Jim Miller lets me, his daughter Caryn, know he’s proud of me. “I know you’re going to say it would have been the same Gray or Caryn, but I want you to know. I was so scared yet so proud of you. I love you so much; the thought you could have died without me saying I love you again…” Dad begins crying uncontrollably as the doors to our home closed.

I’m crying as I’m on my knees next to him, “I know Dad, I’ve always known that. But thank you for saying it, I love you too.”

He garbles his speech as he says, “I love you as my daughter.”

Mom, Katie, and Sarai surround us on the floor in a group hug. Katie pressed on my shoulder and I holler in pain. She says she’s sorry and as I reach for her there’s more pain. Sarai helps me from the other side to stand. Dad and Mom get up together in a hug and kiss. And I give Katie a hard time as she tries to apologize. Sarai slaps my buns, so I don’t go too far.

I’m sitting up in Mom’s recliner, dad’s chair was too wide and worn down from his being heavy. My phone rings again and Katie’s taking it from my purse. “No, let her relax; okay him if you want, but he’ll call you.” She hung up.

I said, “Mom, you need to take me to the theatrical store early tomorrow for the pilgrim's costume.”

Mom swiftly responds, “Sorry, but there’s no way you’re going to be in the mood for that tomorrow.”

“But Mom, I want to. Once I get it on; it won’t be a problem.”

Katie chimes in, “Mom, I agree with you, but somehow Caryn needs to get her way.”

Jenn and Hope brought by stuff from the shopping trip. Jenn had stayed with Tiffany when she was knocked down and is sorry she wasn’t there for me. “I thought you’d soon be back; I’m sorry you got hurt.” She had gotten me a short camisole as a gift it said, “Danger: Tough Girl”.

Mom said, “Regarding tomorrow at school: Gary, you’ll need to wear a short-sleeve shirt.

“Mrs. Miller, he has worked hard on Constance Hopkin’s report and it would be more powerful dressed as her,” Hope said. “It would be salt upon her injuries if she can’t do it. One suggestion would be a strapless bra. Your friend Catherine James made Caryn such a good deal. That would be another person disappointed.”

“Mom if I’m too hurt to wear the costume, I don't want to stay home from school.”

Mom said, “It is you who are going to be hurting getting in and out of that costume.”

“Mom, I’m to portray her to little children as well. It can’t be worse than hurting and pushing myself running a race.”

Surprisingly, Dad was the one who spoke up, “Caryn, we don’t want you to be hurting your wounds. If you wear the costume, I want you to see it through all the way. I suspect you’ll have trouble making one day.”

I promised and that was settled. “Mom are you willing to take me there and to school, or do I need to get someone else to give me a ride?”

Mom said, “I’ll give you a ride there and to school. Katie or one of your friends needs to give you a ride home. Do you have any doctor’s appointments?”

“Thanks, Mommy, and no to any appointments,” I said.

Trying to sleep tonight was harder as I didn’t use pain medication. Mom had trouble waking me up, but once I got to sleep I slept the rest of the night.

There was frost on the ground with ice on the puddles. Just the short trip to the car caused me to be fully awake.

I wore a strapless bra and an old tube top of Katie’s to the theatrical store with a medium weight coat not to get cold. Catherine was amused by my arrival with my arm in a sling. After she heard what happened and that I was planning to wear the costume, she said, “I have an old cloth that might appear more authentic, but it is up to you.”

Changing was a hassle but manageable. Mom had me use cutlets to fill the cups of my strapless bra to make the appearance plausible of a young pilgrim woman. I blush a little from embarrassment. "She said, "You do know that your Miss Hopkins didn't wear bras?"

I said, "Nor did she have boobs that would fall out if I didn't wear the bra."

I got a call from Sarai asking where I am. She was happy to know I was in my costume and ready to come to school. Sarai, Ashley, and Katie were together at school to greet me upon arrival. Sarai said I was to go to Ms. Jacobi’s room for a schedule. It was a poorly kept secret, not only did I have a report to give, but I had two meetings: one with smaller children and then with third through fifth graders I was interviewed as Constance. I was surprised by how well they knew general information. They knew the name of the Indian who’s staying with us, which had created a scandal for Constance’s Dad, Stephen Hopkins. He had a Native American stay in his house overnight. Her dad was actually arrested for doing so, but a jury found him innocent because the majority saw what he did was to show hospitality to one of the natives who had helped the colony.

I would not answer if the Hopkins were Puritans, as even the family don’t all agree. Constance’s help to survive the Mayflower voyage and then the first two years was crucial. The ship's lower decks were too small to stand up in many places. Between the voyage and the first year, half of the people did not survive. Her step-mother and step-brother Oceanus would die within two years.

