Why is the Robotic Weasel On Fire?!

Have you ever given thought to those people who work in fast food places? Like what kind of life choices has driven them to work at say a McDonalds or Sonic or at Moonshine's Pizza Emporium. Well to answer your question, people like me. People who are still in school, and trying saving up money for college. My name is Rebecca Coleman, I'm seventeen and I'm working as a part time shift leader down at Moonshine's Pizza Emporium kind of a cheap knock off of Chuck E. Cheese.

Moonshine's mascot is a weasel, the weasel is named Moonshine. Whole pizza place is themed around Moonshine and his band of furry woodland creatures. The moment you walk into this place is the moment you just feel unclean. The carpet is always wet and always smells like mold.  And in some places they are very sticky because of past spills of soda. The bathrooms are never, I mean never ever cleaned properly and always smell like day old piss and rotten shit.  The smell of old pizza, greasy foods, dirty socks hangs thick in the air. And trust me, you do not want to go near the ball pit for the love of God stay away from the ball pit. 

Now my story takes place a few days before Christmas. My family, my mom and my dad, I'm the only child, had to drive up to Memphis to get my grandmother and grandfather on my dad's side. And well they were stuck up there for a few days. Why were they stuck? Because Mother Nature decided to drop sixteen inches of snow and nobody in the south can drive in the snow. 

Anyway, I had nothing better to do with my time, since my mom's family hated me. Well, they did not hate me, they just wished I'll not come around them. In short they wanted mom and dad to spend Christmas with them, but kind of wanted me to stay away, you know maybe all of a sudden come down with the seasonal flu or a nasty cold. Or better yet, catch Covid-19! Give them a valid reason not to set a place for me at the dinner table. God I love my mom's family so much. With family like that, who in the fuck needs enemies. 

So like I was saying mom and dad, grandmother and grandfather were trapped in Memphis. Mom's large extended family wanted nothing to do with me. So I volunteered for some extra shifts, cause you know, why not. It's not like I had anything better to do besides sit at home, eat ice cream and watch sappy anime movies. Plus prom was coming up and I needed money for my prom dress?

Oh did I forget to mention this before I'm kind of in the middle of a bunch of personal BS in my life. Kind of caught in vise grips of gender dysphoria and nobody can seem to help me? I'm not sure if I'm transgender or not, I've only read a lot of stuff about it online and what I've read has left me with more questions than answers. Anyway to escape my personal problems I decided to bury them by working as much overtime as possible! 

Like I said it was a few days before Christmas. Well, really it was the day before Christmas Eve and Moonshine's was packed with people. I mean you honestly could not hear yourself think, children were screaming, screaming like little demons released from the pits of hell, like screaming at the top of their lungs? Why were they screaming because they were hyped up on soda and filled with greasy, day old pizza.  And well, we were short staffed, just me and the cook, his name was Gonzo. 

Gonzo was this kind of greasy, unshaven, unwashed hobo that we just plucked off the streets, and told him to fix some pizza for like nine dollars an hour. Most of the time Gonzo speaks in a short series of grunts and growls. He also smells to high heavens. Anyway Gonzo was the cook and I was the cashier, token exchange girl and also the girl that trades those little paper tickets for pizzas. In short Gonzo handled the back of the house and I handled the front of the house.

Anyway, it was cold, and snow was falling. The place was filled with people, and the pizza was coming out cold, stone cold, like really cold, like the cheese was not even melted on the shit! And people were bitching at me, I was trying my best not to bitch at Gonzo cause the poor guy was clearly depressed and the holidays were taking a huge emotional toll on him. So I did what I could to smooth things over, mostly just taking off the pizza's from the tickets and shoveling over a bucket full of brass tokens for the games.

Anyway I forgot to mention there was somebody else there. A girl named Alice who was about three years older than me, she was also bigger than me, and also hated me. Alice was doing nothing but complaining about what random robots were saying about us on FaceBook and how reviews on Google were mostly shit. Anyway Alice was no help at all and was only adding to my grief because she refused to stop texting. 

“Alice could you please stop texting!” I cried out as I peered out at the crowded room. The room was filled with people, each person seemed to be shouting at the top of their lungs. I could feel a headache starting to come over me and all I wanted to do was sit down or better yet, clock out and go home!

“Fuck you girl!” She said, “Oh sorry! Fuck you bruh!” 

I blinked.

