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(aka Bike) Part 1231 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad
All Rights Reserved. |
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I didn’t sleep much at all, so was surprised to see Simon and Trish still zonked on the bed together when I went in to collect some clothes. I dressed and slipped downstairs. It was only six o’clock but my brain had gone back into worry mode and I wouldn’t sleep any more anyway.
I was making tea for myself when Tom came in with Kiki, he’d been for a walk and it was peeing down, the dog was wet and I shouted at her when she jumped up on me. Tom told me off and I burst into tears. He led me to the table put my tea in front of me, told me to stay put and took the dog away to be dried off.
He returned some ten minutes later made himself some coffee and sat opposite me. “Are ye goin’ tae tell me whit’s goin’ on?”
“Not just yet, Daddy, but I will as soon as I can.”
“Ye look as if ye’ve bin awake hauf thae nicht?”
“I probably have.”
“It’s no a problem wi’ Simon?”
“No–nothing like that.”
“Guid, now stop greetin’ an’ hae some breakfast.”
He rose from the table and went to his study, I sat there and drank my tea–I’m sure there is some as yet undiscovered drug in tea that transforms the drinker into a much happier being with a more optimistic viewpoint. I had another but sadly it didn’t make me feel twice as good.
At seven, I was almost drifting off to sleep but my mobile ringing woke me up. “Hello?” I said almost sleepily.
“I haven’t woken you up, have I?”
“No, Steph, I was just yawning.”
“So what’s the big drama which required me calling you asap?”
“Hang on,” I got up and shut the kitchen door: “Trish casually dropped that she had been raped while at the home by the same boy who pushed her down the stairs.”
“She what? Why hasn’t she mentioned this before?”
“She said she didn’t have the words for it and that it had happened several times.”
“How did she say it?”
“Very matter of fact. I called the manager of the home and she’s coming to see me about ten.”
“Don’t let her near Trish until I’ve seen her, Trish that is. Bugger; my diary is full–put the kettle on, I’m on my way over. If I get bags under my eyes I’m gonna sue you.”
Stephanie arrived about forty five minutes later, “What’s for breakfast?”
I made her scrambled eggs on toast and lashings of coffee–she doesn’t drink it as strong as Tom does, but stronger than Simon has it. Talking of whom, he appeared just as I was pouring a mug of coffee for Steph.
“Where’s Trish?” I asked.
“Having a wash and putting some clothes on.” He glanced up the drive, “What car have you got now, Steph?”
“That’s an MX5.”
“A girly sports car?”
“Ooh, get her,” she laughed, “yours is hardly a Ferrari, is it?”
“I’m thinking of an Aston, but since I got the Cayenne for Cathy, can’t afford it.”
“Oh poor little banker boy,” she sighed and patted his knee.
“Absolutely, my bonus is going to be down this year to under ten million.”
“Ten million?” she gasped and Simon roared with laughter.
“Some shrink you are–told you a deliberate lie and you swallowed it because of all the prejudice you have against bankers.”
“Rubbish, I’m not prejudiced, one of my best friend’s husband is a banker and I don’t hold it against her.”
“You have friends?” asked Simon sarcastically.
“Of course, I’m a shrink not a psychopath or a banker.”
“Hello Trish,” I said loudly enough for them to realise we had company.
She replied with something which may have been ‘Hello, Mummy,’ but she yawned as she started it.
“Darling, Dr Stephanie has come specially to see you.”
“Oh,” replied Trish, “Hello, Dr Stephanie.”
“Good morning, Trish, how are you this morning?”
“Okay,” yawned Trish, “Daddy snores.”
“You slept with your daddy, last night?”
“He slept, I didn’t much,” she yawned again.
Stephanie smiled, “One of the downsides of being female, Trish, we end up with men who snore and fart.”
“Do you mind, you female chauvinists, but one of the gentler sex is here,” complained Simon and Stephanie choked on her coffee.
Trish had some cereal and fruit juice and then cleaned her teeth before she and Stephanie went into the dining room.
“I have no idea what the bill will be for this,” I said to Simon.
“That’s okay, what does she usually charge us?”
“That’s the problem, she hasn’t so far.”