But as Constance, I felt her excitement and pride to portray someone of note. She would marry a man who came to the colony after her. They were blessed with children and good fortune.

During the morning it hit me Constance experienced these things at my age or younger. I quickly became in awe of what she did and started to think of how she must have felt. She had to be overwhelmed, yet she moved on and did what was needed. A teenager taking up responsibilities like an adult. Having a native American staying in the house overnight, and then becoming the head of the house when her father was put in the stockade or jail had to be a disturbing experience.

I had seen a painting of her and while she looked attractive, I wondered how tough her hands were what was her strength?

I was walking quickly to my Women’s Studies class when I came around a corner of a hall and literally walked smack into Matt Crosby from the cross-country team. In one of his quirkier moments, he said, “I always wanted to kiss a woman of history.” And he did, very passionately. “Hm, you’re a good kisser.” I hoped he did not know until afterward that it was me and not another girl that he kissed.

His girlfriend Pamela is in the class with me and she soon learned as the class began what had happened. We talked after class and she joked with me. She said, “I hope we can agree about two things concerning Matt?” I asked what they were. She said, “One, I shouldn’t have to worry about you taking him away from me. Secondly, he’s a good kisser.”

“I can’t believe you’d even joke about that?”

She said, “You’re kidding me. I’ve seen you, Caryn. I know you have grown to have more feelings as a girl. That includes thinking about boys.” She whispered, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. Just between you and me, I don’t want you denying it.

The Women’s Studies class goes well; Margo Wells, a farm girl, affirms the differences and toughness Constance must have had. But even she said, “We probably don’t do a third as much work by hand as they did. A woman doing it in dresses also would add to their difficulties. What I dislike most is men thinking you don’t know what you’re doing. Some teachers do it as well to a country girl.”

Ms. Leora Jacobi compliments me for all I’ve undertaken especially with my injuries. “You know Caryn, the more you look like plain ordinary woman others may not even notice or are. Even as Caryn you are often seen special within the school and your friends.”

We discussed when we returned to school after Thanksgiving that I would dress down as Caryn and try to make new friends. She asked me for Tuesday to meet with two American History classes.

Katie gave me a ride home and was nice in helping me to change out of my costume. Katie joked about hearing Matt having kissed me. I got angry, “Pam said she wouldn’t tell anyone.”

Katie got into her stubborn stance and said, “Don’t get angry with her. It happened in a hallway, I heard it from a girl who was following you. She said you didn’t fight the kiss.” I reddened at that point. “Relax you were portraying a girl all day, and I know you have budding feelings as Caryn.”

I wanted to argue, instead, I quietly changed. I put on a peasant blouse and a skirt. Katie showed me her class ring that she received today. And then we at the pictures and paraphernalia she had started to collect for our Mom.

Tuesday, went well and the presentations as Constance kept drubbing the information about her into my mind. Someone from the drama group said I should join their club. It was a nice compliment. I did have some rowdy boys who gave me trouble. One lewd picture got shoved into my locker for me to discover.

A big high school boy pushed me to the side and tried to kiss me, but his hug threw my pain level over the threshold and I screamed bloody-murder before falling to the floor. Being checked out by the school nurse, kind of finished my day. The pain quickly became manageable though it continued to hurt. Katie retrieved the skirt and blouse I was going to wear.

Catherine James complimented on how nice the costume was when I returned it.

Katie had taken me there and then to my appointment with Dr. Watts. She checked my wounds and put on new butterfly strips. She said, “I want to compliment you on your presentation to the first graders yesterday. Holly didn’t know who you were other than Constance. She said you were nice to Native Americans and them. She asked, ‘If you had women doctors?’”

I smiled, “Holly is your daughter? I remember her, she’s so cute and smart.”

Dr. Watts’ eyes brightened as an idea had come. “Would you mind if I sent a note home with you for your mother… parents? She can tell you right away if it might be something that could work. I’m sending it to your parents because I think you’d need your mother to make contact if it’s to get consideration.”

I wanted to know right away what it was, but she asked me to trust her. That it needs not to be a secret. Once home and giving Mom the note; she brightened up, “That would be great; my guess the best to ask would be Audra Smith to find out if she and Laura might be open to it.” Mom hands me the note as she explains Dr. Watts’ idea of me spending some time with younger girls. Laura is nine going on sixteen. But my mother knows she enjoys being her age when alone or with close friends.

Mom had called over to the Smiths’ before dinner and Audra invited us over after seven, Jerry and Audra were there and Laura was taking care of Ben, while Tess was being bounced on Jerry’s lap. Audra said, “I already talked with Jerry and then Laura just before you came forward. Laura and Ben seeing you as a Ms. Hopkins seems to have served you well. Laura had already talked about being with you. We just hadn’t gotten around to talking to you about it.”

