It was a joy to be up getting dressed with Breann to see her off to Mankato. Once in her car was off and on the way, she called and we chatted to keep her alert. Breann had seen a group of deer feeding in a field, and some wild turkeys close by. But it was the morning light coming through the trees and lakes reflecting the sky that she mostly talked about. She had turned off the interstate at Worthington and it was from there she traveled through the smaller towns, closer to the trees, fields, and lakes.

I had dressed and took my phone to breakfast to eat while talking to Breann. Once back to my suite I undressed to shower and get ready for the day. Breann was going to nap when she got back, but I was too awake. My breasts had tingled under the shower and were sensitive to being toweled. I continue to notice and enjoy my body as a woman come alive. It was a cool autumn day so I wore a cotton panty and a plaid skirt. I wore an Auggie gold sweater that went well with my plaid skirt. I was delighted with myself as I slipped on my calf-high leather boots. With a three-inch heel, I felt taller than usual.

My field lab with Dr. Daufelt began my academic day at 10 a.m. We were taking note of the arboretum discovering how it had weathered the year. The burning bushes, Euonymus alatus, were showing their red splendor, while others revealed wear and tear. Soil erosion, bugs, and plant disease were at a minimum, but we made our judgment of what should be replaced.

We ended the morning reviewing with county wildlife managers an assessment of new fields to be planted in the spring. There had been an overabundance of maple plantings. We were recommending hardwood oaks, certain ashes, chokeberry, coffee trees, and more. Fortunately, a good variety fared well in the east side of the state or where rivers and lakes aided them. I marveled that I was now one of the experienced students and seemingly was learning well. Seemingly I was to team up with April and Harris from the state forestry to design and help implement plantings in the spring in our region.

The rest of the day and week, I found myself back into the routine of classes, staying in shape and enjoying college life in general. Having my promise ring with Breann actually helped me to relate with a growing number of friends. There were women or an occasional guy that I found I had feelings for. They sometimes meant we could deepen our friendships, or in the case with Melody Jones, we went our separate ways.

It was December, I had my birthday, was working on reports, and getting ready for exams. Breann came the weekend before my birthday. She was old enough to get us into a bar and I borrowed identification from a friend. More often than not it was bottles of wine, cheese, and the bread that we enjoyed in my suite.

Breann had been busier than I knew, taking two independent studies enabled her to graduate come to the end of December. I was surprised, happy, and worried. I knew one of the better graduate programs was at Rochester Institute of Technology, but that was in upper New York and close to a thousand miles from Mankato and over a hundred more from me. But she was extremely well suited for their program.

I had to focus on my own reports, research, and exams. I would be done with my exams on the eighteen and her graduation was the next day. Adding to my responsibilities the state forestry program wanted changes to what would be done starting in the spring. I learned why more than one person said they didn’t like working with governments. But with environmental programs, it was often the source for funding and approval as well as a pain in the butt.

One program I liked was to be delayed for a year, while its replacement had the appearance of being secondary in importance. Dr. Daufelt was the one who pointed out that it provided for more attractive photo-ops. “You should keep in good favor with those in authority. You don’t want to make it a habit of rowing against the flow.”

I wrote up the change with $25,000 in seed money for the project to be delayed, along with what they were requesting. I knew the Audubon Society and Trees Forever would have grants coming free with the new year. That done finished my part of my last report and that allowed me to focus on exams. Having face time with Breann made the days better for both of us. Having three ‘A’ classes that she didn’t need to exam for made it much better for her.

She was finished on Monday and had most of her stuff moved home by Wednesday. Thursday and Friday were celebrations with friends and classmates; none of which I was able to attend. Damn Friday’s exam. Policy and Law was as important class and as boring as it sounded for a person in the sciences, but not in law or political science. The fact that I would squeeze out an ‘A’ was due to hard work and a lot of studying. Breann and I used face time for my being blitzed with questions and answering her. My preparation seemed harder than the exam at least I hoped so.

I would be back to pack up for home, but now I was quickly off to Mankato. I got there in time to be taken to dinner with Breann by her parents. Her younger sister Liz and her older sister Raquel and her husband John Gibbs were there as well.

I was excited to be there for Bree and her graduation, but apart from that, I was anxious to be home for the first time in a year and a half. Breann’s hood had the purple and gold for the school, green for environmental studies, and a red and blue for different honors.

We were out with Raquel and John to dance and celebrate. It was fun, Raquel and she enjoyed the time together.

