The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1235 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

The next day, I dealt with mounds of ironing while the children played basketball. The thump thump of the ball wasn’t near as loud where the basket had been fitted, and I was glad that I’d insisted it be put some distance from the house.

Danny was back in school tomorrow but the girls didn’t return until the following week. When he complained I did offer to enrol him at the convent as well, but he said he didn’t like the uniform–wasn’t sexy enough. He ran off before I could box his ears–although I suppose he’d look pretty silly with two boxes on his head–I went back to my ironing.

I’d managed to get all the blood out of the bed linen, which saved his lord and master quite a bit of money. Silly bugger, how can anyone fall out of bed as often as he does?

I stopped for a coffee and Jenny came home with baby C, who she’d taken for a ride in the pram, Meems had gone with her but the other girls were playing basketball with Billie. Simon was in work and Stella was out with Gareth having taken Pud with them. Gareth is quite a regular visitor and he’s even bought a car seat–so I suspect his intentions are long term–but that is between those two and nothing to do with me.

Tom had been in work, and had checked the dormice, they were all okay, busy hibernating in a rat free environment. I had been so careful in my calculations about drainage and keeping rats out. They’ll happily hunt and kill anything smaller than themselves and dormice come into that category. Mind you even blessed woodmice will kill and eat dormice if they find them in a torpid state–they eat their brains–well brains are full of fat, so quite nourishing. Alas that doesn’t help the poor dormouse, probably the most inoffensive creature on the planet.

I was mulling over some emails that I’d received yesterday about sightings of dormice in places we didn’t expect to find them. I suspect they could be erroneous records and needed to discuss them with Tom. However, when I tried he dismissed me. “Ye’re supposed tae be thae expert, make yer decision, I’ve things tae dae.” He disappeared upstairs and half an hour later he appeared in his best suit smelling of aftershave–he has a beard–so what’s going on?

“Are you home for lunch?” I shouted as he left the house.

“No, I’ll no be hame fa dinner either.” Then he was gone and the Land Rover started up a moment later and off he went.

Jenny came into the kitchen and started sniffing, “Not sure about the perfume, Cathy, a bit...”

“French tart?” I offered.

“I wouldn’t have said that exactly.”

“You can if you like.”

“Oh alright then.”

“See, I haven’t dissolved into tears.”

She walked right up to me and sniffed again. “It’s not coming from you at all.”

“No, it’s Tom’s aftershave, Julie bought it for him even though I suggested it wasn’t a good idea.”

“But he’s got a beard?”

“I had noticed.”

“But that would be like a man buying a bra.”

“Dunno about that, I’ve known one or two who wore bras but never grew boobs, they just used them for holding their padding in place.”

“Ugh–fancy finding dirt socks in someone’s bra.” Jenny cringed as she said it.

“Most of them kept their girly stuff in very good condition, it was the boy clothes they treated like rubbish.”

“How do you know about all that?”

“I thought you knew about my past?”

“Yeah, I knew you were called by a boy’s name before but I just never think it was anything but the wrong name–I mean, no one would ever think you’d been a boy would they?”

“I don’t know, it has happened.”

“They must have been able to see something I can’t, because to me you look exactly like a natural woman and a pretty one. Oh did I tell you my bloke fancies you?”

“No–I’m all ears.” I stopped my ironing.

“He watched my copy of the dormouse film while I was making some dinner one night–he asked, who the babe was who presented it? I told him it was my current boss. He then said you were very attractive.”

“I can’t believe he said that, being a jolly jack tar, I suppose he said, I wouldn’t kick her out of bed, or something similar.”

“Actually that’s exactly what he said,” she blushed a lovely shade of crimson.

“You were just translating.”

“Yeah, sort of.”

“He was probably trying to make you feel guilty so he could have his wicked way with you.”

“It worked, I did and so did he.”

“You did and so did he? Explain if you would, I think the baby has finally sucked my brains out through my nipples.”

“I did feel guilty and he did get his wicked way.”

“Ah, now it makes sense. When is he next at home?”

“For a few days in February.”

“Remind me nearer the time and you’ll have to bring him for dinner, providing he can cope with six pairs of X-ray eyes.”

“Thank you, that would be nice, then he can see why I enjoy working for you.”

“You enjoy it–are you mad? Or are we paying you too much?”

She blushed again, “No, everyone here is so nice and the pay is quite good too. But the kids are pleasant and mostly polite and they always do what I ask them to do.”
I walked to the front door and looked at the number on the door, then came back in. “What’re you doing?” she asked smiling uncertainly.

“Just checking I was in the right house.”

“Oh, Cathy, they are good kids–none are perfect but they’re closer to it than most I’ve met.”

“So it’s just the adults who are a pain then?”

“No, you’re all sweet too. Tom is a darling, he’ll help anyone...”

“Anyone in a short skirt, the same could be said of Simon.”

“Yes he’s helpful, too and so well mannered.”

“Of course he is, he spent about twelve years in private schools having them beaten into him, plus Henry is very suave and sophisticated, so he had a good teacher. Henry could charm the paper off the walls.”

“I prefer Professor Agnew, he’s just so nice.”

“Daddy, is one of the last natural gentlemen.”

“So is he your father? I thought your maiden name was Watts?”

“He’s my adoptive father–he sort of adopted me when I had troubles with my birth father.”

“Gosh, so what does your birth father think of that?”

“He’s dead so it isn’t an issue.”

“I’m sorry–say if I’m prying too much.”

“It’s okay, we were reconciled before he died, but we did have our problems. He liked Tom, thought he was a gentleman and didn’t appear to be jealous at all. In fact the couple of times they met he was suitably impressed and they liked each other. He also liked Simon, once he’d come to terms with the child he thought was his son was engaged to another man.”

“To a man, not another man. I said earlier, there is no way you were ever a boy or a man, just a girl in boy’s clothes.”

“When we went for custody of the children, the barrister we had suggested–that contrary to the aspersions being cast by the social services who were trying to stop me–I wasn’t so much transgendered as a woman with a plumbing problem. I can’t remember quite what he said, but it was very clever and made me feel good as well as impressing the judge, who actually agreed with him. But, it was Trish who stole the day, she followed him into his chambers and asked him to sanction her staying with us as well as Meems.”

“So you had Mima first?”

“Yes, in fact each of the children we’ve acquired have been progressively older.”

“Oh–am I too old to qualify?” she laughed.

“Yes, you’ve finished full time education.”

“Oh poo, if I was to start a course, how about then?”

“Sorry, the previous rule would apply, plus the fact that Simon would probably kill me if I tried to foster anyone else.”

“But he’s so nice, I’m sure he wouldn’t.”

“Even nice people have their thresholds–just try to avoid crossing them.”