Brian wanted to get in touch with his feminine side, and hopefully get some female help in doing so. The desire to see himself as a convincing girl has long passed… Time and events have helped Jenny to emerge more than she dared to have imagined… Brian is relegated to the past and now the one deep inside and Jenny is in the process of living her new life, even pregnant with new life…

The confirmation of my pregnancy begins a new and unexpected chapter in my life. I am able to continue playing basketball for the Amber Ambassadors. Though, Coach Anne plans to use me in decreasing amounts of playing time over the next two to three weeks, unless I totally stop before that.

The front of the Arts and Communication Center is now in focus and will have much more than a dressed up entrance. The center section with four levels is to be used to develop a new major for media and broadcasts into the next century. Amber’s one of the first to believe computer and mobile phones would change the shape of communication. When Professor Janet Rustenburg said the Dick Tracy watch could become a reality. People laughed and dismissed it as being unrealistic. The head of NBC news said, ‘The idea wouldn’t even be of interest to the public, except for a few computer nuts.’

Prof. Janet’s reply was, “He also proclaimed Ronald Regan’s political career was dead after the Iowa Caucasus in 1980.”

The departments for Music, Theatre and the Performing Arts will occupy areas on levels 1-3 on the south end, as well as two smaller performance venues on the main floor. Fashion, Design, and Textiles are to have the north wing of levels 2-4. The big surprise is the location of this building. It took our engineering department to even consider this land which was useable for development. The amphitheater is to use property long owned by the university but considered too steep to be usable. The slope and twists of that property made it hard to develop, and problematic for an adjoining park and habitat area below it.

Attached to the lower stage area of the amphitheater, another collection of buildings with that ground level being the equivalent of two to three levels lower than ground level at the front of the Living Arts building. The natural slope of the ground is to be used to develop the amphitheater. Establishing a foundation for such a varied building complex is no small engineering feat. It is something we have designed a solution

Less someone would think Jenny has become a superwoman of sorts, she is not. But part of her wisdom is to incorporate wisdom greater than her own. From her father-in-law and husband to professors at Amber all making some contributions. Brainstorming with sister-in-law Sara Greenleaf, Anne and she would be crucial to pulling it all together.

Some twenty studios and sound rooms for vocal and instrumental practice are to be built into the plan, along with three recording studios. Four rooms are built underneath the auditorium along with various gathering areas, storage area and hallways for moving people and material out of view and hearing for performances in the amphitheater. Two special safe areas capable of being self-sustaining were also built into the plan.

A road built to serve the lower area would also enable the development of the College of Science complex for environmental studies.

Across campus where the Medical complex is to be. We were to choose between the focus on nursing or a medical school for doctors. I dared to design a complex for nursing, medical doctors as well as labs and research. Once the plan came together Cassie and Dr. Mason and others convince President Campbell they needed to find a way to do the whole project. Dr. Mason stated: “It is not in AU’s interest to choose between them but to develop the program as it has been and is presently designed. What we’re presently doing is unique; I don’t think we want to lose that edge.”

Several parts of the campus are to undergo a dramatic transformation. These projects and the remanding projects need to be space over time to make the change manageable and the coherence of the university campus to remain intact and not dividing the various colleges as on many campuses. Amber is already building a series of dorms and housing to meet the growth of the student body.

While I am quickly trying to cut back my work on projects for AU, US Steel, and Bethlehem Steel, or practicing for my last season in Basketball. I find time to settle with James into married life and our homestead. James and I try to maintain Saturdays and Sundays through 5:00 p.m. for us, friends and family. James and I had begun to enjoy horse riding on our property and nearby in the fall. I still enjoy riding but no longer getting into a full gallop.

Two of our remaining games are at Virginia and home against Pittsburgh. It echoes for me, not only my last times to play them, but our first trip way back, after Sally Leach had surprisingly transferred to Virginia. This year it is Virginia University and Sally who are highly favored to beat us. Sally had developed as expected into a great guard and is now their leading scorer.