“She’s never sent us an account for any of the sessions she’s done for the girls?”
“Not yet, anyway.”
“How many has she done?”
“Loads, she sees Julie most weeks, Trish once a month–until now, and Billie once a fortnight.”
“Jeez-uz, perhaps I’d better speak to her–though that might remind her to bill us, hmmm, why is life so full of complications?”
“Si, stop thinking like a banker and start thinking like a worried father.”
“I was.”
“Sorry, for a moment I thought you were in danger of becoming human.”
“Thanks, Cathy, I sit with the troubled soul all night so you could get some sleep and this is my reward.”
“I’m sorry, I am grateful for what you do, including last night. Did she say anything else about last night?”
“Nope and I wasn’t encouraging any new cans of worms to be opened.”
“I wonder how she’s getting on with Stephanie?”
“All will be revealed shortly.” Simon poured himself some more coffee and I cleared the table of dirty dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Billie, Livvie and Meems came down followed by Julie and Danny.
For the next half an hour I was busy with sorting out the immediate needs of my other children. “Whose is the Mazda?” asked Danny.
“Stephanie’s, why?” I answered.
“Who’s she seeing this time?” He looked round the table, “Where’s Trish? Oh–okay.”
The others were finishing breakfast when Trish emerged and went to the table. She’d been crying but seemed well enough at the moment. “Okay, Trish?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m okay–can I make some tea for Dr Stephanie, oh and she wants to see you.”
“Si, could you make the tea?”
“Coming up,” he said switching on the kettle.
“Can you do me one, too?”
“I’m nothing but taken for granted in this bloody place.” He grumbled but got another mug off the rack.
“Can you do me one, Daddy?” called Julie.
“Why aren’t you in work?” he replied.
“I’m going as soon as I’ve had some tea–hint, hint.”
I walked into the dining room, “Tea’s on its way.”
“Yeah, thanks. We’ll wait until it comes and then chat.”
“Fine,” I agreed.
The tea arrived and I shut the door. Stephanie told me that she thought Trish was telling the truth and that she seemed quite undisturbed by it. I asked if that was usual, and she shrugged her shoulders and said, “Sometimes, but if it hasn’t upset her too much, then I don’t want anyone poking about and changing that. She seemed to think it was her lot in life to be molested and bullied because she was different.”
“Poor lamb, but I know how she feels–I was the same.”
“Yes, but after she came to live with this wonder woman, she calls Mummy, she’s learned different and she wouldn’t allow it to happen again.”
“That’s good isn’t it?”
“Yes and no. She knows she’s bright so I do worry if she might one day detach herself from the rest of us and become very cynical and controlling. If she grows up to be very pretty as well, she could be a veritable man eater, destroying them for sport. So she needs to bond with Tom and Simon and even her other granddad...”
“Henry,” I offered.
“Yeah, him as well, to learn that men aren’t all bastards like that little shit in the home and that some are really nice, so she doesn’t need to become an avenger. She needs to find someone she loves and settle down with them.”
“Do you need to see Nora?”
“Yeah, I want to find out how much they know about this little shit and where he is now–if he’s still there, I want to know what they’re doing about it, or is he still abusing?”
“She’ll be here soon.”
“Good.”
“Oh Simon’s worried about not receiving any accounts from you–thinks it’s going to break the bank.”
“I’ll stick it on the slate–don’t worry for the moment, unless I start to fancy a Ferrari.”
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Comments
At least Trish has a decent
At least Trish has a decent shrink. Maybe they can help her to grow to be a caring human being, working together. She is smart, and seems mostly together. Maybe more than most. Given Julie's history, wonder how she will react to Trish's news?
CaroL
CaroL
It looks as if...
...there's a nice little confrontation in store, between Nora Cunningham and Dr Stephanie Cauldwell. No doubt the Camerons will get dragged into it, since if Nora becomes offensive, she's going to try to berate Cathy for involving others contrary to her instructions. As other commentators have suggested, recording of that meeting could be useful.
I wonder whether it would be worth letting Nora think that Cathy has followed those instructions, while enabling Stephanie et al. to listen to that conversation... but perhaps not. After all, they might want to keep Trish out of any disputes.
