I knew Sarai already had a 3.86 average and is doing well again this semester. I asked, “So, is part of this trip for you to say yes to them and become a Presidential scholar?” I checked to make sure we were alone before we kissed and hugged again.

Sarai said, “I like what I know about Auggie, but I need to make sure it is for me. I’m not going all that way on a whim and warm feelings. I hope to meet the runners who aren’t graduating, to hear what they have to say. I want to see if I feel like I can be part of the chemistry that makes them a great team. I want to know are they as good academically as they say they are?”

Sarai helped me to wrap the pies to cool the in the refrigerator, before she left. I’d need to be up early in the morning to bake them.

Grandpa David had divorced Grandma years ago, but he would be invited to Thanksgiving at her house. It was anybody’s guess if he’d show up. It might not be right, but I was hoping he wouldn’t come. I was excited about seeing my Grandma, but he was unpredictable. It was known he favored boys but even as Gary, I wasn’t one he favored.

Up early with my mother, I baked the two pies so they were fresh. Mom was fixing two dishes: one a seven-layer salad and a vegetable casserole that she’s known for. Mom and I were going to Grandma’s early: to get our stuff there without problems and then to help Grandma finish preparations.

Katie got to sleep in and will come with dad two hours behind us. I’m sure this is Dad’s wish was for me to expose this part of being a woman. Getting up early on Thanksgiving to help in the kitchen, would all be new to me. I can’t say I love it, but I enjoy doing something with Mom. Though, I’d rather be shopping or decorating.

Cousin Megan Edwards is there along with other girl cousins. Grandpa Edwards welcomes my dad and sister and two other families when they show up around 11:oo a.m. The guys were coming to see the first football game begin. I felt like I was one of the attractions in the kitchen this holiday. I’m comfortable being me, specifically with Katie and Megan’s backing. I’m actually enjoying the attention.

Grandma gave me another hug once my pies were in her pie cabinet. She took me off to her room. There I received one of her traditional quilted blankets with her name, Martha J. Edwards, needle pointed to a bottom corner. Only the girls of the family received one, so this was a sign I’m accepted. It had been quilted a while back but my name and hers were recently added. I became quiet which Grams took as disinterest. “Sorry Grams, I love it; I’m shocked you are accepting of me. What if I stop being Caryn Edwards?”

Grams pulls me in for a large hug; “I know that’s possible. But I don’t want it to be because you’re not accepted on my part. I heard from Megan and I’ve watched you for two hours. You’re real enough. I love my newest granddaughter.” She apologized for stopping our visit so we could get back to others.

Other than Grandpa acting up the day was great. Food, family, and football were the focus of the guys.

I hadn’t been part of or even remember the traditional sleepover. Female members of the family would sleepover and this year I’d be part of the early shopping rush of ‘Black Friday’. Katie helped me find the bargains listed in newspapers and online sites. I was hoping for some cold-weather clothes for my birthday.

Thursday night Megan found me teary-eyed, “What gives Caryn? You’ve been doing great.”

With a melancholy spirit I spoke, “My girlfriend is to go for a college visit next Friday. It’s hard to think she’ll be leaving me. I don’t know what to do?” Megan gives a knowing smile.

She said, “I thought your parents gave you permission to go with her.”

“Yes,” I said, “But I don’t know if I should. I’m kind of happy for her; she really has her heart set on it. It makes it hard to be sad or hurt with the thought of losing her.”

Megan takes hold of my hand, “I felt like that when I was in high school and every year since when close friends go in different directions. My suggestion is to take one step at a time, decide if you want, and can be there for Sarai. Share with me or someone your hurt, your feelings are valid. Just remember she’s helped you to blossom. You’re precious, her going doesn’t change that.”

Katie soon came into where we were. Seeing my teary eyes she sat next to me. “You’re becoming more emotional. What is it about this time.” Katie looks to Megan, “She hasn’t even begun taking hormones. Thanks for lending a shoulder.”

I said, “If you’ll excuse me; I’m going to call Sarai. Mom said if the round-trip air flight isn’t too costly I can go with Sarai.”

