I took a deep breath as I peered out of the window of the car and onto the passing landscape. The hills were covered in snow and the glass was starting to fog from my hot breath. Autumn had come and gone and my older sister Lily some twenty months late had decided to finally take me out to the movies. I'd been in something of a melancholy mood all week. Sulking some would say, pouting others would say. Brooding was another word for it I guess.
It was funny, it was almost Christmas and the whole world seemed to be filled with so much joy, and yet all I could do was feel a sense of emptiness deep inside of me. My mom had of course noticed this, and had chalked it up to me going through some teenage phase. Dad figured it was a side effect of the hormones being pumped into me to transform me from being a boy to a girl. A transformation that while it was a resounding success was still an ongoing process.
I mean it was hard to believe that twenty months ago I'd been a shy, scared, and frightened boy named James Potter. In twenty months I'd somehow managed to turn my life around. Now five months shy of my sixteenth bird I appeared to be your average high school girl. No trace of me ever being a boy remained. Heck I'd even earned a place on the cheerleading squad.
“Hey, a penny for your thoughts?” My older sister Lily said as she shifted her eyes from the road toward me. “Cause by the looks of things girl, you're either composing a poem or you've fall into another one of your sulking spells.”
“Just thinking.” I said, sighing as I peered out at the snow covered hills. We'd been driving now for a good forty or so minutes. It was only twenty seven miles from Benton to Madison but the two lane road that connected the two was in need of repair and repaving. Plus one had to cross about a dozen bridges. And with Mississippi enduring a rare winter snow storm, Lily was taking it slow.
“About?” Lily pressed her attack.
“About being a girl, that's all.” I said, closing my eyes. “And about prom, about turning sixteen in a few months. About maybe getting married and having kids. You know, wondering if with me being what I am if Ben and I would ever get a normal life. You know two kids and a dog, a nice house and a white picket fence.”
Lily giggled a little as she shifted her gaze back toward the road.
“Take my advice. Don't think about that stuff. You're what, fifteen now? And about to celebrate your sixteenth birthday? Let me give you advice. You don't need to worry about that stuff. Your biggest concerns right now should be getting you diploma and trying to study for the ACT test. Trust me that test is going to wear you out. Three and a half hours of intense thinking.. man I'm glad I only took it once. Robin took the thing three times till she was happy with her score.” Lily said.
I nodded my head. Everything she was saying to me made sense. And it was sound advice. But right now it seemed like I was walking in a fog and no matter what direction I turned, I seemed to be going in the wrong direction. Other times it seemed I was going in the right direction, but the process was slow.
“I guess. I'm feeling a bit lost right now.”
“Sister, let me give you some advice. Nobody in the history of the world has ever figured out this life stuff. We just gotta live it each day you know. Taking the good with the bad, taking it in stride you know.”
At this moment Lily paused. Maybe to collect her thoughts before she decided to push on.
“I'm going to give you an example. Okay like a lot of people say you need to have your life figured out by time you finish high school. So you can get a degree in something that you love, have a long successful career and stuff. And for women it's like we gotta get married by the time we've finished college, we gotta have at least one kid nine months after the wedding and a second one nine months after the first one..” Lily's voice started to trail a bit. “It dumb really.”
I nodded my head a little going along with the cadence of Lily's voice. I could tell my older sister was starting to muse a little as she often did when we were alone. Lily was a fountain of sisterly wisdom. That was the major plus of being a girl, other girls would offer you advice on being a girl. I mean you had magazines that gave you relationship tips, tips on how to get a boyfriend, how to keep a boyfriend, how to apply make-up, what to wear, what not to wear. Guys kind of had to figure that stuff out on their own and often stumbled, tripped and fell doing so.
“I guess,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Since I'd discovered I was supposed to be Jamie instead of James, I've been dealing with stuff that really made me think. I mean, sure I'm a cheerleader and one of the popular kids at school. But lately I've been getting the cold shoulder from some of the guys at school. And some of the teachers are getting on my nerves too.” I said pausing.
“Like our new science teacher is very.. very.. fundamentalist. Like she went off the rails and ranted and raved for a good hour when she heard a rumor that there was a boy on the cheerleading squad. One of those silly freshmen had started that rumor.. I mean.... I don't know, she a steadfast Republican too..”
Lily blinked and blinked again.
“How in the world did you come across that bit of information?” She asked as she slowed down a little. Full darkness had fallen and the deer were out. In Mississippi its common for deer to commit ritual suicide by jumping in front of passing cars. Somehow the dark recesses of my mind conjured up the mental images of these deer warriors undertaking suicide missions by jumping in front of passing cars, much like a kamikaze pilot would.. In order to avenge their fallen brothers taken in the annual hunting seasons.
“She told us. Like her first day she boasted that she was a proud Republican and that she firmly believed in creation and that science supports creation.. and that if you believed in evolution you would not pass her class.” I added. “She also started to rail about the fact that our school had a token pagan and a transgender one at that.”
“Oh boy..” Lilly said with a long whistle. “She sounds like a character.”
“Oh wait it gets better. One day she was doing a uniform inspection. You know, making sure us girl's had not shortened the length of our skirts, making sure the boy's had their shirttails in and stuff. Anyway she ran across Cerridwen who had a few pins stuck to her school satchel. One of those happen the trans pride flag pin and another was the LGBTQ+ pin, and finally the last was one a pin of the Welsh Flag.”
“Okay the first two make sense considering your group of friends. But what with the Welsh Flag?”Lily asked. “And remind me who Cerridwen is?” She added as she sped up a little.
I decided to remind her who Cerridwen was first before going into further detail.
“Cerridwen, that petite raven haired girl that volunteered for the dunking booth the Halloween before last to help raise money for the anime club. She was the shy girl who showed up in the old Benton Academy Cheerleader's uniform. Her mom owns and runs Pandora's Family Hair Salon downtown.” I said before adding. “She is often seen hanging around mom and dad's shop. You know the girl that wears those really earthly colors, green, brown, and sometimes blue? Often wears a black cloak around her shoulders with a silver pentagram clasp.”
Lily blinked.
“Oh yes! Now I know who you're talking about. Cerridwen Whitethorn. Token Pagan in all Christian Academy, local green witch in training, mom runs the local Coven. Her dad work's shift work down at Yazoo Chemical while his wife runs a family business that she hopes to pass onto her daughter.” Lily said.
“Right. Anyway Mrs. Republican Science teacher wanted to know why she had a trans pride flag pin, pinned to her satchel and a LGBTQ+ flag pin too. And of course the Welsh flag since she is in America.” I said, taking a deep breath. “Now Cerridwen is something of a firecracker. And while she is a really sweet girl she can get really fired up. And sometimes her mouth can really run away with her.”
“Like a certain blonde hair, blue eyed girl I know.” Lily said, teasing a little. She was cruising along at a comfortable thirty five miles a hour. At that rate we should reach Madison just before the dinner hour. Which was good, considering Lily was taking me out to Bonsai Japanese Steak House, an hibachi restaurant that was a favorite of the family.
“Right!” I said blushing as Lily teased me. “Anyway, back to the story. Cerridwen just rolled her shoulders and in a casual manner explained to the teacher that she was a trans girl, thus the trans pride flag pin. She also informed the teacher that a few of the students of Benton Academy fell under the LGBTQ+ banner and she wore that pin to show them that she was a friend. And the Welsh flag was to show she was proud of her heritage as a Welsh-American. And that her name, Cerridwen was a name that was also found in Welsh mythology.”
Lily let out another long whistle.
“That should have been the end of that, you know. Mrs. Republican Science teacher could have moved on and left the whole thing alone. Instead she ordered Cerridwen to remove her pins. Because they broke some school rules. Cerridwen said that she would indeed remove them if the boy next to her removed his MAGA cap.”
“MAGA?” Lily asked, her eyes were firmly glued to the road. And I don't blame her, we'd just crossed into the outskirts of Madison. Already I was starting to notice an increase of traffic on the road.
“Make America Great Again..” I said my voice trailing a little.
“Oh..” Lily said. “I take it Mrs. Republican Science teacher blew a fuse when she heard that?” Lily added.
“She freaked out. She demanded that Cerridwen remove her pins and said she found nothing offensive about the cap. Cerridwen then refused saying and these are her words not mind. 'If some ding-bat from the trailer parks can wear a hate that offends me to the core, and is a symbol of hate that goes against everything I believe in. A hat that promotes nothing but hate.. then I feel I can wear my pins that tell the world that I accept people who are different and go against the grain.' Cerridwen can be eloquent when she wants to be. One reason why I believe she should run for student council.” I said. I then decided to add in the last juice bit of her retort. “I mean.. I kind of hope that one day I'm going to wake up and read on Twat Forty that orange face has returned home.. to the New York Zoo.”
Lily let out another long whistle.
“Boy she is a firecracker. But the girl has moxie. I like that.”
“Yep in the end Mrs. Republican Science teacher stormed away, saying she did not have time to swap words with kids. And Cerridwen got to keep her pins and the boy kept his MAGA hat. It's going to be fun watching those tie in to it next year when Cerridwen has to take her class. Cerridwen gets excellent grades in science so ya.”
“Next year's your Junior year right?”
“Yep and you're going to be a Senior I think?”
“Time sure is flying by.” Lily said and that was the last thing she really said. Halfway through our conversation we pasted a sign that read. “Madison” with the words “Corporation Limits” on bottom. We were officially in the township of Madison. And you could tell by the amount of traffic and the way people zoomed past us. I knew it would take all of Lily's skill and experience as a driver to navigate the often confusing maze of streets, dead ends, and side roads that made up the metro area. And I sat back as Lily did her best, swearing once or twice under her breath.
At first it seemed Lily had gotten herself hopelessly lost. But half an hour later we found ourselves standing in the parking lot of Bonsai Japanese Steak House. I could almost taste the fresh fried rice, grilled shrimp, steak, and Miso Soup.
End of Chapter One
Dinner was amazing. Fresh fried rice, grilled shrimp, grilled scallops, and even a grilled lobster tail. Both Lily and I love our seafood. And so we both ordered the house special, The Geisha Seafood Special. A huge meal that included fried rice, soup, salad, grilled shrimp, grilled scallops and a grilled lobster tail. I ordered double fried rice, because I just love the fried rice from here. And double soup. Lily ordered a double salad because according to her, she was watching her weight. I really think it's just because she is part rabbit.
