Despite everything else Caryn was doing; she was enjoying running again. She ran a hilly 5K in nineteen minutes twenty-three seconds. She had broken into the top ten for her first time in a collegiate run. She turned in time to see Hanna running to hug her. “You were terrific Caryn; I think you can run in the Olympics with Sarai.” That is reaching but it is sweet to hear.

My pet tree and wildlife project this spring and summer has gone well. Despite it being started behind other projects a better than usual survival rate of new trees and shrubs has gone well through the long, hard August summer. That I had run drip lines for the some in the open areas helped, along with protection from wildlife. Being a town girl it is unusual to be part of forty-five acres being returned to be a good land. Over twenty acres had been a dilapidated building and parking lot. Another thirty plus acres was becoming a preserve open to the public.

“I’m running well and I enjoy competing again. There is a way in time between myself and the faster women. I’m happy doing the best I can, I continue to enjoy running and I’ll be able to do it in the future to stay healthy.

It is mid-September when I visit Dr. Michele Watts. She is pleased with how well I am doing. I need to check my breasts and other areas as trans-girls can develop health problems. We visit about my sperm as she’s excited that I’m getting closer to getting married.

I told her about my friend Hanna asking Breann about having my babies. Michele says, “She’s a darling around our clinic. Are you the new friend she’s made this past year? She thinks you helped her in her recovery.”

I said, “As you know it has more to do with her spirit and how her body has responded to the treatments. The best I can say, is I like being there for her. Did you know she’s going to be one of my bridesmaids?”

Michele says, “She told us around the clinic she was doing it for someone, but the office doesn’t share details.”

I’m doing an independent study along with a full load of classes. I can’t believe it will soon be three and a half years. I will have a January study and two independent studies before I can graduate in May.

“Katie, I can’t believe you and Breann actually go right into grad school. It is great for you two but I’ll be ready for a break.”

Katie reminds me as she does at least once or twice a year. “Caryn, you have accomplished and gone so much further than I thought you would have as Gary. You thought you knew so much that you weren’t learning what you could have. I am tickled with you and Breann, but I also count it as a blessing that Sarai had come into your life. I laugh at the times that she saw so much in you that others didn’t. But it was you who put yourself into a running skirt and then enjoyed fancying up for homecoming. It was cute when Denise Dobbins got you into two special dresses for homecoming. I think that was when you as Caryn came forward.”

Katie and I were on the phone for over an hour reminiscing about my journey. Katie too brings up my sperm banked away. “I hope you two have a couple of girls to mother and enjoy raising. Todd’s happy that you’re getting married this Christmas. He hasn’t proposed, but I think he’s looking toward Labor Day weekend or the following spring. He wants Mom and Dad to have a chance to save up.”

I tell her, “I think they are already planning on your wedding and saving for it as well. You are the daughter that Mom has always cuddled and nursed. The little girl she sees that has blossomed. You’ve always been Dad’s little girl. We’re so fortunate to have them as our parents.”

Katie remembers a time as a little boy that I dressed as a girl and we played house all day. She said it was raining outside and that I was in a grumpy mood until mother put me in panties and a dress. I had remembered the time, but I’m delighted that it is now a shared memory.
=^_^=
My mother flies back with me to Sioux Falls and we’re to go looking for my bridal gown. Mom has seen a picture of what Bree has chosen so that ours’ will complement each other. Hanna is with us, but we’re not likely getting her gown today. Mrs. Short has come along in case Hanna would tire. We were to two stores yesterday and to another today before I’m sure which one I’m choosing. We’re back to the second bridal shop and Hanna is as giddy as I am. “I saw a picture of you in that one yesterday, but you must have wanted to make sure it was right?”

I am down to my panties and in a new bra as Mother and Hanna watch me put on the wedding gown. Hanna says, “Mrs. Miller, I can’t believe your daughter is allowing me to see how beautiful she is in her panties. And with you, I’m the first to see her in her beautiful bride’s gown.”

Then Hanna changes and is ready to weep. I ask her why she’s sad and she confides in us, “I may be like Caryn in; they don’t know yet if I will be able to have babies.” I step down and she cries on my shoulder as my mother hugs the two of us. “I hope I can, but I don’t want the baby to have problems.”

With all of us composed again my mother takes Hanna to see a dress like her bridesmaid’s dress. She is excited to try on her red dress and we have a picture of it taken with me in my bridal gown. Susan Short is in tears as we have Hanna fitted for her gown. Susan even approves of her having spaghetti straps and a gown that her leg could show through. Choosing that gown for Hanna means Bree’s bridal party with having the darker red gowns for their bridal party.

