(aka Bike) Part 1232 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad
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We had time for a quick discussion before Nora arrived. She looked quite crisp considering the fact that she’d have to had to leave fairly early to get down from Wantage for ten, given the rush hour traffic.
I offered her a coffee which she accepted. “How is Trish?” she asked.
“She’s okay, I asked her psychiatrist to check her out and Stephanie seems to think she’s okay at the moment.”
“Good–for now at least, these things can come back to bite you though.”
“Yes, I appreciate that–but then with real life, it also has a habit of nipping you on the bum when you’re not looking.”
“Come on in and meet Dr Cauldwell, Trish’s shrink.”
“Oh–she’s still here?”
“Yes, she hasn’t long finished with Trish.”
Carrying the tray of coffees, I led Nora into the dining room where Stephanie was seated at the table writing in a file. “Won’t be a sec,” she said and finished the line she was writing. “A client who I’ll be seeing later, just thought of something she said.”
“Nora, this is Dr Stephanie Cauldwell, Stephanie, this is Nora Cunningham.” They said their hellos and after dishing out the coffee and laying out a plate of biscuits, we got down to business.
“I take it this conversation is in confidence?” said Nora.
“Unless there’s something said which I feel needs to be taken to the appropriate authority, which I’m duty bound to do,” replied Stephanie.
“I’m just here representing Trish,” I added and they both smiled as if I was a useless but necessary decoration.
At one point I almost got bored as they chatted in sociological jargon but I managed to keep awake and listened. It transpired that the home knew nothing of Ben Bowditch’s attacks on weaker children until after Trish had left, when he found another victim–this time, a biological girl who’d been abused by her father.
How anyone could do that to a child both astonished and disgusted me and when the details began to be discussed I felt quite angry and then nauseous. Apparently, this girl was so distressed at Bowditch’s assaults that she tried to kill herself but was discovered just in time and after recovering spilled the beans.
There was an inquiry and Bowditch was to be moved to a secure home for rehab; meanwhile he was kept locked in his room which was on the second floor of the home. He apparently managed to open a window and tried to shin down a drainpipe to escape, however, gravity intervened and he fell about twenty five feet. He was taken to hospital but he died a week later never having regained consciousness.
When I heard this, part of me wanted to jump up and down and shout hurrah but on a moment’s reflection I realised that no one gained anything from it, except his victims would know he couldn’t touch them again.
Sadly we all know that abusers have often been abused themselves, though why some should go on and do it and others don’t is curious and I don’t think anyone knows why that should be, other than exercising some form of moral control.
We’ve all heard stories of adults who take themselves off for help when they start having inappropriate feelings or thoughts about children, yet there are also a significant number who obviously enjoy those thoughts and act inappropriately on them and children get damaged.
Even the twisted minds of paedophiles must realise that it’s against the law with severe penalties if they’re caught, and they usually are eventually, yet they continue their unsavoury habits. It seems to be something humans have done for a very long time and I don’t understand it.
Apart from being revolted by the very thought of it, when some of these stories arise in the press, it just makes me wonder what must these people be thinking? Why would a grown man do something disgusting with a baby? The argument that the children enjoy it can’t be used because clearly, depending upon the act, the consequences for the victim might be catastrophic. Usually when I see these sorts of stories, I skip them because I can’t cope with reading them–I get too upset or angry and then start baying for vengeance–which isn’t appropriate.
I presume these perpetrators, who are frequently men but not exclusively, must get off on the power, like rapists of older victims and are quite possibly impotent without knowing the victim is hurting.
I listened to the two professionals throwing information back and fore before I excused myself and went to the loo, then went to look for Trish. She was doing something on the computer. The others weren’t about, so I sat beside her and said, “Bowditch can never harm you again,” and put my hand on her shoulder.
“I know,” she replied blithely.
“How can you know that?” I asked feeling my concern was not being recognised.
“Found it on the internet, he fell out of a window.”
“Yes, so we’ll never know why he did it?”
“Because he could, I’m glad he’s dead.”
“Yes, but that means you can never get any retribution or justice.”
“I don’t care–I don’t need to ever think about him again.”
“Okay, I’ll leave you to it.” I rose to leave her and only got as far as the door when she began sobbing.
“What’s the matter, darling?” I asked putting my arm round her.
“I hate him, I hate him–I hope he goes to hell–he will won’t he, Mummy?”
I calmed her down, reassured her and then went to see the experts. They were still talking and comparing notes.
“She knows.” I said and they both looked at me.
“Who knows?”
“Trish knows the Bowditch kid is dead–she found it on the internet.”
“How old is she?” asked Nora.
“Six–going on sixteen in some areas,” suggested Stephanie.
“How did she find that?”
“I presume she shoved his name in a search engine and up came the local rag or the Daily Wail.”
“Even so, I don’t think I was reading newspapers at six, except the comic strips in them,” Nora reflected.
