My Super Secret Life…Diamond-8.

Chapter 8

And there’s all these people together either dating or married and stuff and I’m kind of feeling left out seeing how happy everyone is and everything together.

“Not that I’d have an idea of how to really be with anyone or anything even if I met someone.”

Yes…yes I’m talking to myself because you do that when you’re alone so much.

Alone, in a new life and way different body and things it’s still the same…hurt and lonely and that makes me feel all fat and ugly and what’s the point and that’s when it hits me.

I get my car and drive around after using my debit card to pay for the stuff at the beach and tip the valet guy five dollars. I’m driving and really trying to not go into a drive thru and just…It’s like this hurt that kind of sinks into that craving rush you get when you ear something good.

That something you like’s rush is what you use to replace the empty spot inside that I’m trying to fill.

I know all of this and yet.

Yeah…I’m pulled off in a spot by myself trying to kill the lonely hurt and the guilty from even doing this with a bunch of fries and a shake and a bucket of fried chicken…

I feel so sick with myself for doing this afterwards….I can’t take it anymore and crawl into the backseat and curl up and cry.

Dammit, just dammit.

I crawl out of the car after ten minutes and make my way to the dumpster.

Well guess what?

It turns out that if you’re upset enough healing factor doesn’t keep you from losing your lunch.

And don’t throw up in dumpsters…just…yeah by the time that my stuff mixed in with the stuff already there I was just…

Sick with myself and with what I’d been looking at.

I head to my car and I get in and I drive to the closest gas station. I know it’s H-gel but Hydrogen’s a gas so the name just stuck.

I go in and I but one of those little travel packs and I use the restroom and brush my teeth and use the mouth wash and wipe off my face. Good thing that I wasn’t wearing any make-up I’m still not all that skilled at it and I’d just likely make a mess.

I get a big bottle of water and fill the tank on the car up and I go for a drive. I haven’t had the chance to do that very much since having a car’s new to me and it’s actually fun…well fun enough that it’s picking my mood up a lot and I take a few turns and I head to Orange town my old neighborhood until recently.

It’s so strange being back and with me being so completely different it feels like I’ve been gone away a long time even though I haven’t. I drive past the house and the bakery and see that it’s still going. I can see Candace Leven one of the girls from my school there who should be graduating this year there and a couple of other people working it instead of me.

It’s actually pretty busy here and Mom’s behind the cash and just behind the cash instead of doing a hundred other things. I’d stop in but right now that’s still too close to food given me eating and barfing jag that happened.

I’m getting a few looks as I drive around and it’s more from the cute car and the way that I look than people recognizing me.

Jake outed me and stuff but I haven’t really been news hounded since the whole start of things with The Champions doing press control and stuff. I head by my old comic shop and stop and go in.

Okay I might have changed but I haven’t changed that much and I love having money too, no not like rich though that might be cool too but like what I have a decent paying job and I’m not girl enough to spend in all on my wardrobe and stuff so.

I’m looking at stuff.

DVD boxed sets and panel by panel j-peg collections…those are cool actually because it’s a years worth of issues, no ads and you can download it and there’s really good graphic art. I get of course some real comics too and I buy the manga series Shinobi Gardens for Shayne and I get more super hero logo tees.

I’m getting stared at by Gary the guy that runs the place. And of course most of the guys that frequent the place too and the odd girl there’s always a few every once in awhile. He’s still looking at me and well at my chest as he’s ringing things through.

“Gary…you keep looking and I might have to charge you a fee.”

“Huh? What? I’m sorry….” He turns really red and I smile. While not my type Gary has this balding cute thing going on with the extra weight but it fits, like Friar Tuck I can see where his wife thought him cute enough to marry.

That’s one of the things about changing is my brain changed too…I sort of still watch girls and I think I might always just from being a guy for all my life and liking girls…the attraction is way, way down though. But with everything that was done to me I’m female and I’m straight or mostly straight and I’m seeing people differently now. I’m not as freaked by that as people think I should be…changing my sexual mental preferences for the most part would freak people out but me.

I wasn’t with anyone anyway ever and I was getting to the point of anyone paying that kind of attention to me would have been considered. So I find the way I’m seeing people differently actually interesting.

He stops as he’s bagging my comics. “Miss how’d you know my name?’

“Gary it’s me Terry.”

The whole shop went quiet.

Then there was like a burst of questions and I’m being open and I’m telling them what happened and the stuff that went down with that Damian guy trying to take me out and the whole self entitled jocks at my school running a drug thing and Jake and what he tried to do.

It’s a gamer and geek thing phones are turned off except to call a few more people over and Gary asks me first and when they’re here he closes the store for all of us as we talk and talk and answer questions or the ones that I can.

I even diamond up a few times.

No press, nothing assholish they’re fans of the genre and they’re friends and there’s this whole sort of classy gamer, nerd, geek closeness thing going on and I might be the attraction sort of but we kind of end up breaking out some of the boxed sets and we play some table top miniature games and then settle into playing a table top RPG called Shingami…it’s based off of this really ancient old Japanese classic anime and manga called Bleach. We’re even playing characters from the shows…we have to rescue Ichigo from the invading Norse Valkyries led by Freya who wants him for something dire.

It’s a lot of fun especially when I’m trotting out the bits of Japanese that Shayne’s taught me.

There’s a couple of new people there that I don’t know including a kid in skater clothes but now board or inlines called Alex. He’s actually one of those outcasts to here more for what’s on the inside because his outside is pretty awesome.

He actually has us all laughing a few times and he’s almost sort of playing himself by the description of his character and he can RP it’s like he’s LARPing stuff most of the game and for a good looking guy he’s full of all this geeklore and like social common knowledge.

And Gary’s a pretty good GM too. I thank them and give hugs out and say that this was fun and we should all do this again sometime.

It’s midnight and passed when we’re finally out from the game and it was kind of awesome to just let stuff go and play and be with friends well I was sort of too shy to really get to know them that well before but tonight it was cool it was different.

I never played a one shot rpg game before either.

I see Alex walking and I pull up. “Hey you want a lift home?’

“Sure.”

He gets in the passenger side and he’s smiling at me and he’s so cute…and wow…I’m sitting really close to him too.

My car suddenly feels really small.