I have a cross-country meet in Omaha two days before my mother is to fly out. I am excited as it is likely the last meet she’ll get to see me in. Coach Tracy is counting on me as several runners are experiencing monthly visitors. I have a 20:04 5K run that once again places third for our team and has me 19th overall. It helps us to win the meet. Despite being cold and rainy I ran in my regular top and short shorts.

Monday my mother was gone and I am surprised with a special award by the Eastern South Dakota Forestry Association. It is for a combination of the projects that I coordinated and the volunteers I was able to get to help. A friend whispers, it’s not been that long since being transgender would have ruled you out of the award. I tell her, “that has nothing to do with what we did.”

Her response was, “You tapped into and included people we didn’t attract before. Someone noticed and appreciated it.”

“No, one told me, I was to receive this award. I almost didn’t come. What would have happened if I was a ‘no show’?”

She laughed, “That’s why Martha made sure you were coming. And no it wasn’t the first time gay or lesbians took part; it was just the first time they were intentionally invited. More than one straight person spoke their thanks.”

I had stained an ankle that influenced my showing at the conference meet and caused me to miss out on the regionals and thus unable to qualify for the Nationals’. We would have run at Colorado Springs and I had so wanted to see Sarai, but now I don’t get the chance.

Thanksgiving, I went to the Shorts for Thanksgiving. It was a change for me as I was out of my element in a small town, not around the college crowd or others including with whom I shared my lifestyle identity. Friday night Bev Trolley took me to one of the local taverns, citing, “You need to find out where they’ll accept us as an individual. It helps some the more they know we’re not always weird.” She hugged me and kiss on the cheek. “It’s also good to push the envelope.”

When I got back to the house, Susan Short thanked me for going with her younger sister. “You surprise me in the different ways you help my family.” Hanna hugged me, though we often share them and I wasn’t sure if this was anything special.

I passed my courses though two A’s had dropped to B’s. My January independent study as well as the two for the spring semester were set. I’m over at Carly’s apartment we’re drinking with some good cheese and small pieces of bread. I can remember when such things meant nothing to me. Now I’m a hopeless romantic, and friends like Carly are to be treasured for a lifetime. Carly is a finance/accounting major telling me she will start out making forty percent more than me. She thanks me for introducing her to nature. “You know Caryn when I come out to see you with Jeff or whomever; it will be for the scenery and to get away.”

We fantasize about her building a cabin fit with the luxuries but being nestled out in the country by a lake. She is wanting me to show her how to please other women with two fingers. I am unwilling afraid I would get involved with her. I say there are many sights giving instruction. Yes, personal would be better and I can tell she’s already hot. I leave.

Another week and my mother would be here and by Christmas Eve my family including Grandma Edwards. Kate’s to be here as my Maid of Honor and Sarai’s in my bridal party along with Carly and Hanna. My apartment is contracted through May, but it will give me a place to come back to as needed.

The closer to Christmas the more the university and nightspots are ghost towns. I can now legally drink but few friends to share the time with. Carly and others are now gone.

Mom is a welcome sight and while it would have been strange for Gary, to be at a day spa with my mother it is to be a luxury and time I treasured. My mother has started to talk to me more like she says she does with Katie. It can get a little too personal, but I guess that is her trusting me.

These few days were the first I could sip wine and visit with her out in public. She talked with me, telling me of her many friends. “Do you think you and Bree will have many friends you can socialize with?”

We went for my last fitting as I got to bring my gown to my apartment. Hanna picked up her bridesmaid dress at the same time. Carly already had hers. I’m trying on my gown and emotions flood over me. I begin crying, unlike any other time. “Mother is this what it’s like for a real woman?”

I’m soon hugged from the side, it is Hanna, “Don’t say that you’ve already been a real woman to me.” She has tears as she looks at me, “You’ve more than proven you’re a real woman. Please accept that and never even think it again.” My mother’s there and they’re agreeing. Mom remarks about Hanna. Everyone is impressed with her again and again.

Mom, Hanna, and Mrs. Short are all joyful for me. The four of us go out for an early dinner so Hanna and her mother could get home. A friend comes back with us to my apartment.

The next day my father and Katie fly in and we have a large suite for the holidays. Katie with my Dad and Todd coming on Christmas Day. It is the 24th, when I get to see Katie’s dress it is a light green with silver and white trim. Grandma Edwards paces herself to share as much as she can.

We get a surprise visit from university President Dr. DauSchmidt. It is instead of coming to my wedding which I had not expected because of one Lutheran branch that has numerous students at the University. Nothing of that is mentioned, but his mentioning my running and reputation with the community and environment people spoke volumes to me. “You have blessed the university and we’re grateful.”

His closing prayer and blessing moved me to watery eyes as happens more these days.

Sarai was held up a day but is in late the 26th. We travel to Breann’s home as well as settle into a wing at the hotel. Needless to say, there are tense times as not all goes smoothly and some adjustments are made. Pastor Teresa takes over the wedding and how well the rehearsal goes assures us we are in good hands.

