I took a deep breath as I peered out of the window of the car and onto the passing landscape. The hills were covered in snow and the glass was starting to fog from my hot breath. Autumn had come and gone and my older sister Lily some twenty months late had decided to finally take me out to the movies. I'd been in something of a melancholy mood all week. Sulking some would say, pouting others would say. Brooding was another word for it I guess.
It was funny, it was almost Christmas and the whole world seemed to be filled with so much joy, and yet all I could do was feel a sense of emptiness deep inside of me. My mom had of course noticed this, and had chalked it up to me going through some teenage phase. Dad figured it was a side effect of the hormones being pumped into me to transform me from being a boy to a girl. A transformation that while it was a resounding success was still an ongoing process.
I mean it was hard to believe that twenty months ago I'd been a shy, scared, and frightened boy named James Potter. In twenty months I'd somehow managed to turn my life around. Now five months shy of my sixteenth bird I appeared to be your average high school girl. No trace of me ever being a boy remained. Heck I'd even earned a place on the cheerleading squad.
“Hey, a penny for your thoughts?” My older sister Lily said as she shifted her eyes from the road toward me. “Cause by the looks of things girl, you're either composing a poem or you've fall into another one of your sulking spells.”
“Just thinking.” I said, sighing as I peered out at the snow covered hills. We'd been driving now for a good forty or so minutes. It was only twenty seven miles from Benton to Madison but the two lane road that connected the two was in need of repair and repaving. Plus one had to cross about a dozen bridges. And with Mississippi enduring a rare winter snow storm, Lily was taking it slow.
“About?” Lily pressed her attack.
“About being a girl, that's all.” I said, closing my eyes. “And about prom, about turning sixteen in a few months. About maybe getting married and having kids. You know, wondering if with me being what I am if Ben and I would ever get a normal life. You know two kids and a dog, a nice house and a white picket fence.”
Lily giggled a little as she shifted her gaze back toward the road.
“Take my advice. Don't think about that stuff. You're what, fifteen now? And about to celebrate your sixteenth birthday? Let me give you advice. You don't need to worry about that stuff. Your biggest concerns right now should be getting you diploma and trying to study for the ACT test. Trust me that test is going to wear you out. Three and a half hours of intense thinking.. man I'm glad I only took it once. Robin took the thing three times till she was happy with her score.” Lily said.
I nodded my head. Everything she was saying to me made sense. And it was sound advice. But right now it seemed like I was walking in a fog and no matter what direction I turned, I seemed to be going in the wrong direction. Other times it seemed I was going in the right direction, but the process was slow.
“I guess. I'm feeling a bit lost right now.”
“Sister, let me give you some advice. Nobody in the history of the world has ever figured out this life stuff. We just gotta live it each day you know. Taking the good with the bad, taking it in stride you know.”
At this moment Lily paused. Maybe to collect her thoughts before she decided to push on.
“I'm going to give you an example. Okay like a lot of people say you need to have your life figured out by time you finish high school. So you can get a degree in something that you love, have a long successful career and stuff. And for women it's like we gotta get married by the time we've finished college, we gotta have at least one kid nine months after the wedding and a second one nine months after the first one..” Lily's voice started to trail a bit. “It dumb really.”
I nodded my head a little going along with the cadence of Lily's voice. I could tell my older sister was starting to muse a little as she often did when we were alone. Lily was a fountain of sisterly wisdom. That was the major plus of being a girl, other girls would offer you advice on being a girl. I mean you had magazines that gave you relationship tips, tips on how to get a boyfriend, how to keep a boyfriend, how to apply make-up, what to wear, what not to wear. Guys kind of had to figure that stuff out on their own and often stumbled, tripped and fell doing so.
“I guess,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Since I'd discovered I was supposed to be Jamie instead of James, I've been dealing with stuff that really made me think. I mean, sure I'm a cheerleader and one of the popular kids at school. But lately I've been getting the cold shoulder from some of the guys at school. And some of the teachers are getting on my nerves too.” I said pausing.
“Like our new science teacher is very.. very.. fundamentalist. Like she went off the rails and ranted and raved for a good hour when she heard a rumor that there was a boy on the cheerleading squad. One of those silly freshmen had started that rumor.. I mean.... I don't know, she a steadfast Republican too..”
Lily blinked and blinked again.
“How in the world did you come across that bit of information?” She asked as she slowed down a little. Full darkness had fallen and the deer were out. In Mississippi its common for deer to commit ritual suicide by jumping in front of passing cars. Somehow the dark recesses of my mind conjured up the mental images of these deer warriors undertaking suicide missions by jumping in front of passing cars, much like a kamikaze pilot would.. In order to avenge their fallen brothers taken in the annual hunting seasons.
“She told us. Like her first day she boasted that she was a proud Republican and that she firmly believed in creation and that science supports creation.. and that if you believed in evolution you would not pass her class.” I added. “She also started to rail about the fact that our school had a token pagan and a transgender one at that.”
“Oh boy..” Lilly said with a long whistle. “She sounds like a character.”