“Trish is a little precocious,” I suggested.
“Yeah, just a little,” joked Stephanie.
“But I wouldn’t understand words like, inquiry or inquest at that age, so how much does she?” Nora wasn’t convinced of Trish’s abilities. “I know she’s clever, but surely not that clever?”
“How about telling you that she hacked into the police computer after laying a trail all over the world so they couldn’t trace her.”
“Now you’re pulling my leg,” laughed Nora.
“I’m not, I saw her do it.”
“But most teenagers couldn’t do that?”
“I couldn’t and I’m in my twenties,” I admitted.
“I wish I was your age again,” Nora said wistfully while glancing at me.
“I don’t,” said Stephanie firmly, “I was doing a registrar’s job in Hackney, it was horrible and so was my consultant. I’d never want to revisit those times unless I could do something about it. I’m sure he had a problem with women in general and women doctors in particular. I wonder how he’d get on with women priests?”
“He wasn’t gay, was he?” asked Nora.
“Gay isn’t a word I’d use to describe him, crabby old git, might be.”
“Perhaps he was a repressed transsexual who secretly wanted to be you?” I threw in just to show I was still awake.
“Nah, crabby old git, is my diagnosis. Right, ladies, I have patients to see so I shall take my leave.” Stephanie rose from the table, packed up her files and pulled on her coat.
“So what happens now?” I asked naively.
“Nothing–unless Trish needs extra help, perhaps I’ll see her weekly for a few weeks just to make sure it hasn’t stirred anything up. I’ll get my secretary to phone you, Cathy.”
“Okay.” I saw her out and had literally returned to the room when Nora said she must go too. I saw her off and then sat down in the dining room. I wasn’t sure what we’d achieved other than knowing Trish’s bogeyman was gone forever. I suppose that was a result, but one which left me feeling it was anything but satisfactory.
Comments
Sadly, it isn't likely that
Sadly, it isn't likely that it is a closed case for Trish. She still has strong feelings and is going to need some support from Stephanie and her family. Just because an abuser cashes in his chips, the abused continue to live and therefore hurt unless they can learn to really put it behind them.
CaroL
CaroL
Nice recovery! :)
Loose ends are tied up, the unfortunate boy is out of the picture, and poor Trish can get on with her life, with lots of love and professional assistance to help her cope with her traumatic experiences. Brava!
Pretty much any other situation would probably have been a storytelling nightmare. It's a subject that stirs strong feelings, and if the story dwelt too long on working through Trish's awful experiences, I know the chapters I look forward to every evening, would lose some of their appeal.
Although I'd probably keep reading...
Ben Bowditch
The previous day in answer to Cathy's question about whether Bowditch was still with the Children's Home, Nora said:
This seems a strange thing to say if the next day Nora is able to report that Bowditch was killed falling while trying to escape from a locked room.
Thanks A+B: hopefully the victims can rest easier now that he's no longer with us, although it remains to be seen what the long-term effects on Trish will be. At least she's receiving professional help.
Perverted Soul
Bike Resources
Bike Resources
Closure (of sorts)
That was a turn up for the books - Nora was sympathetic and BB is dead.
However, Trish could probably still do with a safe means of outputting her anger - some form of sport or self defence (for the next time our Russian friends decide to visit) training.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Maybe...
...Cathy could get Trish to write one of those letters to Ben, expressing her feelings, and then they could ceremonially burn it.
Pyrogenic Solutions
Bike Resources
Bike Resources
There's no knowing
Angie.
And that's the problem.
It's worse for a small child because you feel defenceless and lonely, especially when nobody listens or nobody wants to listen more particularly there's nobody there to listen. You need an out and that out is as often as not suicide.
I like Stephanie's remarks about her consultant psychiatrist. I'm convinced an unacceptably high proportion of psychiatrists have issues with their own sexuality, or self worth or even their own sanity. That's why I won't go near them ever again. The very idea of having an individual even more fucked up than me digging around in my life, let alone my head leaves me fearful of the whole profession. To me they always seemed to have power without responsibility and that's dangerous.
There's no knowing if issues surrounding abuse will or will not surface in later life. Sometimes, even today, the cure can be worse than the symptoms.
Still liking it Angie.
Take it easy now. If reading about this stuff is stressful, take care. Don't hurt yourself.
Love and hugs.
Beverly.
Growing old disgracefully.
I feel like an interloper talking about sexual assault.
Sure, I had some sexual assault, but the vast majority of my trauma was from physical and psychological abuse. I remember the day I found out that my own stepfather was dead, and I said,"good, he'll never hurt anyone again". I would never have confronted him; I was terrified of him.
What has worked for me is the realisation that all that I suffered has made me a stronger, more compassionate person, and yes I can function as well as anyone who had a perfect childhood. For me it is stealing victory from defeat, and disgrace.
