Carol and Anne both realize, I’m becoming more and more anxious as the transformation progresses. Carol says, “I know Jenny that the final decision if this is you, belongs to you. I think it is very becoming of you. If this is you in time the people who love you will come to love you for being you, the person they love.” Anne is happy that Carol is encouraging Jenny while leaving Jenny the final decision. The sharing of her acceptance and the likelihood of others means a lot.

Carol adds, “It is more a matter if you will accept this.” Carol continues, “If you change universities and want the job. I would strongly consider opening a store in the Philadelphia area for you to work at now and manage after you graduate.”

She turns to Anne, “She has the potential to be one of the best women’s apparel saleswomen and managers I’ve seen.”

When I suggest she means salesman; Carol states, “Right now, my suggestion is to you Jenny, the woman I see before me.”

She changes the conversation back to the fitting, “We will have the gown ready in ten days, please remember to come as Jenny. The Dress is for you and you will need to try it to be sure that everything fits and looks the way you want it.”

Anne shares on the way back to Amber, “You’re the worst giggly girl I’ve ever met.” While I know it is an overstatement I remember how I felt, the bubbling of my feelings, isn’t like me. But I didn’t realize it is that visible to Anne. She confirms that Carol is amused by my responses as well.

Anne asks, “What're the chances of you taking Carol up on her offer of going to work for her?”

I say, “That was all news to me. It’s a great offer, but I don’t think it would be my first choice.” Anne gets me to talk about my educational interests in relation to what Amber has to offer. When she talks to me about engineering I giggle again, “I don’t have the aptitude for it.”

She says, “Your career and aptitude testing shows quite the opposite. While you have low self-esteem. Not only do you have a strong aptitude for engineering, but you also have a unique ability for seeing possibilities.”

I tell her, “But I have to work hard just to be a good student, any thought of engineering or grad school is out of the question.” The suggestion for me to transfer at the end of the semester is growing and I am leaning towards it, yet the idea seems strange. It comes with expectations for me to be in a program that will stretch me as a person and a student as well. “I could see considering coming to Amber. It would be a big step in itself, and it would be easier to start there if it would be as Jenny.

Back at Upper Valley College, I had started to do some aerobics as well as running two to three times a week as far back as mid-February. Funny enough, I don’t notice changes as Brian, but I’m now able to wear some clothes in women’s size ten. Previously, I had been squeezing into size twelve’s. Anne knows I’m losing weight but she does not know that I’m running and trying to get into shape like she and the other women around me.

The next time, I return to the AU campus Anne tells me to get myself over to the admissions office. When I suggest changing back to Brian, she gives me a change of clothes with a purse, “They’re expecting Jenny in about 40 minutes.” The change is quick and nice. I even do my own makeup as Cyndi helps with my hair. Admissions Director Maria Stephens meets me in the Admissions Office, acknowledging she has seen me with the basketball team. “When you started helping the basketball team, I was hoping you were considering to transfer here.”

When I ask about filling out the application, she acknowledges, “Things will be more complicated in your applying but we’re interested in having you here. We will work to make that all possible.” She asks me to relax and says I should be applying as Jenny. That is how the application and the meeting proceed. She gives another assessment and for now, we leave the possibilities of my academic majors open.

The results show possibilities in business administration, fashion and textiles, engineering, education, and accounting. I’m considering to have my application processed in the areas of Fashion and Textiles, Engineering, and Accounting. I’m not yet taking them seriously though. Business Administration is my current major at Upper Valley.

Amber University’s average cost is over $5,000 higher than Upper Valley’s which I can barely afford with my parent’s help. I am certain if the impasse at home continues I will soon be without family support for my senior year. My folks sent their financial information to me but it openly states I no longer will be receiving their financial support if I choose to transfer or disconnected with the family.