“You see, unlike some people, I have a social life. I have a boyfriend, and right now I'm texting my boyfriend. I mean, you would do it if you had a boyfriend..” She paused and then smiled. “Oh that right? You don't have a boyfriend because you're not a girl? You're just a pretend girl!” 

I blinked again and took a deep breath.

“I could write you up for that.” I said, taking a deep breath. “I should write you up for that! I really should send you home for that!” I said feeling my grasp on my emotions starting to slip. “But..”

“But what!” Alice snapped. “Afraid something is going to happen to your ass. Bitch please, you could write me up, you could send me home. But then I would just tell my boyfriend that you're being mean to me and he would get some of his friends to come pay you a little visit.” Alice snickered. “I bet a slut like you would enjoy it, these are real men.” 

At this point job be damned I was about to jump across the counter and slap some sense into that little hussy! I wanted so badly. I wanted to just reach out and wrap my fingers around my neck and strangle the little loud mouth bitch and then maybe slap those teeth out of her mouth. But at this point in time Gonzo showed up and just peered at us.

“Hey! Rebecca!” He said. “Moonshine is smoking..” Gonzo then paused. “Like, not that kind of smoking, but like there's smoke coming from inside of him and he is starting to shake. Should I unplug him or something?” 

At this point Alice shook her head and slipped her phone into her purse and then clocked out.

“And just where do you think you're going?” I said trying my best to sound like a shift leader. I fell flat on my face and well Alice just looked at me and smiled.

“Oh it's Christmas Eve Eve. And unlike you and the pizza guy there, I have people waiting on me. People who love me, who care for me, who will spoil me. You and the pizza guy have nobody, maybe each other. Anyway, I'm gone and you Mr. Shift Leader can deal with whatever is going on with that thing. Cause, as far as I'm concerned my shift is over.”

And with that Alice pushed past me. Leaving me to stand there and ponder the words of Gonzo alone, that Moonshine our Robotic Weasel  was having a giant meltdown out there and none of us knew how to handle it. I sighed. I hoped prom would be worth all this headache. 

“Gonzo.” I said, taking a deep breath.

“Yes ma'am.” He said looking at me like an owl would look at a mouse or a bigger owl.

“Hold down the front counter. I'm going to go tend to Moonshine.” I said crossing myself. And with that I left, I felt like I was riding out to meet the lord of Mordor or something. Finally after picking my way through the crowd I stumbled upon Moonshine who like Gonzo said was twitching, singing off key and was indeed sparking with small plumes of gray colored smoke that started rising up into the air from the cracks in the metal plating. 

“HOWDY KIDDO'S!” The thing yelled in a thick, Southern Accent. “I”m MOONSHINE the talking Weasel! I'm going to sing you a song about THE SOUTH LAND!” If there is a God, then he has turned his face away from us and has shunned us for making such a foul creature. 

It was at that moment I smelled burning plastic, and so using the end of a wooden broom handle I somehow manged to unplug Moonshine. I felt like a monster as I watched the last traces of life vanish from it's eyes and it's high pitched voice thick with an over the top southern accent die. 

All the kids stopped and turned toward me. 

“Sorry Kids, Moonshine needs a nap..” I said.. “But in the meantime! You guys each get twenty tokens to go play as many games as you want! Just go see Mr. Gonzo at the front desk and tell him Ms. Coleman said you guys can get the tokens!” 

At this moment I took a deep breath, and started to walk toward the kitchen. Now the route to the kitchen would take me by the front desk or as we called it 'The Prize Station' . As I passed it, I noticed that Gonzo was curled up under the desk, and I also noticed a dozen or so sacks of brass tokens laying on the floor. The floor was littered with these tokens that spilled out from the sacks. For a moment I was reminded of a scene from that old Disney Movie 'Treasure Planet' or something. Anyway there must have been a thousand or so tokens laying on the floor. At twenty five cents each that was close to two hundred and fifty dollars just laying there. Oh well.. I was already in overtime.

“Hey I'm on my fifteen minute break!!” I said as I pushed into the kitchen. Without thinking I reached over got one of the plastic cups, filled it with cubed ice, and went over to the drink machine and filled it up with ice cold coke-cola and then because I felt like I had a fever coming on I reached into purse pulled out two Tylenol and popped them and washed them down with cola. I then eased down into a chair and took a deep breath.

“Fuck my life.” I said sucking down the cold cola like it was Gentleman Southern.