Why did it all happen? I will probably never know.
Khadijah
Umm..
While I can't understand pedophiles (or a bunch of other things)... If they feel a "need" to do those things that is anything near my need to be me, I can almost understand why the threat of the law isn't enough to keep some of them from doing it.
I know it wasn't enough to keep me from dressing and going out as Anne - back while I was still serving on active duty in the Navy... Had I been caught, I'd have been in front of a court martial so fast... And out... But, I still needed to do it. Now, I was seeing my therapist, at the time. And, we did discuss the risks I was taking. At the time, the only person directly impacted by the results would have been me. (Though, I recognized that a lot of others - specially my wife - would be indirectly impacted as well... But, as much as I loved her - at the time, I recognized our marriage was not long for the world with my transition. Circumstances intervened - 24 years have passed - and she's one of my strongest supporters! There will still be repercussions.)
Interesting discussion. I found it educational. Now, we'll likely wonder about the boy... Could he have been helped? Given he's dead, it may be harder for Trish to really come to closure on the event.
Thanks,
Anne
Paedophilia and Research versus Punishment
Like most adults, I love small children, for their beauty and innocense. But I love them with Agape not with Eros. Apart from the word "paedophile" being a most unsuitable term for people who molest small children - there is no eros, no agape, and no philos being shown when they hurt small children, is there? - the question arises "what should
we do with them?". IMHO we know very little about what has gone wrong with them to make them find fun in hurting tiny tots or prepubescent girls and boys. It seems there are not only low-life, low IQ people who go wrong like this, as there are hundreds if not thousands of "respectable" persons, judges, doctors, clergy, teachers, etc etc who develop this kind of perversion. So rather than having them hung or shot or electrocuted or beheaded or injected with lethal poison, as so many angry people advocate everytime a case gets publicity, I believe we would best serve the species and the safety of FUTURE generations of poor little children if we kept these people under close and continuous observation within a very secure mental hospital, where we could study them closely. We need to know how and why they develop their perversions, how to recognise early signs (from reading case histories I gather that they usuallly start off with milder activities like fondling their victims but progress in most cases, in a few to eventually raping and even killing them), as detecting them early and perhaps learning how to prevent further progression would be very useful for everyone. We need to analyse their biochemistry too. Is it an inherited tendency? Are there any warning signs from their chemistry? Can we develop a treatment that will stop them? Could they then eventually be released safely, trained to do useful work, even required to work to contribute to the costs of treating their victims?
The reason we have made virtually NO progress in understanding this fortunately quite rare phenomenon is that as yet we have been more concerned with punishing them. I do not think that anybody would WANT to become what we are calling a "paedophile" - there is some evidence that some of them have tried to fight the urge and even sought help to do so, so I think it is time we changed tactics and spent more on investigating the subject and gaining a better understanding of it. Only that way, I think, can we make the world safer for the next generations of small and vulnerable children.
The case Angharad described in the Story was not a typical one as it was a minor taking advantage of another minor - mostly we hear about perverted adults adults forcing their attentions upon children. From personal experience i know that there has always been some sexual exploration/exploitation by minors of other minors, mostly between those of similar ages and of both similar and different genders, but mostly it seems to have been relatively harmless and perhaps even part of growing up. Only very rarely does actual penetration occur, and there is usually little physical damage done. I can imagine that these days, where there is more information more freely available than back in my own childhood, it may well have increased. That is another matter for research.
It worries me that we have made virtually no progress in dealing with this whole subject.
Briar
Briar
Imperfect closure
... to say the least. The little so and so got his comeuppance. This is uncomfortably similar to when somebody commits suicide where the survivors never get he chance to ask why. Trish tragically will never get that chance to be in the metaphorical locked room with him so she can give him what for.
This is going to hang over Trish for many years I think as she gains more understanding and in gaining more understanding may have more motivation to hate and resent.
Kim
Bike pt 1232.
Unfortunately, Trish must deal with what happened and guilt over her feelings over his death.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
I like the idea of the letter
Tell Trish to get it all in there then burn it and that will remind her that he's gone to a worse place. (although I don't think Cathy believes in hell the nuns at the school are I'm sure pushing the idea to frighten the kids)
Does Trish know that someone tried to burn Julie? Need to look back, was she there? Can imagine her next line of questioning.
Cannot help
but think that deep down Trish will still be harbouring a grudge against the home for allowing the assault to take place, And in someone as bright as Trish that could spell big trouble .... Maybe not now, But as Nora says these things have a habit of nipping you on the bum when you least expect it...
Kirri
The sad part is
his abuser is still out there somewhere. Billy was also abused, as was Danny. It wasn't until I became a woman people opened up to me and made me aware how common it is.
fist pump for drain pipes
Interesting posting. Interesting dialog.
Angharad, you are marvelous, Billy Crystal agrees too.
Karen