Sally however usually telegraphs her receiving of a pass from other players. I was surprised though glad others had not realized that. It was hard to time the passes but I steal three passes early in the first half of our game against them. Sally’s frustration with me also allows me to trick her into committing two fouls early and a third before halftime.

I only played twelve minutes in the first half and eight minutes in the second half. Staci, Olivia, and Katy provided the lion’s share of offense from our guard positions. Ironically Sally scored much below her average before fouling out in the third quarter. We were able to upset Virginia 73-59.

The game against Pittsburgh would be another hard-fought win and helped Amber climb in the collegiate rankings. It became my last game as I twisted severely the ankle which bothered me earlier in the season. Coach Anne quickly became my friend again. “Well Jenny, your place on the team is now on the bench in Amber’s road outfits. I don’t mean that despairingly, I want you to be present and a spirit force for the team.” She looks me in the eyes, “Am I correct in assuming you were going to try to hit the ball back in play and crash into the seats? You did well in considering the child you’re carrying. That more than your ankle is why you are done playing for the team.”

Anne, James, a few others and I stayed up reminiscing how far I had come in four years as a person and a basketball player. Cassie, Marcy, and Staci had come in for the talk. Cassie and Staci were down to their game shorts and bra; James presence didn’t cause them to change for us to change our conversation. We joked how James is ready to turn the big 30 but can relate to us college people.

The University is pleasantly pleased with how Coach Anne has done and is offering her a three-year contract. Several would-be recruits had become nervous about Anne possibly not being their coach in the future.

Anne could have become a more active owner and contributor with SAJE Ideas, but her heart is now with being a head coach. She’s most important to me as a best friend and counsel. She’s the one I am most comfortable talking about the journey from being Brian.

I’m surprised on the first of March to get a request from Dr. Florence Drabrowski to have a follow-up research exam and consult with her. I was even more surprised when she had me doing various written personality and behavior written exams. The results were drastically different than even two years earlier. Dr. Florence explained it to be important in understanding me and others having transgender identities. That my experience and time being a female was affirming the changes of my body.

Sex with James tonight became interesting as James asked if he could make love to me anally. He said it was in preparation for my pregnancy getting further along. Yet it’s causing me to wonder if it is something James had long desired. “James, if we do it, it needs to be what you want. And you need to know we’re not having regular sex for another day or two. I do not want you to transfer bacteria from one area to another.”

It feels different having sex this way, I had only done it a few other times. Those times were with women with either having fingers or an artificial device penetrate me. This time it was James and to have him fill me was different. I could tell James enjoyed himself more than I expected. He said, he too is surprised, but I’m not sure if that is true.

We were not intimate the next night, but night following that James was again entering me from behind. I would come to enjoy it as a change as I was also in seeing a softer side of James I had not yet experienced.

Except for our master bedroom, the upstairs rooms were small and our addition and remodeling would help us to change that. We’re planning to convert four smaller rooms into a nursery and a nice size bedroom and needed bathroom. The addition was to be modest and add two bedrooms, a play area plus a sitting room for me.

My next appointment with Dr. Crouse changes our outlook as she discovers I am pregnant with twins. “Well young lady you don’t do things in half measures, do you?” I look to her wondering what she means. “I am certain, I’m hearing two fetuses in you.”

I say, “But I was told the one I’m expecting would be challenging enough? What you’re saying is troubling, isn’t it?” I am allowed to sit up in a more dignified position and we talk.

Beverly Crouse has a great doctor-patient demeanor and I am soon feeling relaxed again. “Jenny any woman is at risk to some extent. You are healthier than many women and we’re going to watch your progress closely.” She pauses, looks at me and asks, “I regularly don’t say anything like this, but there seems to be a spirit about you. Do you feel like your body is in harmony with what is taking place with your pregnancy?”

While I am not expecting such a question, I am certain it is good and affirming. “Yes, I’m surprised you’re asking but yes, I kind of feel like I’m being watched over.”

Dr. Crouse asks, “I have another question to ask about someone helping me. Cassie Conley is asking to work with me this summer and next year if she takes the year off to be on the Olympic team. I need to know if you’d be comfortable with her being my assistant with you as my patient.” I light up with joy at the idea, though it is the first time I hear of Cassie possibly taking a year off from the university basketball team.

