The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1587 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

It was after dinner, when we were on the way to hospital that I asked Simon about going to see the man I’d met earlier. “But you don’t know him, how can we go for drinks?”

“I know he works for QinetiQ.”

“The MOD people?”

“Yes.”

“I think I’ve got some shares in them somewhere.”

“Is there anything you don’t have shares in?”

“The French Government.”

“What?”

“They’re going to lose their credit rating.”

“How can a government lose its credit rating? That’s stupid.”

“The American rating agency S&P is going to downgrade it by one point–could cause the Euro some more trouble.”

“That is ridiculous, how can an American agency downgrade a national government’s credit rating when it doesn’t seem to notice that its government is bankrupt–they borrow more than anyone.”

He sniggered, “Well, that’s the way it happens, mind you if the Chinese sold all the US bonds they have, the US economy would collapse overnight–then ours would follow a matter of hours later.”

“Best hope the Chinese don’t sell then.”

“The Chinese and the Arabs own more of the US than the government does.”

“So, they probably own more of the UK than anyone else does–let’s face it, the government has sold all the family silver long since.”

We pulled into the car park and I jumped out and loaded coins into the machine. Then we both walked up to the wards holding hands. I couldn’t remember when we’d last done that. “Never mind the sick, let’s go back to the car for a quick grope.” Simon almost echoed my thoughts except I’d never tell him that.

“Certainly not,” I lied, “You need to go and see your daughter and accept her thanks for making her whole.”

“Is that whole with a dubbya or not?” He smirked and I glowered back at him.

“You have a one track mind.”

“So?” he shrugged.

We split up at the shop, he went in to buy some chocolates for Julie while I went up to see Caroline. I asked how she was and was told she was awake. She was now in high dependency rather than ICU. I hoped that meant progress.

“Hello,” I said warmly and her bruised face looked up and winced.

“Oh it’s you,” she said.

“Who were you expecting, Princess Anne?”

“What d’you want–apart from gloating?”

“I think I’ve missed something here, shall I go out and come back in again?”

“No, just go back out and stay there.”

“Why the hostility?–I’m not aware that I’ve done anything to you.”

“Apart from sacking me, making me homeless and losing me my girl.”

“How did I do the latter?”

“She told me you’d said it wouldn’t last and she agreed. Why couldn’t you keep your big nose out of it–but no you have to interfere, don’t you?”

“If you want me to go, I will.”

“And don’t come back.”

“Oh one thing before I go, if you want to do that plumbing course, I’ll sponsor you.”

“How am I supposed to do that, my leg nearly got ripped off.”

“That’ll be alright now.”

“Sez who?”

“I do, and so do the surgeons.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot you pretend such things.”

“How did I lose you your girlfriend?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

“I’m asking you.”

“Speak to her, she’ll tell you about your poison, you two faced bitch.” Hearing this was like standing on a rake and I almost ran out of the ward in tears. I went outside and walked up and down before I controlled myself enough to go and see Julie.

As I walked I could only assume she meant that I had let them get together and then tried to stop them once I’d realised my mistake. But until I saw that Jenny was going to make Caroline miserable in the long run, I hadn’t seen the danger–now it was too late and I had to accept my mistake. I felt awful.

Instead of going up to Julie I went back in to Caroline.

“What d’you want now?”

“It appears you think I owe you an apology, in which case I apologise unreservedly.”

“So that makes it all alright, does it–you saying sorry?”

“No, that isn’t what I said. I accept that I let you get together because I could see you were both nursing a pain of loneliness, although that was after bringing Jenny home for Christmas. I hoped maybe you could help heal each others pain. It was a mistake.”

“You told her to drop me,” she spat at me.

“I thought she was going to stop you from persisting with your transition because she didn’t want to live with you in that state.”

“So what business of that was yours?”

“I believed you when you told me you wanted to become a woman.”

“I did then–then I fell in love with Jenny.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry I fell in love?”

“No, sorry that I helped you get together.”

“Why?”

“Because I knew Jenny better than you did, and knew it was doomed from the outset.”

“And still you let it happen.”

“I didn’t think it would happen–I thought you’d become companions or good friends, not fall in love.”

“Well I did, and then she dumped me. Why didn’t you let me die? Why couldn’t you let her die? Always interfering aren’t you? Know better than anyone don’t you?”

“Apparently not. Anyway, I’ve apologised, I can’t do anymore than that.”

“You won’t do anything else you mean–just walk away from the mess you leave behind–poor little rich girl, didn’t mean any harm–sorry I destroyed your world, gotta go, have shopping to do.” Caroline said this in silly voice, mocking a rich debutante type of girl, which I certainly wasn’t.

“I brought you down here to work for me, to provide you with a safe environment to get your life test in and earn some money. I was also prepared to fund your classes to do plumbing because I didn’t think you’d want to work for me forever. I accepted your word that you really were transsexual, and really did want to transition. I was wrong there too, wasn’t I? No real transsexual would allow anything to stop them transitioning.”

“I changed my mind.”

“Yeah so did I, goodbye.” I turned to leave.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I trusted you to be honest with me, you weren’t.”

“Honest? Ha–this from the woman who offered me a job and us a home then withdrew it in the same breath.”

“I offered you a job because I needed someone to look after my children when I was working.”

“If you have children, shouldn’t you be looking after them, not paying someone else? You want it all, don’t you–the penny and the bloody bun?”

“It obviously seems that way to you, doesn’t it, even though that was clear to you from the beginning, and initially I’d hoped that you and Jenny would be there working as a team. Then she left, wrongly as it sadly turned out and she made things worse by trying to kill herself.”

“She’d have succeeded if you hadn’t interfered.”

“I’m not certain of that, I suspect she’d have been a very disabled and unhappy woman.”

“She is now or hadn’t you noticed?”

“I’m well aware of how she is, but at least she has a chance of some sort of life.”

“In a wheelchair.”

“Would you prefer she was confined to a bed unable to move any of her limbs?”

“Of course not.”

“The same for you?”

“What?”

“You wouldn’t have died, just wished you had. You’re going to walk again–okay, you’ll have scars–so no miniskirts without tights–but hey, you’re no longer transsexual are you–so does it matter? I’m going, I wish you well, both of you.”

“Both of us?”

“No, both of you, the Caroline side of you and the masculine side. Good job you kept your bedsit in Bristol isn’t it?”

“You kept the rent paid on it?”

“You know I did, but then I’m such a mean manipulating sort, I suppose you’re going to accuse me of planning it all.”

“My place in Bristol, it’s still available?”

“Yes, the rent is paid until the end of March, after that it’s your problem. Goodbye.”

“Cathy?”

I started to walk, “What?” I said without turning back.

“Thank you.”

I walked out of the ward without saying anything and without shedding a tear.