I mean, I understand being a cheerleader you have to watch what you eat. But cheering is hard work, and it really takes a lot out of you. You need to keep some fuel in the tank if you're going to cheer your heart out. And rabbit food as me and my dad would say, just does not come close to cutting the mustard. And the show, let me tell you about the show.
Getting Hibachi is like going to a circus and getting a gourmet meal at the same time. The Chief does all these wonderful acrobats with his tools. And really neat tricks like tossing the eggs for the fried rice into the air and cracking them in mid flight. It's something alright and for a girl from the sticks like me, it's a real treat. You just can't experience things like that in rural Benton. Not that Benton's rural, it's more like a small, yet thriving village, that is on the verge of becoming a thriving city. But still the closest thing we have to Hibachi in Benton is Chinese One Buffet and Hibachi grill.
Oh and did I mention that everything is prepared table side too! So you know your food is going to be hot and fresh and it tastes amazing too. I've always admired the Japanese and since the age of twelve I've fallen in love with their culture. And of course, I love Japanese animation, often just called anime, and manga too. So my inner Japanophile side was on cloud nine the whole time. Anyway, once our food was fixed. Lily and I muttered a quick prayer, being hard boiled Episcopalian girls that we were neither of us would even consider sitting down to meal without saying the blessing.
Grace said, we attacked our piles of food before it started too cool. A peaceful silence fell between us. Halfway through the meal though the silence was broken. Broken of course by Lily.
“So.” She said between mouthfuls of fried rice. “Somebody is going to have a birthday soon. And a pretty big birthday too. A sweet sixteen birthday.” She said, smiling toward me.
I blushed a little and said nothing, I only kept shoveling that wonderfully seasoned and hot fried rice into my mouth. It felt like I was in heaven. I'd passed the first fifteen years of my life without really giving the anniversary of my birth much thought. Why should my sixteenth matter so much?
“Just another birthday and another day.” I said blushing.
“Oh don't be so cynical Jamie!” Lily scolded. “It's a huge milestone for you. The sixteenth birthday is a big deal for us girls. It marks the passage into womanhood. Like remember a year or so ago about when you were confirmed into Episcopal Church, again with your new name? Its like that.” She said smiling.
I blinked.
“Plus. It means something to me, I'm your older sister, and it means something to me. And plus your also my cheer-sister, that also means something to me.” Lily said blushing.
“Okay..” I paused and placed my fork down. “Then tell me what makes my sixteenth year of cursing this earth with my life so special?”
Lily rolled her eyes. And placed her own fork down.
“Okay first off, it means you've become a young woman. Second it means you can learn how to drive and you can get your learner's permit. And start driving on your own. As your older sister, I'll have a hand in helping you learn that skill. Just like I helped you learn how to dress like a girl, act like a girl and carry yourself like a girl, apply make-up, and plenty of other stuff.” She said smiling.
“Plus it means you'll be invited to the annual Debutante Ball held each spring at the Elk's Club. That's a big thing.” Lily said as she resumed attacking her rice, before pecking off a few fried shrimp and a few chunks of lobster.
“Debutante Ball?” I said blinking.
“Yep. The Potter Family is one of the oldest families in Benton. Not to brag or anything but along with a few other leading families we form something of the aristocracy of Benton. We can trace our lineage all the way back to the founding of the town. Heck Benton was once called Hannah's Landing and it was named after Hannah Potter and the first mayor of the town was her husband. William Potter, that is how we are connected to the Bell family in Vicksburg. Hannah maiden name was Hannah Bell before she married William Potter who was a pretty well to do merchant in Vicksburg.” Lily said, nodding her fork as she talked.
I blinked and blinked again.
“Okay then.. and what does all that gotta do with some fancy ball?”
“It's tradition. The oldest, wealthier families have always celebrated their daughters coming of age with a Debutante ball. And you get to invite all your friends, and their boyfriends too. And your cheerleading friends, you get to wear a fancy gown and get all pampered and just treated like a princess for a night. There is always plenty of food, plenty of music and it always makes the paper.” Lily added.
I nodded my head.
“Kind of reminds me of Homecoming.” I said blushing as I started to recall the events of that night. It was a magical night for me, one that really made me. I mean in one afternoon I went from being a shy little teenage boy named James, whom most of the world had forgotten to the shy, awkward, yet alluring younger sister of Lily Elizabeth Potter, the most popular girl in school.
“Its kind of like Homecoming, only a lot more formal. Like in Homecoming most guys could get away with wearing just a nice pair of slacks, a nice button down shirt, a tie, and a jacket. But here, all the guys are going to be suited up in tuxedos. At Homecoming most of the food was just causal food, I mean baked or broiled chicken parts, seasoned with I guess salt, pepper, and a dab of lemon juice. At the ball it's all super rich like a standing rib roast or something. At Homecoming, we had punch, pops and bottles of water. At this dance, its wine, ice cold champagne, and mineral water.” Lily said, before renewing her assault on the steaming pile of fried rice in front of her.
I nodded my head again and turned my attention toward my own mountain of fried rice.
“Don't worry kiddo.” Lily said, smiling. “Turning sixteen is again a big thing for us girls. It's like the age we can get married and learn how to drive. And all kinds of good stuff. And your birthday party will be a small private affair. Just mom, dad, I, and a few close friends. It means a lot for mom too. You'll understand when you have a daughter of your own someday.”
I dropped my fork and all eyes turned toward me. Swallowing my food I leaned over and whispered into Lily's ears.
“Lily..” I hissed. “You know I can't have children! You know I'm still recovering from that operation.” I said pointing with my index finger to my nether region.
Lily rolled her eyes.
“Oh stop being such a drama queen about that. I know plenty of girls that can't have children. And plenty of them were born females. Not every woman can carry a child and few can carry a child to full term. A lot of women lose their children in the birthing process.” Lily said as she finished off her fried rice and started to scoop up the last few shrimp and bits and pieces of lobster.
“Once you and Ben are married, and settled down. I'm sure you'll adopt a child. Even when you were a boy you had a very kind and caring side about you. Like you played with my old dolls and stuff and even tried to nurse one..” Lily said, blinking. “I think you saw something about breastfeeding on the Discovery Channel and you tried to mimic it. It was weird, I think that's when Mom and Dad first knew you were different.”
“.. LILY!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. The whole table then turned around and peered at me. At that very moment I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole. “You're embarrassing me!” I added in a slightly lower tone of voice.
“The older sister is supposed to embarrass the young one by bringing up stuff they did when they were younger. It's a sacred duty entrusted to all older sisters. One that we've been charged with since Eve bite into that apple in the garden.” Lily said, smiling a mirthless smile.
“Oh?” I said pouting as I started to pick the last few pieces of lobster from my plate. “And younger sisters have also been charged with a sacred duty, entrusted to us since the earth was formed from dust to pester the older sister and make her blush and such!” I said I would do my best to counter her teasing in my own way. I even tried to mimic her mirthless smile.
Lily closed her eyes.
“Lord.” Said closing her eyes. “I hope I get married before you. Because I see you being that little sister who makes my wedding the talk of the town. No telling what kind of trouble you'll get into. Going to scare my poor husband off before the honey moon girl.” She paused. “And I'll just find it amusing. Because if my future husband can't deal with your antics then how in the world can he deal with my future daughters' antics. Mischief you know runs in the Potter blood.”
“But yes, sixteen big. You can finally get to play Ariel in the yearly production of 'The Little Mermaid' since it's considered a pretty big role. Man I still remember twelve year old wanting to play Ariel. It was.. it was cute. And you were almost in tears when Mrs. Shoemaker had to break the news that boys could not play Ariel. Since it was a role only open for girls, and plus you were not old enough yet.”
I took a deep breath.
“I remember that. I kind of tried to block that out. I mean it was..” I paused. “I try not to remember anything that happen before I decided to become Jamie. As I consider those my wasted years.” I added with a hint of bitterness.
Lily closed her eyes and smiled a little.
“No Jamie, those were not wasted years. Those were your growing years. Something tells me you'd wrestled with being Jamie for a long time. A very long time. It was a personal struggle, one that you overcame with your own inner strength. Just remember a person's gender does not define them. A person's character is what defines them.”
And with that we finished our meal. Lily of course paid for everything and then we started toward the cinema.
I'll never stop being amazed at how urban Madison is when compared to Benton. It was an apples to oranges type of thing. The cinema we went to was located in one of the newer sections of town called “Highland Colony '' and it just took my breath away. The floors were marble; the employees all wore these velvet red suits with a row of big, brass buttons going down the middle. In the center there was a fountain that sprayed cool water in all directions. I felt like I was in New York City instead of semi rural Mississippi. I mean I felt like I should be wearing a formal gown instead of just my casual clothing.
“Jamie.” I heard my sister say as she peered over at me as she walked inside. “Try not to act like Susie Sally came to the city for the first time in her life.” And with that we strolled right on in.
End Chapter 2
The movie was amazing, the animation amazing, the story touching. In short 'From Up on Poppy Hill' made me nostalgic for a time I've never experienced. It was tinged with sadness, heartache, and the pains of growing up. A window into a world in transition. And like Mr. Hayao Miyazaki's movies it was sure to become a classic as the years rolled on by. Lily even found herself getting swept up in the story line, and that's pretty amazing since she has never been the biggest anime fan.
But then again she always enjoyed Studio Ghibli Films. Of course, during the movie we seemed to have cleaned out one popcorn machine. I'm always amazed how much popcorn my sister and I can consume in one hour and a half movie. Enough to fill the hull of the Mayflower I'm sure. With enough coke-cola to float the thing. That's on top of the huge meal we had before dinner. Once the movie had ended we decided to skip ice-cream and head straight home. We were stuffed to the gills and it was getting late. It was pushing ten when he finally hit the highway.
For a while we traveled in silence, each one of us reflecting on the events of the day. Then Lily broke the silence.
“Hey.” She said, taking a deep breath. “Sorry it took so long to make this happen. I know I promised you a movie date way back when you were a freshman. And here you are, halfway through your sophomore year. Hard to believe it's been nearly a year and a half now.” She said keeping her eyes on the road.
“Seems like only yesterday, but it also seems like a lifetime ago.” I said, peering out the window. “So much has happened. A lot of it was good, and a lot of it was bad. A lot of things happen, you know. I mean people have really started to accept me now.” I paused and placed my open palm on the window.