Katie had me sit and collect my emotions before I called. Like Gary, I have the habit of rushing to get things done. Often finding out I rushed too soon or forgot something important.

Megan and I even stood on the front porch; it allowed me to clear my mind and have another second visit with my cousin.

I call Sarai and we’re soon talking. Sarai’s parents are buying the tickets and making the arrangements. Sarai said, “Just think three months ago we were teammates but not really friends. I can’t believe how important you’ve become to me. You have made such a big difference in my life. I don’t think I can ever repay you enough…” She says, “I hope it has been exciting for you. I know it has been a big change. If I were you, my thoughts and feelings would be all over the place.”

I said, “You’re right they are; I’m just trying to focus on you. We can talk more about me after we get back. I miss you right now, but I’m excited about going shopping in the morning. It feels like shopping Black Friday sales is a rite of passage, that I need as Caryn.” Sarai’s to do a little shopping but is waiting for Katie, Ashley, and others to go shopping Saturday or Sunday.

I’m committed to go with Sarai on her trip. Mom was pleased to hear that.

We’re up and awake Friday morning; Megan checked and told me. “Do not wear anything fancy shopping, but make it quick.”

Eight of us were going to take two vehicles until Grandma suggests three vehicles to carry what we purchase and for going to different places.

We were up and gone by 5:30 for Black Friday sales. I couldn’t believe the cost of Dad’s set of Milwaukee power tools. Dad sold mom on the idea that it was over 50% savings. Katie whispered in my ear, “Don’t protest too much, this might mean you’re getting a vanity table with mirror and chair.”

I regretted having bought clothes for mom or Katie during prior Christmases. I am fairly sure that I made terrible choices. But now I know sizes, styles, and colors. Buying Katie’s gifts are especially fun. I can imagine wearing some of them or different outfits she might willing to give over to me. It sounds funny a brother wearing his sister’s clothes and looking good in them.

Cousin Laura is my secret Santa person this year. She’s wanting a new program to put onto her computer. Still being a geek, I go into a tech store but allow the salesperson to treat me like a dumb girl for a moment. He’s ready to sell me the high tech version of what Laura wants. It is then I take over to get him to match a price I found as well as the discount they were giving. He has the program but wants me to wait.

“You have what I want, and it’s the version you keep back for special customers. Well, today I’m a special customer. We even agreed on the price. It’s a deal or I’ll keep you and your manager busy for the next hour dickering.” It only took getting the manager and five minutes to get my purchase.”

When Aunt Connie found out I got Laurie’s gift; she hugged me and offered to pay part of the cost. She giggles, “It is nice to have a techie girl in the group.”

It was after eleven when I stopped with our cousins for a drink in the food court. I recognized a guy who could have been me four months ago. He and some friends were gawking at other girls. I wrote a note and dared to hand it to him at his table. It read, “Don’t just sit there, I bet the pretty redhead would be flattered. Don’t lose an opportunity for her to say yes.”

Katie said he read at the note before I got back to our table. It took him a moment to locate the girl I was talking about. Two more minutes before he got the courage to talk to her. She was getting up when he got to her. She smiled and they sat down. We left and didn’t stay around to see what happened.

We talked to Grandma and our parents and met at a third store. This ended up being about Grandma getting things for her granddaughters that they wanted. Grandma bought me a Thinsulate coat for my trip as an early birthday present. Megan, Laura, and Katie agreed it was fashionable and would keep me warm. Katie later told me that Mom had been looking to get me something similar.

Mom had us stay another night; I thought it was so she could visit with her mother. When it was Megan who woke me in the morning I learned the real reason. Megan was taking me to be fitted for my bridesmaid gown. I also found out her wedding date had changed to June 12. Which also meant that I’d be going to school most of May as Caryn. I had agreed earlier to live as Caryn before the wedding. This was so I’d be totally in girl mode for her wedding.

I better understood the reasoning now that I had episodes of Gary and Caryn using the other voice or personality at the wrong time. Among friends that were usually seen as cute, out in public or with Megan’s Todd and her future in-laws it was not desired.

My gown was a pastel peach color. My sister took a picture of me being fitted and sent it to Sarai. Sarai soon text back, “Is she wearing bigger breast forms?” I was surprised that she was able to guess that by pictures. “She looks like a princess in that color.”