When Bree handed me her letter from RIT near the end of the night. It sent my head spinning. It was her acceptance to their graduate program along with a Fellowship offer. She was also accepted at Iowa State University. And while there were many neat programs she felt there was more of a tug of war than cooperation within the largely agricultural state. There was the University of Minnesota, but alas Breann wanted a change of scenery and experiences. Like Mankato, RIT and the Rochester community were medium-size cities. She said it was a lot more open to the LGBT community.

The graduation itself was long for my limited interest in one graduate. Bree was wrapped up in a ceremony, and a small reception there. She would ride back with me to her folks at Estherville. Her graduation reception there was with extended family, former classmates, and dozens of friends. Her twenty-one-year-old body looked beautiful in everything to me. But when she dressed up and wore something snug it showed how beautiful she was in every way I could imagine.

Bree’s friend Tammi was amused with my gazing at Bree, “Yes, she is a beautiful specimen of womanhood, isn’t she? But don’t worry she did very well in choosing the love of her life.” I knew it was a gesture affirming me and our becoming friends. I had tears and turned to her giving a hug and heartfelt thank you.

Bree would follow me out the week after Christmas; it would be the first time I would have her at my home with me.

The irony was not lost on me coming home as a woman. Despite that, I had become transgender where I grew up, most identified with my years as Gary. They would giggle as I became Caryn, but their memory of Caryn wasn’t of one who was fully a woman.

My father had picked me up at the airport and jested over my luggage. I soon said, “Quit it, Daddy, there’s much more at the university.”

Dad said the obvious, “I think it will be different having you home Caryn. You’ve grown up and changed so much.”

I echoed the fact, “I don’t think most thought I’d stay Caryn. Let alone I become fully a woman.”

Dad said, “It is good I became used to you, Caryn. Yes, you’ve grown; I’m proud of the young woman you are. It will be nice in another week when Breann will be here as well.”

It is a big help being here to have accepting parents and friends. My bed had been changed to a queen size. Mom and dad said it was to accommodate other guests. It would be advantageous for having Breann with me. While one set of next-door neighbors are sweet, Katheryn and Lee felt it was their job to remind me that my ways were sinful. It wasn’t new; even some at the university and Sioux Falls made their differences known.

I soon went to Deb’s Clothiers; not only does she have a nice selection, but Deb also welcomes me again and we pick up the ways things had been. She is interested in my changes. She hadn’t said she called Denise, but Denise was soon there and we were lost in conversation. She and Hayden had broken up, but now that both were nearer to finishing college. They were back dating and she hoped come Christmas she’d be engaged.

Denise knew Sarai and I were only friends and that Sarai was happily married. She said, “I’ve heard you might have someone new in your love life?” She paused and waited me out.

I said, “Yes, her name is Breann Dorft and she’ll come shortly after Christmas to be with me and meet my parents.”

Denise smiles, “Does that mean things are serious between you two?”

Joy came to my face and she knew the answer before I could tell her, “Yes!” holding my hand with the sapphire promise ring. I wasn’t quite where Denise was, and I confessed, “She’s going to graduate school at Rochester, New York. It will be at least a year before I graduate and can be there with her. I’ll get a job and might go for my master's. But hopefully, we’d be engaged and able to be together finally.”

Denise giggled, “I dare say, you got warm and moist just talking about being with her.” Denise walked me over to some Christmas sweaters, “If you find one you seriously like, I’ll talk to my Mom about giving you a good discount.”

“I’m not looking for that.”

She said, “But we’re both students yet, discounts help make a difference. I know a Christmas sweater is not a necessity.”

We’re at the sweaters and there is a cute knit Christmas tree on a sweater dress nearby. Denise says, “You have a nicer body for that now. You were nice before but you have the body of a fit woman who is blossoming very nicely.”

I said, “Think you’re probably in a group of one.”

Deb speaks up, “No, she’s not, and I’d be surprised if you really disagree with her. Try on that dress and we’ll compare you to a picture of you at the register.”

Denise hands me a size six, despite me telling her I’m an eight. “Go and change,” she says. “the next closest is a 10.” I am surprised by how nicely I fill out the dress. Needless to say, Denise gloats over how nicely it fits. She says, “I suspect someone is doing aerobics?”

I had saved seventy dollars from my summer, and some more from work on campus. It made up my Christmas shopping money. The dress with a nice discount came out of spending money my mother made sure I had. The eighty-nine dollar dress was discounted to $30 thanks to Deb being nice to me. It came with a gift of earrings. I paid for the matching necklace which she discounted too. I was ready to leave when I saw a black skirt, like the one my mother wanted me to buy. It and a white satin blouse were within the budget my mother had suggested.

