. Let's face it, I am not the world's best child, and at times I feel like Satan is my dad. This being said I am unsure if I want the Sterlings to adopt me. I heard the way they treated Shirley, and what would they think if they knew I was gay? I do not want to get hurt the way that they hurt Shirley. Maybe it was for the best that Dickens put his foot down for the adoption.

Susan:
Shirley is starting to speak a lot more again. That is a good thing. It must be exhausting to be like a sour grape all the time. He told me that Aunty is now helping him with his diaper changing, although Aunty does not say much. Shirley doesn’t care that Aunty does not say much; he is just happy that Aunty is now noticing him. I wanted to tell Shirley that he always thinks too much of Aunty and shouldn’t seek her approval or attention so much, but this did not seem like the best time to do that. The thing is that Shirley seems to be a little bit happier, and that's all that counts.

Aunty
I have been helping Shirley with his diaper changes. He does not seem to mind that he has to wear them again. In fact, he does not seem to mind that he is also using his pacifier a lot. Shirley also puts a chair against his bed, so it looks like he is making his own cot. Is this happening because he needs some security, or maybe he loves diapers and being like a baby? Now is not the time to discuss it. Shirley needs love, support, and security. When Shirley can see that he got these basic needs from others, he will not need to substitute them with diapers or baby things. The baby things may seem weird for a child his age, but they can develop into something much worse. How many turn to drugs and other vices because they feel alone in this world? Some even become suicidal. I do not want Shirley or any other child here to feel alone.

Allie:
For those who do not know me, I am Allie, who released my diary called “The Teenage Years of Allie Horten." Aunty started treating me like a girl, and slowly I accepted that I was genderfluid. It was not right in the way that Aunty manipulated me, but I have forgiven her. I still visit her at times, and I can see that she has changed a lot. When I visited her today, she told me about Shirley and the troubles that Shirley was going through. Shirley was surprised when he saw me. He read my diary and told me that I was a hero to him. As I spoke to Shirley and listened to what he was going through, he reminded me so much about me. Shirley seems so fragile, and I wondered if I was as fragile as he is now. I told Shirley that he knows deep down who he is. It does not make a difference what gender identification he has. What matters is that he accepts it and is proud of the person he is. Shirley had to learn that everyone would have an opinion about him. Some will even be critical, and they may even think he is strange. The secret is not to make them destroy his spirit but to remember that God has given him a unique personality, identity, and place in the world.

Aunty
It was so nice that Allie visited today and even wanted to speak with Shirley. I understood that I had nearly destroyed his life. I always disliked boys and persuaded Allie that he was a better girl than a boy. This confused him and caused so many problems. I apologised to Allie about what I did when he was young. Allie appreciated the apology and assured me that everything turned out for the best. Allie did have one request: that I not do the same with Shirley. He suggested that I would be there for Shirley, but let Shirley find his own identity. Allie wants me to support Shirley even if Shirley discovers that being girly is only a phase. I did not reply to this. I liked that Shirley is girly, and I hope I will like him just as much if he were boyish.

Susan
Shirley said something strange to me today. He nearly begged me to always be his friend and never leave him alone in this world. I didn’t say anything for a few minutes as I was thinking of the right thing to say. After a while, I gave Shirley my favourite stuffed animal and told him that we were best friends forever. Nothing could ever destroy this. We would be with each other through good and bad times. It also meant that we should be honest with each other and say things the way they are. I wanted to say a lot more to Shirley, such as how it hurts when he sometimes pushes people away from him. Sometimes he treats me like dirt, and that hurts. Maybe it's because he channels all his emotions onto me like a punching bag, knowing I will always remain his friend. For now, Shirley needed to know that I was always there for him.

Shirley
I went to visit my parent's grave today. In a way, I wanted them to speak to me and tell me what I should do. Then again, maybe this would be a bad idea. They would hate the idea that I have become so feminine and wimpy. My parents didn’t mind when I bullied others or was mean to others, as they thought that was part of being a boy. So after a while by the grave, I told them that I was no longer a bully. Now it's me who is being bullied at school. This is because I have accepted that I am a sissy boy. I like wearing girly clothes and acting like a girl. I know I am a boy, and I do not want a girl's body. This being said, being a sissy boy is who I am and what makes me happy. The Sterlings did not like it, and some at school may not like it. It does not make things better that I feel more loved and secure with a diaper on and acting like a toddler. People may think that being a sissy boy who acts like a toddler is weird and bad, but I do not think it's bad. It's who I am. If others do not like this, then they can just leave me alone.

