I woke at 4:30 a.m. and I finally got up come 5:00. I took a shower and my mind was consumed with Sarai’s idea of wearing my new panty when I ran the state meet. I had washed it in our sink and let it dry overnight. Between the strength of the panty and wearing a panty shield, I was pretty sure they would hold me nicely tucked away. I put on my regular jersey and then the shorts and finally a running skirt.

I was the first one to the kitchen and put the tea kettle. I got out some granola and made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Tomorrow I would be able to have a normal breakfast. I had two tubes of yogurt to take with me and a bag of almonds.

When the tea kettle began to whistle and I immediately took it off the heat. Mom said, “Pour me a cup too. …The morning is going to start out cold. What are you going to wear to stretch and keep you muscles loose?”

I said, “I’m going to wear our traditional running pants. I’d rather wear Katie’s leggings, but I told Coach I would be Gary all day.” Mom giggle, “I hope Ms. Butler won’t tell him you’re wearing a panty under that running skirt.”

I was ready for my ride with Sarai. There were already three other girls in the vehicle as I was the last to be picked up. Patti like Sarai was running in the meet; Brenda was riding the team bus and Ashley would be with others following the team. Mom had given me a hug and said they would be there before our run at 10.

We had left the school, shortly after 7:00 a.m. in plenty of time to get there and enable the girls to warm up. I warmed up with Sarai and Patti even getting down to my running skirt when they stepped out of their running leggins. Sarai moved my ponytail higher up, while I was with them. “If you get away from others, I want to hear Caryn’s voice.”

Sarai said, “I know Coach is glad to have you behind Matt. It should be great incentive for him to run his best. I want to thank you; you don’t know how important your support for Patti and I have been. You’ve been good for the girls’ cross-country team.” Patti came over to me and gave me a big hug. “Ditto! You being here is like Sarai says, we all appreciate you.”

A young woman went up to Sarai, “I met your friend Gary, when you first ran here. Was he able to qualify for the Districts or the State Meet?”

Sarai said, “Thanks, and yes, he’s in his famed running skirt. I think he mentioned you. Are you Jenifer, or did I remember the name wrong? He’s become more of an encourager and he credits that to you.”

The coach had called me back to be with the guys; he had some instructions for us before he focused on the girls with Coach Butler. "We have friends of the team around the course to give you encouragement and yell out the time. Hopefully, if you ran here earlier you will know if you’re fast or slow. It is all up to you, but know we’re proudly behind you. Matt, get your traditional good jump. Gary, you’re second get a good jump but don’t step on number one. Move to your left as soon as you can and give the opening to the left to Chuck. If anyone falters take up the slack. Matt’s our man, but either of you have the ability to finish in the top ten.”

Coach left, twenty minutes before the girls would line up. Matt had us guys walk out front in a position to cheer on the girls. “They’re going to set a tone for our team, cheer them on. This is the first time in a long time if ever, we’ve had five runners in the state meets. There are other girl athletes in our school who now might run for us next year. They like the respect girls get here, and they like the opportunity to contribute quickly…” Matt caught his breath and a chuckle, “They’re hoping it will be Gary and not Caryn running next year.” His final remark puzzled me, I didn’t think others took me seriously as Caryn. I wanted to ask Matt, what caused him to say it. I decided to wait.

Lionel, Duncan, and James were with us. And we yelled as loud as six guys could, as Sarai and Patti were off with the gun. Sarai was quickly one of the lead runners, and Patti also got off to a fast pace. Up through the halfway point, Sarai was reported to always be one of the top three. There were dampness and wet spots reported along the course. Sarai’s knowledge of the state course might help.

Our guys were scattered over the last third of the course. I was at last year’s meet and I knew that Sarai and the senior girl were supported. Straining to see Sarai, I wasn’t just concerned about her position, but would she have her kick. She was doing well in second position, even better the thumbs up indicated she had a kick left. Once Sarai was up to me and heard me; I was off across the field to the finish line. Fifty meters out Sarai made her move. One runner with her moved as well but she didn’t have Sarai’s kick. Sarai finished first, two full seconds ahead of Abbey Shrock and over ten seconds ahead of the girl who beat her at Districts. Both coaches, Patti, and the other girls swarmed Sarai.

I had to leave to get ready for the boys’ run. If we had been a cross-country powerhouse it would be seen as possible to have two champions from the same school. Out of nine districts, six had one or more runners running similar or faster times than Matt. I could tell Matt started to worry.

I said “Matt you can do this; your best run is still in you. Think of Pam’s hug at the end; know that a guy in a running skirt will be pushing you. I want to know one happier person than me when this is done, you!” I gave him a big hug and a slap on the shoulder.