“A penny for your thoughts?” Lily said, smiling as she looked over.
“Just thinking about the future. I'm thinking about attending Holmes Community College once I finish at Benton Academy. I really feel this calling to be a nurse you know. And Holmes is close, it's also pretty friendly to people like me. And well a degree from there will not break the bank if you catch my drift.” I said trying to put all the confusing emotions I was feeling into words.
Lily nodded her head. I'm glad she had the good grace to just sit back and listen for a while.
“I also want to keep being a cheerleader. And a cheerleader scholarship could really help cover the bills. But I'm not sure how the other girls would feel about having somebody like me on the squad.” I said in a low tone of voice. “I mean the cheerleader's at Benton Academy accept me for who I am. And heck, Even Rebecca, that brunette girl that replaced Linda as co-captain and will be captain next year as even promised to make me co-captain.” I'm aware that I'm starting to ramble on here.
“Then you will be captain. And then you will decide on who will be your co-captain.” Lily said as she took a deep breath. “And really Jamie. I don't see a problem with it, you've put a lot of hard work into becoming the perfect cheerleader. We've pushed you hard, yes, but that's because we wanted you to succeed.” Lily paused. “I mean, you've pushed yourself too. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink after all.”
“I guess.” I said, sighing a little. “Man being a girl is harder than I thought.” I said, taking a deep breath.
Lily only smiled.
“Living is hard.” She said after a moment of silence. “Always remember that Jamie. But like dad used to say 'When things get tough the tough get going' and if anything you're a pretty tough cookie.” She said smirking a little as she said that. “I mean, when life has knocked you down, you've gotten back up and kept on swigging. Even when we thought life had you down for the count, you got back up and kept on fighting. So I'm proud of you.”
I felt my tears starting to mist a little.
“But take my advice.” Lily said, taking a deep breath. “Don't rush things, I'm going to sound like mom a little now, but you're just fifteen. You have plenty of time to fall in love, get married, get a degree, go to dances. I know you've fallen head over heels in love with Ben. But just remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just be sure if you're going to give your heart and soul to him. That he's the one. I know he was your first, but remember to keep the doors open.”
I shifted my gaze toward Lily and took a deep breath. Lily for the most part had only offered me bits and pieces of advice when it came to how I handled my boyfriend, his older sister on the other hand seemed to hover around us. Every time I went over to his house she would sit across from me, her arms folded across her chest and under her breast. I could tell she was watching me, heck she even had a rule how many times I could kiss the boy. I'm sure she'll skin and boil me alive if she ever found out that he and I had done the deed one night in a hayloft on the Brewer Farm.
“No.” Lily said as she looked over and saw the look I was giving her. “No, I'm not going to tell you how to handle your boyfriend. I'm just going to say this. At fifteen most girls have gone through some major breakups. I was fourteen when I had my first boyfriend and truly thought that he and I were going to get married one day in a big Episcopal Cathedral.” Lily paused. “We met at a church camp one summer. He attended St. Andrew's Episcopal School in Jackson where he was a star football player. And me, being the star, upcoming cheerleader at Benton Academy. It just seemed like we were meant for each other. We hung out a lot.. we texted each other everyday. I mean I got in so much trouble because I would check my phone for new text and get angry when he took more than a hour or so to respond to me. Looking back, it was toxic as hell.”
I nodded my head.
“In hindsight, I kind of knew it would have never worked out. One, we were just babies, fourteen is still really too young to date anybody.. and two, none of us had the emotional maturity to carry on. I mean yes Benton and Jackson are close, like what fifty miles or so apart? But that was it.” Lily paused, I knew she was trying to collect her thoughts. “It was like okay, here I am on Earth right, say Earth is Benton. And here he is on Mars, and Mars is Jackson. It would have never worked. Then one day I got a text from a girl. Well to make a long story short, the girl said that she was dating the boy and that I could keep my 'Country Ass' away from him or 'She was going to shave my ass bald and stuff my panties in her mouth' Jesus man.. I thought Jackson girls were more refined than that.” Lily said.
“She sounds like a real bitch.” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“That one thing you need to learn Jamie. Some girls don't place nice, some girls love to spread rumors about a girl behind her back. They try to turn her friend's against her, they stalk her social media pages. And when confronted they shift the blame to the girl being stalked.” She said, sighing.
“I hope you never, ever encounter that. When I was a freshman the cheerleaders considered themselves the alpha's of the school's social hierarchy. The 'A' squad that the main group of girls that form the center of the cheerleader's squad were queens and they controlled everything. They controlled who got elected prom queen, who got elected homecoming queen, who got elected to the courts. And most of all they controlled who got on the squad or not. They often held 'Court' too.” Lily blinked. “A girl could be brought before 'The Court' as it was called for a number of crimes, getting above her place, being too cute, being too popular, or speaking out against the social norms. The 'A' squad was in these cases often judge, jury, and executioner.”
I nodded my head. When Lily started telling me these things, I often just sat back and listened. I considered them parables, parables that allowed me to view the world through the eyes of a woman. Stories that afford me a view into a world that up till a year or so ago had been hidden from me.
“Punishments were often kind of heavy handed. I know one girl got her braid cut off for talking to a cheerleader's boyfriend. Another girl got her head shaved because she refused to hand over the homecoming crown to the cheerleaders.” Lily paused again. “I saw things.”
“Wow,” I said. I was at a loss of words. I really was.
“That's why I started reforming the squad.. When I became captain I always did with 'The Court' system, I wanted the cheerleaders to become the spirit of the school, not lordly ladies that ruled over a fiefdom of serfs. But to become loving big sisters and elements of change. That is why I wanted Rebecca to take my place, I knew she would keep the ball rolling if you will. And when you become captain Jamie.” She looked over at me and gave me a loving look. “I want you to keep the ball rolling too, it's a work in progress. A battle to be waged, a battle that is often lost but the struggle must keep going on. So when you become captain I want you to groom somebody to take your place, to keep the struggle alive, so she can groom somebody and the cycle can keep going.”
I was really at a loss for words now.
“I know this is a lot to ask of you. But you're my little sister. I know I can entrust this mission to you. I've thought a lot about this little date we've been on. And I've been struggling to come to terms with the fact that I'll soon be leaving you, graduating from Benton Academy and going off to college. That I'll only see you on weekends.” I swear I saw a few salty tears rolling down Lily's eyes. “But I'm going there for you, I'm going to make time for your first prom, your first homecoming game as captain. Your graduation.. your first day of college. Cause you're my sister you know.”
I'm ashamed to say that at that moment I was lost for words. So I just sat there watching the world pass by. For most of my life, my older sister Lily had been just that. I never felt any warmth toward her. But when I became Jamie she became more to me than an older sister, she became my first best friend, Madeline became my second. She became my mentor, who often seemed to understand the struggles I was going through more than mom did. She became my teacher, teaching the finer points of being a girl and how to be social as a girl. It was Lily who showed me how to make a Facebook page and how to monitor it. Or how to make an Instagram account and how to best use it.
“I understand.” I said finally. “I'll do my best.”
“I know you will.” Lily said, clearing some of the tears from her eyes. “Love you.”
“Love you too.” I said.
“You're going to make us all very proud of you.” Lily said. “I know you are. Your a very special young lady Jamie Sarah Potter and I'm proud to have you as my little sister. I don't care what Joan says about you.”
And another chapter in my life comes to an end. Stick around, there's a lot more coming.
La Petite Mardi Gras: Part One
Pleasure Dies At the Stroke of Midnight
-1-
The antebellum south was steeped in tradition, some of those traditions vanished after the Civil War, some endured through the turbulent years that followed and are still carried on to this day. Among those traditions that started in antebellum Benton was the annual Carnival Ball that's hosted each Carnival by the aristocratic families of Benton. Chief among those are the Potter Family who were among the earliest settlers of the town.
Like most of the aristocratic families of the Yazoo Delta, the leading families of Benton tried to emulate the high culture of New Orleans, Vicksburg, and Natchez. It was such Carnival Balls that inspired our forefathers to host their own balls. At first each leading family would host their own ball, these private parties were often the highlight of the social season. But soon it became common practice for the leading families to pool together their money and host one ball. That's how “La Mardi Gras” came to be.
Over time though, the children of the leading families wanted their own ball, a more refined version of Prom and Homecoming if you will. In two thousand and one their wish was granted and “La Petite Mardi Gras” was formed. It soon became the premier social event of the season. In time it even managed to eclipse the older debutante ball that was held each summer.
All of these thoughts swirled through my head as I climbed the concrete steps that lead to the front door of the Elk's Club, A three story brick building that was located toward the end of Main street. Bright, yellow light poured forth from the windows to bathe the concrete sidewalks. As I reached the final step, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and once more I wondered if I was making the right choice.
You see my mom had been the one who insisted I attend, it had been her fancy footwork that secured me a much coveted invitation. She also insisted that this prove to be the antidote that would cure me of my melancholy. She also mentioned that she spoke to my boyfriend's mother and she had assured her that he would be there along with his older sister who had volunteered to chaperon the ball. She also said that since I was becoming a young lady in high southern society I should start conducting myself like a true southern belle and start attending such events.
Maybe that is why I paused in front of wooden doors. Did I really want to become a southern belle? Becoming Jamie had been easy enough, okay not easy but had been an adventure. Now that adventure was over, I had to live as Jamie each and every day of my life. It was like writing a novel, the first few adventures or misadventures of becoming Jamie had been just the opening chapter, the opening chapters in a long epic that was still being written. It was being written with each passing second, with each passing moment, with each passing hour, with each passing day, with each passing week, with each passing month, each passing year till at last my breathing would cease and I would pass on to either Heaven or Hell.
My life story was being written one sentence at a time, one paragraph at a time, one page at a time, and finally one chapter at a time. I took another deep breath and lifted my face toward the clear night sky. Oh I was going to make this work. Oh yes, I was going to make this work. I will become a southern belle, not because my mom wanted me too, but because I wanted too. And with that I pushed upon the wooden door and crossed the threshold of the doorway. And once I crossed that threshold I left the world I knew and crossed into a world of gale laughter, of loud music.
