The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1564 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

It turned out the Chancellor had postponed his meeting with the bankers, due to his having to save the Euro or some such thing. Personally, I doubt he could save anything, but then I am a Guardian reader.

The upshot was that Simon could take the day off and that meant I could go shopping. It also meant I told the kids I was going food shopping, so they weren’t very interested in coming with me.

So dressed very casually, well one doesn’t dress to the nines to go to the supermarket does one, certainly some of the photos I’ve seen of shoppers at Walmart, they don’t in the US.

I parked the car and went off to the shops and two hours later I had an outfit for each of the girls, some musical boxers for Danny–as a joke, plus a voucher for his new boots. I also bought Julie a couple of nightdresses–tee shirt ones, which she’d need for her stay in hospital. You need short ones for obvious reasons.

Tom got a pair of trousers, a new pair of secateurs and some socks, Stella a pair of boots I know she’d admired. Julie had got me an outfit for Caroline, so that was sorted. I bought clothes and toys for the three littlies as well.

I was making great progress until I ran into Sister Maria–yes the headmistress–who spotted me as I walked past a nice coffee shop. Somehow I let her persuade me to have a coffee–to wish me a Merry Christmas.

She ordered the coffees and cakes–well you need something to soak up all that caffeine–and then got to work. “Have you had time to think about being a school governor?”

“Yes.”

“Oh good, so you’ll do it?”

“No. I don’t think I’d be a good choice.”

“Of course you would.”

“I’m a born again agnostic.”

“Religious diversity is good.”

“You’d say that if I’d said Satanist, wouldn’t you?”

She smiled back at me and winked, “I wouldn’t have believed you, though.”

“But you do for the agnosticism?”

“Yes, your views are well known and sadly are occasionally shared by your children.”

“So, I like them to be able to form proper opinions.”

“At six and seven, are they able to do that?”

“If that’s the case how come you can teach them Catholicism, aren’t they too young for that, as well?”

“We are a church school.”

“But you teach them history and geography, or is that propaganda too–the sun moving round the earth and the Armada reached England?”

“It’s not propaganda, it’s Catholic tradition.”

“Which is paganism dressed up with Latin words and the name Jesus inserted here and there.”

“I think it’s a bit more than that, Lady Cameron.”

“So you actually believe the Bethlehem stable stuff, do you?”

“It’s reported in the Gospels.”

“So, if Mary was subject to a virgin birth, how come the child wasn’t a girl?”

“Because he was to be the son of God.”

“Where’d he get the Y chromosome from unless Mary was a mosaic form of chromosome carrier.”

“It was a miracle.”

“That’s a cop out and you know it! The reality is, there never was a virgin birth because there probably wasn’t a Yeshu born to a Miriam in a stable in Bethlehem in the first place.”

She blushed, a Christmas carol sounded in the background. “Are you always so aggressive?” she asked.

“Only when I find intellectual laziness opposing reason.”

“Alright, so much of this is taken as an act of faith and is allegorical to an extent.”

“Faith is an emotional thing based upon belief, which is also emotional. There is no logic involved, you just cop out with belief every time.”

“If you’re trying to cause me to question my belief, it won’t work you know?”

“I’m not trying to make you do anything except see why I’m unsuitable as a governor for your school–and when I start teaching again after Christmas, I won’t have time.”

“I’m sorry you find me intellectually lazy.”

“That’s only ‘cos I’m aggressive.”

“I so badly want to keep liking you, Lady Cameron, but sometimes you make it so difficult.”

“I’d rather you respected me than liked me.”

“I do that already, but I also know you’re a really nice person, who’d do anything for someone in need.”

“With the possible exception of being a school governor.”

“Yes, with that exception. Now I shall have to look harder and find someone who could take your place.”

“I do have one name, who might just bite if you bait the hook with enough kudos.”

“Oh, and who would that be?”

“It’s a man, is that a problem?”

“Not at all, who is it?”

“Professor Agnew and he’s daft enough to believe, too.”

“And how would it be best to contact him?”

“Leave it with me.”

“You are very unpredictable, Lady C.”

“That’s really interesting, Simon is always saying the opposite until I catch him unawares.”

“You seem full of surprises. If you won’t be a governor, would you do a talk for the school again, like you did last year?”

“I’d need to think about it–I could do one on parthenogenesis.”

“Whatever that is.”

“Unfertilised birth.”

“I thought we’d called a truce about that.”

“Okay, how about evolution and Darwin?”

“Are you trying to annoy me, because I refuse to bite.”

“Ask Tom Agnew once you get him on the board, he’s quite a good speaker.”

“Isn’t he broad Scots–I don’t wish to sound racist but he can be difficult to understand.”

“He speaks English when he’s teaching, he only lapses when he relaxes and you get to understand him eventually. I suppose Aramaic wouldn’t be too easy either, would it?”

“Does he speak that too?”

“No but Mary and Joseph would have, and presumably any offspring they were alleged to have.”

“Meaning what?”

“That if the woman who you claimed to have given birth to your god were to come here you wouldn’t understand a word she said.”

“We would. Our Lady speaks to us all the time.”

“Um, I might have a bit of difficulty with that one seeing as she’s two thousand years old.”

“Remember the Assumption.”

“I think that might be too big an assumption for me.”

“Of course, science can explain everything.”

“Not yet, but it’s more plausible a belief than superstition.”

Sister Maria glared at me, “I think perhaps I’d better go and finish my shopping.”

“Don’t take personally anything I said, Sister Maria, you’re doing a good job as you are.”

“So why did you say those things?”

“Because I can’t honestly believe that anyone who is worthy of a degree can believe in fairies and other things.”

“Perhaps because we speak from personal conviction based on experience, not intellect like yourself, or have you had such a poor experience that it closed your mind to religious experience? How d’you think the healing you’ve done works. You were chosen by God to His work.”

“In which case he got the wrong girl, perhaps he should have chosen you.”

“He doesn’t make mistakes, Cathy.”

“Don’t get me started on that one,” I said tersely.

“I must go, Merry Christmas, Cathy.”

“Yes, you too.”

“I’ll pray for you.” She left before I could give her a riposte, as I feel she’s going to be calling a disconnected number.