Ready to leave again, Deb asked, “Are you going to run in the Holiday Race at Warrenville? They’re on December 27, I think others would enjoy seeing you run again.”

“I haven’t been in competition this year; I wouldn’t be able to run the distance I’m used to.”

“There’s a 3K race and you wouldn’t have to run hard many don’t,” Deb said. Denise spoke up, “Mom, she can probably do a 3K but she would probably hurt herself. She doesn’t know how not to compete.”

“Not true, it would go against my nature, but I’d have to if I wanted to finish.” Unbeknownst to me, Denise put the run flyer in with my skirt and blouse.

Once home I was showing my Mom what I had bought and she picked up the flyer. “I was going to mention that, but I didn’t want to put you on the spot. Do you think you can give a good showing?” That stung like I was being challenged.

“Mom, I might not be at my best, but I’m back healthy and I can still run. You make it sound like I’m past my prime.”

“Well then I guess you should; I’m sure Kate will weather the cold to give you a send-off and a ride back,” mother said.

Kate will finally be home tomorrow but is at a guy’s place today. He looks okay but I can’t tell what he’s like from a picture. We make do with face time for now.

Sarai calls she and Dennis are home for the holiday. We’ll get together tomorrow. “Hey Caryn, I’m going to be running up in Warrensville on the 27th, would you consider running with me?”

I say yes before I find out she’s planning on the 5K run. I say I can’t, she says I could do it in my dreams. She wears me down until I agree. “You better not get me laid up for when Breann’s here.”

Sarai laughs, “I could see worse problems than you two limited to bedtime.”

It is Ashley, Katie, Sarai, and me together the next day and it is like old times, except everyone is saying I’ve changed. Luckily Todd, Kate’s love, and Dennis are there, but soon off to another table watching a bowl game.

We’re talking when I see Pamela, Matt Crosby’s old girlfriend. She has changed and I ask her to join us. She’s at John Hopkins University and has already begun her master’s degree in medical research. She’s bright and more comfortable in herself. She bought our next glasses of wine and a bread and cheese plate. “My parents gave me some nice spending money to celebrate my research grant.”

This was unlike the Pam we knew, she’s taking the initiative and getting into conversations. She says, “You four are like a breath of fresh air; there are a lot who feel they need to stay loyal to Matt’s friendship.”

Ashley responds, “You shouldn’t think they need to be exclusive to you.” That wasn’t the problem, others were the ones circling her out.

Kate was the first to say, “We’re not ruling him out, but unless we run into him he’s not on our schedule.”

Once everyone focused on Sarai’s wedding band we got back to girl talk in general. The ladies room wasn’t huge but we fit in there comfortably enough. I could feel the eyes of the others on me. It was Kate who felt a need to share with Pam and Ashley that I had transitioned.

Ashley was interested to know if I had implants; the fact that it was mostly natural drew ous and ah’s, and a lot of laughs.

Todd and Dennis took their two to dinner and Ashly, Pam and I went our separate ways. That night and Christmas Eve was boring; I was missing Breann. I wore my new dress to the Christmas Eve service. I sat with Kate and Todd. I was coming to like him for my sister, though she wasn’t sure if he was the one. I saw Denise with a guy and she held up her left hand showing a ring.

Our house was nicely decorated, Todd and Kate had the guest room which was nicely done over. While Kate’s room still had her bed, it had become Mom’s getaway room. And Dad refurbished his workroom to also be a comfortable getaway room for him. His machines were still there.

I had been out running, doing aerobics, stretches, and the treadmill to get ready for my run. I hadn’t felt this good running in a long time. Hopefully, it would all act as a distraction until Bree was here on the 28th.

Great Grams wasn’t able to come on Christmas day, Grandma Edwards was there, thankfully Grandpa wasn’t. I guess he said there were too many women. Kate was relieved, not having to worry if Grandpa would embarrass Todd or someone else.

I visited Great Grams early in the evening. Her eyes sparkled, but it hurt seeing she looked older. Grams didn’t have a present, instead, she gave me a scarf. My eyes watered, Grams said, “I’m glad you’ve become my great-granddaughter as you have time for me now.” She was tired and I soon left saying I had someone she needed to meet.

Sarai and I did a warm-up run the morning of the 26th. She got me to giggling, saying it was ‘happy feet day’, and true enough we enjoyed running together. I love that we’re best friends but there are feelings for my first love that are still very warm…

Story to be continued…