Because of my improved grades, it is possible that I could now qualify for grants under academic merit. That will require additional verification and would take time as well as cost me money and delays going through the procedures. I can already receive financial aid under economic need. But because I have recently been receiving support from my parents and their home continues to be my legal address, all that is at risk and doubtful as well. I am told by a financial offer, I would need to establish another place of residence for six months before I would qualify to apply for most programs.

Anne is waiting to meet me after my final interviews and visits. We eat at one of the cafeterias in a different housing complex for dinner. It and a room to stay in are provided by the Admissions department. I tell Anne, “Strangely I’ll probably be offered admissions to the College of Engineering and the College of Textiles and Fashion. Maria is sure I could be accepted in the College of Business and Commerce or Accounting but they are not currently recommending that. Their suggestion for business administration would be to remain with Upper Valley College.”

Anne says, “I heard them say to you that the financial aid department would contact you about financial support within the week. It is important for you to make as early of a decision as possible. Both those colleges are nearing their freshman capacity, even with each receiving over 75 or more students in the coming year because we’re becoming a co-educational university.”

Anne has given additional letters of recommendation upon our leaving the Admissions Office.

I call home and my father answers. I can tell it has not been a good day. I’m told, I now owe a written apology along with a proper haircut. I mention, “I’m thinking of changing my major to engineering and transferring to Amber University.” Dad simply responds, “You don’t have what it takes, even with your grades improving. It would be too difficult for you to tough it through engineering.”

My dad has usually been very supportive of his sons. He openly states he feels like I’m not acting as a member of the family. I hoped to visit with family and with Cassie when I went home but everything quickly looks doubtful.

Dr. Campbell calls Anne and me personally asking for us to come for dinner the following day.

The following day, Anne and I go to President Campbell’s for an early dinner. President Campbell and her husband John greet us warmly. John excuses himself after eating dinner with us. President Campbell is encouraging me to transfer to Amber stating, “I would really like to see you come to Amber as a student, I think it would be better for you in many ways. I will personally as President seek to take care of enough of your financial concerns. I feel comfortable asking you to fully commit to being a good student and a good Ambassador.”

When I ask what the financial support would be; she asks, “Are you ready to transfer and be the woman I’m hosting? I know there is more about you than I know, but that hope is for you to share in time.” I look to Anne as if to ask, ‘Do I dare share?’ Anne neither encourages nor discourages me.

I take a deep breath and begin, “Who I am is even a surprise to me. Yes, I plan to transfer to Amber and to become the woman you see before you.” Anne gets up, comes over to me and gives me a big hug sharing, “I hope you are being honest.”

President Campbell asks, “Anne are you surprised by Jenny’s answer?” Anne’s answer is, “Not really, I thought for sure she’s moving toward it. I think her sharing reflects a comfort she has with you.”

President Campbell soon gives me a hug. “May I tell you how honored I am that you dare to share all this with me.” She says, “I’m willing to give you a President’s scholarship at Anne’s and other recommendations that you be received here as a student. We’d like to receive you into the College of Engineering for a degree in Engineering – ‘Design, Space Utilization, and Ideas’.” She shares, “I am under the understanding that you have an uncanny gift of ascertaining possibilities and suggesting their application. Coach Jessica O’Mara credits you with some of the changes in the Women’s Basketball game.”

“It was stated you were instrumental in recruiting Cassie Conley as a student-athlete as well.” She asks my opinion, “Do you agree that your input has been crucial? Please understand we would be impressed with getting Cassie if she decides never to play a game of basketball here.”

I state, “My involvement is all overstated. Coach O’Mara and the players are responsible for their success. The interest of Cassie to be an athlete here comes from their success and how good Coach is.”

“I shared with Cassie last December about Amber’s education style. The academics, flexibility of the medical program. It's high standards and people taking interest in what she desires are all responsible for attracting Cassie as a student/athlete.”

Dr. Campbell calls Cassie while we’re meeting. I hear President Campbell ask her about my influence, Cassie shares, “I made my decision on the merits of your academics, the medicine program as well as the athletic program. It is true I would never have even considered Amber if Brian had not encouraged me to visit and consider the university.”