Megan took Katie and me out to lunch on her Mom’s card. Katie and Megan were both reminding me that I couldn’t be gaining weight except if I was growing my boobs. Discussions like this are funny to me. Back to Grandma’s, my Grandma, aunts, and mom visit about the pretty bridesmaid I’ll be. Aunt Harriet is opposed to me being a girl, but she is cordial knowing it’s going to happen and more out of respect to Grandma and Megan’s family. I might be wrong but I imagine I will get an individual Christmas card from her.

It was dark when we left Grandma’s but holiday lights cheered the drive home. Hope called me. She called to make sure I was coming to her sleepover. I was to bring clothes for church, just in case we went. “Ugh, Mom! I’m supposed to be with Hope and Jennifer tonight.”

Katie said, “I wondered why you weren’t fretting about getting home sooner.”

Mom asks, “You did pack an overnight bag as I suggested?” Hearing another grunt, Mom asked, “Katie can you help her to quickly get the proper things together, and do not short her a pair of panties.”

It was six-thirty when we got home. I took a quick shower, trusting my sister to pack properly. It was seven-thirty when Mom drove me over to Hope Strong’s house. “Remember to show them your picture in the bridesmaid’s gown. You’ll learn in time, but it’s one of the things girlfriends like sharing… You look as frightened as a young girl going to her first sleepover. I expect Hope and Jennifer to be excited to have you over, remember they’re interested in knowing you and having fun. Your boyhood stays tucked away.” It irked me that she felt the need to tell me that.

It may seem difficult to believe, but I hadn’t even given it a thought of Gary staying with two girls. We talked about female vocalists we like. We talked about boys they liked and they asked me about kissing Matt. They said there were rumors that I kissed one of my best friends. I did agree if I were totally Caryn and into boys that I’d consider dating Matt.

I knew that Hope had dated Steven two years ahead of us. Jennifer and I stated he was good looking. “So you do look at boys,” Hope asked?

I tell them, “That’s not fair, you’re often talking about them and asking what I think. How can one of us not look at them? Sarai’s my girlfriend, I do not need a boyfriend.”

Jenn says, “We date: I have two boyfriends, one that I met last summer and Trevor; but it doesn’t mean I don’t look at other candy. You might be surprised who else I like?”

I think Jenn and I both mutually find the other attractive, but neither has said it. Hope comes out and asks, “What do you think about the two of us. One of us likes you with a little more affection.”

“I’ll pass about the affection part, at least for now. I like being good friends.”

“Hmm, good friends is where it should start,” Jenn says. “How are your arm and shoulder? Can I take off the bandage to look or is it gruesome?” I let her unwind the bandage on my arm, the butterfly tapes are there. The color around them looks good.”

“Can I?” Jenn’s wanting to lift the back of my teddy bear pajamas. “Wow, except for the injury, I’d think I was looking at a girl’s back.” She puts my top back down and smooths it out rubbing her hand over my back.

I say, “I’m a cross-country runner, not a wrestler or football player.”

Hope takes to brushing out Jenn’s hair as Jenn does with mine. After she brushed it out she begins to separate and braid my hair from the top front, down my lefts side, and ends it going toward my right shoulder. Jenn said, “I like this, if we go to church tomorrow you should keep it in.”

The night was fun, and as Hope wanted, we got to know each other in ways we otherwise wouldn’t have. Come morning we didn’t get up in time to go to the early service. Mrs. Strong asked with a strong indication of what she wanted, “You are still planning to get to worship aren’t you?”

I made sure that my dress was appropriate for their church. Mr. Strong laughed, “If there’s a warm body in the dress; it’s appropriate. We love seeing young people in the church, especially you girls.”

My friend Jonathan Abbot was there and after church, he approached me; he said, “Well if you’re not afraid of God, I’m not afraid of our friendship being known.” Another friend won back, I counted these as small victories.

