(aka Bike) Part 1561 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad
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“D’you want me to take the photo down?” Simon asked as we got into bed.
“Which photo?”
“You know which photo.”
“No, I like it–I feel she’s still with us–at least with me.”
“I suppose it is still early days.” He spoke almost as if he was talking to himself or making an aside to an audience I couldn’t see.
“What’s still early days?”
“Since Billie died.”
“Look here, Simon Cameron, if I want to spend the rest of my life mourning my child, I will. When I’m ready, I’ll stop and no one is going to tell me different.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“So how did you mean it?”
“Only that we have several children, and they need you more than Billie does now.”
“I’m well aware of our other children and I feel I meet their needs adequately, or is this the beginning of a complaint that I’m not meeting their needs?”
“No, I think you look after them very well–admirably in fact.”
“So what is all this about then?”
“When Mima came out with me she told me that they don’t think you laugh as much since Billie died.”
“And you agree with them by the sound of it?”
“Yes, I suppose I do.”
“Well that’s to be expected.”
“What is?” he looked puzzled.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, life here has been a bit traumatic since Billie died, my husband has had to deal with a career threatening investigation–which has caused him to walk round like a bear with a sore head at times, I lost my house keeper and have had to train a new one, and I’m trying to deal with birthdays and Christmas–apart from that, everything is just fine and dandy.”
“Look, I’m sorry that I took up your energy and I know we screwed up the other day in not telling you the outcome of the investigation.”
“There’s a but coming, isn’t there?”
“Sort of, look, I’m sad because we lost a child, but they are only foster children...”
“How dare you, Simon Cameron, how dare you.” How I didn’t actually hit him I’ll never know because I could have quite happily killed him at that moment. He’s said some pretty crass things at times but that had to be the most insensitive and callous of all time.
He certainly lit my blue touch paper and I stormed out of the room like some sort of incandescent firework. I went downstairs and locked myself in my study, which possibly wasn’t the best place to be but I needed to be alone. I grabbed the cardigan I keep on the back on my chair and wrapped myself in it and howled.
I cried for my loss, my other children, my stupidity in marrying a total moron. I cried because I was angry and wanted to hurt him, I cried for my pain and for what I suspected I would do tomorrow. I was going to ask him to leave, and if he refused, then I would. I’d go to the house in Southsea that Mr Whitehead left us. It was big enough to accommodate us all, minus one. Then depending upon how I felt, after I’d calmed down, I’d either consider going back to him or divorce. If the latter, I shall screw him for several million to enable the adopted children to have a good start in life
It was two o’clock before I stopped my head spinning round working through scenarios of all sorts of kinds, wondering if I could get a reduced sentence for manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility.
He’d had the sense not to follow me down–that would have caused a row which would have woken the whole house and upset the children–the adopted children, as he described them, then I realised he was wrong, he said foster implying we were only looking after them temporarily. I’ll show him temporary–the moron.
I did sleep because I heard the knocking on the door which woke me up. It was Caroline–they were searching for me. I was cold and my eyes were all gummed up with salt and felt like I was about a hundred and twenty eight.
I opened the door and she took one look at me and said, “What’s going on, you look like shit?”
“Simon and I rowed.”
“It must have been quite a falling out, he packed two cases and left about three o’clock last night. I heard him go out the back door and saw him carrying two cases. There’s a note for you.”
I tore it open. ‘Babes, I feel you need some space from me for the moment, I’ll be at the hotel.
I’m really sorry for what I said, I didn’t mean how it sounded and you were right to be offended. I love them as much as you and miss Billie, too. I know this is going to take you some time to get over. Let me know when you want to talk.
Once again, my unconditional apologies for a really stupid thing to say.
Assuring you of my undying love for you and the children.
Simon.’
“This sound serious if he’s packed his bags, Cathy.” Said Caroline so I showed her the note. She read it and then asked, “What on earth did he say?”
“I can’t tell you at the moment it’s too painful,” I saw my face reflected in the brass plate above the door handle. “I’d better shower.”
“He didn’t question your female status, did he?”
“Not this time, no. He did worse.” I left her holding the piece of paper and ran up the stairs to the bathroom and quickly stripped off and got in the shower, where the water both warmed me and seemed to revive me a little.
I got the children organised, they finished tonight for Christmas. The state schools had already finished but for some reason, the convent had things to complete–probably a few burning issues, like auto-da-fé which I believe is Portuguese. Not sure if they have any Portuguese at the convent–but who cares.
We’d made cakes and rolls, plus a trifle–Caroline makes wonderful trifles–for each of them to take. So breakfast was a bit rushed, tomorrow it would be less so, and I held on to that thought to try and maintain my slippery grip on my sanity.
“Daddy’s gone early?” Observed Trish as we got into the car.
“Yes, he’s gone away for a few days.”
“He didn’t say anything to us,” commented Livvie, “did he Meems?”
“No, Wivvie, he didn’t,” she replied.
“He’ll be back for Christmas, though I expect.” Trish postulated.
“I don’t know, darling, now let’s get this show on the road.” I drove carefully so as not to destroy the three trifles in the boot of the car. We’d loaded the bags with the rolls and cakes in plastic boxes on the base of the bag and the trifle laid on top in a dish with film over the top of it. With the luck I seemed to be having lately, I expected to find it all over the boot when we got to school.
That it wasn’t was something of a minor miracle–they’re supposed to happen at Christmas I believe, not that I believe in either–but at least our trifles were alright. The girls carried their own bags and I walked them into school. Fortunately, I managed to avoid the headmistress, ducking out of the place when I heard her telling some child off for running.