Beverly says, “I’ll take your expression to mean it will be okay.”

“O yes, Cassie is a longtime friend. I would like very much if she’s your assistant. I too have done my homework. I am surprised to find doctors of your caliber and that of your husband in cardiology to be here instead of Philadelphia or another major hospital. I don’t want you moving away on me.”

Beverly Crouse, “You are not alone, we’re moving to get this hospital to reinvest more in the hospital and our specialties in particular. We believe there will be benefits for a moderate size hospital to do so.”

Dr. Crouse tells me, “One thing, your husband is not the first to change his pattern with you, but hopefully you know to be very careful in how you are having sex…”

The appointment soon ends, ‘I’m more thankful in going out of the clinic to be a patient here; planning to deliver my babies here, but twins.’ I first call James with the news, Marge Hamilton and then friends the rest of the day.

Monica Morgan had contacted me about my comfort with reconnecting with the lesbian community in the Philly area. There are those in the police department who were wanting to deal with prejudice from a pro-active position. I’m open to the possibility, but as I first meet with Monica, I let it be known. “It is those within the police department who need to take the lead in taking on the risks. I will not want to be party to the department if they back off from that. I knew the lesbian and transgender community had stuck itself out before and was left holding things alone.

We had used the back room of one of the nightspots. Listening to the problems of abuse as well as the failures of law officials responding. Listening would become nauseating at times, but it was very important. Heather who had gone with me once before was again with me but now she’s very happily part of the community. She’s even a stronger advocate than me.

She also now pressing me and Sage Ideas to step forward in being more accountable within our hiring practices with our community development plans. Deanna a young engineering student from Amber would be hired by us to be an associate to me. Hamilton – Mid-Atlantic would join us in becoming pro-active in their hiring. Pro-active is a step beyond having an open mind. The neighborhood development was a harder sell, but with the community’s having experience with prejudice they were open. Their concern that the actions they took were not dictated by us, but decided by them.

I was in my second month that I experienced morning sickness. I was forever grateful when it diminished over the next four weeks.

Amber University was designated the eleventh seed but was placed in the mid-west bracket. Up against the sixth seed a tough Washington University team with plenty of height. They had over twenty wins, while we were still two wins under twenty. Cassie, Marcy, Kendra, and Jasmine were solid around the basket, and Staci, Olivia, Katie, and Mandy Wyatt all gave a good accounting of themselves from the guard to small forward positions.

We were only a point down come halftime, 33-34 points. It had been just over three weeks since I had played, but thankfully I was not needed. The team pressed harder in the second half and had a handful of fast breaks on turnovers. We won widening a lead by as many as a dozen points and held on to win 71-64. However, Anne told me, ‘If you’re ready and able to play. I’d like to use you for some quality play of 3-5 minutes to rest some of our players.

I was six weeks along in my pregnancy and I was still not showing. I had practiced the past week and been jogging for another. It was the sharp turns and contact I was fearful of.

Stanford the three seed was our next opponent and we didn’t see any flaws in their playing. Cassie had given us a pep talk before our practice between games. “It is our talent, energy, and teamwork that will win us the game. That night in the red room was peaceful. While one could smell and sense the estrogen in the two rooms, there was a calm serenity.

I had left my panty on feeling a touch of modesty as a would-be mom and quiet for me as we talked around the pole. Thankfully only two of the fifteen of us were near their time for the curse. Staci and I nuzzled together for the night. Our hands were between the others legs to give a pleasurable time and were content with that. It was Staci focus on my breast that brought me heat. She did not go overboard, lightly suckling at my breasts. Staci had been like a tightly wound violin. Being with me she had relaxed and slept on me another half-hour in the morning.

We had talked that night and another hour after the team breakfast. I had not known of the pressure Staci felt in leading the team. She always appeared to be cool and calm even in pressure situations. Seemingly to her, I had appeared the same way with the exception after I had been raped.