-2-
Carnival is cruel as it is beautiful. And I quickly noticed what this ball really was. One look around and you would notice young ladies and young gentlemen from all the towns leading families had gathered here tonight. Political deals would be made that night, alliances would be made and broken, insults would be made that would require the young gentleman of the town to take to the personal battlefield and trade licks back and forth with others to regain their honor. A girl could find herself blackballed or named prom queen tonight.
I forced myself to smile as I waded into the crowd. I'd only attended one formal dance before and that had been homecoming a year or so ago. I owned only a few formal gowns, most of those had been passed down to me from my older sister Lily Elizabeth Potter who was holding court around the punch bowl. I envied the way Lily seemed to glide at social events. She was the life of the party, and there dressed in a scarlet gown with her blonde hair hanging loose, her baby blue eyes shining in the light of the party, she reminded me of a queen. If my older sister was a queen, then I must be a princess. And if I was a princess I needed my prince.
Then the wooden door opened and there in the threshold stood my prince. His name was Benjamin Franklin Allen and he was my prince. He was my first in so many ways, he had been my first kiss as Jamie, my first crush as Jamie, my first true boyfriend to boot too and my first time in something else. I loved him to the moon and back, my heart skipped a beat as I saw him looking around the room. His brown hair was combed down the middle and slicked down. He wore nothing more than a clean pair of dust colored trousers, sturdy brown dress shoes, a white button down shirt, a well worn but clean navy coat and a matching blue tie. Simple as that was, to me appeared more dashing and handsome than any knight.
At his side stood his older sister Joan Rebecca Allen who was dressed in white strapless dress with a white shawl draped around her shoulders. She spotted me first and upon spotting me nudged Benjamin toward me, she soon followed of course.
“Ms. Potter.” She said bowing a little. “It is a pleasure to see you this evening. I'm told you will be my brother's partner for this fine celebration.” She said in a silky tone of voice. I knew it was an act. Joan was always very protective of her little brother. She always watched me like a hawk when I was around him. But I guess if I had a younger brother or sister I would do the same.
I nodded my head and smiled.
“Trust me, it's my pleasure to have such a fine, dashing, young gentleman such as Mr. Allen to partner for this evening.” I said turning on all the old world charm and wit I could muster. Joan blinked a few times and slowly closed her eyes. She then looked over at her brother.
“Benjamin, would please be a dear and fix Ms. Potter and I something to drink.” She then unhooked herself from his hold and stepped toward me. “And Ms. Potter I was hoping you would join me in a moment in the ladies powder room.”
Benjamin rolled his shoulders and nodded his head. And went on to carry out his task at hand. But before he went on he smiled at me and I smiled at him. Joan then walked past me, my eyes followed her as she weaved in and out of the crowd. I allowed her a good lead before I started to follow behind her. Kind of felt like a puppy as I trailed behind her.
Soon we reached the door that led to the powder room. Joan paused and motioned me to step inside. I did so and she soon followed. Once she was inside she paused and locked the door. Seeing Joan lock the door caused me to step into the center and raise an eyebrow, I quickly folded my arms across my chest and peered at her.
“Okay Joan whatsapp?” I said, deciding to cut to the chase.
“Nothing much, just wanted to talk to you.” She said smiling as she started to circle me. “I've decided on something Jamie Sarah Potter, something that I think you will approve of. Of course I had to get Lily's approval first.” She said, smirking.
“Oh?” I said I was a bit amused. “Please tell me what you've decided on, because right now and stop beating around the bush.” I said, lifting an eyebrow.
“I've decided since it's Carnival time. And since at the stroke of midnight tonight, all pleasure must die and we are to drag ourselves to confession tomorrow morning in preparation for Ash Wednesday. That you will be given free rein tonight. You may kiss my brother as many times as you wish. You can even take him to bed with you tonight. I want you to enjoy tonight Ms. Potter and revel in the magic of Carnival. But remember Carnival can be a cruel mistress.” She said smiling as she unlocked the door.
“Tonight will define the whole social season. The social machine of Benton is gearing up right now Ms. Potter, learn how to rein it in and the town and beyond will become your playground, your oyster if you will.” She said smiling as she pushed the door open. “Fail to control it. And you'll be eaten alive.” She said, smiling a wicked little smile.
“Joan.” I said blowing out a stream of hot air. “As anybody ever told you that you need to chill a bit. I mean I know you're a theater geek and all. But really, save the dramatics for the stage.” I said, rolling my eyes as I unfold my hands.
“Hey!” Joan said, smiling softly. “Having a theater geek for a friend can be a plus, you know. And beside your my cheer sister too and soon to be sister in law.” She said in a teasing tone of voice. “So I'm going to give a little advice. All the major roles are filled tonight. Ms. Brown will be here tonight. She uses these types of events to scout for new talent. Your going to have a birthday soon.” Joan paused and turned toward the mirror. “I suggest you use this chance to make a very good impression on her. You'll be old enough to play Aria soon in the yearly production of 'The Little Mermaid' and guess who would helping select the cast for that play.”
Its safe to say that at the mention of the yearly production of 'The Little Mermaid' that my curiosity was piqued. Joan must have sensed it and peered toward me with a knowing gaze. She smiled a little and nodded her head.
“That's right. I'm in charge of casting this year. And I have the perfect girl in mind for several leading parts.” She said, giving me a square gaze. “But only if that little girl respects my boundaries and keeps giving my little brother the respect he deserves.” She said with a smile as she walked over and unlocked the door. She then motioned for me to step outside.
“So little sister, go ahead and enjoy yourself. But remember pleasure dies at the stroke of midnight tonight.”
La Petite Mardi Gras: Part Two
The Crowning of Lily and Jamie Potter
-1-
As I walked across the crowded ballroom, I noticed how polished the wooden floor looked. I could tell somebody had poured out a mint to have the floor waxed and polished. I mean you could comb your hair in the reflection. All eyes turned toward me as I strolled across the floor toward the refreshment table. The Benton orchestra had paused in their playing for a moment. I collected my thoughts as my eyes fell on Ben who was drumming his fingers on a crystal cup of punch.
“Hey.” He said as he eased his cup down and strolled toward me. “Have a good talk with my sister.” He asked as he walked toward me. “I know she can be a bit overbearing at times. So just that, I'm her only brother and I guess she feels she needs to look after me.”
“It's cool.” I said, smiling toward him. “Lily is the same way with me, she likes to look out for me sometimes. Other times she lets me fall down. But yes, it was a nice little talk. We talked about girl stuff.” I said walking toward the punch bowl. Without thinking I picked up the ladle and poured myself a good measure of punch. Slowly I lifted the glass goblet to my lips and took a sip. I frowned, the punch was spiked. We southerners have a proud tradition of spiking the punch at such gatherings. It loosen the tongues.
“So.” Ben said, smiling a little as he moved toward me, he had drained his glass and was on his second one. “Would Ms. Potter honor me with a dance?” He said smiling, he then tossed back the rest of his drink.
I blinked and tossed back the rest of my drink. It was Mardi Gras after all. And with only four hours left till midnight that meant to me at least that pleasure was on life support. And some phantom hand was about to pull the plug on its life support.
“It would be my pleasure Mr. Allen.” I said feeling the spirits going to my head as my cheeks started to fill with color. I eased my glass down upon the table and filled it up again. “But first let me refresh myself.” I said smiling as I filled the fine crystal goblet with a fruity red punch. I took a deep breath and knocked my second or was it my third drink back. Only thing I know is my head started to spin around as I slipped my hand into the awaiting hand of Ben.
The next thing I knew was the whole world was starting to spin around me. The music, oh the music started to fill the air and the orchestra struck up lively tunes as the ladies of the village started to dance with fine gentlemen. Soon the sound of laughter started to fill the air as ladies exchanged mirthless jokes with each other, using their colorful fans to shield their whispering mouths.
As I was twirled around the dance floor, my mind flashed back to long hidden memories. I started to remember that when I was James, I used to take solace in roleplaying on online forums. I belonged to a dozen such roleplaying communities that were based on the popular farming simulation game “Harvest Moon” where I often made female characters. It was fun to escape into a world of pure imagination even for an afternoon. A world where I was a struggling farm girl, who was trying to rebuild a run down farm. One were I had friends, and one were I attended colorful festivals and won wonderful prizes. Or fished, mined, and explored hidden areas.
But then I became Jamie and my life did a complete one eighty. I now had a host of friends who were loyal to me, a loving boyfriend, a loving family and I found myself attending all the colorful festivals and celebrations that our small town hosted throughout the year. I was living my best life. And for a moment all the doubts, depression, and melancholy that had haunted my every step just seemed to vanish.
And so as I was twirled around, I felt myself being swept up in the magic of the moment. The music seemed to swirl around, I found myself swept up and carried away by its enchanting sound. I can't tell you how long Ben and I danced, for time seemed to have no meaning. In fact, I would go as far as to say this, that time seemed to just slip through our hands. Then as quickly as it started it stopped. The music just stopped and a hushed silence fell over the crowded as a tiny man with a shiny bald head stepped into the crowd. He was dressed in a military like uniform, a scarlet jacket, one that had a row of brass buttons running down the middle and two golden epaulets one on each shoulder and form fitting white trousers. Following behind him were a troop of six men, they too wore the same military like uniform only without the golden epaulets.
The group marched toward the far side of the room and then the man with the tiny bald spoke, and when he spoke his voice filled the room and echoed off the walls.
“By royal decree of his lordship, Lord Rex of Benton.” The man started. “I've come to inform ye happy crowds that the following maiden has been chosen to be crowned Queen of Carnival.” He said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a rolled up sheet of parchment. He unrolled the sheet, held it in front of him, cleared his throat and in another loud booming tone of voice called out.
“By royal decree of his lordship, Lord Rex of Benton, and with the approval of the courts of all provinces that fall within his domain. And with the power invested in him by the council of krewe's. Its our pleasure to inform the gathered citizens of Benton that Lily Elizabeth Potter has been named Queen of this Year's Carnival.”
The gathered crows expressed their approval by a loud round of applause. A moment later I saw my sister step out from the crowd. With her back straight back she strolled toward the little man and bowed toward him. The man nodded and made a motion for another man who was dressed in a similar manner to come out. The man held with both hands a velvet pillow. Sitting upon the pillow was a crown of gold. The bald man reached over and took hold of the crown and gently placed it upon my sister's head.