“Oh wait it gets better. One day she was doing a uniform inspection. You know, making sure us girl's had not shortened the length of our skirts, making sure the boy's had their shirttails in and stuff. Anyway she ran across Cerridwen who had a few pins stuck to her school satchel. One of those happen the trans pride flag pin and another was the LGBTQ+ pin, and finally the last was one a pin of the Welsh Flag.”
“Okay the first two make sense considering your group of friends. But what with the Welsh Flag?”Lily asked. “And remind me who Cerridwen is?” She added as she sped up a little.
I decided to remind her who Cerridwen was first before going into further detail.
“Cerridwen, that petite raven haired girl that volunteered for the dunking booth the Halloween before last to help raise money for the anime club. She was the shy girl who showed up in the old Benton Academy Cheerleader's uniform. Her mom owns and runs Pandora's Family Hair Salon downtown.” I said before adding. “She is often seen hanging around mom and dad's shop. You know the girl that wears those really earthly colors, green, brown, and sometimes blue? Often wears a black cloak around her shoulders with a silver pentagram clasp.”
Lily blinked.
“Oh yes! Now I know who you're talking about. Cerridwen Whitethorn. Token Pagan in all Christian Academy, local green witch in training, mom runs the local Coven. Her dad work's shift work down at Yazoo Chemical while his wife runs a family business that she hopes to pass onto her daughter.” Lily said.
“Right. Anyway Mrs. Republican Science teacher wanted to know why she had a trans pride flag pin, pinned to her satchel and a LGBTQ+ flag pin too. And of course the Welsh flag since she is in America.” I said, taking a deep breath. “Now Cerridwen is something of a firecracker. And while she is a really sweet girl she can get really fired up. And sometimes her mouth can really run away with her.”
“Like a certain blonde hair, blue eyed girl I know.” Lily said, teasing a little. She was cruising along at a comfortable thirty five miles a hour. At that rate we should reach Madison just before the dinner hour. Which was good, considering Lily was taking me out to Bonsai Japanese Steak House, an hibachi restaurant that was a favorite of the family.
“Right!” I said blushing as Lily teased me. “Anyway, back to the story. Cerridwen just rolled her shoulders and in a casual manner explained to the teacher that she was a trans girl, thus the trans pride flag pin. She also informed the teacher that a few of the students of Benton Academy fell under the LGBTQ+ banner and she wore that pin to show them that she was a friend. And the Welsh flag was to show she was proud of her heritage as a Welsh-American. And that her name, Cerridwen was a name that was also found in Welsh mythology.”
Lily let out another long whistle.
“That should have been the end of that, you know. Mrs. Republican Science teacher could have moved on and left the whole thing alone. Instead she ordered Cerridwen to remove her pins. Because they broke some school rules. Cerridwen said that she would indeed remove them if the boy next to her removed his MAGA cap.”
“MAGA?” Lily asked, her eyes were firmly glued to the road. And I don't blame her, we'd just crossed into the outskirts of Madison. Already I was starting to notice an increase of traffic on the road.
“Make America Great Again..” I said my voice trailing a little.
“Oh..” Lily said. “I take it Mrs. Republican Science teacher blew a fuse when she heard that?” Lily added.
“She freaked out. She demanded that Cerridwen remove her pins and said she found nothing offensive about the cap. Cerridwen then refused saying and these are her words not mind. 'If some ding-bat from the trailer parks can wear a hate that offends me to the core, and is a symbol of hate that goes against everything I believe in. A hat that promotes nothing but hate.. then I feel I can wear my pins that tell the world that I accept people who are different and go against the grain.' Cerridwen can be eloquent when she wants to be. One reason why I believe she should run for student council.” I said. I then decided to add in the last juice bit of her retort. “I mean.. I kind of hope that one day I'm going to wake up and read on Twat Forty that orange face has returned home.. to the New York Zoo.”
Lily let out another long whistle.
“Boy she is a firecracker. But the girl has moxie. I like that.”
“Yep in the end Mrs. Republican Science teacher stormed away, saying she did not have time to swap words with kids. And Cerridwen got to keep her pins and the boy kept his MAGA hat. It's going to be fun watching those tie in to it next year when Cerridwen has to take her class. Cerridwen gets excellent grades in science so ya.”
“Next year's your Junior year right?”
“Yep and you're going to be a Senior I think?”
“Time sure is flying by.” Lily said and that was the last thing she really said. Halfway through our conversation we pasted a sign that read. “Madison” with the words “Corporation Limits” on bottom. We were officially in the township of Madison. And you could tell by the amount of traffic and the way people zoomed past us. I knew it would take all of Lily's skill and experience as a driver to navigate the often confusing maze of streets, dead ends, and side roads that made up the metro area. And I sat back as Lily did her best, swearing once or twice under her breath.
At first it seemed Lily had gotten herself hopelessly lost. But half an hour later we found ourselves standing in the parking lot of Bonsai Japanese Steak House. I could almost taste the fresh fried rice, grilled shrimp, steak, and Miso Soup.
End of Chapter One
