Orphan Petal
December 2023 - Part 1
Chistmas is coming and Shirley has never been happier
(pictures done by ai)
Doctor Mary
Life is full of changes, and it never stands still. I suppose that is what they call living. There is love in “Orphan Petal,” and who knows how this will end. How can anyone be in love with Aunty? Even Austin and Jason are in love. On top of that, the Sterlings want to adopt Jason, and it may appear that Dickens broke his promise that they would never be allowed to adopt again by giving Jason a choice. Shirley is now happy and full of life again, which melts my heart. Maybe he will have a good ending. Let's not forget Susan, the quiet girl that seems to be so important in people's lives.
Logan
Austin asked Mom and me if we did not think it would be a good idea to adopt Shirley. To be honest, I felt phantom pains in my arm where Shirley had broken it months earlier. Shirley has changed and is now the feminine boy that he once told people was wrong. Remember how he treated me because I am transgender? When he was my foster brother, he made my life hell and thought I was a freak. Now somehow he is a sissy boy himself, as I would not consider Shirley transgender, as he himself admitted that he is just a boy that wore dresses and liked doing girly things. I love Shirley and am happy he is a better person, and I have forgiven him. However, drama always accompanies Shirley, and that would disturb my quiet life. Mom must have felt the same as she said, while she hopes that Shirley is happy; she is pleased for the two children she has. This was Mom's polite way of saying “No way.”
Shirley
The Christmas ballet show is in a few weeks, and I have been practising very hard for it. I got the main role in the show, and I do not want to be a flop. It was the first time that the public would see me dancing, and I did not want to be an embarrassment. My ballet teacher told me not to worry as I was a natural dancer, and it seemed like it came easy for me. I just need to have faith in myself and trust in my talent as a dancer. I know I am a good dancer, but I also know that practice is important. Besides that, I love dancing. It's like I am in my own world and the troubles and worries are locked out. Dancing means freedom! The ballet teacher told me not to overdo it, but I do not think I am practising too much. I love dancing!
Doctor Philomena:
Shirley visited me today, and he was happy. This made me happy as he told me that he now was wearing girl clothes all the time. Shirley went on to tell me that dresses were his best, as he loves the way they flow and make him look pretty. Shirley also loves tights, as he loves the way they feel on him. I smiled at Shirley and told him that I was happy that he now accepted his identity and was not afraid to be girly. However, he needs to be at peace with his decision. I gave him an example. Shirley needs to ask himself if he still blames himself for his parent's death and if he still feels ashamed that his parents would not agree with him wearing girl clothes and acting like a girl. Shirley told me that he tries not to think about his parents as he wants to be happy. I now knew that he would be thinking about them as I put the seed in his mind.
Aunty
What is happening to me? I am going on dates with Dickens, and I am now even looking forward to the next one. I have always thought that I only needed one person in my life, and that was me. Up to now, I did not need a husband and family, but now I have feelings that I do not understand. I have been in love before and have had feelings that made me feel good and special, but now these feelings are different. They are stronger and scary. I know that I am in love with Dickens, and I am afraid. I wish I didn’t have these feelings. I am scared!
Shirley
It's December, and I love Christmas. It is a special time of happiness, hope, and peace. Today made Christmas official as we decorated the orphanage. We found the dusty boxes of Christmas decorations. I was wearing a red dress that Susan gave me that looked like it came from some 1950 film. It was pretty and looked great with white tights. We spent all day decorating to make the orphanage look like a Christmas wonderland. Decorating puts everyone in a good mood, and that is what the orphanage needs. We need to forget all the problems that we have and just enjoy being children. Today was just that, where we smiled and laughed, and it was obvious that the Christmas spirit had invaded the orphanage. Even Jason was smiling!
Dickens
The Sterlings still want to adopt Jason. It still confuses me as to why they would want to adopt a child, as they do not know how to be with children or take care of children. They never spent time with Shirley, and they never accepted Shirley for who he was. They ended up sending Shirley back to the orphanage and nearly destroyed his self-confidence and his ability to hope. My gut tells me that the Sterlings should not adopt Jason; however, Jason is not the same as Shirley. Jason is a teenager, and in many ways, he is stronger and more confident than Shirley is. Maybe this will work. Whatever the case is, I told Jason that, as a teenager, he should be the one who decides if he wants to be adopted or not. I hope that Jason will look at the pros and cons and make a decision on what would be best for him.
