Sarai was the first to show her unabashed joy for me. “That will be good for you. Now you can spend most of your time now being Gary. The idea of having some things to look forward to as Caryn should keep any pressure to be her from building up.” We took Sarai to her house.

Once we get back home, Katie, Megan, and I get ready for bed. My cousin insists I cleanse my skin and then use a moisturizer. She pins up my hair. All the while, Katie was on her computer talking to someone. I didn’t know they both had their computer cameras on when she called me over. It was Ashley and she was amused by how Megan had me prepared for the night. Ashley’s comment was, “Let’s see how many girls at school notice the difference tomorrow?”

Needless to say, I did not stay around and talk. Megan implied and I agreed I was lucky to have the support of some girls as friends.

The next morning, I went and was back from my run with Sarai and Patti Duncan. It was our pre-meet ritual of a more casual run to stay loose.

Megan was up and ready to leave for Grandmother’s as we were up getting ready for school. “Gary it is amazing how well you change over to your boy self.”

I asked my mom if it was noticeable that I used the cleanser and moisturizer on my face? Mom insisted, “No. It would take someone looking close to see the difference.” That made me feel better and more relaxed in going to school.

However, it wasn’t long after I got to school Hope, Monica and other girls complimented me for taking care of my skin. Sarai explained that my Mom told me what she did so that I wouldn’t make a fuss about going to school.

I was now annoyed about having Saturday meets as it meant I couldn’t date on Friday night and stay out late. Tonight was the first Friday I was invited over to eat with Sarai. We watched, The Lion King, and I was on my way home by eight.

Saturday every runner up early as it was a two-hour journey to High Point. The long trip made stretching that much harder but more important. There were two schools from across the state line, runners that we nothing of. One guy named Jeffries gave me a hard time about wearing a running skirt. An official even questioned Coach Higgins about allowing me to do so.

The girls ran and despite Sarai and Patti having slow starts they did very well.

Come time for us guys to run and with Jeffries hassling me, I knew I needed to do well as or better than him and finish the race. I had decided to run even with Jeffries but seeing Coach Butler at the halfway mark, I decided I would finish running at a faster pace. Having run easy the first half, I had more strength when others were getting tired. It felt good passing others but I knew I was behind my regular pace. Come to the end, I could have tied Chuck. I also knew I could reinjure my leg in doing so. Instead, I finished twentieth.

Coach Higgins and many of my teammates congratulated me for completing the course and were happy that I wasn’t sore.

I saw Jeffries and another runner who hassled me. I was tempted to give them a hard time, instead, I was content having Sarai to hug. Sarai suggested that Jefferies possibly had a crush on me. Her suggestion didn’t amuse me, but Sarai was up-front in talking to me. “You know the more Caryn comes forward it is possible that you might find boys more attractive? Likewise, some boy might be taking an interest in you.”

I congratulated Trevor upon learning he had his best time two meets in a row. It was also to change our conversation. There was no way I was talking about personal things on the team bus.

We stopped at Sparta to get something to eat and the girls found some shops to browse through. The girls had found some plaid kilt skirts. I was surprised one shop had a ‘Miller’ plaid kilt and the girls insisted I try it on. It was only when I came out of the changing room that I found out I had tried on a woman’s skirt. It would be Christmas before I found that Sarai had bought it for me.

We had the conference meet Tuesday and the district meet on Saturday. I wasn’t worried about the conference meet instead I saw it as a chance to improve. I did get a hard time from one sportswriter insistent on calling me, transgender. I didn’t mind, except that he was implying that I was taking hormones that were not allowed for high school runners.

What followed was embarrassing as the state athletic association pressured me into having a blood test taken. We knew there wouldn’t be any drugs found in my system but it leaked out from the press that I did have a higher than normal amount of estrogen for a guy. Not only did it make the sportswriter’s newspaper and blog but was picked up by others as well.

I didn’t see it, but when we went to church, several commented, whether it was online, in a newspaper, or radio I didn’t know. One woman was trying to joke with me when she said, “Now we know why you were comfortable wearing skirts.” She followed me when I walked away, and she apologized if she offended me.

I told her, “I guess, I need to get used to people second-guessing why I did things. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. I used to be friends with your niece Marcy. If she hears about it I hope she doesn’t worry about how she and I were friends.”

Mrs. Reuther said, “She and I talked the other week. They’ve moved again with her father being in the service. She told me you were friends and she worried that she might have been a bad influence on you.” She and I laughed that Marcy and I were worried about each other.

She said, “Marcy wanted to come here during her mid-semester break if you were running this coming week.”

“We run in the districts Saturday at New Brunswick. As far as her influencing me, my understanding it isn’t what anyone did to me. Rather it is the way I’m wired. When I younger I was worried that I was weird because of the way I felt. Marcy was a good friend. I’m lucky to have the support of Katie and my parents.”

