The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1548 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

I actually took the wheel off the bike as soon as Simon had stopped fondling my bum, and placed it on the jig–the wheel not my bum. This is essentially a frame for truing the wheel, which is about making it straight. It was quite a while since I’d done one, and the first one I did, I used the forks of the bike, after I turned it upside down. It took me days, I had a feeling that this might take some time too–something I don’t have much of at present.

I had the feeling of being watched and turned to see Trish standing in the doorway of my bike shed. I turned and looked at her. “Are you alright?” I asked her. Okay it was a valuable bike, but she was priceless.

“Yes, Mummy. I’ve come to say I’m sorry. I hope I haven’t broken your bike.”

“You’ve buckled the wheel and I’m not sure I can fix it.”

“I’m sorry, Mummy, I didn’t mean to.” With that, she burst into tears and I had to put my arm round her. “I know you didn’t fall off deliberately, but the bike was far too big for you, which was why I told you not to do it, because I knew you could get hurt.”

“Oh, Mummy, I’m sorry.”

“Being sorry is pointless unless it means you learn from the experience.”

“I will, Mummy, I will.”

“You say that, but you don’t–you are a very clever child, Trish, but you’re still a child, which means that I’m responsible for you. I’ve already had one child killed through an accident. If I’d had a second one seriously injured, I suspect there would be fresh cries to have you all returned to social service care.”

“They couldn’t do that, could they, Mummy? The judge man wouldn’t let them.”

“Trish, please listen to me. Now I know you’re young, but you’ll understand what I’m going to say. We’re special girls aren’t we?”

“Yes, you’re very clever too.”

“No, I mean in our being girls who can’t have babies.”

“Oh that,” she said dismissively.

“You might not like it, but it is a fact of life, and because of it, especially in my case, there are some people who would like to see me fail. They don’t like the idea that as a special girl, I should be allowed to adopt or foster children, and because some of my children are also special girls, they would really like to see me fail.”

“But that’s silly.”

“Yes, to you and me, it is, but that’s how it is. Not everyone feels like it, but there are enough to cause problems if they get the chance.”

“But I’m your daughter–it’s all official.”

“Trish, even if I had been your natural mother, they can still take you off me if they do it properly. By that I mean, if they go through the courts, they might claim I was unfit to look after you, especially after Billie died.”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“Not directly, but if I hadn’t taken her up the hill, she could be alive today.”

“Auntie Stella said it was only a matter of time before Billie’s brain exploded.”

“I think she meant that the blood vessel in her brain ruptured, which would cause a massive bleed and she’d die.”

“My brain’s not gonna explode, is it?”

“I don’t think so, it’s quite rare, especially in children.”

“Oh good, had me worried.”

“Trish, have you understood a word I’ve said?”

“Yeah, my brain’s not gonna go pop.”

“Trish–you’re not listening–one more injury to one of you and be prepared to go back into care.”

“I won’t go.”

“You will, because if you don’t go quietly, they’ll force you to.”

“They won’t.”

“Trish, please look at me–you will do as they want because you won’t be able to stop it.”

“Yes I will.”

“Trish you won’t, if they have a court order, they can do as they wish.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Perhaps, but that’s the law.”

“It’s a stupid law.”

“That’s your opinion, but lots of people might disagree with you, and we have to go with what the majority want. It’s called democracy.”

“Even if they’re stupid?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Why?”

How d’you explain the basics of a constitution to a seven year old? I did my best, but wasn’t sure if she’d latched on or not. She did however, pick up the basics of wheel truing very quickly. I gave her some things to remember and told her I would test her tomorrow. She went off quite happy after that.

With the fading light, I locked up and went back to the house. I wondered if Trish had come of her own free will or because she’d been told to. I managed to extract that she’d been threatened by Simon, which wasn’t what he’d been telling me. He hadn’t grounded her, because she’d talked her way out of that, so apart from her immediate shock and minor injuries, there was nothing wrong with her. And despite her apology and crocodile tears, I need her to understand if she does the same again and breaks a wrist, they could easily take her back in–and all because she didn’t listen to me. I get so cross with them all sometimes, none of them listen. And if the adults do it, what chance the kids? Homo sapiens yeah, what a misnomer that was.

I began to feel that there was an almost certain inevitability that the children would be removed from me one day. I wouldn’t be directly to blame, but that in itself wouldn’t stop things. It could still happen with Billie’s inquest, which was postponed. I might have to give evidence–oh pooh.

The thought of being investigated frightens me to death, especially if it came out in court–I’m not a saddo like that tranny who tried to pretend she was Katie Price and tried to embezzle money from her–she got found guilty and sent down. I haven’t done anything, but that won’t stop them baying for my blood. I have the nerve to be different.

It seems acceptable for a man to beat his wife and kids, yet it isn’t for a transsexual to adopt children, even ones who were worse in their obsessions than she was.

According to my Gender Panel certificate, I am female and to accorded the same as natural females with regard to the law. Okay, so Tony Blair cobbled together something which still isn’t right, but much closer to it than I expected it to be. I’m living proof that these things can work–at least until they stop working, which could be any day. I could possibly see why some people commit suicide–bankruptcy of public support and of the mindset in some in local government.

I walked back to the house to sit down and try to stop thinking about negative stuff. Looking at my calendar, I saw Stephanie was due this evening to see the others about Billie’s death–they seem to holding up remarkably well–it’s me who is going to pieces. Perhaps if I lie about my age, she could treat me?