It was one my second or third cup of coke-cola that I decided in a fit of madness to reach over and pick up a nearby pen and a scrap piece of paper. Pushing the button on the top of the pen down, I smiled and on top I wrote the following. 'Rebecca's New Year's Resolutions!'. 

A small smile came across my face, smiling. I added my first item '1) Go to Prom! With a strapless, pastel blue prom dress' and then I added my second item '2) Start HRT as soon as possible' and then I added my third item '3) Talk to somebody about being Transgender and get help!' and the fourth and final item, the one that made me tear up a little '4) Be true to yourself no matter what others think!' and then after a little afterthought I added '5) Find a better job!'. And then I decided to go for broke and added one more item to my list '6) Have fun and make some great memories! Remember you only get one shot at this living thing!'

List completed. I smiled and folded that tiny sheet of paper up and stuck it into my pocket. Sure New Years was maybe a few days away. But at least now I had some goals to work toward. It was then Gonzo came busting into the scene.

“Hey! Moonshine on fire!” He said, taking a deep breath.

I blinked.

“MOONSHINE IS ON FIRE!”

I blinked.

“Why is the Roboticmusic making a weasel on fire?” I asked.

Gonzo just looked at me.

“Some kid wanted to hear something like a  song and so I plugged it up. And then it caught on fire, and like it's on fire now, and it's burning and people are screaming and like.. I think some dude just walked off with like three thousand tickets worth of prizes. And I tried to call the police, but like the phones are dead, and like.. I don't have a phone.”

I blinked.

“Okay...” I said my voice trailing a little.

“And like fire is spreading to the other woodland creatures”

At that moment I decided to do what any shift leader should do. I decided to help myself to another coke-cola, and then another and then another, four coca-cola's later, I was feeling slightly better, my fever was starting to retreat and I felt ready to handle whatever madness awaited me. And so gathering up my courage I left the safety of the break room and headed toward the showroom floor. That is the place where all the kiddos gather to eat pizza and listen to Moonshine and his woodland friends sing robotic sounding folk songs that never fail to offend me.

Well, it took about three minutes to reach the showroom. And what I saw scared the living hell out of me. Moonshine the robotic singing weasel was on fire. Its fake fur was on fire, his oversized head a blazing ball of blueish and orange flame. The oversize cartoonish eyes were melting and running down it's chest. In short there was no saving Moonshine.

But then it got better, the fire started to spread from Moonshine to the other robotic singing animals. That shared the stage with him were also on fire, Missy, a fawn that was dressed up in a sack dress was being roasted, her blonde pigtails were on fire and her body was twitching around in a horrible, almost supernatural way. Her voice box had gone haywire and her normal, high pitched southern female accent now seemed like she was screaming at the top of her lungs for death to take her.

Johnny Reb, an owl dressed in a tattered Confederate Uniform was laying on the ground, totally engulfed by flames. Not that I'm complaining or anything.. I was kind of glad to see him go. I always found that character creepy as fuck. And last but not least we  had Muck the Duck.. who was supposed to be the manager of the band.

In short I knew that there was nothing I could do. So I sunk to my knees and lifted my head toward the heavens as the orange and yellow flames flickered around me, this was more than I volunteered for, more than I asked for at at that moment I felt I was utterly powerless to do more than just leer toward the hellish scene unfolding in front of me. Then a moment of clarity.. 

“Everybody out!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. “Everybody out! Were closing for the night!” I shouted. A mad rush followed as I ushered the remaining customers out the main door and into the freezing night air. And that is that so to speak. That night should have broken me, heck it broke Gonzo who used his last check to catch the bus to Texas where I think he was hired to work on a ranch? I don't know, I'm just friends with him on Facebook and sometimes he'll post pictures of him riding on a horse or something.

But like I was saying it should have broken me, I mean I'd come within an inch of being roasted alive. Instead it showed me how finite human frailty is. And that every breath I take could very well be the last one I ever take. That kind of made those things I jotted down in the break room right before the shit hit the fan seem well more like things I needed to work on than lofty goals.  

And so I thought it is not the way I want to end this story, it's the way I feel I must end this story. I had a list of goals for the upcoming year. Goals that I knew I could meet if I just put my mind to it. And so I vowed to be the best me I could in the coming year.. and yes Moonshine's was closed down and is now a Pawn and Gun shop.