Sarai was pleasantly surprised how my grandparents were to her. She correctly understood that the gifts were given without expectation of what would become of our relationship. “The joy you have brought back into Caryn’s life is remarkable. I haven’t seen him this happy since she was Gary about the age of seven or eight when she tagged along with her sister,” Grandma Edwards said. “Then we were afraid he was going to take after his sister for all the wrong reasons. Caryn loves you, but she isn’t enmeshed with you any longer. I think the past month was actually good for Gary to make sure it was he who wanted to be Caryn.”

Sarai said, “I like what you’re saying. I think Gary will always be there and I fell for Gary first. The longer he teased at being like a girl, and the more I began to see Caryn blossom. Well, the more I drew close and fell in love with her… Mrs. Edwards did you ever love someone so much, but felt you were wanting something you shouldn’t?”

Grandma Edwards let out a giggle that she quickly tried to hide. Grandma and Sarai both stared at one another, knowing there was more. “Now young woman can I trust you to say something… There has never been someone I loved as much as my Samuel. But before him, I loved a piece of forbidden fruit named Angela. She was catholic and another woman, which were both forbidden in the home I grew up in. It was a much stricter time then.”

Sarai smiled and said, “Thanks for trusting me. It will be safe with me… I’m having trouble coming to terms with Caryn and I being lesbian lovers.” Sarai asked, “Can I trust you enough to say, it felt very different to give Caryn a passionate kiss, lipstick to lipstick.”

Grandma opened her arms. “I never thought my spirit sister would be two generations younger than me. This is refreshing to know you.”

Sarai had been with Grandma Edwards had gone alone longer than I ever imagined, but I hadn’t heard any troubling noise. My mom consoled me, saying it had to be good.

When Sarai and Grandma first emerged out of the study area, I saw the silver bracelet. Taking it as a good sign I relaxed. Sarai said, “Your Grandma and I are soulmates.” As much as I tried, neither would tell me more.

I did take Sarai for a ride in Great Grams car. We were on a highway leaving town when I saw police car lights come from behind me. I wanted to hit the gas pedal and elude them. But good sense overcame me and I broke and pulled over to the side. I turned to Sarai, “This is going to be funny or bad news with me dressed as Caryn.” Sarai couldn’t help but laugh.

Deputy Sheriff Jim Noland approached asking, “Let me see your driver’s license and car registration young woman?” I had retrieved the registration from the glove compartment and my license from my purse and gave them to him.

“Out of the car, sir, if this is you?”

I changed my voice to Gary’s, “I can explain. This is my great-grandma’s car that I’m using. Concerning me; I only recently realized I’m transgender. If you follow school sports and know of our cross-country team; you might have heard of me, Gary Miller. I’m now going by Caryn, I have an identification card someplace.”

He asked, “Christina Miller’s son? Can I call her to verify your information and to inform her Great Grandma’s car has a broken light out on the right-side rear?”

He said, “Cute, I have a great-grandson driving his great grams car dressed as a woman. I’d like to settle this with a warning or less, but indulge me. We will do it my way if you don’t mind. I want you to come back in the squad vehicle while I make the call.”

I know he shook his head as I got into the car sweeping my skirt under my legs. I even pulled down the hem a little.

“Hello, is this Christina Miller. This is Deputy Jim Noland… Yes everyone is okay. I just pulled over your son/your daughter Caryn. The brake light was out on the rear passenger side of the car. Since it’s not his car, I wanted to verify the information and make sure the warning is properly handled. We need proof that the problem is fixed or the fine going against Great Grams as well as him… Sorry for mixing up pronouns but I’m not sure what is proper in this case… No, she hasn’t found her identification as Caryn yet.”

Satisfied, Deputy Noland gives me the warning slip and tells me to circle the coming corner. He was following me home. I wanted to give Sarai a ride home, but he wouldn’t permit it.

I had hoped to give Sarai some close attention, but now Katie and I had to take her home in Katie’s car. Even with hot and cold showers, I was going to be wired and have trouble sleeping.

It was four-thirty in the morning when I finally got dressed and went out running. I had run two miles when Officer Marcia pulled her squad car up next to me. “Ms. Caryn, you are Caryn aren’t you? What has you out running near five o’clock in the morning?”

I said, “You wouldn’t understand. Something frustrated me and I’m running it off?”

She laughed and said, “Is this Caryn saying it because I’m a woman?” I stopped running and Marcia invited me in the squad car. She called in that she was going to get to breakfast.

They asked if she had talked to the runner? “Ten-four, we’re taking time to talk.”

Marcia found a corner to a café that was just opening up. “You know,” said Marcia, “There’s a number of women quietly worried that your growing sensitivity is going to get to you? Most girls need to learn to get a release. A very warm oil bath and exploring oneself does it for most women.”