Thanks A+B+I (Breakfast): still loving this series, particularly the dialogue.
Psychological Stuff
Bike Resources
Bike Resources
Strictly speaking...
Cathy isn't going against instructions for inviting Stephanie.
a) she can always claim she called Stephanie first,
b) Cathy's specific question to Nora was "Do I need to call the police or social services?", to which Nora responded "Don't do anything except comfort her until I arrive." At no point was calling a child psychologist mentioned.
c) Stephanie's a useful neutral party. As she hasn't billed Cathy and Si for her services, she could theoretically be regarded as an independent medical opinion, rather than someone in the employ of C&S.
Nora probably won't like Stephanie being there, because she'll be able to spot very quickly if Nora attempts to persuade Trish to claim she made it all up. Besides which, for fairly obvious (but not strictly professional) reasons, I don't think she told Cathy much in the way of background info on Billie and Danny either before or after she agreed to house them - she only found out from the children themselves, both in terms of what they said about each other and Danny's psychotheraputical BLH session. So no doubt, left to her own devices, she'd keep the allegation of abuse quiet, as it would make it much harder to seek an adoption placement for BB.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
A very worrisome deal
child abuse is always a very tough subject and certainly raises the blood pressure quickly to troublesome degree. In first instance my reaction was very similar to most of the commenters, find the little bastard and give him what for.. But then I thought: What if the little bugger has been buggered himself, and has become buggerer from having been the buggeree?
It's not something any young pre-teen boy suddenly (?) invents all by himself, by contemplating his 'equipment' and imagining it's improper use all alone. Not likely. More likely he has been introduced to this kind of abuse earlier on, and is now sadly propagating it, to lighten his burden? To share the pain? Because he's not properly handled and taught himself?
I am not trying to excuse this behaviour, far from it, I utterly detest child abuse, but the accused himself is barely a teen now, is my guess. So it seems to me there is more to it than just this case of abuse from an overbearing older youth of young Trish.
Hard but good writing, Angharad. Thank you.
Jo-Anne
So why.
So why do some abused kids become abusers and others don't. From where I came from I can't entirely accept your premise Jo-Anne. Not because I feel you're wrong or anything but because I cant seem to reach any conclusion.
Can a kid read about abuse and then make the connection because he is predisposed to bullying?
Can evil have a genetic factor or does it always have to stem from nurture?
I have to confess I'm biased and prejudiced. Psychiatrists seem to get it so wrong, so often I'm hard pressed to believe any of their conclusions. Nature or nurture; nurture or nature, where does one cause end and the other begin?
And yes Angharad, it can take years for the effects of abuse to surface then it might 'disappear' again only to surface again for a hundred and one different reasons. And sometimes it doesn't seem to hurt then other times (sometimes years apart,) it starts to rear it's ugly head and tears you apart.
As I wrote in Skipper. Those who have been abused might go through the rest of their lives wondering if they are susceptible to becoming an abuser. Every time I got angry with my kids I would end up lying in bed wondering if my shouting at them amounted to mental abuse. I know that the shouts from the wardens terrified me but then they as often as not followed up with violence.
I hit my daughter once while on a canal holiday and it still rankles me. It was an open handed slap accross the face for swearing at me. She was thirteen and there were six witnesses. I felt like shit for the rest of the holiday.
I actually felt jealous of her cos she seemed to have had a decent family life; - the best that I thought I could provide anyway. That day her swearing at me caused me to snap. She just seemed so ungrateful. It was her seeming ingratitude that hurt me not her bad language. Once in thirty two years and yet it still bothers me. However, she still chooses to live with us at home so maybe she doesn't seem threatened. I don't know.
I've never hit my son.
Good chapter Angie. Much food for thought.
Beverly.
Growing old disgracefully.
Bev, we were both abused. You more than I.
I have asked myself many times why one passes it on and another does not. In the throws of my own breakdown, I saw, "Silence Of The Lambs", and worried that I could become like that. My shrink, of course laughed when I voiced my fears.