Mr. Dickens
Jason was called into my office today. I have considered his situation a lot, especially since he told me that he is old enough to decide. So as he sat there, I reminded him that I thought that the Sterlings should not adopt any children. However, since Jason is now a teen, I agreed with him that he should be the one who decides if he wants to be adopted. The choice was his. Jason did not say much. Teens can be so confusing. Jason gets mad at me because he did not have a choice, and now when he gets a chance to do it, he remains silent. After some time, Jason said in a low voice that he would think about it. That seems like the wise thing to do. It's an important, life-changing decision, and Jason is right to consider it at length.

Aunty
Dickens is a good man, and I am no longer bitter that he got the job of running the children's home. He is good at his job and cares about the children. When Dickens first came here, he kept his eye on me like a hawk, as he did not trust me. Now, when he is around me, he is like a high school boy. Dickens always seems shy around me, stuttering and blushing. It does remind me of a high school boy who has a puppy-love crush. Of course, this cannot be true. We are adults and no longer need to act like high school students. One would think that he has a crush on me. I do not believe this. If Dickens loved me, he would say it, wouldn't he?

Shirley
I got a letter from Mrs. Sterling today, which was a surprise. She wrote that she felt bad about the way that I was treated and that she and her husband never tried to understand me. She defended her husband by saying that he is conservative and could not accept my girly ways. Then she wrote that she does miss me and that she knows I am a good person. Mrs. Sterling hoped that I would be happy and remain friends with her. I threw out the letter and decided that I would not even answer it. How can Mrs. Sterling even miss me, as she hardly had time for me when I lived with her? I do not need people like Mrs. and Mr. Sterling in my life.

Jason
Shirley was being bullied at school again. I do not understand why Shirley gets bullied. They accepted him before, even when he wore a girl's school uniform. Now people at school just find it like a sport to see who can bully Shirley the most. I had enough of it, so I stood up for Shirley and told the bullies that it was them who had the problem and not Shirley. Who cares what Shirley wears or how he acts? Shirley does not hurt anyone except himself. I warned the bullies that anyone who wants to bully Shirley has to come through me first. I am now taking on the role of Shirley's bodyguard and protector.

Dickens
Since I came here, I always thought Shirley got too much attention. It seems like the staff was always worried about him and talked about him. It has been my goal that we remember the other children here, and I think that this is happening. I can understand why Shirley is a favourite of the staff. His story is tragic, and he seems so fragile. Shirley is a sweet child who is cute and almost like a doll. His identity as a girly boy also seems to make him interesting. I will be honest; I do not understand his girly ways, especially since he doesn’t mind acting like a toddler. I suppose that the important thing is that Shirley is a good boy.

Shirley
Today I put on a winter dress. It was a lovely plaid dress, and I felt so pretty in it. I felt like myself when I wore it. Aunty even said that it was a pretty dress. Do I care that wearing a dress means that I will never have a family that loves me? Maybe this is true, but I chose not to believe it. Logan is transgender, and he is loved. There is someone in this world who can love me. I am sure about that.

Jason
This was a huge day in my life. The Sterlings visited me and told me that they wanted to adopt me. I remained quiet as they boasted about their nice home, their nice jobs, and how much money they had. After they finished telling me how happy I would be, I told them that I didn’t think they could love me. They could not accept that Shirley was different. Then I admitted that I was also different. I know that I am gay, and would they like a gay son? I could see that Mr. Sterling's face went white, and he told me that it was time for them to go. Mr. Sterling said that he would contact me again. I know what this means. He is no longer interested. After the meeting with them, I felt as if I had the courage that I never had. I wrote on social media that I am gay. Now the whole world knows.

Doctor Philomena:
Shirley visited me again, and she seemed much happier than he was. Shirley was also wearing a dress and tights and had his hair in a ponytail. I asked Shirley what was different. Shirley shrugged his shoulders and said that it took too much energy to be sad. Then Shirley told me, “I am who I am." This made me proud of Shirley, and I reminded him that being transgender does not mean that you are not normal. We are each unique in our own ways, and there is no such thing as being normal. I am sure that someday Shirley will be adopted by a family that loves him. Shirley smiled and said that he already has a family. The orphanage is his family.

Logan
Austin seems to be very close to Jason. They talk every day and meet a lot. When Austin and I were doing our homework today, I told Austin that I think he is in love with Jason. Maybe Jason loves me as well, and this is why he announced to the whole world on social media that he is gay. Austin just blushed a bit but did not respond.

Shirley
I am who I am. Mom and Dad accepted that I was a bigoted bully when they were alive and did not notice I was never happy. When I was with the Sterlings and they tried to mould me into something I wasn't, I was not happy. I knew who I was when I decided to be a princess for Halloween. When I came back to the orphanage, I was sad because I felt so alone and felt as if everyone thought I was weird. Things are different now. I know who I am, and nothing can change this. I like being happy, and I like who I have become. I no longer care what others think. I am a sissy boy. I will keep my head high and be proud of who I am.