President Campbell asks, “Cassie, would you be happy if Jenny came to Amber or would you rather she didn’t?” Anne and I become silent, and though we’re embarrassed, we listen in on the conversation.

I could hear the giggle in Cassie’s voice over the phone, “O I’m very much hoping to see Jenny as much as I can. It would be neat to share a suite together.” Campbell covers the phone to confirm if Cassie knows I’m Jenny. “Cassie, would you like to speak to Jenny Connors?” We visit for a short time as President Campbell and Anne move away and talk to each other.

Upon my finishing talking with Cassie, I stay to talk to Dr. Campbell. Anne ventures back to attend a meeting with Coach O’Mara and the team.

I have a great time meeting with Dr. Campbell, later with her and her husband. We take much more time than anticipated and I became extremely tired. I guess I had spent a lot of nervous energy.

I am surprised when Dr. Campbell takes me to an upstairs bedroom. She says, “I am sorry I have kept you so long, but I am now worried about how tired you have become. I fear you’ve become sick. I’m asking you to take a shower and to stay here overnight, please. I have asked for one of our doctors to come over and check on you. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m that deeply concerned.”

She hands me a nicely folded clothing item, “This is a very nice cotton nightgown that I believe will fit you properly. This was our daughter April’s room, I think you will find her bed quite comfortable.”

“I am hopeful the doctor will find it no more than what a good night’s rest will take care of. But I have seen enough to warrant the precaution. I will be in with the doctor when she arrives if that is alright with you.

It is surprising to me when it is Dr. Mason, the Dean of the College of Medicine who is checking on me. It is explained that she is Dr. Campbell’s personal physician and the best person for keeping things confidential.

It is a less than a week to Upper Valley’s Junior/Senior Spring formal and two weeks to the Philadelphia Social. I’m going to the Philadelphia’s Collegiate Society Ball as Jenny with a senior from the University of Pennsylvania. He’s 6’4” and a Business major. It is funny because I have already met him once. We had previously danced together. I had been thankful then that I was not a girl as I could tell he was endowed in his maleness. Anne laughs about my assessment of him.

Alicia is sad about my decision to transfer though not surprised and quite understanding. She does ask if she and Jenny can go out a time or two, even though it is Brian who is going with her to Upper Valley Junior/Senior Spring Formal. I’m surprised at her interest. Alicia goes with Anne and me to pick up my gown. She even helps me change in her room to be dressed as Jenny before we leave. When I try on my gown it’s more exquisite than I had realized. The long sleeves and style of the dress help me to appear even thinner and more feminine.

Alicia jokingly shares, “I would be willing to take Jenny to the UVC’s formal but I don’t want to be upstaged.” She suggests which heels I should wear. Carol is quite pleased and suggests one more alteration. We have coffee with Carol while her seamstress makes the final alteration.

When I try the dress again, Carol shows me off to her staff and a few customers. Several people are family friends, but thankfully no one recognizes who I am. My girl name is unfamiliar to all.

One customer hurriedly calls the newspaper to come and get a picture. While the local paper is a small town weekly newspaper, they’ll be sharing it with another daily paper. I later learn that it is shared again with the Philadelphia paper. Carol emails me when it is to be in the Courier News. Cyndi calls me when it is in the Philadelphia Inquirer as well. My escort calls Cyndi and wants my phone number. Luckily, I now have a second phone with a distinctive ring.

Once when I’m in Alicia bathroom I find her and her roommate's contraception pill discs. Suspecting they will not do anything for me, I pilfered two pills from Alicia and one from her roommate Brenda. Alicia later after the UVC social, asks me about their disappearance. I only own up to taking one of hers but I am quite sure she has figured the truth. She shows me her new canister of pills and gives me her old disk still containing some pills. She states, “You should not be taking them, but I’m pretty sure you will.”