The next week at school began a new normal as others in the school knew some more about me, and filled in missing information with their imagination. Some even thought I was now a girl from outward appearance. Tuesday an unpredicted storm came in cut off the power and only emergency lights at school. Phone lights went on making the halls and rooms look like a fairyland. Girls were talking to someone else and the boys turned to games. I received texts from Katie, Sarai, and other girls.

The running team went to the conference meet, but we took two buses as the girls’ meet was at Franklin Township ours was at Metuchen. Things weren’t bad but I did get hassled more and other coaches were complaining about my being able to race. The Meet was going to be held under protest with my running under question. The state athletic association however said the matter had already been scrutinized and settled.

I was relaxed and ready as the starter gun went off. The first mile, I was bumped twice and cut-off another two times. Fortunately, as I made it up to the front pack; the lead runners were more focused on placing and keeping a good pace. I had run a faster pace and was almost always in sight of Matt. I was twenty seconds above my fastest time. It was good for my ego but I was afraid of pulling a muscle. I settled in my pace and was passed by two runners but I moved past five as they tired.

One of the two runners who had passed me was Chuck which spoke well for our school in placing runners. Once in sight of the finish line, I quickened my pace but not as fast as I would for Districts or State. There was one runner, Riley, I beat and it was my first time in three years. Riley and I talked after the meet. He said to me, “I thought you were going to save yourself for the Districts?”

“I got hassled and bumped at the start and it threw me off my race plan,” I told him.

Riley said, “I saw one of the times you were bumped; you did a good job staying on your feet. I can vouch for it happening if you’d like.”

I did tell an official as two of the runners would go on to the District run. I said, “I don’t want to have them kicked out, but I would like them to be warned against it happening again.” The head of the athletic association agreed with the remedy.

Ashley had come to this meet and had Sarai visually on her iPhone. Sarai had won the conference crown for girls, having her best run so far. She was very happy as well as amused to see Gary from a distance. “You know from a distance you look like Caryn in a running skirt with her blouse pulled down around it.” As Gary, I threatened to take off his jersey but was warned not to do so.

My parents were there; my Mom said, “We didn’t let you know we were here, because we wanted you to decide how you were running the route without worrying about us.” It was great to know they came and I was impressed by how sensitive they were. “Katie says, she’s proud of you and glad you’re back running so well. And she agreed with Sarai, that you looked like Caryn with your jersey pulled out. That will need to go in your portfolio for when you graduate.”

Our guys’ team van got back to the school within a half-hour of the girl’s bus and it was a big celebration all the way around. Sarai had gotten first and Patti made her first top ten finish. Matt had placed second, Chuck placed tenth, I was twentieth. Brad and Lionel place well and we were the top guys’ team with four runners qualifying for the District meet. That was a school best.

Ms. Bradley encouraged Sarai and me to cool down our public displace. Sarai commented as she slapped my butt, “Nice panty Caryn!” Which brought remarks from both coaches to cool down our behavior in public. It was strongly conveyed it included the remainder of the season.

Ms. Bradley took me aside, “Gary, you’ve been through a lot the past couple of months, including coming out socially. I don’t mean to be rude, but socially you’re acting more like a junior high person discovering adolescence. We appreciate all you’re going through. It’s even exasperated by the discovery you might be transgender. If there’s any way I can be of help to you: running, personally, or coming back from your injury, please let me know if I can be a support for you.”

I asked, “Why is Coach Higgins not the one talking to me?”

She smiled, “I think he’s less sure how to handle your issues. He’s trying to focus on dealing with the state athletic association, compliance, and the next two meets. Ms. Harper the school’s Psychologist is also available for help.”

I called my parents to give me a ride home and also to visit with Ms. Bradley. Mom came along and Dad was not there. The three of us had an informal discussion. My mother thanked her as did I, saying, “It is good to have another person whom we can talk to.”

Mom asked me, “If you’d ever want to experience a mother/daughter time like Katie and I have, please let me know.”

“I wouldn’t mind mom, could the three of us do it,” I asked, meaning with Katie? I guess mom and Katie had talked and there were somethings I probably wouldn’t want to discuss with my sister present

This Saturday would be the Districts and the following Saturday would be the State Meet at the Redwood course. The rest of the week, the attention went to the football team. It was like our making the districts and then going to the state meet didn’t count.

Thursday was Halloween, which to a high school student isn’t that big. But it gave me a chance to dress like a girl. Sarai, Ashley, and Katie helped me dress as some cheerleaders in the movie Perfect Pitch. When I asked why all they said is you can’t get away with wearing the tight panty of a superhero. They fluffed and got big curls in my hair. My lips were made red and they used something causing them to be fuller.