We also visited with Riley Gable from Brook High School. She said, “I thought a girl was hiding in Gary’s running skirt. I don’t mind telling you, I was attracted to Gary with the thought of feminizing you. It appears you have done pretty well with the help of your friends… The bigger surprise is, I didn’t think you were very sociable.” When we hugged in saying goodbye I winced when she touch my healing arm and back.

Riley had heard about the incident through the news but hadn’t realized it involved Hope, Jenn, and me.

Getting home, I was worn out and looking to rest, ‘but’. The ‘but’ was our neighbor Audra Smith and her husband were wanting to go out and Laurie wanted me, Caryn to babysit. “I was saying no,” Mom told me, “Audra said if you couldn’t do it they’d stay home because the responsible child would be crying.”

It was supposed to be another time with Laurie, but with her toddler sister and younger brother that was very limited. We did get to watch ‘Mulan’, Ben and Laurie knew it well and were enchanted to watch it with me. Little Tess nestled in my arms to watch it. It was a problem for me to stay awake. But with Ben climbing over me and me worried about Tess, I did. When Tess messed her diaper, it was my first experience in cleaning a dirty mess and changing a diaper.

Once Tess was to bed; the next chore was getting Ben ready for bed, then the hardest work was done. Laurie questioned if Gary was ever a boy. “I was watching you change my sister. There was no sign of you being Gary.”

I thanked her for the compliment. When I agreed to hear her read a story, she said, “My cousin Tommy is your age and he would never sit and listen to me read, even when it was a short simple story.” Her book ‘Beezus and Ramona’ could very well be about Laurie and her little sister. It was amusing for me to listen to her read and laugh as she did so.

She had read over twelve pages when Jerry and Audra drove into the garage and then came into the house. I wasn’t going to accept any money for babysitting until I realized how lucrative it was to babysit. The money would be good for my trip with Sarai,

‘Sarai! I hadn’t talked to her!’ It was ten-thirty and I was trying to sleep, but that was impossible. I hadn’t talked to Sarai since my fitting for Megan’s wedding. I got up and text her once more. Then my phone sounded; it was Sarai. She started, “I was afraid something happened. She began talking and as hard as I tried, I fell asleep. Mom or Katie later turned off my phone.

Monday and Tuesday were quite normal and I went to school as Gary. I ran on Monday and did aerobics on Tuesday. Schoolwork had gone well and Ms. Jacobi gave me an ‘A’ for my report on Constance Hopkins and extra credit for all the extra I did.

I dressed as Caryn Tuesday afternoon and went to get identification for me as Caryn. Our family lawyer, Hazel Compton had sent a letter from her and a supporting letter from Dr. Watts. That with my birth certificate, passport, two photo I.D.s, and a lot of questions helped us get through everything. My new photo i.d. was not my best picture, but Mom said it was good when it came to driver licenses. Yes, I could now drive as Caryn with no worries.

Dr. Watts checked me for my injuries and general health. She commented about my going with Sarai on her college search trip. “I’m glad you got your new i.d. easy enough. It will probably be helpful for you to be immersed as Caryn in the new surroundings.”

She reiterated that we were a while away from me making any decisions about being Gary or Caryn. “Some of the changes you want, don’t change easily back once you start down that path.” Using the testosterone blocker continued and she did give me a new prescription for pills. “Your breasts are puffy, but it will be another month before we need to get serious about keeping you on that medication or backing you off for a while.”

Wednesday was my birthday, and while I wasn’t going to be surprised by a small celebration. I was surprised when a ‘Sweet Sixteen’ balloon showed up before I went to school. Mom had me wear a girl’s watch and tied the balloon string to it.

“Mother, you can’t seriously expect me to wear this to school?”

She replied, “Most certainly, a girl only turns sixteen once. You’ve missed many special occasions in a girl’s life. Katie has text around and many of your friends are already expecting you as Caryn.” Katie’s there and she tells me of at least ten friends who know. Come eight o’clock I began getting many birthday wishes.

I received an animated card from Sarai and other e-cards from others. I was walking out to our car when Katie sprayed a mist of perfume that I walked into. Yes, I was pleased, but it was a new experience that I was reluctant to have.

It was a cold December day; the first I wore my new coat. I knew with each step more and more people were thinking I had made my decision to be Caryn…

To be continued…