Five, then ten, and up to the first 25 positions were posted for the girls who ran their race. Focus now shifted to us. Matt did better with fast competition around him. My biggest fear would be if Matt twisted an ankle or pulled a muscle. I was planning to enjoy my fastest run while pushing Matt to his best. It would be good to see Chuck compete against me, but no one behind me was in my thoughts.

I was giving Matt 2 feet between us and I lean toward the guy on my right. I wondered what other runners were thinking, ‘then I heard ‘ready, set,’ and then a pistol shot.’ Everyone was fast, some went out quickly, others set a fast pace. I was soon to Matt’s right but not quite even with him. Several runners had told Matt and us we weren’t in their league. It was true, we’d have to run our best races to beat them. Hearing their remarks were an incentive.

Coming up to the halfway point, I was running well and when I heard Coach Karen Butler give my time, I was up there with Matt’s usual time. Matt was running at a much faster pace. Karen urged me, “Catch Matt, keep your breath!” I knew what she was saying, I just didn’t think I could do it. 100 meters away from Butler I heard Ashley, “Enjoy your run, enjoy your run!” Katie’s voice was in there.

I had forgotten my family until then, between that and the words I had my motivation.

I was running down a long decline when my right foot and leg hit hard. I was afraid I hurt it but kept my pace. As the ground leveled off, my leg was back to normal. I upped my pace and any strain seemed manageable.

I had narrowed the gap, but couldn’t get within twelve feet of him. Matt half glanced back, but that was to start his kick. I couldn’t do more than keep my fast pace. I passed four more runners but Matt was running neck and neck with one runner as they crossed the line. One-hundredth of a second separated Matt from Brueggermann.

Someone called out the number “5” as I made it across the line. I couldn’t believe it; I was thrilled, as I knew it would be my fastest time ever. Quickly I thought, being Caryn would change my running. Sarai and Patti, not Matt were my heroes. I was immensely proud of Matt and happy for being #1.

Chuck had one of his better times but he was a minute behind me.

Dad and I could glory in the day. I knew mom and Katie were also super happy for me. I’d be tested one more time to make sure that my run wasn’t enhanced by drugs. But I had run my race free of drugs. Sarai jumped on me and I had all the reward I’d needed. Mrs. Duvall was over to remind me that Sarai finished first. True enough, this was my first chance to hug, kiss, and congratulate Sarai.

“Sarai, I’m the luckiest to have you. Not only were you my inspiration but you won.” Sarai, Ashley, and Katie all stared at me.

Katie whispered, “You changed voices.” The four of us had a group hug. Sarai whispered, “That panty must be too tight.” We all busted out laughing and this time it was Gary laughing. The five runners had to ride the team bus back and we were met by one squad car and a fire truck with their sirens blasting. I knew it would have been much more if it was the football team. But they wouldn’t make it that far.

Coach Higgins looked at me, asking, “What about next year Gary?”

“I’m not making any promises Coach. I plan to run but I’m not sure as who.” Coach became dead silent.

Dr. Michele messaged me. “I heard how well you did at your state meet, I am really happy for you… I am surprised you came back so fast and strong from your injury. How are your legs?”

I said, “I don’t want to do anything drastic, but my thoughts of seeing things as Caryn is stronger. I will call early in the week to get an appointment to see you… I am very tickled that you called me. That’s so special of you!” She said she’d see me tonight as we hung up, but I was sure I heard her wrong.

My folks and I were home by mid-afternoon. My parents wanted to take me out to eat to celebrate. I begged out wanting to celebrate with Sarai and her friends, maybe see Matt sometimes. Katie too wanted to celebrate with Sarai and friends, mostly classmates. The Duvalls quickly rented a reception area at the Marriot conference center. One end was for Sarai and hopefully, Matt’s folks and relatives would choose to be there as well.

I knew several recruiters would be there.

My parents agreed I could have my night with Sarai and our friends. They decided they would take me out to dinner tomorrow to celebrate.

“Mom, is it alright if it’s Caryn who goes out tonight?” Mom looked to my father, but there was no question of a problem. She said, “Please trust that you can ask either of us.”

“Thanks, but I also wanted to ask about wearing a certain dress. I’m still embarrassed about asking those kinds of things about him.” I giggled. Kattie was soon asking which one.

I first wanted to soak in a bubble bath as I needed to shave my legs. Kattie called into the bathroom, “Sarai, wants to make sure you were coming. She’s delighted you’re choosing to come as Caryn. She said, her parents were already pressing her to wear a skirt. She’s asking if you’ll wear your skater dress from homecoming.”

I said, “Sis, you need to help me with my hair and makeup!”

Katie said, “Maybe if that’s a request, but I’m not taking orders little sister.” I backed off and asked nicely. I was supposed to shampoo my hair and used her conditioner. It was all to my advantage, she got no argument from me. She did have me use two bath oil beads.