“Behold the queen of the Carnival!” He shouted as he watched Lily rise up. “Now, also by royal decree of her ladyship, Lady Muse of Benton.” The man said again as he reached into his coat and pulled out another sheet of rolled up parchment, “By royal decree of her ladyship, Lady Muse of Benton, and with the approval of the courts of all provinces that fall within her domain. And the power invested in her by the council of krewe's. It's our pleasure to inform ye gathered citizens of Benton that Jamie Sarah Potter has been named Princess of this Year's Carnival!”
I felt my jaw drop open. I looked around and all eyes had turned toward me. I felt my face flush with color as I marched toward the front to join my sister. The bald man made a jester with his hands and another man produced a beautiful rhinestone tiara. The man took the tiara and handed it to Lily.
“As is tradition. The Queen of the Carnival, shall crown the Princess of the Carnival and then both shall select one young gentleman of the village, for the royal dance. This dance shall close Carnival, and usher in the death of pleasure. Midnight is close at hand.” The man proclaimed. “We shall now crown our Carnival King and Prince. Whom shall share the last dance of Carnival with the Queen and the Princess. The King with the Queen and the Prince with the Princess.”
At this moment I can't tell you what I felt, my heart felt light as a feather as I approached the stage and bowed down in front of my sister. Smiling, she reached over and picked up the rhinestone tiara and gently placed it upon my head. This was the second time I'd been crowned princess, the first had been at homecoming a year ago. I still remembered that night, it was one of pure magic and it seemed that tonight would be the same. Once the tiara was placed firmly on my head I stepped aside and stood next to my sister.
“Its with great pleasure, that the council of krewe's supported by Lord Rex of Benton, inform ye gathered crowds that we've seen it fit to name.” He called out. It seemed no paper was required for the naming of the king. Instead the man seemed spouting all of this from the top of his head. “Robert John Shoemaker, King of Carnival!” He shouted at the top of his lungs and once more his loud voice seemed to echo off the walls. A roaring applause filled the room as a young man with short black hair and the prettiest baby blue eyes I've ever seen stepped up and received the crown.
Once the crown had been placed upon his head he stepped back and joined my sister and I. I could tell Lily was enchanted by him because she couldn't take her eyes off of him. In fact, I'll go as far as to say she was mentally undressing him with her eyes. I could only roll my eyes, I rolled my eyes for one reason and one reason only, Lily often scolded me for being something of a boy crazy teenage girl. But here she was, looking like a moonstruck calf in front of the whole town.
“Now, for the Prince of Carnival.” The man said. “Its Its with great esteemed pleasure, that we the council of krewe's support by Lady Muse of Benton, inform ye gathered crowds that we've seen it fit to name.” He paused for dramatic effect. “Benjamin Franklin Allen Prince of Carnival!” He shouted and the crowd burst into a loud applause.
Now it was my turn to look like a moonstruck calf. My eyes fell upon the willow frame of Benjamin as he moved through the crowd. He had the good graces to blush and act bashful, as received the crown and walked up beside me. I took a deep breath and peered toward the heavens. I then breathed a silent prayer, it seemed somebody up there had seen it fit to bless tonight. Because tonight I was living, I was living the harvest moon dream.
“Ladies and gentleman.” The man with the shiny bald head called out once more in his loud booming voice, that once more seemed to fill the whole room and echo off the walls. “Its with great pleasure that we give you the Royal Count of the Carnival.” He said, stepping aside as he pointed toward us four.
“Now as tradition.” He said, taking a deep breath. “The king shall dance with the queen, and the prince with the princess and when their dance ends. Pleasure would have passed sadly into the shadows and we will usher in the season of Lent.”
A moment later the music resumed and Benjamin walked up to me, I smiled and he returned my smile with one of his own. He then held out his hand and I slipped my hand into his and without a second thought he guided me onto the dance floor. For one last day, one last day before the start of Lent. For Pleasure was to die at the stroke of midnight it seemed.
La Petite Mardi Gras: Part Three
A kiss ushers in the season of Lent
The crowds parted like the red sea as Ben ushered me onto the dance floor. The orchestra struck up a gentle waltz and slowly I wrapped my arms around Ben's shoulders as he wrapped his arms gently around my waist. This was the second dance we shared, and memories of our first dance at homecoming started to flood into me as we started to move across the polished floor. The lights started to dim and soon others joined in the dance, the last dance of the season, the last fleeting moments of pleasure before all the church bells in town would toll the death of pleasure and call the faithful to prayer and penance.
“Jamie.” Ben whispered as he held me tight. “It's been fun.” He said as he pulled me closer to him. I found myself turning to jelly in his tight embrace. I could feel every muscle in his arm starting to wrap tightly around me. It was such a warming embrace. It made me blush. It also caused me to crave his touch once more. A powerful desire to take him and hold him and to ride him overcame me. I quickly pushed those thoughts from my head. Not tonight, maybe another night.
“Its only getting started.” I said smiling as pulled my face away from his shoulder. “Valentine's Day just around the corner.” I said with a giggle.
“Of course.” He said smiling as we danced a little. “You know I'm so glad you're here with me right now. I thought I was going to lose you, you know a few months ago. So glad you pulled through, your really strong.” He said as he wrapped his arms tighter around me. Instead of fighting the embrace. I leaned into it. A happy sigh escaped my lips.
“Lets not talk about that.” I said at last. “I want to focus on our future together. That was scary yes, but you never left my side. And that showed me that you really cared about me.” I said choosing my words with care. I'm normally prone to putting my foot in my mouth if you will, but right now, I found myself thinking over my words before I spoke them.
“Okay.” He said smiling as he wrapped his arms a little more tightly around me. “And of course I care about you. You were cherry.” He said in a low whispered tone voice. “You were my first.”
I felt my cheeks flush with color. It was romantic in its own way, and once more memories of that night started to flood into my mind. I don't remember much, just a sense of giggling anticipation as we climbed the ladder to the hayloft and then bliss. Pure bliss, all the colors of the rainbow seemed to swirl around us. All my senses were heightened and every touch seemed to send shockwaves through my body. At the height of it, our very souls seemed to fuse together and become on.
“Hey, you were my first too.” I said giggling a little.
“We should do that again sometimes.” He said, giving me a little smirk that caused me to giggle. I wanted to do it again, I really did, but I was just saving it, saving it for a moment that seemed right. Saving it for the right time. I thought about sweet talking him into tonight, but it seemed off, like I would rushing things. All I wanted was to be held by him, held tight by him.
“Sometimes. But not tonight. Let's just cuddle and kiss tonight.” I said blushing as I stood up on my tip of my toes to plant a kiss on his lips. Ben then leaned down and a moment later our lips touched and interlocked. And then the real fireworks started.
Colors bloomed before my eyes, sparks of passion ran through my body, my body seemed to become ridged and still and my breathing shallow as we locked lips and kissed. It was the kind of kiss you see all to often in teen movies, the kind of kiss that takes your breath away and leaves you wanting more, yes the kind of kiss that leaves you wanting more, the kind of kiss that makes you forget about yourself for a moment, the kind of kiss that makes you want to dive head first into a sea of lust.
It was the kind of kiss that made me want to pull that dress over my head, drop my bra, lower my panties and mount that boy and ride him long and hard. Thankfully we were in a crowded ballroom, because I'm sure if we'd been along I'd given into that powerful temptation. Lust is one hell of a drug I tell you what my friends.
“GET A ROOM YOU TOO!” Two voices cried in unison. “JAMIE SARAH POTTER,” The first voice cried out in a loud booming tone that echoed across the room. “BENJAMIN FRANKLIN ALLEN!” The second voice cried out. And well that stopped our kissing cold.
A moment later, Ben and I pulled apart and both of us started to blush as all eyes had focused on us. A good number of old church ladies were whispering behind paper fans. No doubt shocked beyond belief at the loose display of morals being displayed in front of the. The sight of the ladies whispering behind their paper fans caused me to blush, my blush only deepened when Lily and Joan came rushing up to us. It seemed it had been those two who had called our names out.
“What in the world!” Bellowed Lily. “Jamie, mom raised you better than that!” Lily scolded. “A kiss is one thing, but you were eating that poor boy's face. I heard you groaning and moaning all across the room. Mercy girl, have a little self control.”
“And you Benjamin Franklin Allen.” Joan chimed in. “You were eating the poor girl's face. I mean Jamie has to breathe too! And you were groaning and moaning up a storm. Jesus, get a room for you two.” Joan said with a roll of her eyes. “On second thought, don't get a room, there is a broom closet right over there.” She said hitching up her arm and pointing with her small index finger toward a small closet that was tucked into the corner of the room.
“Joan!” Lily said with a sigh. “Don't give my little sister any ideas..”
“That's the problem.” Joan said with a smirk. “She is your little sister, and the apple never falls far from the tree. You forget that your dad and my dad are best friends. And I've heard plenty of stories about the stunts your dad and his brother got up to growing up.” Still smirking, Joan peered toward Lily with a look that made my blood run cold. “And I've been your friend since middle school too, I know a thing or two about you.” She added.
“OKAY!” Lily hooted as turned around and folded her arms across her chest. “That's enough! Jamie Sarah Potter, I expect a little more self control from you in the future young lady.” She said, turning her head around and peering over her shoulder. “One more stunt like that, and I can promise you, I will turn you over my knee, flip your dress and petticoat and tan that bottom of yours. And don't pout, I'm your older sister, I have that right.” Lily threatened as she started to stalk away.
“And Benjamin Franklin Allen.” Joan said as she peered toward Ben. “Try to control yourself too. And remember, you gotta give Jamie a chance to breathe. Just have fun, and have a good time. But don't get too carried away. And if you get carried away, please guys, go somewhere private.” And with that Joan floated away.
In the aftermath of that little outburst, Ben and I could do nothing but stand there. I felt totally embarrassed both for letting my emotions get the best of me and for getting called out like that by my older sister. Ben on the other hand seemed prideful and wore a smirk on his face. Slowly he turned around and winked at me before saying.
“So, round two in the broom closet?” He said in a teasing tone of voice. “Or want to get some sweet revenge and go hog wild in Joan's bed?” He suggested with a wicked grin upon his face.
I had to blink at that, part of wanting to know what in the world was going through that boy's head at this very moment. First he was suggesting a broom closet and now he was suggesting that he and I do the deed in his big sisters bed, in her bedroom. I mean I have a twisted sense of humor too. But lord have mercy, Joan would have a running duck fit if she found out. Heck she might even burn her sheets if we got too wild. I'm not going to lie a wicked little smile formed upon my lips as the mental image of Joan raging her little head off as she stripped her sheets and tossed them into a furnace entered into my head.