Alicia and I have recently begun to run together in the morning. She helps me to transform over to Jenny before anytime I leave for Amber. With her help, Jenny leaves our campus with little notice.

Anne shares I need to be to her room no later than 10 a.m. in preparation for the Philadelphia Collegiate Social. When I get there, I find out that my salon appointment is at 11:00 a.m. It’s a luxury that I thought would kill me. It would have if Anne and Marcy did not help a shy Jenny as the day progresses.

The experience of receiving so much attention at the salon is overwhelmingly wonderful. I receive many hair extensions that allow a more elaborate hairstyle. The style and permanent requires it. I enjoy it from the simplest things to seeing myself beyond anything I could have imagined. The manicurist does my hands and feet while Peggy my stylist is working with me. It is a necessity of time.

I change into my gown with Marcy’s help and come out of a changing area for my last bit of makeup. That’s when my beautician recognizes me from a photo in the Philadelphia Inquirer. She takes my picture when I’m all done and asks if she could use the picture. Anne requests them to discount half the price of my appointment and it’s a deal.

It’s now 4:00 and we have until 5:15 before we meet our dates and go to two pre-ball receptions. One is at Amber and the other at the University of Pennsylvania. Getting to watch Anne is my only saving grace from worrying too much about myself.

President Campbell greets me at Amber and thanks me for the early publicity. She shares, “People will be out to see if you can live up to the newspaper’s billing?”

I ask for advice on how to find the back door. She lightly laughs and encourages me, “Try to relax and enjoy yourself. If you have any problems seek a friend and then go to the lady’s room.”

Coach O’Mara asks me to take a picture with team members going to the Social.

My stop at the University of Penn is my first taste of the public. While most of it is supportive, I also experienced some derision. ‘Jim’ my escort is very supportive and happy to have me on his arm. He's not used to the attention either but says he’s enjoying the reaction. He said, "There were a few coeds who would never go out with him before. Those people are more cordial to me now.”

While I am not a great dancer, I do well. Anne says that I carry myself well all evening. Any comment from Anne is helpful.

I have a couple of encounters with women who are less than hospitable. One introduces herself, Amanda Knight, and at first, she seems very warm. That lasts until she asks me in a very condescending fashion, “I was wondering if you’re a small town girl majoring education or nursing?”

I say, “Thank you for the compliment, I think both teaching and nursing are such important careers.” She takes the bait and her condescending attitude becomes more pronounced. I tell her, “Teaching in my field would require a doctoral degree. And most think it should be grounded with 5-10 years of professional experience. I don’t see myself going that route. Though, I will do some grad school work in engineering.” Amanda seems embarrassed, especially in front of her friends.

The evening has Jim and I share many slow, close dances as well as some faster ones. Luckily I’ve learned to dance better as a woman during the past month. I’m enjoying the evening.

It feels strange being beautifully adorned like a princess, to be kissing a shining knight and dancing with him at a gala event like a Philadelphia’s Social. Is it Jim that excites me or the new feelings of seeing myself as a woman that is arousing the romantic fantasy playing in my mind? The evening holds many growing emotions, and with two dates with Jim the past few weeks it doesn’t feel like a rush to be intimate. From conversations during the evening with others and one visit to the women’s room. I know the mood is not just coming from men.

We’re in his car ready to be on our way back to Amber when I remember something Anne shared. I place my hand on his lap and whisper enough to change our direction. Jim has already chosen one of the better hotels in the city. And he already has a key. “Jim, were you assuming a bit much?”

He smiles, “It is more like I was hoping. I wasn’t surprised when we were driving away.”

Once up to our room, we begin with a warm embrace that is like an intimate dance. Jim mutters about how it feels to have me in his arms. When I look to him, I feel my own warm feelings building as I loosen his tie as he loosens the clasp at the back of my gown.

I do take time to step out of my gown and to drape it on a chair instead of allowing it to fall to the floor as Jim does with his tux.