Surprisingly we jumped out to a 12-2 lead. The harder Stanford played to get back into the game they mishandled the ball, not that most others would see. We pressed them on defense and played a running game which should have been to their advantage. Seemingly Coach Anne was hoping for this. I truly was needed to relieve our guards and forwards. It was Marcy who covered for Cassie and I’d play several times each half for a few minutes of playing time to relieve Marcy in compensation for it.

Anne asked after the game, “You had an added inch or two to your jump where did that come from? Your anticipation on defense also gave you an added step.” I felt good with my playing but did not give much credence to what she said. We had won seventy-nine to sixty-four. Everyone had played a good game.

It took Cassie saying, “You’ve become comfortable being you haven’t you?” When I didn’t understand she said more, “Something happened on your honeymoon didn’t it? I think someone, something blessed you. You have a touch or presence at times that brings a glow to you. It was here again today and Staci sensed it last night. I wouldn’t be surprised if your girls are a result of it.”

It would be three weeks before the doctor confirmed I’m carrying twins and over seven weeks before I would know they were girls. I did not think much of it at this time but things were adding up that cause me to wonder more and more. The fact I still twisted my ankle and make ordinary mistakes reminds me I’m ordinary and discount thoughts running through my head.

Next was to be a night that Stanford was to have a showdown with Arizona State, both had beaten the other. Arizona was rated to be the better of the two. Amber did not get a jump on Arizona State, but we did stay with them as there were nine changes of the lead by halftime, with a thirty-nine to thirty-nine tie.

I am proud to say Cassie and I teamed up to score twenty-seven points in the second half. I was lucky enough to score six of those points, I had two forced turnovers, while Cassie blocked two more shots and had another seven rebounds. We were again tied at the end of the regulation play 83-83. I became sick and the team physician, benched me, for being dehydrated.

Seemingly a basket giving us the lead 94-92 with a second and a half remaining assured us of a victory. But Jayne Teasdale’s Hail Mary shot from half-court went in with the buzzer sounding the end of the game. We lose a heart-breaker 94-95 in overtime.

I sit down on the court for my last time. We had great respect for Arizona State coming into the game. They were very talented and could play offense and defense with the best we had seen. More importantly, they played as a team and were good sportswomen to us. Jayne Teasdale and Morgan Brook took a moment to pause with us. It would be their year to earn their way to the final four.

In three years Cassie has earned her way into the medical school program to become a physician. She has been able to play basketball as she desired. And now she will be staying with us two nights a week as she works with Dr. Crouse.

It is nice to get on track with my studies and work. The idea that I have learned so much in engineering excites me to no end. It’s a joy to design and get a builder busy on the addition to our home.

It is May when the doctor takes her first ultrasound picture of the babies. There is a home growing inside of me and the only control I have is to make it healthy. I can still see over my tummy and to think that out of that small slit two girls are going to be born both excites and frightens me. I doubt my ability to handle it. Hopefully the next appointment Cassie will be working with Dr. Crouse.

James and I have been thinking about names; we plan to keep them to ourselves until the babies are born.

I had been going to a lesbian bar, sometimes with James and sometimes not. Part of the time I was there without James I would be hassled by police after I left. There were two times when I was going to my car and another time after I had driven away. The one common occurrence being the two officers who sought to intimidate me. When I slapped away the hand of one office for touching my breasts. I was then handcuffed and arrested.

Officer Crebs slamming me against the car caused me to be concerned about my pregnancy. I waited until I was at the police station before I expressed my concern to another officer. Some were concerned if I was guilty or innocent, for others it sent up red flags. It was two hours before I was taken to an emergency clinic. While the bruising to my back and between my legs was not conclusive; they’re consistent with my statements and inconsistent with Officer Crebs.

Having friends in the Philadelphia Police department and the ongoing probe about such actions helped. The officers were placed on restricted duty, pending an investigation. Their description matched two previous reports. One victim was willing to testify after she successfully identified them in line ups.

James and I flew down to the Florida Keys in April. It allowed me time to get in some swimming, and tanning while wearing a fashionable swimsuit. James is very good at taking time with me and helping me to enjoy intimate moments. However, it is not like the touch of a loving woman like Staci…

To be continued…