Jerry said, “I don’t think you are that kind of person, but I’ll tell you upfront: don’t ever abuse any of my children. You seem normal enough, but one has to be careful.”

It was shortly after that Laura ventured into the room, “Ben and I think you pretended well to be that Pilgrim woman. Wasn’t her name Connie something?”

I smiled, “Yes, Constance Hopkins; do you remember where she lived?”

“Plymouth, but it wasn’t Massachusetts yet.” Laura brought a doll over to me, “Maddie has an injured arm like you. I thought you might like it?” I took it and looked closely and snapped its elbow back together. The hand was broken, but Laura was impressed. “Mom, Constance learned to help people on the Mayflower.”

Audra asked, “Laurie, why don’t you show Caryn some toys in the playroom?” Laura took my hand and walked with me to the playroom. I was between Laura and Bens’ rooms. She showed me where Maddie was usually kept. Then she sat by a large playhouse. She wanted me to sit so she could show me inside the house. “Did you and Katie playhouse when you were growing up?”

She laughed when she heard Katie’s playhouse was much smaller. She said, “I asked Ben if he wanted to play dress-up and be like my sister. He said, ‘Yuck.’”

It was then we were called back to be with the adults. Audra invited me to the Smith house on Saturday. I’d have to go over there since I didn’t have enough girl toys. I could be over in the morning or I’d have to wait until the following weekend. I was going to wait, but Laura insisted I should be there by 9:00 a.m.

I was looking to sleep in and then have some Gary time. I only got to sleep in until 7:30 a.m. Mom suggested a pair of designer jeans and a bodysuit for me to wear. She said, “We don’t want your buns to be showing during your first play date. You nor Laurie are little girls.”

It was before nine when I walked up to the side door of the Smiths. Laurie was with her mother to greet me. “Oh, Caryn, I am glad you be a friend.” Jerry was going someplace with Ben.

We were soon back to Laurie’s playhouse; she had small people who kind of fit the size of the house. “My Mom says, I’m tah' help you be a girl.” After playing house we talked, and colored and then she asked my help to pick-up her room. She was happy that I knew how to fold and put clothes away. We usually agreed about what needed to go in the laundry. I enjoyed seeing her dolls and finding where they were usually put. She had a better selection of doll clothes than Katie did. It was eleven-thirty When Audra called us to lunch. The goulash was to Laurie’s liking but was heated from a can. I remembered when I used to like them more.

Before I left, Mrs. Smith agreed to allow me to take Laurie Christmas shopping like Laurie had asked.

Once home, I was asked by my Mom to help her. I had helped my mother before to bake cookies but this was different. “Caryn, I thought it would be nice tomorrow to say Caryn baked the apple pies.” I received an apron and then collected the ingredients as mom reminded me that flour, salt, and sugar, would be used as a combination with cold butter and cold shortening in making the crust. Mixing them using I used ice water to help mix the other ingredients. I let them sit a short time before clumping them and letting them chill for a while. Mom had peeled the apples, but now it was time for me to core and then slice the apples. We also used cinnamon and sugar with the apple slices to make the filling. It was then time for me to roll the dough out to make two crusts for each pie.

Once I made each crust, mom had me roll them using waxed paper to hold each together. That made it easy to fit the pie plate and shape it before adding the filling. I was now collect more flour onto my apron, the tip of my nose, and before I was finished a dusting on my eyelashes.

The top crust had little four slits that looked like squinting eyes. Thanks to using the wax paper it was easy to center them over the pie and then crimp the edges. I’d have to be up early Thanksgiving morning to get the pies baked to be warm when we took them to Grandma Edwards.

Sarai had come over while I was focusing on the second pie. She swatted my behind with a towel, cracking it for the optimum effect. I screamed and jumped dropping the top crust. “Look at Ms. Sally Homemaker. You might make a nice wife someday.”

I turned around with my flour-tainted hands and hugged Sarai and patted her behind leaving flour handprints there.

Back to my work I gently worked to hold the crust together but ended up reforming it to a clump and rolling it one once again. It was a little difficult with Sarai hugging me or looking over my shoulder.

Once I was done she pulled out a letter from Augustana and waved it in my face. She was being invited for a college visit and she was already being offered a huge athletic scholarship. “They are hoping you will come with me and my parents! My mother and father say it would be okay if your parents approve. They approved my first choice a week from Friday, for the full weekend. If I show I’m holding my 3.5+ grade point average this semester I may receive one of their President Scholar awards.”

To be continued…