I asked, “How did you know?”

“I heard you were out driving with a girl last evening and needed to go home… When I saw you running, I wondered. And now, you have just been to the restroom, but for some other reason, you’re squeezing your legs close together. I don’t think you’re trying too hard to be modest. I don’t know if it is a guy thing or a girl thing, but instead of a cold shower, I recommend the warm oil bath and being nice to yourself.” She lightly smiled as she saw my astonishment with what she was saying.

We ordered breakfast and eating. The discussion turned to Marcia liking my style where it came to fashion. We had a nice breakfast and visit. Finally, since I was over a mile from home, I let Marcia give me a ride home.

I did take a hot bath using two caps of Katie’s bath oils. Mom tapped on the door after she awoke. “Are you okay in there?”

“Yes, Mom. I had been out running and got sweaty.”

She said, “It smells like you ate breakfast as well. We’ll talk when you are ready.”

I was surprised that the secret stayed between Officer Marcia and me. She would become another friend that I could confide in.

I did tell my Mom that Deputy Marcia saw me and that we ate breakfast together, Marcia’s treat.

The week between Christmas and New Year’s was fun. No, major responsibilities or reasons to get up early. Mom was having me do more chores around the house, but she swore it wasn’t just because I’m a girl. “You should know these things, to be able to do them and not be dependent on others. I emphasized things like this when Katie was your age.”

The first day included writing thank you cards for my Christmas gifts. “Mom, do I need to write cards if I said, ‘Thank you’ when I received it?”

She asked, “Do you remember all your gifts and who they were from?”

“Kind of,” I said.

“This will help you to become a little more mindful of others and what they do for you.” Mom said, “It especially hurt your grandmothers when you didn’t say thank you or remember what they bought for you. And this year people have gone an extra mile being nice to you. My mother sharing jewelry with you and Sarai was especially meaningful to her.”

Katie and I called Great Grams and moved up our date to see her. We agreed to treat grandma to dinner away from Riverbend Assisted Living Center. But Grams wanted to stay at Riverbend so she could show us off to other residents. We agreed to eat with her today and take her out the next day.

Katie and I were like younger girls dressing up for their grandmother. Katie and I were both pleased as the meals were good and tasty. Once back to her apartment Great Grams gave each of us a hoop for needle pointing. The cloth was already stretched over the hoops, the designs were simple and the stitch was a simple cross stitch. While it took more concentration on our part. It allowed us to visit with grandma. We were over a half-hour into the project when Grams had us put the hoops down to take home and work on there. The next hour was her showing old family pictures. Many of the family longer ago than we knew about. Grams even had stories about her great-grandparents. That took us back six generations; they were from England and Prussia. The latter was from the region of present-day Germany and Austria. She said, “The family name came from the men’s’ side of the families, but most often it was us women who kept track of the family lines.”

The hour of talking about family had become three hours and neither Katie or I had become bored. When we left, Grams gave me permission to bring Sarai for our dinner out the next day.

On our way home, I asked Katie, “Do regular girls feel like I do? It is like I’m happy over little things like being with Grams and then her inviting Sarai to be part of our gathering tomorrow.”

Katie turns to me as I’m driving, “These aren’t little things. You’re growing up to see your times with Grams as special. And she wants to share the special person in your life… I bet you enjoyed hearing about our extra-great grandma sailing on a ship to come to America.”

I responded, “Isn’t it neat to imagine she was about our age. She traveled to live with her Aunt and meet our 5th great-grandpa. They had only written. I’m glad they fell in love and got married.”

My sister giggled at the girl I was becoming. “You’re becoming more beautiful Caryn, beautiful inside and out.”

Our mom and dad were amused when they saw our hoops with the cross-stitch work. Each evening I had time visiting with Sarai. This evening Sarai came over to my house. We were hugging when her hand came under my skirt. She was hugging my panty-clad bottom. She had a song playing over her phone as we danced. Katie had come into the room where we were dancing and more. She smirked, “I’m jealous, but I suggest hands come back out before my mother brings refreshments.”

Sarai brought her hands out but kept us dancing. “Mm, that was like touching something soft and slick. I love how you feel girlfriend.”

She stops and turns to Kate, “You know we’ve touched before, but your sister is becoming one of us. I’m not offering to you, but have you squeezed another girl’s buns?”

Now it was Katie turning red; she chose not to answer. Instead, she said, “Mandi and Patricia called and they were wondering if we’d be open to going out with a bunch of boys on New Year’s Eve down to the Plaza?”

“Dah,” I say, “You’re asking her in front of me?”

Katie said, “You’re included. After all, both of you agreed that you should date others.”

I became silent, not knowing what to say. I didn’t expect Sarai to show interest either. “I don’t know, do you think we should Caryn?”…

To be continued…