And yes, that little devil girl that normally sits on the right side of my shoulder started whispering sweet words of encouragement. The angel that normally sits on the left side of my shoulder started to scold me and lecture, saying that I should be ashamed of myself for even entertaining such ideas. In the end the voice of that little white robed angel won out and silenced the devil. Its a shame too, sometimes that little sexy clad devil Jamie has some really fun and neat ideas. Maybe I should start taking note of what she says instead of the white robed Jamie with the flickering halo above her head.
“Maybe another time. Besides, I don't want to get in trouble with my future sister-in-law yet.” I said, sighing. “Maybe we could do that on prom night or something.” I suggested.
“Well. How about this.” Ben said, still smirking. “Since we can't kiss here on the ballroom floor. Why don't you follow me upstairs? There are a number of balconies up stairs, we can see all of Benton from up there. And it would be romantic. I can't think of a better way to usher in the start of Lent than kissing you once more under the starry heavens.” Ben said as he leaned over and whispered those words into my ears. They made me shiver. The idea was so romantic that before I could help myself. I started to blush.
“That sounds fun.” I said blushing as I leaned in. “But I want to kiss you once more here.” And with that we kissed. I'm not sure how long we kissed, but all around us others were kissing too. Even Lily and Joan. Then it happened, the big brass bells of All Saints Catholic Church started to ring and soon the brass bells of St. Mary's Episcopal Church joined in. And before long all the church bells started to chime. The party was over, Carnival was over, now the season of Lent had begun.
“A kiss ushers in Lent.” Ben said, smiling as he peered down at me. “Ms. Potter, one day, I promise you, I'll make you Mrs. Allen.” He said with the most handsome of smiles. Looking at that smile made my heart jump into my throat and caused me to feel choked. It only lasted a moment though.
“Jamie Sarah Allen.” I said, smiling sweetly. “I like the sound of that. Just don't make me wait too long.” And with that another chapter in my life comes to an end. It seemed I was keeping my word after all. I was doing my best to give Jamie the best possible life she could ever have. A life that was totally different from the life James had lived. And yet a small part of me had to wonder, where would my life have been if I'd never discovered Jamie? I guess something will remain a mystery forever.
But stick around, there is more to come.
St. Valentine's Day is supposed to be one of the most romantic holidays in the year. Its a day set aside to celebrate love in all its forms. It's also one of the most depressing days of the year. Before I became Jamie, St. Valentine's Day was just another day. Another day in the three hundred sixty five days that make up a year. But when I became Jamie, the day took on a whole new meaning for me.
A few days before Valentine's Day, my boyfriend Benjamin Franklin Allen asked me out. He had somehow secured a table for two at Coleman's Steakhouse, the premier steakhouse of our small village of Benton and one of the finest restaurants in town. And so began another adventure in the ongoing adventure that was daily life.
The reflection that greeted me in the mirror of my bedroom vanity was one of a budding young woman. One with shoulder length blonde hair and baby blue eyes. One who had applied the right amount of make-up and seemed to have at last mastered that most basic of skills. A young woman sporting a new pair of fake diamond stud earrings in her years and one who was dressed to impress in a simple black cocktail dress. A woman who was posed to bust open and spread her wings.
That reflection of course belonged to me. Jamie Sarah Potter. Who had just been invited out for the first time on St. Valentine's Day. A young woman posed to become a young lady. That's what I considered myself, now if only I could believe that.
“Wow.” A voice called from my bedroom door. “Looking good little sister.” The voice belonged to my big sister Lily Elizabeth Potter who was a good year older than me and was both my mentor and my teacher. “I almost had to do a double take when I passed by. I mean I know you can clean up when you want too. But this is taking it to another level all together.” She said, stepping into my room.
“I mean, the way you look now, it's hard to believe you were ever a guy in the first place. We just need to get your room fixed up and you'll be set.” Lily said as she eased her bottom down upon my bed. “So, how you feeling?”
“I'm a little nervous.” I said as I shifted my bottom around in my chair and turned toward Lily. “I mean, yes we've been dating for a while now, and we've gone on plenty of dates. But those were.. those dates were with Madeline and Matthew. Group dates you know, and we do some fun stuff, like going on nature hikes, going swimming at the watering hole, going fishing, going ghost hunting, and camping.” I said as I tried to explain myself.
“I get it. This is your first real big date.” Lily said, smiling a little. “This is the first time you two are alone. It's a big step in the right direction if you ask me. I mean you two have been together for like a year or so now. I believe you two started dating right after homecoming. Anyway, I'm happy for you.” Lily said, reaching over and picking up one of the many stuffed animals that had come to call my bed home. She pulled the stuffed animal close to her chest and heaved a sigh.
“My little sister's growing up so fast.” She said, ``Kind of makes me feel old.”
“Right.” I said, rolling my eyes as I turned around and once more I started to touch up my make-up. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect. “You know, you kind of helped me.” I paused to collect my thoughts. “You making me volunteer for that little stunt at homecoming really helped me finally flip a mental switch you know.”
Lily pulled the stuffed animal, a stuffed rabbit a little closer to her body and peered toward me. She tilted her head to the side. I could tell the gears inside her head were starting to turn a little. I gotta give Lily credit though. Since coming out as her little sister, she has really accepted me. Instead of pushing me away, she embraced me. And it was not just Lily, it was my whole family. My whole family seemed to just accept me for who I was. And so as I peered toward Lily, trying to figure out the meaning of my words I started to pray a silent prayer of thanksgiving. Many people in my shoes had it far worse than me.
“I mean think about it. If you've never asked me to volunteer to play the hostage as part of our school's weird tradition. Then I would have never had to dress up as your little sister. And me dressing up as your little sister and putting on that little act made things kind of slide into place with me.”
“Jamie.” Lily said as she gently set the stuffed rabbit down. After a moment's pause she decided to place it back where I had it, right with the other stuffed animals I've started to collect. I think I had a good five or six at this point? Like half my bed was taken up with them. “Do me a favor, stop thinking about the past all the time. Live for the future okay? Stop trying to all Aristotle on yourself.” She said as she lifted her bottom up from the bed.
I blinked.
“Enjoy tonight okay? You look amazing and I'm sure you're going to turn a few heads. Just try not to stop overthinking things and go with the flow.” Lily then turned around and sighed. “Jesus, I feel like sometimes I'm your mother. Mom should be the one giving you this little talk, not me.” She said, flipping her hair to the side.
“Where is mom? I've not seen her all afternoon..” I asked. Hoping to well change the subject.
“Dad's taking mom out on a date. I think dad got tickets to some magic show in Vicksburg. Dad also rented a hotel room.. so I know they're planning to spend at least a night, maybe two. That means you and I gotta watch the house.. and maybe the shop, I don't know about the shop. Dad said something about Kayla watching the shop for them. You know Kayla's first job was working with grandfather and grandmother down at the shop.” Lily said as she shook her head.
“It's not like I had a date or anything.” Lily said.
“Oh quite you're lying.” I said, smirking. “I know you have a date.” I leaned over and poked Lily in the side. “In fact, I know you have a cute boy hiding out in the bushes, your just waiting for me to leave, so you can smuggle him into the house and enjoy a little bit of private play time. Am I right?” I said in a teasing tone of voice.
Lily blinked.
“Jamie.” She started. “I don't ask questions about what you and your boyfriend do when you two are a long. So don't ask questions about what I do with the various boys I date.” Lily turned away and pouted. “I mean, with so many cute guys to choose from. A girl can't just settle on one. I'm not like you Jamie, I need a little bit of variety in my life.” She said pouting as she turned away.
“...” I was at a loss for words.
“And besides, all the boys I date know that little trait about that. And most of them are just flattered to dating a cheerleader and are okay with being just one dish on a buffet. And just like going to a buffet you sample a dish and you move on to the next dish. And like a buffet some dishes are just going to be your all time favorite, others are going to so-so, others are going to bland as hell. And others are going to give you food poisoning.”
I was still at a loss for words. While I welcome any and all chances I get to sit down and talk with my older sister. There were some conversations I kind of wish we could steer away from. And this was one conversation that I really wanted to steer away from. Like I wanted to throw my hands into the air and shout really loud and hope that Lily would get the message. That message being that I did not want to hear about her personal lust demons.
“But that Karate guy I'm dating now is going to be a keeper. I mean I swear he can bend like a rubber band and hit all the right spots. And his stamina is out of this world. Me being a cheerleader and him being a black-belt it's like a match made in heaven. I swear I'm going to keep him around. And I really want him to put a ring on my fingers.” Lily said with a sigh. “And yes, he's coming over tonight too. And if you walk by my bedroom and you see a sock on the door, don't enter unless you want to your bottom popped.”
I felt a shiver run down my spine.
“Oh..” was all I could say.
“So yes, my plans for the evening.” Lily said, blushing a little. “See, I have a social life too, you know.”
I was about to put my foot in my mouth when my phone started to buzz. A message popped up on the screen showing that I had a new text from Ben. Whom I'd entered as “Boyfriend” in contacts. The text informed me that he was leaving his house now and he'll be at my house in about ten too twenty minutes. Lily must have seen the smile that had formed upon my lips as I read the text.
“I assume that lover boy just sent you a text message?” Lily inquired.
“Yep!” I said, smiling a big old smile. “He's on his way now. He said he'll be here in about ten too twenty minutes.” I said standing up from my bedroom vanity chair. Once I was standing up I decided to leave my room all together and I motioned Lily to follow me out. Which she did, of course.
“Cool. So got everything together?” Lily asked as we started down the stairs together.
“Yep! I just cleaned out and restocked my purse too!” I chimed.
“So your phone's fully charged? You have some breath mints? A little make-up kit for those touch ups? Pepper Spray? Spare cash? Inhaler?” Lily asked as she held out a finger as she named off each item.
“Yep! And you forgot house keys!” I said with a bit of cheek, that earned me a quick swat to the bottom that was followed by a quick hug.
“Well.” Lily said, smiling sweetly. “Seems like you have everything under control. So go ahead, have a good time and make good choices, and remember the doors are locked. So just let yourself in.” And then after a moment she added. “Also remember if you see a sock hanging on my bedroom door, just keep walking okay?”