Doctor Philomena:
Shirley visited me again today. There are two things that I noticed. The first thing I noticed was how much he looked like a girl. He was wearing leggings with a red skirt over them and a Christmas sweater. His hair was in pigtails with Christmas hair clips. Another thing I noticed was how happy Shirley is, and this is great when you consider how depressed he was a month ago. I am happy that Shirley has been getting puberty blockers, as this will stop any ugly male hormones from destroying things. Shirley has a lot of things to look forward to. He will have the main part in the ballet show, and this seems to take all his attention now. When I asked Shirley if he thought about his parents, he told me once again that he did not want to think about them. I told him that at some stage, he needed to heal the past and respect who he had become. Shirley did not listen too much to me; he talked a lot about the upcoming show and how much he loved Christmas.
Shirley
All my spare time is spent practising for the show. It's a lot of responsibility that I have as I will have the main role. On top of that, the main role is a girl role. Everyone knows I am a sissy boy, although some prefer to call it gender fluid, so me performing in a girl's role shouldn’t surprise anyone. Some around me thought that I was practising too much. They would ask me how I could practice so much and not have fun and play like any other child. Others would tell me that I was too ambitious and did not know how to have fun. Jason even commented on how much I practised by saying that he understood why I agreed to take the girl role in the ballet show and was practising so much as he thought that I loved being the centre of attention. I told you this before, and nothing has changed... I love dancing and practising. It is not work for me or a duty, as it is just as fun as playing. Ballet is something that I am good at. Why can I not spend my spare time doing something that I like? I think that practice was more of a duty for Susan. Let's face it, she is not a good dancer and seemed to be more frustrated than she liked. While I loved dancing, I do not know why Susan liked dancing. She tells me that she dances because I dance, which makes me feel a bit guilty.
Logan
Austin and Jason are spending a lot of time together. In private, they have confessed their attraction and love for each other but have decided to keep it a secret from others. I can understand this, as I remember how much Austin was bullied when people found out that he was gay. I understand why Jason wants to keep it a secret and not let others know that he is gay. Jason is very masculine and is very worried about his reputation. He likes being the tough kid and does not want others to think that he is weak. Austin and Jason are teenagers, and they can't help that they love each other. Others would not understand this, and if people found out how much they love each other, the two teenagers could become outcasts and even be bullied. It must be hard for them to keep it a secret, but they are happy together.
Jason
Mr. Dickens spoke with me today and told me that the Sterlings still want to adopt me and would like an answer. I was reminded that it would be me who would decide if I wanted to be adopted or not. Dickens reminded me once again why he did not think that they should adopt me. He reminded me of how they treated Shirley and how sad Shirley was when he came back to the orphanage. I told Mr. Dickens that I am not Shirley, and besides that, I am older and wiser than Shirley. Mr. Dickens smiled and asked me, Do I think the Sterlings would accept everything about me, even my faults and secrets that I have? When he said this, I blushed, as I was wondering if he knew about Austin and me. I told Mr. Dickens that I need more time to think, as this is an important decision.
Aunty
Mr. Dickens and I have been going on many dates. My favourite is when we go for long walks and simply talk about things. I will admit that I get some anxiety before every date, as I wonder if this was the day that he would propose marriage to me. Luckily, he has not done this yet. I know that I am in love with Mr. Dickens, and I am getting comfortable with the feeling of being in love with someone. I just hope he is not thinking of marriage, as I am happy with how things are at the moment. Why ruin something that works now?
Susan
Shirley loves dancing while I do not. I have two left feet and simply am not good at it. The idea of performing a show where I know that I will make a mess of things. Today I told Shirley that I am stopping with dancing. I thought he would be mad at me as dancing was something that we did together, and I quit when we were supposed to do a show in a few weeks. I told Shirley that dancing did not make me happy, and I hated it. Shirley just smiled and told me that he understood. This also means that I could cheer for him at the show. Shirley did ask if we could practice together, as it was fun practising with me. I agreed to this.
Austin:
Jason told me that he had to decide about being adopted by the Sterlings. He thought it was a good idea but was worried about what the Sterlings would say if they ever found out that he was gay. They would never accept this, and Jason knew that he could not change. Jason wanted my advice. I would never let the Sterlings adopt me, but I did not say it. I have told Jason that he had to listen to what his mind and what his heart and mind told him to do.