There are a few families and extended friends of Breann’s who aren’t fully accepting of our situation, but their love for Bree and us was bigger than that. And they were surprised and upset with the late reaction of their pastor and church to cause a conflict. It wasn’t our desire, but there may be a few changes being made by some in the future.

Our photographer with our agreement would share our bridal processions with the local newspaper. One reporter wished we had made a bigger issue with the refusal of the one pastor and church; but agreed with us to focus on Pastor Teresa stepping forward and being warm as are the general nature of the community and our guests. Despite the holidays and empty campuses, we both felt we had a good representation from friends. I was the first to be escorted down the aisle by my Father and Mother. As Breann chose to do.

Looking and patiently waiting for Bree’s party and flower girls and her parents, was nerve-racking. I hadn’t seen her gown nor her. She was more beautiful than I had ever seen her.

Neither of us believes in being given away, we called it the Presentation of the Brides. Since the day was a warn forty degrees before the wedding we quickly had some outdoor photos taken with us nestled among some green pines. The wind and a drop in temperature caused us to quit with two pictures.

There was a meal reception that began around 6:00 p.m. and the public reception began at 8:00. While Breann had told me, I was surprised by how many from the general public came. Hanna was happy as more young people her age came to the receptions. My slender gown was unbuttoned up my left thigh so I could move and dance. We had practiced dancing numerous times, and while it’s different with our gowns we relish our time immensely. Well over half have not been to a wedding like ours they enjoyed themselves. It was near the beginning of the public reception Mr. Dorft announces they paid for our honeymoon to Naples with upgrades to include a private jet the next morning. Our understanding is a relative flew for the flight to Naples. Coming back we’d be flying regular airlines.

I had hoped for more time with Sarai, but that was to have been before the wedding. She was in a time of grief of her own as she was an alternate for the Olympic Team to the World Games. She was a mixture of joy for me and personal hurt that her time was delayed.

While I have two interviews when I go to live with Breann; Breann’s insistent our honeymoon doesn’t have anything to do with a job or our schooling. Our first time alone was unbuttoning the many buttons of our gowns and loosening of corsets. It was like the wetting of our appetites for our enjoyment that night. No sleep woman to woman trying to out arouse the other. The trembling of our bodies one against the other. The eruption of feelings as orgasms built and then overflowed into the fullness of our beings.

The third day of our honeymoon turns to talk of getting her pregnant. Our focus would be on the end of next August knowing her Master’s would nearly be done. The idea of my sperm coming to life again with her moved me to tears.

Being together has very sexual times but as I learned with Sarai, our joy is a lot more sensual than sexual and relational than sexual. My body in part due to hormone therapy has been becoming what Dr. Watts is calling a maturing woman’s body. I love how Bree touches my body, mind, and soul; there’s a depth I had not yet experienced.

We flew back from our honeymoon to Rochester, New York. Then I will take care of things in South Dakota.

I’m to audit one class on research statistics that will help me to assist Bree. I am soon back to Sioux Falls to move much of my apartment to one room with the rest to the Dorfts.

I visit Hanna on my way back to campus. She had another check-up and it confirmed she’s in remission. I did get to visit her at the end of her school day. The schoolgirls are beginning to work out for their indoor track season which is always held at schools that have a college or junior college indoor track available. The Central Lyons have a good track team. And I enjoy visiting with the boys as well as the girls. I have tacos at the shorts before getting back to campus. It is interesting having been Gary and now being on the other side. My secret is not shared here.

It has been six days by the time I’m back with Bree, and it was worse than the months when we weren’t married. I love sharing a warm bed with her. This is the first time since our shared work summer that I get to experience her during her monthly period. Though she says most are better than this, she is happy I am there to massage her when she wants.

It is when we are checking her field sites in March and April that I see my first black bears and cubs in the wild. I’m duly warned they’re not for play. One enjoyment of traveling to other areas is the changes. This is the first time I am experiencing lake effect snow. Where seven inches may be a lot it is not hard to experience six to ten inches more than other areas of the same storm. What is overwhelming for me, may not stop people native to the Rochester area or they might take greater caution than I originally thought needed.

Whether it is during the cold of the night outside, next to a running stream, or overlooking a frozen lake or a snow-covered field, they have all become wondrous times next to each other. I love the soft breath of Breann’s whispers as they come across my ears or cheeks. We often don’t have the funds for a time out, friends and public gatherings become inexpensive times out together. Even when sexual times are down to once or twice a week; sensual times are almost a daily occurrence, even daily-doubles or other multiples.

Part-time work for the DNR, Department of Natural Resources, which was spars pays dividends to come early April with a full-time summer job. That and graduation from Augie looms in my future…

Story to be continued…