Heather's Pie Wash Misadventure
A Heather Delilah Soenksen Story

Noelle Edmond's 'Saturday Evening Entertainment Hour' was the newest hit program on Mississippi's PBS block. The show is a variety show that airs on Saturday evenings from around seven to nine. The two hour block is filled from start to finish with musical performances from local talent. Interviews with local celebrities, and of course stunts. The show is famous for randomly picking people out of the studio audience and drafting them into taking part in some kind of game or stunt.

Those who were picked out of the studio audience would be invited to come down and take part in a contest or physical challenge. Nine times out of ten they would be pitted against somebody else who had been pulled from the audience. A small prize, normally a five hundred dollar Visa gift would be rewarded  to the winner, with the loser being to any number of strange contraptions. Being sent to one of these contraptions always seemed to ensure the loser would end up getting messy and I mean I mean very messy.

But none of that was on my mind as I walked onto the stage. I was thinking of how I would spend my prize money. You see, a few days ago I filled out all the forums to appear on the show. It seemed Gwendoline, who was now my legal guardian following a fight with my mom and dad  about something I don't plan on going into here. Anyway, the very idea that I would get messy was a million miles away, I was only focused on how I was going to spend my prize money as I walked onto the stage.

I'm not going to lie to you, I was a little self conscious. You see, I'd chosen to wear a very revealing bunny girl cosplay for the show. The costume was a strapless faux leather bodysuit that hugged the curves of my body and pushed up my developing breasts to make them appear bigger than they were. A black bow tie and white cuffs with golden buttons. And of course a pair of black shoes. And let's not forget a pair of black bunny ears.

And the crowd loved it! The air was filled with cat calls, wolf whistles, cheers and clapping. I was a little embarrassed at all the attention I was getting. Oh and the reason I was cosplaying as a bunny girl, well number one it was iconic and number two it was homage to my latest obsession Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai. A Japanese light novel series that has just been translated into English. The series was penned by Hajime Kamoshida and illustrated by Keji Mizoguchi. And I had fallen head over heels in love with it.

“Now, playing our first game of the night we have the lovely Heather Delilah Soenksen.” The Hostess Noelle called out as she spotted me walking across the stage. A big smile that showed her picture perfect teeth flashed out over the crowd. “And I can't believe my eyes that she wearing a bunny girl suit!” She said blushing as she fell over laughing.

I forced myself to smile as I waved to the crowd who once more went wild. The air was filled with the sounds of hands being clapped together, of loud whistles, of yells that sounded like recordings of the famous “Rebel Yells” I've heard in Civil War audio collections.

“Okay guys settle down! Settle down!” Noelle said with a smile as she moved toward me. “So. Heather, Heather, Heather.. such a daring  costume choice! A bunny girl suit, can you tell me why you decided to wear one, when you know there is a chance you might end up getting sent to either the Pie Wash, the Pie Pod, or the Gunge Tank!”
I felt myself starting to blush.

“Well for one, I don't plan on going to either of those! And two because in the opening scene of my favorite anime Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai. The main female character Mai Sakurajima  wears a bunny girl costume to get noticed by people!”  I answered.

“Something tells me you're going to get noticed a lot wearing something like that. I hope it will come clean in the wash.” Noelle said. “Anyway, before we go on. I do have one question for you. Would you like to give a shout out to somebody? A special boy maybe? A possible crush? Thirty million people are watching right now, with thirty million watching online!” Teased Noelle.

I knew Noelle was teasing. I doubt there were thirty million people in the whole region this show was being broadcast too. I really do. But I knew most of my classmates would be watching and most of my hometown would be watching. So I took a deep breath and as Noelle held the microphone up to me, I said in a loud, clear voice.

“I'd like to give a shout out to Brian Fields of Benton Academy! Brian if your watching I want you to know the moon in my night sky!” I called out into the microphone. The crowd roared with approval and Noelle looked highly amused at what she had just seen. As she moved the microphone away from me she said.

“I hope he's watching right now.” Noelle mused as she smirked a little. “Anyway it's time to start our game. Okay Heather, here is what is going to happen. We are going to ask you fifteen questions. For each question you get right you will earn yourself fifty dollars. But if you get three questions wrong, then I'm afraid you'll take a trip to the pie wash. Now, since you're cosplaying as Mai Sakurajima and according to the questioner you know and I quote 'Everything, and I mean everything about Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai' end quote. All of our questions will be based on that!”   
 
“Okay!” I said.

“Now trust me, we've fact checked everything. All of the answers to these questions can be found within the series. My team of skilled researchers have also only drawn from the light novels. Not the manga adaptation, the anime adaptation, or the movie.” Noelle said. So, “Heather, are you ready to play?” She asked me with a smirk.