I hoped the girls would have a fun afternoon as Christmas might be less than satisfactory this year. What fun, I don’t think.
Comments
This is so sad
Obviously, communications have been breaking down for a while. Counseling may be in order.
Portia
Portia
Thank you Angharad,
ALISON
Our Simon has that bad habit of opening his mouth before he engages his brain!
Perhaps some breathing space for both of them and as Portia says,some counseling.
ALISON
Slack
Angharad,
I think Cathy is a bit hard on Simon, and should cut him a bit of slack, after all he's only a mere male, in a way i feel sorry for him because Cathy's tongue can cut like a knife.
ROO
ROO
How hurtful...
...'only foster children?' The children are theirs, and the family has embraced each other, but Simon felt the need to add the qualifier, which had to have hurt Cathy. Almost a backhand slap at her feelings of being inadequate or inauthentic. She's a mother, and he really needs to act like a husband and a father. The thought of removing her picture almost makes it feel like she was never there, which adds so much of a burden to Cathy's already overwhelming grief. And grief over the death of a loved one usually is quite intense for a year or so; added to that is the death was the death of a child, and it will take quite some time to be able to begin to cope. Too often adults put a brave face at times like this, which sends the wrong message to the other children as well.
It's good that Simon apologized, but Cathy doesn't need time away from him as much as she needs her space to grieve while he remains to support her; running away seems to be something Simon does rather well, and that's too bad.
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 1561
They both need a time out.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Si's comment
Not only was he insensitive, he was also forgetting that they've all been adopted (in most cases, for several years), which legally gives both parents and children the same rights and responsibilities as biological children.
Foster care placements are generally temporary - placements break down and the children are sent to a different foster carer.
Adoption is permanent - through thick and then they're yours and can't be shunted off out of your life if things get difficult.
Simon does care about them and enjoys their company when he can actually be persuaded to spend some time with them. However, in part due to the fact he's been married to his job, he prioritises work above all else. So with Simon's impending sideways move within the business, it wouldn't surprise me if Henry and Monica have picked up on Cathy's long-standing concerns about him not spending enough time at home - heading up the retail sector, it's likely he'll have more conventional hours so will be able to spend evenings and weekends at home and with the family, rather than at the office or glued to his laptop screen making trades.
With a bit of luck, we might be spared the Bike equivalent of the Eastenders Christmas Episode (birth / death / family breakup / mafia encounter)...
There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Why are T folk such Drama Queens?
I have to own up to it also. It is like my steering pulls hard to the left, wanting to put me in the ditch. It is something I fight constantly and have to take cues on how to respond from people who seem more "normal" in my imagination. Will Cathy ever feel completely validated and genuine?
Sigh, I don't know do I?
Gwendolyn
Eh?
This has nothing with her being Trans at all, strictly between one partner to another who, coincidentally is trans, which for this particular row is as relevant as the fact that she might have a mole on the right cheek of her bum.
Cathy have had misunderstandings with Cathy due to her sensitivity towards her TS status in the past, true, but I do not believe this is one of them. Simon can be in insensitive clod as all and sundry can agree on.
Personally I do not believe Cathy is overly hard on him at all.
Kim
Suspension of disbelief
I also personally don't think he would say that, but having said it, we all get under stress at times. And maybe he scares her a little, so her radar is hot all the time.
Remember he tried suicide twice now, once with Tylenol and it bollocked his liver, and just a few weeks ago, he was sitting on the cliffs of Dover. So, maybe they are both a bit off their rockers; a nicely suited pair.
Having been on the funny farm 5 times with two attempts, I must shamefully admit that people who do the suicide thing scare people a little. At least my roomate and three other loving and innocent people that I know watch me like a hawk. I feel ashamed to have abused them like that.
Gwendolyn
I am a little shocked
Angharad. I can't believe that Simon would truly make such a strong worded and far fetching scathing remark, implying that their children would, or should, in any way be less cherished and loved then any biological offspring.
Yes, I read it, and was appalled. And given the history of Cathy and Simon, and their children, as far as I've followed it all these episodes, I think it's totally out of line of how Simon would've worded his complaint or criticism, not with these words.
So I am going to pretend that Simon didn't say what he's said, because these words would forever stand between them. How could forget or forgive Cathy this, if they were truly spoken?
It's heartbreaking. Oh god, why did you have to write it like that? Now I'm torn between loathing Simon for being this callous oaf, and disbelief, because he couldn't have said those words and yet be so utterly loving of Cathy and their brood.
Jo-Anne
Just a Thought
I think that evil demigoddess, old whatsername, has taken over Simon. That's the only thing that can logically explain his behavior.
Portia
Portia
Cathy needs to get a grip!
Cathy needs to get a grip; she's dealing with a lesser being and should make allowances. Its not so much his ever-present stupidity as it is her hair trigger going off every time.
One thing is
for sure if you want to upset someone all you need to do is go and vist Simon Cameron , Satisfaction is almost guaranteed, Thankfully though this time Simon realised he had gone too far and sensibly removed himself from the firing line .... A very wise move in my opinion. Because the way he was going he might well have ended up joining the turkey....
Kirri
Simon really does need to think
Gee, I've used this title before! He needs to stop and think, he was trying to help (in his defense), but he needs to stop thinking of these as his foster children. He also needs to stop thinking of transgender people as anything other than what they are. I suspect it is hard for him, but the effort is needed.
Well, I don't blame
Cathy for being upset this time, I don't know if I could have ever accepted that statement. Even knowing Simon's foot-in-mouth disease, that is unforgivable.