Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 1476

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The Daily Dormouse.
(aka Bike)
Part 1476
by Angharad

Copyright © 2011 Angharad
All Rights Reserved.
  
-Dormouse-001.jpg

“You managed to fix her then?” said Simon casually as we drove home.

“If I told you what had happened you wouldn’t believe me.”

“Try me,” he said glancing across at me before looking ahead at the road.

“Okay, where to start...”

“The beginning is usually the recommended place.”

“You know this healing energy which attached itself to me?”

“I wouldn’t say I know, but I know what I think you mean.”

“It appears to have an entity attached to it.”

“What does that mean?”

“It has a sort of personification.”

“Right. What sort of personification?”

“An Old Testament goddess.”

“And?”

“Well she has manifested to me–she only does so to females, so Trish has seen her.”

“Okay, so I can’t see her?”

“That’s what she said.”

“I don’t know if I feel relieved or affronted.”

“If I were you, I’d say relieved.”

“Okay, so I’m relieved that I can’t see her–what did you see?”

“I’ve seen her several times, usually as an old woman who talks in the first person plural.”

“The royal we.”

“Exactly–only I don’t bow and scrape to anyone, especially something which I suspected was merely a figment of my imagination.”

“She’s not that weird is she?”

“Very funny–not; no she’s a real psycho who’s always threatening to harm or kill someone to teach me a lesson, she apparently caused the crash I was in.”

“The one with the Cayenne?”

“Then it’s possibly a good job I can’t see her–that car cost forty grand, babes.”

“You have to bear in mind that goddesses don’t usually care much about material things, including us humans.”

“Charming–I’m beginning to really dislike this old crone and I’ve never even met her.”

“Further encounters haven’t exactly endeared us to each other.” I possibly made the understatement of the century, so far.

“So why has she come to you?”

“I’m the chosen one, apparently.”

“Sounds like she’s been watching too much of the Matrix, Keanu Reeves wasn’t there was he?”

“If he had been, I wouldn’t have been calling you would I?” I felt myself blush.

“An’ there’s me thinking it was Johnny Depp you would be unfaithful with.”

“Only in mind.”

“Oh well, they can’t touch you for psychic adultery.”

“You’re speaking from experience by the sound of it,” I threw back at him.

“Ouch–so what’s this old crone got to do with you being the chosen one.”

“I don’t know–I don’t know what I’m supposed to be chosen for and hope it isn’t some sort of mission impossible.”

“I don’t know, Tom Cruise is about your size,” he sniggered.

“I was thinking more sticky ends.”

“Like how?”

“Like the lead character in the New Testament.”

“Jesus Christ,” said Simon loudly.

“Yes, him.”

“What? I was looking at the tits on that girl–she’s positively deformed.”

“Simon, I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you and you’re gazing at girls with large mammaries.”

Large? She’d have been taller lying down.”

“No she wouldn’t, they tend to fall to the side–believe me I know.”

“Since when have you been looking at big bazongas?”

“Since I grew a set–remember?”

“Oh c’mon babes, she was twice your size.”

“Si, I was trying to talk to you about what happened.”

“Oh yeah, back to you playing the part of Keanu Reeves–can you do martial arts, run up walls and flip over?”

“No and neither can they, that was done with wires; I saw a programme on the making of it.”

“Aw, babes, you’ve spoilt the magic of it for me now.” He groaned and pretended to be very sad–it was all nonsense of course.

“Just take me home will you?”

“What about playing Mary Magdalene then?”

“Eh?”

“Well you can ’ardly play Jesus can you–unless he had the operation as well.”

“Sure, that’s why he disappeared for three days–he nipped over to Thailand.”

“Missed out on the electrolysis,” said Simon so matter of factly that I nearly burst out laughing.

“Simon, just remember we’re talking about a high ranking prophet here and in some mistaken viewpoints, the son of God–but only after the Council of Nicea and Constantine’s interference.”

“Ah yes, how many Constantines can you balance on the head of a pin?”

“Exactly–but my situation is with Old Testament deities.”

“Why? Aren’t they old hat now?”

“Apparently not and they tend to have rather primitive moral senses.”

“In what way?”

“Such as threatening to kill my children or me, or even you.”

“In which case it really is just as well I can’t see her–I’ll give her goddess.”

“She did something to you tonight.”

“Who did?”

“The Shekinah.”

“Who?”

“That’s the name of the goddess, the Shekinah–or the female aspect of God.”

“When?”

“You thought you were rescuing a hedgehog.”

“I was–I was there, remember.”

“You were in the garden, standing still–it was all happening in your mind.”

“I was bloody well there–I should know.”

“I saw you from the window, you were standing quite still and so was Peg.”

“And just what were you doing?”

“Arguing with the goddess, who came through Theresa, like she was some clairvoyant medium.”

“How come you get all the best jobs, an’ I get all the shitty ones?”

“It is a female deity and I suspect she might be a trifle sexist, but then the male manifestation was a misogynist.”

“What, Jesus?”

“No, God.”

“What about the widow’s mite?”

“What about it? Silly bugger ended up buying songbirds to kill–like bloody Malta.”

“They don’t sacrifice birds there do they?”

“No they just shoot the poor little things–did you know there’s some horrible disease killing finches, mainly greenfinches and chaffinches but has also infected sparrows and yellow-hammers.”

“Is that more of this bloody chutzpah woman thing?”

“Shekinah,” I corrected.

“That’s the one. How did you conjure her up in your imagination?”

“I’m not so sure I did now.”

“Well don’t look at me–I had nothing to do with it.”

“Yes I know, she was far too intelligent an entity for that.” Two can play games.

“Ha bloody ha–we’re home.” He parked the car and after we left the car he clicked the bleeper and locked it.

“The girls are in bed,” said Jenny as we went into the house, “But it may be a good idea to show yourself–they might settle down then.”

“Okay.” She promised to make some tea when I came down again.

“Mummmeeee,” squealed Trish and they all sat up, “did you see her?”

“See? See who?”

“The old lady.”

“Theresa?”

“No, the Shek thingy.”

“Shrek?” asked Billie winding her up.

“No, the goddess thingy.”

“She was here?” I felt very angry.

“Yeah, that’s what I was tryin’ to tell you.”

“Okay–she won’t hurt you.”

“I know, an’ I got her to promise not to hurt you or Daddy, too.”

I looked at her, seven years old and already light years ahead of me. “Okay, bed now and sleep.”

“What shall I tell her if she comes again?”

“Tell her to deal with me and to leave you alone or I’ll be very cross.”

“Okay–night, Mummy, love you lots.”

“Yeah, we love you too,” echoed the others.

“I love you all very, very much–now go to sleep before I strangle the lot of you.” They all started to giggle and I knew I’d said the wrong thing–again.

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