I think that I have discovered part of the reason that some pass it on and some do not. I think that it may simply be in our genetics. Here is a very interesting site, and the mans work is extremely accepted in legitimate scientific circles. One person told me that it is the basis of Linguistics. http://npatraits.homestead.com/index.html I took the test and the results explained to me why I am such a mild and submissive person; unless I get pissed off. LOL http://npatraits.homestead.com/comptype.html
So, most of us just do not have it in us to hurt others.
Much peace
Khadijah
I can only speak for myself
My therapist told me something very early on when we began dealing with what my uncle did. I asked her, since I wanted so badly to see my family redeemed, "What happened that I never did anything, that I never wanted to do anything?" The shame even of being a victim overwhelms me even now. My uncle and my grandfather; we don't even know if Joann and I were the only ones who were hurt; I have five female cousins who stayed at my uncle's home at one time or another. I was at my lowest point of my life. Her reply was, "You never had it in you to hurt anyone."
I don't know why, but I do know, certainly from the statistics, that the overwhelming majority of survivors never offended anyone. Grace of God? Nurturing? Who knows. I was never nurtured, and received so much of the horribly twisted attention, and yet here I am...and everyone else here that I know who survived never would even think of hurting anyone. Like you said, dear heart, most of us don't have it in us.
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
I'd like to answer this Beverly
but I really can't.
My questioning whether Ben Bowditch was as much a victim as a perpetrator, wasn't meant to take away blame for his actions, but much more to ponder aloud about maybe there's more to it than this solitary case of abuse. Cathy could well be on her way to expose more than a 'simple' children's rape case.
Why do some people evolve into appalling behaviour, and others from the same background, family even, do not. It's a question sociology and psychiatry is wrestling with for over a century, and still they haven't reached a conclusive answer.
I think psychiatry and sociology get too much credit for disciplines still so young. Every day we learn more about the complexity of us humans, and just now they seem to gain insight that it is NOT a case of nurture or nature, but nurture as well as nature. Circumstances AND genes.
Gradually psychiatry and sociology will grow in knowledge and understanding, and consecutively in importance. But for now I am inclined to not take too much notion of what they have to say, and trust my instincts and intellect. Mind: I said intellect, not intelligence.
I am sorry you feel such guilt for the few acts of violence you expressed, and your worry about becoming an abuser. I'd like to take that away, and assure you, that even the worry and conflicting emotions about yourself becoming what you hate most, should be a sure sign that such is not likely.
But then I am sure you'd have thought about that already, and even if you hadn't, it doesn't undo what you shame yourself for or prevent future worrying. And that saddens me, because I feel it's not necessary.
I don't think the -very- occasional slap or few spanking blows to the posterior make you, or anyone, an abuser. It's the consequent and structural abuse that paints one a lowlife that should be locked away, never to be released. These are the animals, whether by nurture or by nature, but they are damaged and unsafe.
Jo-Anne
And this is why I never took up Police work.
I am afraid I would be out making sure some of these people never offended again. Sorry, I am just too much of a Mom to let it pass.
Khadijah
Given Nora's reaction to
Given Nora's reaction to Cathy's news regarding Trish, I am wondering if this was not "news" in the sense that Nora knows of other instances with other children in the home and/or is simply trying to keep everything quiet because it will cause her and the home to lose out by closure of the home. I do believe Stephanie being there first and hearing from Cathy and Trish about what has happened and now being able to sit in and hearing what Nora might say or tell Cathy will be of great benefit to Cathy and Simon plus to Trish. If any of this becomes knowledge to the other children, I certainly see the "wagons being circled around Trish" in support of her and what she has gone through.
Ferrari
With everything else that goes on in this episode. I needed the break that the comment about the Ferrari makes.
Instead of the original line, "Whose is the Ferrari?"
Good to see Trish getting the support she needs
and feel very sorry for Nora if she doesn't walk a very straight and narrow path.
Bike pt 1231
I get the idea that there will be a shake up at the orphanage from this.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
I consider my councilor
a good friend, and I'm pretty sure she does about me. If it weren't for professional considerations we would see each other informally. I suppose it is inevitable.
Let's see how this goes
I'd rather the Aston better in English weather, don't you know.
Interesting therapist is Stephanie, too bad there aren't more like her.
Karen