It takes but a moment to get the nerve to run my hand down upon him and it is more sensual than sexual, though the lines of that thought are quite blurred. It takes another a moment to build up my desire to please him. I justify in my mind what I’m willing to do. I’m hoping he will not try forcing himself upon me to the point of discovering my secret or I took him into my confidence.

I move down caressing his body with my hands and kisses as I move. We don’t do as much as I’m sure he would like but he does find it arousing and pleasing him. I’m afraid he is in danger of quickly cumming. I am able to help him relax enough to help his feelings become more intense as well as to heighten more. He says it is his best time, despite us not going as far.

We stay in the room until five in the morning and I please him twice more. Strange to me, I have the growing desire of having him penetrating me and I'm wanting to have an orgasm as impossible as it is. I don’t do it, as there is a growing sense if I do it; I want it to be with that someone special.

When we meet Anne and her boyfriend for breakfast Anne’s smirking, “What has been taking you so long?”

I discreetly ask about anyone being able to find out my identity through AU’s research program. She assures me that Jenny’s name and the information are not identifiable there. I have enough time for a short nap before transforming back and getting back to my college. Transforming back to Brian, now takes greater effort as well as more time.

I now have two and a half short weeks before finals. Alicia and I as Jenny go out twice: Once for dinner and window shopping around Peddlers’ Village. The other a light meal and out for an evening of dancing. While we do dance together we’re interrupted by guys cutting in to dance with us.

I stay the rest of my time at UVC through exam time. I’m called in by our college President Dr. Clarke and he asks about my transferring to AU. He too has a degree in engineering as well as a degree from our college, plus his Ph.D. Dr. Clarke says he suspects there’s something more as they have lost students to Amber before either school was going coed.

He tells me of a student in the past, who he knew had gender issues. He’s kind of offering an olive branch to me that I might know I could confide in him or another college staff. I ask if he’s hoping that I would confide in him. He says he would, whatever the circumstance have respect for me. Then he asks if I would dine at his home that night? After our dinner, we go to a living area gaining some privacy; we visit about how it’s normal during college for a student to wrestle with concerns in many areas of life. Ones that a person has not felt comfortable or safe to do before at home or with family.

President Clarke says, “A predominantly male college like ours often has students wrestling with identity issues where the student is trying to fight his identity and prove to himself and others how much of a man he really is. Being a man may mean to come to grips with being a person of one’s own defining. While we might be in an enlightened age, there is much to learn.” Finally, he asks, “Would you carry a letter to President Campbell about my support for their programs, especially as it affects UVC students. If you transfer I hope you will remember Upper Valley in a good light.”

I thankful for his openness, “Dr. Clarke I appreciate your support and I’m an avid believer in the quality of our College. While I am not yet comfortable talking openly, you seem to have an understanding and compassion for what I’m wrestling with.”

I call President Campbell with news about my visit with Dr. Clark. She shares that she already respects him as the President of Upper Valley and as the man. She says her admiration of him grew a couple of measures with what I had to say. I sit down and write a letter home sharing about my transferring and that I’m wrestling with how I see myself. I include that I have some counseling for myself.

The Tuesday after AU’s graduation I moved to Amber living as Jenny. Anne is staying on campus to continue her studies as well as to do a practicum within her field as required by their program. Engineering is a five-year program here.

Amber University is insisting I take some pre-engineering classes this summer. Life is different as I’m immersing myself in being Jenny during the summer, taking classes and working a minimum of twenty hours a week. While I’m accepted into the college of engineering. AU is not signing off on my transition, especially since my parents aren’t supportive. My transition to becoming Jenny in some ways is moving forward as I am living as a woman the best I can. Financial concerns for various medical costs are a part of the delay. Much of that could come under programs once I am officially approved for it.

They openly challenge if I am being completely open with them. Dr. Heath forthrightly states “I feel a new world is opening for your life, but we need to be sure we’re not opening Pandora’s Box. We’re near the place of crossing a threshold which we won’t be able to cross back over…

Story to be continued…