“Gotta.” I said, nodding my head. And with that I picked up my purse and headed out the door. Ben was already waiting for me at the end of the driveway. He was looking as handsome as ever in his dust colored slacks, white button down shirt, and blue sports coat. His hair slicked back and parted down the middle. He gave me a smile that sent me over the moon as he opened the door for me and I slipped right on end. Once I was inside he closed the door and a moment later he was slipping into the drivers side. I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
He smiled at the kiss, threw the car into drive and then I knew our date was on. As he pulled away from the curb, I wondered for a moment what magic moments we would share tonight? Would tonight be pure bliss? Would this be the night that he and I do it again? Would this be the night that seals the deal, the night that finally makes up my mind that I want to spend the rest of my days with him? Or would something go wrong tonight? So many questions, so many possibilities and so many questions. And the only way to find the answer to those questions was to live tonight one moment at a time.
Coleman's Steakhouse was a small little restaurant that was located at the far end of Main Street. Beside it one would find Benton Laundromat and across from it one would find Benton Auto Glass Works. Many people in town considered it a hidden treasure, unlike the newest steakhouse in town, The Cow Pen Jr. Located out on the highway this one was located in the heart of Benton. Many in town considered The Cow Pen Jr. a place for tourists to go too.
And yes, Benton, despite its small size, gets a good bit of tourists each year, people from out of state who come down wanting to explore the deep south and learn more about this forgotten part of America. Some are Blue's Historians who want to learn about local Blue's Musicians, others are Civil War historians who are touring battlefields and want to explore the old battlefields that lay scattered about. Including the one north of town. And others are seasonal deer hunters who come down and hunt trophy deer and then return. Those types of people flock to The Cow Pen Jr. But the local's tend to stick to Coleman's Steakhouse.
Coleman's is small too, it's nice and cozy and above all it's a family business. Johnny Coleman, the owner for example is the main cook, his son Noah Coleman helps him in the kitchen. His wife Joanna Coleman is the hostess and main waitress, her daughter Cindy Coleman helps her mom wait tables too. The Coleman's are a very civic minded family too, there a firm support of Benton Academy, which both their children attend. Cindy being a year ahead of me, she also a cheerleader. And thus a “Cheer Sister” to me, once a girl becomes a cheerleader she becomes part of a large sisterhood, and often or not we call each other “Cheer Sisters” its just one of those small town things I guess. Noah Coleman is also on the Football team and is a mentor to Ben. And last but not least Johnny Coleman cooks the traditional meal of steak and bake potato that always served to the football team before homecoming. And always given to the two hostages.
Anyway, the drive from my house to Coleman's only took around fifteen minutes. I wanted to joke with Ben and say we could have saved him a little gas money and taken the trolley, since the trolley ran right by the restaurant. The trolley stopped at the bottom of main street where the trolley barn was located. Short of a brick and tin shed. Like I said I wanted to joke, but there was something romantic about riding along with Ben in his borrowed car. And so I decided to keep my jokes to myself and enjoy the ride.
“Good evening!” A brunette girl around my age called out to us as we entered the waiting area of Coleman's Steakhouse. The air inside was nice and warm. The girl paused and then smiled a little. “Oh Jamie!” She said blushing as she walked over and threw her arms around my neck. “You look good there girl! I mean, I know you can clean up nice and all, but man you can really clean up!” She said smiling as she released me from the hug and stepped back.
“My brother from another mother!” Called out a guy who also had brown hair. He was tall, almost as tall as Ben and had the lean build of a runner. The guy walked up to Ben and the two did some kind of hand jester. You know the things guys do when they bump each other fist and slap the side of each other's hand. I mean even though I was once a guy, I never really understood the whole guy ritual greeting thing. It always seemed so strange to me.
“So!” The guy called out. “What brings you two here?” He said, I now noticed he was dress in a white t shirt and a pair of fading blue jeans. A black apron was tied around his waist. The front of the apron seemed to be fading and was stained beyond repair.
“Oh!” The brunette girl cried out. “You mentioned something about a date! Totally romantic, we're running a special tonight. We call it steak for two. For like fifty dollars, you two steaks, like it's our special in house cut, and all of our meats USDA Choice or higher so it's like melt in your mouth tender. Plus house salad, and your two choices of sides. And a desert to share. Tonight's desert is our special pecan cobbler. It's like peach cobbler only with pecans instead of peaches. Think like pecan pie without the bottom.”
“Totally, we have some of the best steaks in town.” Noah said with a smile. “Our meat comes from local sources. We buy our meat on the hoof from Brewer Farms.” He added. “Kayla raises the finest heads of cattle in Mississippi.”
I watched with some amusement as Noah punched my date in the arms and whispered something into his ears that caused him to give Noah a playful shove. Since becoming a girl, I'd find myself entertained by such antics. Noah returned the playful shove with one of his own and soon the two were trading blows, playful blows. My amusement had turned to embarrassment at this point.
“Anyway.” Cindy said. “Noah I think you need to get back to the kitchen. And I need to seat our guest.” Cindy then winked at me. “Also I love the dress girl. You look amazing.” She then picked up two menus and motioned for Ben and I to follow behind her. Ben turned to me and smiled and I felt myself starting to flush the truth be known I relished any attention he gave me. And that smile was worth a million dollars.
Anyway we followed closely behind Cindy as she guided us through the narrow maze of tables and chairs, the place was standing room only and I considered it a miracle that Ben had even managed to secure us a table on what must have been the busiest night of the year. We soon reached our table, a small, cozy one located in the far back.
“Here you go.” Cindy said as she sat the menu's down upon the table. “As you know my name is Cindy and I'll take your order this evening. So what can I get for y'all?” She asked as she reached down and pulled out a yellow note pad and a pen.
“Coke for me.” I said without thinking.
“Same.” Chimed in.
“Okay we have two coca-colas.” Cindy said.
“And the Valentine's Day special.” Ben said.
“Excellent choice.” Cindy said with a small smile. “And one more question, what type of dressing would you like with your salad. All our meals come with a house salad.” She asked.
“Not really a big salad fan, can I swap it for an extra roll or something?” Ben asked.
“Of course,” Cindy answered.
“Same, not really a big fan of rabbit food. My sister is, though, I think she is part rabbit.” I said a smile, at that both Cindy and Ben had a little laugh. That was a little inside cheer joke among my cheer sisters that my older sister was part rabbit due to her love of salads of all kinds.
“Okay!” Cindy said as she finished writing all this down on her yellow notepad. “I'll put this order in real quick and it should be out in a flash. We're just getting the grill fired up.” With that being said she collected our menus and started to go but not before calling over her shoulder. “Just give me a holler if you two love birds need anything.”
Ben rolled his eyes and I blushed, but then we both shared a giggle. A few minutes of silence passed before Cindy returned with our drinks, two bubbling glasses of coke-cola, the beverage of choice in the south. I'm not lying when I say that, it seems we southerners take in coca-cola as soon as we can, often taking it in alongside our mothers milk.
“You know, this is really our first date alone.” Ben said as he took a sip from his glass. “Normally, Madeline and Matthew would be with us.” He added.
I nodded my head and a sip of my drink.
“I like our group dates.” I said finally after collecting my thoughts. “I like hanging around the bonfire too, roasting marshmallows and hot dogs and stuff. But sometimes I want to be with you. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have so many friends. But, sometimes I just want to along with you.” I said smiling as I eased my drink down.
“Same.” Ben as he peered across the table at me. “It's like, when were alone. I'm reminded how beautiful you look. I'm reminded of that of that beautiful girl that took my breath away at homecoming.” He added. “I'm reminded of that beautiful soul that stood up for what she believed in.” He paused and took another sip of his drink. “I'm just reminded of what made me fall in love with you.”
I felt my cheeks flush with color as I peered toward across the table and into Ben's eyes. I felt myself once more becoming lost, lost like somebody who's stumbled into a maze, a maze that one could not escape. A wonderful maze. Okay I'm rambling on, but my point still stands, the more I peered into Ben's eyes, the more I pondered his words, the more I felt myself falling into that twisted, turning maze, a maze I'll like to call teenage romance.
“You know.” I said having finally navigated to the end of my emotional maze. “Every time we're together, Ben. I'm reminded of that handsome boy that gave me my first dance and kiss.” I paused and took a deep breath. “Who was my first crush, then became my first love, who took me by the hand and ushered me into the green grove.” I said winking as I reached over and took another swig of my drink.
“Who rode his bike from Benton Academy all the way to King's Daughters Hospital in a freak snow storm and rushed to my side when I was getting loaded up in a meat wagon.” I paused to brush away a stray tear. “Who kissed me when I came too from a nightmarish dreamland. Who's kiss made me fell more than alive and assured me that I was still alive and not just another corpse awaiting autopsy down in the morgue.” I drained my drink at the last part.
Ben blinked.
“When I was named Homecoming Princess. Who was named Homecoming Prince?” I pointed across the table at Ben and smiled. “You.”
Ben blinked again, at that moment Cindy appeared and refilled our glasses. She quickly left though. I'm sure she noticed that Ben and I seemed to be having a boyfriend and girlfriend type of conversation. Though if I know Cindy Coleman and I do know Cindy Coleman, she and the rest of the squad would ambush me before long and demand all the juicy details. And I of course being honored bound as the youngest member of the 'A' squad would have to tell them everything. It's just the way girls worked, they shared everything.
“When I was baptized with a new name in the Episcopal Church, you were there to support me.” I said smiling. “Considering my whole freaking family is Episcopal that a pretty big deal that you showed up, you know.. cause when we get married, it's going to be in a big old Episcopal Church.” I said smiling.
“You mean St. Andrew's Episcopal Cathedral in downtown Jackson?” He said, smiling a little. “I said a lot of prayers in that church. Prayed before the altar every day you were knocked out and hooked up to all these machines. Sitting there in the pews, I noticed how pretty it was. Its almost as pretty as you.” He said, taking a sip of his drink. “While I was praying, I thought about what you said, how you wanted to get married in that church. I thought about how you looked in your gown and I made a vow. If we ever decided to get married. I'm going to do my best to marry you in that church.” He nodded his head.
“Ben..” I said I was honestly lost for words as I peered toward him. “You were my prince at homecoming, you were my prince at Mardi Gras, I hope one day you will become my husband too,” The words just fell out of my mouth.