The vice-principal was going to force me to wear a longer skirt until Sally Jones the head cheerleader co-opted me onto their team for the day including the pep-rally. She had fun getting me to stretch, kick, and move my hips for different cheers. Melissa, both a friend and cheerleader, was feeling sick. I watched her often enough they put me in her place. While Melissa doesn’t have to worry about me taking her job; she cheered me on and coached me from the audience. There were at least two football players who were unhappy about me cheering for them. We exchanged words, and I stayed away from them.

Hope unofficially volunteered to be my chaperone in going to classes. Supposedly, the vice-principal insisted I have one as he was worried that I was doing this to cause trouble. He insinuated if I got into trouble, Hope would be in trouble. It actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Hope Stanz and I got better acquainted and were friends by the end of the day. She helped me with becoming friends with others in our class. Most of my new friends were girls, but Keith and Paul were exceptions to that. Keith’s a popular basketball; Paul, already in the honor society is well-liked as well. Paul is not into any sports, he was surprised as he thought I had died or transferred to another school.

Paul suggested since I liked role-playing I should try out for the spring play. He joked that while I looked like Anna Kendrick, she had better moves. I was about ready to move my hips and do a kick or two, Hope whispered not to. “Did you watch Pitch Perfect? Anna played one of the cheerleaders.”

I had seen the second movie a couple of weeks earlier with Sarai, Ashley and friends.

Friday morning Sarai, Patti, and two other girls, plus myself did our pre-meet run. Sarai and I ran about two-thirds speed, which was slow enough that all of us ran the course together. School itself was an average Friday with two quizzes. I have so far been able to juggle keeping my grades up along with cross-country, injuries, and embracing my identity as Caryn.

A relatively new interest was window shopping on Friday afternoons with Sarai or my sister. Today, I got a new pair of jeans for Gary.

Saturday’s trip to our cross-county district run in New Brunswick is what I’ve been waiting for since I began running with Sarai. Sarai surprised me with her strategy as she was wanting to place in the top five but not win districts. I was more excited for her than she seemed to be. There were people from three colleges there that were seeking to recruit her.

She gave a great accounting of herself in placing third, but as one recruiter verbalized: “I thought she had a better kick than that to finish?” I couldn’t stop to tell the woman from the Midwest.

“Did you stop to think she has a bigger strategy,” I suggested? She asked but I had left to line up for my race.

I was third in line for our team in starting and it meant I will initially be bac in the pack. We did get a better start than usual as Chuck did a better job in getting out behind Matt. I still needed to wind my way through the congestion and not exhaust myself in doing so. My sister Katie was the first one up ahead and to the side, “Lengthen your stride Caryn and enjoy your run.” Caryn instead of Gary, just in case there was another Gary, I guess.

I was in sight of Coach Butler and others as I was worked my way out of the congestion and began catching some in front. The storm from home was drawing closer to our meet. A light rain was making the course wet. I decided to run to catch my second wind early, but could I hold on at the end. By those gathering by the side, I knew we were getting closer. I passed Chuck who dropped in behind me. We were passing runners who were some of the best on their team. Despite getting my second wind my lungs and legs were hurting. I didn’t have another kick but I was able to maintain my pace. Once across the finish line, I heard I finished ninth. Looking behind hoping Chuck was right behind me he was running nine, ten, eleven seconds behind me.

Matt had finished first and we were easily the fastest threesome of any team. Sarai and Patti and two other girls from our team ran up and jumped on us in celebration. Soon Marcy Reuther was there giving me hugs and a kiss. I knew Sarai was getting upset as she didn’t recognize her.

“Sarai, I want to introduce you to Marcy Reuther, she’s…”

Marcy spoke up giggling as she said it, “I’m the older woman in Caryn’s… Gary’s life.” Sarai’s eyes were shifting back and forth from Marcy to me. Marcy grabbing Sarai into a hug relieved the tension. “I was a neighbor girl four years older than him when he was growing up and we were playmates. I think I was the first to get him to play in skirts when he was six and seven. Then I moved and he went back to being his shy self.”

Sarai and Marcy went walking off as I went to get some fruit and water to replenish myself. My parents and Katie found me there. Matt and received a gold medallion, the next four runners got silver and I and fifteen others got bronze medallions. The best news for me came from Coach, “Barring, you reinjuring your legs you will be second in line next week. Matt wants to see if you can pace him for more of the race at State.” He did ask that I not share that information as he would be the one to announce it Wednesday or Thursday.

Sarai, her folks, and a recruiter took them out to lunch and they were not on the team bus as we returned to our school. Matt, though exhausted, was the team leader keeping us pumped up on our way back.

Story to be continued…