I changed from the bath to the shower to shampoo and condition my hair. I had a large towel wrapped girl style. I dried enough that I was back into a panty so Katie could work her magic on me. It was six o’clock and I was sitting up at Katie’s vanity chair. “You know, you should ask for your own vanity for Christmas?”

“That’s a little much, don’t you think?”

“Caryn needs more of her own makeup and hair tools. I’m going to limit you using mine come Christmas.” I wanted to challenge that but I could see she was serious. She said, “I can’t believe you’re getting dressed up so much for another girl. You know you’re going to turn a few boys’ heads as well. It won’t only be Neal this time either.”

I couldn’t believe my sister was being so upfront about it. When I got up to get dressed, she said, “I noticed you didn’t argue with me about the boys.” I chose to be quiet as I didn’t know how to respond, she usually was thoughts ahead of me.

My Mom had her traditional tuna fish sandwich for both of us. Mom didn’t like girls going out for a night without something to eat. I joked with mom, that I wasn’t a girl. “You are acting like one. It's the same house rules for both of you.”

Katie and I showed up at the reception forty minutes early; as we suspected they have decorations, tables, and a reception table to set up. We were two of five friends who came early. We quickly had things set up for Sarai. Patti and I went to help Matt’s Mom and his girlfriend Pam at his end of the reception room. Pam knew who I was but Matt’s mom was quite surprised; she only knew of Gary. Pam giggled as she joked, “Gary as Caryn has been a quick learner. She even enjoys helping more than most girls in high school.” Pam turned to me, “You even enjoy dresses more than most girls. You look sharp tonight. I dressed up for Matt, but I dressed a little fancier anticipating you and Sarai would also be dressed up.”

Matt was there ten minutes before the celebration was to start. I was the one who suggested both Matt and Sarai wear their gold medallions. They each had a large certificate and a photo to act as centerpieces. I didn’t trust the medallions not to walk off.

The irony was I didn’t predict that many would want a picture of all five state runners. It became a point of laughter that the extra girl was the second boy to place in the meet. ‘No, I didn’t end up in second place, but I was our second fastest male runner.’ A sore point for Chuck was that he finished seconds slower than Sarai.

There was some music in the background that people danced to and while I danced with Sarai and even Ashley. She had warned me she might ask. It was Lance who cut in while I danced with Ashley that caught me by surprise. I thought he was going to dance with Ashley but her boyfriend Trevor did that. Lance cupped my hand and began to dance before I had a chance to say, ‘no.’ Lance was leading, stepping forward as I took a step back. I sensed his steps by his feet and the movement of his body. I was surprised it was so easy. Somehow the music went from one song to another without a pause. Sarai did me the favor of cutting in halfway through the second song.

She had a smile and a giggle, “Caryn follows well.”

Come, the end of the second dance, Sarai walked me over to the table with Jenifer from Augsburg University of Sioux Falls. Jenifer smiled, “It is nice to see you again. You told me the running skirt wasn’t a sign of anything. I for one am glad to see you again. Your Sarai really did great showing her kick today. Sarai said you had out-ran yourself today that there was no kick at the end. Much like her situation at the District race.”

She asked, “Would you as Caryn be interested in coming out for a college visit with Sarai? You would be treated as different people most of the time.” She paused, looked at Sarai, and then turned back to me. “Hopefully in two years when you came; you would have made more decisions about your life.”

I said, “I’ll wait and let this time be for Sarai. I want time to talk to her, my parents as well as think it through.” Sarai had told her I was on the A/B honor roll.

While Sarai was wanted by many people, I walked around.

Matt reiterated he was happy that I was there. He said, “I want to thank you for pushing me as a runner. I was amused to see you nicely dressed as Caryn. Pam and I want to thank you for helping with the decorations. I’m not comfortable wearing the medallion, but I know some have come up missing in the past.”

Matt took me a couple of steps away from others, “Tell me, it’s not so, that you might be Caryn next year? …I’m not against you as Caryn, like tonight you make an attractive girl. But it would be a big step; I like you as Gary.” We talked and he even asked Pam’s permission to dance with me. Funny enough I had to dance with each of them.

It was fun to dance with Matt as I didn’t need to worry about anything between the two of us. The celebration was to end at 11:00 but I was helping both families to clean up until midnight. It was one o’clock when I said goodnight to Sarai.

My mother was asleep in her recliner when I quietly entered the house. Mom woke up and I greeted her, “Mom, both families were happy that you and dad took time to celebrate with them.”

Mom said, “We must not have been there long enough. Katie said we missed seeing you dance with Lance Hartman. I’m told that happened before we got there and afterward you and Matt danced.”

I asked, “Did you hear that I danced with Pam, Matt’s girlfriend as well?”

Mom looked at me, “How did it feel to dance with two male classmates?”