Before Ben could respond though. Cindy appeared again, this time she was holding a big tray. “Okay Coleman's Romantic Steak Dinner for Two.” She said setting down two metal plates. “Two twenty two ounce USDA Choice ribeye steaks.” She said smiling. “And extra rolls, cause you're both not a fan of rabbit food. And when your ready for desert just give me a holler.”
And that was that. Table conversation we decided could wait, food had to come first. And soon the only thing that could be heard was the scrapping of forks on metal plates and the sound of two hungry teenagers savoring wonderful steak.
Ben and I enjoyed the rest of the meal in silence, it was the good kind of silence. Oh the Pecan cobbler was simply amazing, totally off my diet but so worth it. Once we finished eating, Ben paid the check and he was escorted back to his car. It was around ten o' clock at night, and nearing my curfew. Not that Lily would have minded if I stayed out at all hours of the night. She is kind of cool like that, and with mom and dad away and Lily manning the fort I'm sure I could have managed to stay out a little past ten.
But, one of the drawbacks of living in a small southern town is everything closes down around a little past nine. Sure we have all the modern conveniences of a larger town, we have a McDonald's but it closes its dining room at nine and closes down the drive-through at midnight. We also have a Pizza Hut, but it shuts down likewise at nine. Of course we could have gone to see a movie. But George, the owner of Benton Plaza Twin Cinema, also closes down at nine. And most of the movie's he shows are 'B' rated movies. So going out for ice cream or going to see a movie was out of the question. Of course we did have a Sonic drive-through in town, but as of late it seemed their ice cream machine was always broken or something.
So really if you wanted ice cream after dinner you're romantic dinner, your best bet was to go home or to one of the Shell Gas Station out on the highway. The Shell Gas Station was the only business in town that stayed open around the clock. And like most gas stations in the south it also doubled as a pizza place, an ice cream place, and a dinner as they had a hot bar that served both breakfast, lunch, and supper. But that was out on the highway and the kind of people that flocked it were kind of the rough types. You know, truckers and stuff.
The truckers were not the problem, no far from it, it was the other kind of people that tended to flock to it and hang around the parking lot late at night, loggers getting off from the graveyard shift down at the sawmill, hunters coming back from the woods, drunk seeking relief from their pending hangovers. Railroad workers coming in from a long haul, and generally a rougher type of crowd. The same type of people who spent all their pocket money at Buck's Tavern, a well known hell hole.
In short people who would love to kick the ever loving shit out of me if they knew who I was. While most of the town seemed to accept the small transgender population that calls Benton home, I was keenly aware that people still wanted me and my friends lynched and would be more than happy to have hanged me from the sour apple tree. Yes, I'm aware that lynching is considered a hate crime, but that only if its reported. I knew enough about the inner working of this town to know that a few key people in high offices would just look the other way.
I mean, if I'd happen to be found one frosty morning hanging from tree in the backwoods, a good many people in this town would mark it up as suicide, even if deep rutted tire tracks were found surrounded my dangling corpse. So yes, going to the gas station after sundown was out of the question.
“Hey.” I said smiling as I walked behind Ben. “Let's go to my house for some ice cream. Mom and dad are away, they have tickets for some magical show in Vicksburg. Lily is at home, but she'll be busy.” I said tactfully, yes I knew Lily would be busy. “So we'll pretty much have the whole downstairs area to ourselves.”
This seemed to throw Ben for a loop. But after a moment's pause he kind of nodded his head in understanding. I'm sure he wanted to go back to his house. But knowing his big sister, Joan, she'll be looking out the front living room window like a hawk at us. I've never met his mother or father before. But they seemed like good people. His mother though was worse than Joan, the few times I've met her, say at church dinners and stuff. She kept her eyes glued to me.
“Sounds good.” Ben said, smiling as he reached down and pulled the car door open. “Plus, mom and dad are at home.. and knowing mom and Joan they would both want to talk with you. About our date of course, nothing more.” He said shifting his eyes to the left along with his weight.
I spied a chance to mess with him and I took it. Us Potter's are known for our sharp wit, keen business sense, and social grace.
“You mean they would want to sit me down at the dining room table, maybe offer me hot chocolate, and between your mom and Joan they're going to interrogate me about tonight? Wanting to know how many times I've kissed you? Wanting to know what my plans for you were once dinner was done? Wanting to see my phone to see if I'd texted another guy while we were together? All the while you and your dad sit in the living room, your dad sitting in his chair, you on the sofa, both of you watching some rerun of a western.” I said folding my arms under my budding breast, the fact that I had breasts still amazed me. I was still getting used to them.
“Nothing gets past you, does it Jamie?” Ben said with a gentle sigh.
“Hardly.” I said smiling, “When I became a girl, I had to learn a lot of different skills. One of those skill's was reading between the lines and learning to read other people. Once I became a cheerleader, I had to develop a whole other set of skills. It's going to amaze you, but being a cheerleader means you're pretty much at the center of everything. You'll become a social arbitrage before you know it.”
Ben blinked and blinked again.
“Wow. Sounds like some high handed drama.” He said as he watched me climb into the car. He gently closed the door behind me and moved around the car, soon climbing into the driver's seat. Once he was in the driver's seat he started the car up and it roared to life. “But I guess you kind of enjoy that stuff?”
“No, no I don't. It's just like this. Cheerleaders are like the alpha female's of the school. We gotta be trend setters and sometimes peacekeepers. We also gotta maintain the balance if you will. The main thing we do between cheering at games, is making sure the school runs smooth. That means quitting people who bully, making sure everybody knows they can come talk to us. And make sure all the girls in school are invited to parties and stuff. Pretty much if a girl is having a problem, she knows she can come to one of us and we'll help her. Even if it's just a shoulder to cry on. We'll listen and if it's a big problem, we'll help her solve it.”
“Wow..” Ben said. “The football team is nothing like that.” He said blushing as he fastened his safety belt.
“It could be.” I said smiling. “You're going to be named Co-Captain next year. And After that you're going to be named Captain. You'll have a chance to change a lot of things and groom the next person to take over to keep the changes going. It's a battle.. a battle that is often lost but one we must keep fighting. A battle that gains strength as the struggle keeps going.” I said, I then sighed a little. I was starting to sound more and more like Lily with each passing day. And that honesty scared me.
“You know.” He said smiling as he reached across and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I leaned into his hold and placed my head upon my shoulder. It seemed tonight would be a perfect night, one that would really mark another milestone being laid in my life. “I think, I'm starting to see another side of you. And I like that side.”
I blinked and lifted my head from his shoulders and peered at him. I peered at him for a good long minute before trusting myself to speak.
“What side?” I asked.
“The thoughtful side of you. The side that always seems to be thinking, the side that wants to leave everything a little better than she found it. The side that takes the lemon's life throws at her and makes lemonade out of them.” Ben said, smiling as he started the car. I kept my head to his shoulder as he pulled away from the curb and into the flow of traffic.
“Thanks.” I said smiling a little. “Hey, I was wondering if you would like to see sometimes. I know you're into superhero movies and stuff. And we'll their about to reopen the old drive in theater out on Old Benton Road.. you know it closes during the winter months and opens back up during the spring.” I said. “Maybe we could go see a movie out there. I heard it's kind of romantic.”
Ben nodded his head. I could tell he was thinking about it.
“Sounds good.” He said smiling. “I heard they only show vintage flicks though. You know those old school movies. Like 'The Legend of Boggy Creek' and 'The Town that Dreaded Sundown' I can dig those kinds of movies.” A playful smirk formed upon the bow of his lips. “And if you get scared, I'll be there to protect you. I promise you, I won't let a mask phantom or a swamp monster get my princess.”
“How sweet of you.” I found myself laughing at that line. It was just so cute. So perfect.. what had started out as a little crush, was starting to develop into something more. I felt a change taking place between Ben and I. At that moment I think both of us were ready to start seeing each other alone. It was time for us to take our relationship to the next level.
“But sure we can do that.” He said. “You have a birthday coming up. So that could be my birthday present to you.” He suggested.
I shook my head at the suggestion and before he could get a word in I said.
“No, no.” I said smiling. “I'm going to treat you.” I said blushing. “You treated me tonight and I'm going to treat you.” I paused. “Including ice cream. All dates should end with ice cream.” I added blushing.
Ben only chuckled.
We drove around ten for twenty or so minutes, killing time. Till at last he pulled up to my house. A true southern gentleman, he stepped out and opened my door for me. I smiled at the jester. When I was around Ben, I was reminded that Chivalry was not dead. And come to think about it, all of the guys in our group were chivalrous to a point. Ben, Matthew, Daisy, and Caspar all would stand toe to toe with any guy who dared threaten us.
“Hey, would you join me on the front porch please?” I asked as I started up the brick paved walkway that led from the front of the street to the wide wrap around porch that surrounded our house. Like most houses in Benton, our house had a wide screen on the porch that faced the street.
“Sure, I would love to.” Ben said with a small smile. “Give us a chance to talk a bit, you know. Besides, I have some time to kill. Can't stay too late though, I borrowed the car from dad. And he wants it back before sunrise. You know how my dad can be with stuff.” He said, chuckling as we walked side by side up the brick driveway.
“Oh trust me I know.” I said pushing open the screen door of the front porch. “I'm sure my dad's going to be the same when I start driving.” I said as I stepped into the enclosed porch and looked around. The porch that needed to be swept out and mopped. A sigh escaped my lips. No doubt that would be another chore mom and dad would add to the chore list. On the bright side I was paid for all the chores, and between working part time down at the family's store, working part time down at Lily and Robin's bakery slash cafe thing, and the many chores that needed to be done around the house. I had plenty of pocket money coming in. That might be the biggest lie ever told in the history of mankind though, I mean really, who ever heard of a teenage girl having too much pocket money?
Anyway, putting chores out of my mind. I walked over the old wooden swing and eased my bottom down. I then patted the open space next to me and smiled toward Ben who walked toward me and eased down beside me. The moment he was seated down beside me, he wrapped his strong arm around my shoulder and I leaned into his loving embrace. And that's how my Valentine's date came to an end. Me sitting on the front porch, being held by my boyfriend with my head resting upon his shoulder.
And so another episode in my life draws to a close. But stick around, there is a lot more to come. And I promise you it's going to be a rollercoaster of a ride.