“I think so!” I said blushing as I peered toward the cameraman who was zooming in on me.

“Good, now your first question. In the first book, the main female character Mai Sakurajima, a teenage celebrity who is also a high school senior suffers from what fictional ailment?” Noelle said as she peered toward me. 

I bit down upon my lip as I could feel the pressure of the crowd looking down at me. I should have known the answer to this question. But my mind was drawing a total blank! But then something licked. And taking a deep breath I said.

“Mai Sakurajima suffers from the fictional ailment called 'Puberty syndrome'!” I called out.

“You are correct! And that earns you fifty dollars!” Noelle cried out. “Okay moving on to the next question. Trust me,  When Mai Sakurajima first encountered fellow classmate Sakuta Azusagawa she was wearing what iconic outfit?” Noelle asked.

“A Bunnygirl outfit!” I cried out as I pumped my fist into the air.

“Correct. That brings you up to a hundred dollars. That should cover the dry cleaning cost of your costume. Next question. Sakuta Azusagawa first encounters Mai Sakurajima in a...” Noelle leveled her eyes at me.

“Sakuta Azusagawa first encounters Mai Sakurajima in a library!” I said smiling.

“Correct again. That brings you up to one hundred and fifty dollars total! Now the questions are going to get a bit harder. But if you're a true fan of the series, you will no doubt get them. Now, can you name the city that the light novel is set in?”

I blinked and shrugged my shoulders. But then I decided to take a guess.

“I think the city is named Fujisawa?” I said.

“And you are correct, bringing your total to two hundred dollars! Man if this keeps up I doubt you'll even come within an inch of the Pie Wash!” Noelle said as she moved right along to the next question.

“Okay next question!” 

“Mai Sakurajima has a half sister. Who is also an idol. Can you name her half sister?” Noelle said with a grin.

“I.. don't know..” I said blushing as I looked away.
 
“Wrong, the answer we were looking for is Nodoka Toyahama! That is your first wrong answer. Two more and I'm afraid I'll have to send them to the Pie Wash!” Noelle said with a small smile.

I felt my cheeks fill with color as I nodded my head. I made a silent vow to get the rest of the questions right.

“Okay! Next question! Nodoka Toyahama is the focal character of the forth light novel, Nodoka is also Mai's half-sister and a member of an idol group. She swapped bodies with Mai due to her "what?” Noelle asked as she peered toward me.

“I...”

“Time up! She switched bodies with Mai due to her inferiority complex! That's the second question you've gotten wrong and that means you're one step closer to the pie pod! Were just six questions in and your already within a hairs breath of going to the Pie Wash.. The odds are not in your favor. Hopefully, you can win some more more money before you take that long walk across the stage.” 

I blushed and nodded my head.

“I hope so.” I said.
“Anyway let's keep going. Finish this sentence for me, 'Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai was written by'?”

“Hajime Kamoshida!” I yelled out at the top of my lungs.

Noelle smiled and turned to face the crowd. “She is correct! I'm afraid. But that was an easy question. You could say I just gave you that question because I find you charming and I don't want you to  be sent away without getting a little more prize money. Anyway, that question means you get another fifty dollars.”

I smiled a little and then Noelle cleared her throat again and was still smiling.

“Okay again I want you to finish this sentence. 'Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai was illustrated by'?” Noelle peered at smiling from one ear to the other.

“Kenji Mizoguchi!” I shouted again.

“Again she is correct. That should cover the cost of her cosplay.” Noelle said, smirking a little as she peered toward me a little. The crowd roared with laughter. “I mean come on guys! We can't have her walk away empty handed can?” Noelle said as she turned the crowd who once more roared with approval. 

“Okay again, finish this sentence. 'Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai is published in the United States by?'”  Noelle said grinning.

“Yen Press!” I shouted again.

“You are correct again. Meaning right now you have three hundred and fifty dollars in prize money awaiting you and two strikes against you. With six questions remaining, how are you feeling?”

“Pretty good!” I shouted a little. “Sure one more strike and I'm out. But I've made a pretty impressive comeback so far! I'm sure my luck will hold!” I said, smirking a little a little as I peered toward the camera. I also breathed a silent prayer to whatever God or Goddess might take pity on my soul to lend their divine aid too.

“Okay this next question is pretty tough. So I'll double the money from fifty to a hundred dollars. But if you get it wrong. Not only would you take a strike, but I'll add a little a something extra for your maiden trip to the Pie Wash. Okay can you name the High School the characters of Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai attend?”

