The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1490 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

“Helen wis jest tellin’ me aboot her plans fa’ this area,” Tom possibly sensed my unease with this woman and was changing the subject.

“I’m going to be trying to protect SSSIs* by educating the landowners rather than threatening them, and by pointing to good examples of good practice.”

“I wish you luck–sadly the good ones will always be good and the bad ones will always do what they want regardless of its impact upon the environment. I’ve heard stories of woodland cleared, of bats being removed or destroyed in their belfries as well real heroes in the protection of habitats or species.” I added to Tom’s introduction.

“I’ll need to update the SSSIs in the county by doing a survey.”

“I think you’ll find some of it has disappeared or been made smaller despite so called protection–the protection is useless unless you or Defra prosecute these perpetrators of environmental destruction.”

“Oh we intend doing so, don’t you worry your pretty head about that.”

Eh? Had she just patronised me? Cheeky mare. “I’ll believe that when I see it.” Tom glared at me as I said it, but I didn’t care–she wasn’t my guest, and I didn’t particularly know her at university.

“Cathy, the government has sent us directions for protecting the environment...”

“By relaxing planning laws so they can build anywhere?”

“No, they won’t be allowed to do that.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it. If it goes to the Environment secretary to arbitrate any appeals, the developer will win every time.”

“You’re very cynical,” she chided me.

“With good reason. I sincerely hope you’ll make a difference but I’ve seen good intentions ruined before by big money.”

“Not on my patch,” she said combatively.

“Ask Helen aboot yer wood,” prompted Tom.

“The university was asked to do an ecological survey of some land and I have reasons to believe there are dormice there.”

“Well if you think there are some there, there probably are,” she smiled at me.

“Thank you for your confidence, the land is up for sale for development.”

“Ah, that’s a different matter.”

“Now if I prove there are dormice there, and the developer pulls out, am I allowed to bid for the land myself?”

“Oh, that’s an interesting one–you mean conflict of interest stuff?”

“Exactly that.”

“Were you planning on developing it?”

“Yes.” When I said this Tom’s eyebrows nearly got stuck on his forehead.

“What sort of development were you contemplating.

“Possibly a couple of buildings, some utilities–you know, the usual stuff–for a nature reserve.”

Her expression went from outraged to irked as she realised I’d just played her like a fiddle. “Very funny, Cathy.” Then she looked at me long and hard. “You remind me of someone I knew vaguely at university.” I felt myself get very warm and my face was giving off several megawatts.

Just then the food arrived, Tom had his curry, Helen had an omelette and for a change, I had tuna salad with a jacket potato. The conversation died off as we tucked into our respective meals although I caught Helen glancing at me frequently during our repast.

Tom asked for the sweet menu and he had chocolate pudding, Helen ordered trifle and I opted for fruit salad and ice cream. We also ordered teas and coffees. The desserts arrived, just or otherwise and we started to eat them when Helen said, “D’you have a brother–as in twin brother?”

I blushed furiously and shook my head.

“There was a boy about a year below me who you remind me of rather a lot–except he was a boy and you’re obviously a woman–but he was a bit femme and quite pretty in some ways–they said he was gay but I don’t remember anything to confirm the gossip, so it was probably just that–he was into mammals if I recall.”

I said nothing but despite the ice cream I was getting hotter.

“You went to Sussex, didn’t you–which year was that?” If she didn’t know she soon would–oh sod it, let’s get it over with.

“I went the year below you.”

“Did you–so why don’t I remember you?”

“Probably because I’ve changed a bit.”

“Surely not that muc...oh my God.” She placed her spoon by the dish–“I’m so sorry, that was you, wasn’t it?”

“It could have been,” I agreed.

“Wow, you look a whole lot better than before–but I don’t believe anyone could–were you trying to be a boy or something back then?”

“You could say that,” I went with whatever explanation caused her the fewest hiccups.

“So you were really a girl all the time–that’s outrageous,” she clapped her hands with glee and laughed.

I shrugged and Tom gave me an old fashioned look before smiling at his guest.

“So how long did you keep the pretence up?”

“About twenty years.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“My parents thought they had a son–I proved them wrong.”

“What–you changed over?” her eyes were as wide as saucers.

“In a manner of speaking–something was wrong with me, I didn’t experience puberty until I was put on oestrogen and my body changed significantly afterwards. I had some surgery then to tidy up things.”

“Wow, I’ve never met anyone whose done that before–you look even more terrific–that’s just amazing. So who knows–your husband obviously?”

“Those who need to know are told as and when but it’s largely irrelevant these days and I try to put it behind me.”

“Yeah, I can see that. You still look amazing. Thanks for telling me.”

“I hope you’ll respect my confidence, Daddy obviously knows, and was one of those who supported and encouraged my change.”

“Absolutely, my lips are sealed. You made the right choice didn’t you?”

“I think so.”

“I know so.”

“I hope it’s not going to cause any difficulties between us, I worked quite closely with your predecessor.”

“Oh Gareth, yeah, he’s a sweetheart. Apparently he got engaged to a woman who had mental problems–so he scarpered to a safe distance.”

“I know, it was my sister in law.”

“Oh shit,” she said under breath and blushed almost as deeply as I was sure I had earlier. “I didn’t mean it to sound like that.”

“It’s true, Stella had some problems and he ran off.”

“Is it also true he fancied you?”

“I wouldn’t know about that, our relationship was purely professional at all times.”

“I’m just trying to remember what the office gossip said–nah, it’s gone.”

“Perhaps that’s just as well. I have to go I’m afraid, my little one is still on the breast and I need to get back to her.”

“You’re breast feeding her? I didn’t think that was possible–you must be female then really?”

“I tried telling people that all my life, it’s only in the last four or five years that they’ve believed me. Nice to see you again,” we shook hands, I kissed Daddy and left. Walking to the car a little rivulet of sweat ran down my back, I hoped I wouldn’t have to do that again–justify my existence.

* Site of Special Scientific Interest.