“It felt funny to have them lead, but Ashley had as well. Mom, I felt like Caryn. I wasn’t expecting to feel this way.” I hugged mom for the longest time and she drew me to her.

Mom said, “I guess this is one of our first mother-daughter moments.” She whisked a curl out of my eyes. “Have I told you that you make a beautiful daughter?”

Once alone, I took off my dress and danced around my room, and then I heard Katie applaud.

Soon after I got ready for bed; taking off my makeup and moisturizing my skin. I liked that there was soft tissue where my bra was. I put on my nightgown before I was willing to take off my panties. I didn’t want to break the mood of being Caryn.

Katie came over and hugged me, saying, “I guess this is a special girl night?”

I gave her a hug, and softly said, “Thanks for understanding. Yes, it was like a calm breeze that whispered Caryn tonight.” Katie took my hand and guided me to her room. “Scoot over you’re my little sister tonight.” We started to talk but I soon fell asleep and when I woke it was morning. Katie was out of bed, and I heard the shower being used.

I was soon back to my room, undressing and getting ready to use the shower. I got out a nice pair of slacks and a dress shirt. I had my underwear and shortly after I knew Katie was out of the bathroom, I was in the shower. It was my day to celebrate as Gary.

I hadn’t thought since the meet about what I did in the meet. From the point I was encouraged to run faster, I tried what I thought was impossible. Then there was the thought, ‘enjoy!’ and it was like Sarai was next to me smiling. Once in a while I saw one of my feet, the ground was passing quickly. I’d look up and I saw a way past another runner and some more space. My hand was slapped by my running skirt. Time was passing quickly and I was wondering what was passing faster time or the ground. I could see Matt now and that spurred me on. But it was like trying to catch a quicker rabbit. I was happy when Matt went into his last kick. He was not my responsibility. Chasing him, I had run my fastest race. As I crossed the finish line, I took a deep breath and began to relax. The #5 couldn’t have been for me. 'Oh my, did I go that fast?'

I sighed, “I can’t believe what I did yesterday.” Dad hugged me on one side and my mom on the other. “I’ve never run as well as that.”

Dad remarked, “Doesn’t that make you excited about running in the spring and again next fall?”

“Dad, I’ve been told becoming Caryn will change me some. I’d be faster than Sarai if Caryn could do that… I just want to focus on yesterday right now!”

Mom gave me a hug, whispering, “Can you just be Gary today?” I looked down at my nails polished with a clear pink tint, I smiled. Mom and Katie saw the same, but we were all quiet about it.

We go to this restaurant now and then, one thing we hadn’t thought of was the Dobbins usually come here on Sundays. Denise saw us and came over to congratulate me. “Mrs. Miller you must be really proud of him… Is it true that you finished in the top ten for the state?”

Katie and I answered together, “It was the top five, I was the fifth runner to finish. Matt was the first.”

“Wow! That’s even better! …I wanted to say if you need something for winter or the holidays, you should come in soon.” Katie asked about what they had. Luckily the waitress came to take our orders. Denise left, but only after taking a selfie with me. That drew more attention and two other people recognized me or my family. Fortunately, that turned the focus back to me as Gray and my running.

Our waitress asked about the fuss when she brought our food. Which later caused the manager over, “We’ll give you your choice of pie for dessert, what will it be?” Dad ordered pie as well, mom and Katie had a scoop of sherbet.

Once back up in my room, I got on my computer and search Deb’s Clothiers’ website. As I was browsing Katie sat next to me and we looked over some of what they had. There were sale items, new, and holiday clothes as well. Katie mention, “I think Dad wants you to concentrate on being Gary. I think he’s hoping if you do that you’ll want to be Gary.”

“I’ll continue as Gary, even if Caryn is the one I appear to be. …Can I tell you a secret?” Katie nods yes. “I want more, you need to promise, double promise!”

Katie says, “I hear you, you can trust me.”

“I’m so serious about being Gary, cause I want to make love with Sarai with me being a boy!” Katie looks at me, like what else I’d be? “We’ve kind of done it with both of us wearing panties.”

Katie says, “TMI.” She looks at me seriously, “Did you feel like Caryn? …Don’t tell me I don’t think I want to hear it. …You have strong feelings as Caryn don’t you?”

“There’s time Gary comes to the surface and with Sarai, I’m used to being Caryn, even dressed like I am now.”

Katie giggled, “Caryn can’t get her pregnant, especially with you both in panties. Be careful, you might want her but Gary can get her pregnant. Then you’d be stuck being Gary.” We talked but the talk turned to dresses and outfits. It was intermittent with Gary remaining a guy.

It was the kind of conversation that I’d like to be more normal. I knew my sister wasn’t so sure. Luckily she loves me and I’m sure we’ll talk more.

Sarai, Matt, and I all got messages from the school about there being an award ceremony at school…

To be continued…