“Minegahara High!” I shouted. For some reason I knew the answer, I did not even have to think about about it.

“And you are correct again! Man this girl is on fire. That brings your total to four hundred and fifty dollars! Wow a new record! Girl you really must be a fan. Anyway moving right along. This is another tricky question. So I'll double the prize money again. Again if you get this question wrong. Not only would you take a strike, but I'll add something a bit extra..”

I nodded my head.
“Rio Futaba is the sole member of what club at Minegahara High?”

“Science Club!” I shouted again as I pumped my fist into the air.

“And you are correct! Talk about a comeback, a few minutes ago you were almost in the Pie Wash now you are four questions away from winning the game and you are rocking around five hundred and fifty dollars! I think I need to put my the person in charge of writing these questions in the Pie Wash, your getting to many correct!” Noelle said, shaking her head from one side to the other. “Okay now, returning to Rio Futaba.. What year is she in in the first novel?” 

“Second year!” I shouted.

“And you are correct again...meaning your total is now six hundred dollars! Wow. I don't think we ever expected to get such a die hard fan on this show. Anyway, Next question. Can you name the prefecture that the story is set in?”

I blinked and blinked again.

“I...”

“You have thirty seconds.” Noelle said, smirking a little.

“I..” I was just about to say something when a loud buzzing sound filled the air.

“And times up!” And the answer was “Kanagawa Prefecture! And that is your third missed question. Meaning you're going to the Pie Wash! But..” Noelle smiled as she walked over and took her hand into mine. “I want you to know that you set a record today! And you're not leaving the studio empty handed either. Not only will I give you six hundred dollars. But I will throw in a copy of the movie Rascal Does Not Dream of a Dreaming Girl! As a parting gift!”

The crowd once again roared! 

“But first a trip to the pie wash is waiting for you!”

And with that I was pulled across the stage. A few minutes later two women who appeared to be in their mid twenties took me by the arm. Both had brown hair, and both wore orange jumpsuits. Smiling, they guided me into a strange booth. In the middle of the booth was a chair that seemed fixed to the floor, it was one of those spinning chairs that you often see in offices. Above the chair one would see three hoses sticking out.

The women helped me up and once I was seated they strapped me in. Once I was strapped in. They stepped back and grinned and gave the thumbs up to Noelle. 

“Okay! Now that Heather is strapped in. We are going to give her fifteen turns! On the count of three folks, one, two and three!” 

For a moment I had no idea what would happen. Then something flashed and the chair started to turn. As the chair started to turn a steady stream of cold, creamy liquid came gushing out of the pipes above my head.
A shrill scream escaped my lips as the creamy liquid came raining down on me. Coating my shoulders, my legs, and even my hair. And because I was strapped in, there was no way I could move around and avoid the torrent. The thick cream seemed to coat my body. The milky smell filled my nose and soon I felt the front of my outfit filling up. The cups of my bunny suit seemed to be filling with the thin liquid.

“Oh! I hope that bunny suit can hold up! This is supposed to be a PG 13 show after all. We don't want to have wardrobe malfunctions on our hands now do we!” Noelle said grinning, “And for those who don't know, our famous Pie Wash is one of the many machines we use here on the Noel Entertainment Hour!” Noelle said grinning.

The crowd once more roared with approval. I thought I kept turning around and around and around. Each turn more and more of the thick, heavy cream seemed to come rolling down. Soon I was coated from the top of my head to the end of my toes in the thick, creamy mixture that seemed to be shooting out from the hoses. And it did not seem to be stopping either! 

Seconds turned to minutes and soon I was coated and I mean coated. I looked like a girl sized human snowman or should I say snowwoman? I could feel the cold cream working its way down into my suit and down into the bottom of my shoes. The loud roar of the crowd made me flush a dark crimson red and at last the chair I was strapped down too stopped moving.

“Heather! That was amazing,” Noelle said as she walked up to me, I was still seated. And I was still blushing. Noelle though just smiled as she pushed the microphone into my face.

“How do you feel?”

“Sticky!” I cried as I felt my cheeks flush red again.

“No doubt you've just been washed in fifteen gallons of cream! Anyway you have been an amazing sport. We'll let you sit in the 'Pie Wash' for a few minutes then one of my stagehands will unbuckle you and take you around back to get hosed off. And then I'll give you the prize money and the other other prizes later on in the show.” Noelle said as she walked away.

Leaving me to stew in the cream. And that is how another one of my misadventures comes to an end. Oh how my life has changed since I decided to become Heather. For good or for ill it's going to be one hell of a rollercoaster.

The End.