Gwen Brown

Remembering or Flashbacks?

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I drove up to a wildlife refuge out of boredom on a road that I did not think I had been on and as soon as I got off the freeway and headed west, things began to seem familiar, and a bit down the road, I saw a farm with a very tall board fence surrounding the yard. As I passed it, the full memory suddenly went off in my brain like a burning meteorite; making it feel like it was burning a trail through my grey matter. I KNEW that place!

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A Natural Flirt?

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I was talking with a couple from the church yesterday, and realized I was flirting with him. "So, no spanking for what I have done?", I said.

His wife and I are good friends. No one seemed offended. Yet, I was strongly feeling the need to be punished, even spanked. When I understood what I had been doing, wow, how can so much hot blood get into my face ???

From now on I will BE a Nun around him.

Gwen

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Plagarism ???

I have been reading "Fluidity in Space" by JenniBee and a story I have been working on for years has a chapter that comes very close to what might appear to be plagiarism. As I told her, I don't have an issue with this but do not want someone in the future crying foul when I publish mine, perhaps this summer.

I would appreciate suggestions on how we should proceed.

Gwen

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Preserving Original Publishing Date.

Tonight I am getting ready to share a link on "Easy As Falling Of A Bike" with a friend who is looking for something to read, so I had to dig deeply to find Chapter 1 of said epic. I notice that something had happened with it and the publication date was now 2015. Chapter 2 still says 2007. I have noticed the same thing has happened with certain of my stories, not that mine are important at all.

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Living as a woman without surgery

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It seems to me that I have heard of males living as women without any surgery, or hormones at all and not being intersex who have had successful lives. One case I heard of had cross dressed as a youth and as soon as they got in college changed to full time. I hope they have or had happy lives and that eventually that is how we will all do it. Of course, for an intact male, there is that troublesome masculinization, so I know they must have done something along the way.

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Visions ???

I've been stuck on a huge story for nearly a year, and had something happen early this morning. It is not clear to me if this was a spiritual vision or simply the product of my own demented mind. My view of the current and developing world promotes lots of anxiety.

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Playing with Languages

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Over the years I've been exposed to numbers of different cultures and it has been fun to learn what I could about their idioms and accents. It was interesting to learn something about the Thai culture, their way of writing and their accents. To me their writing seems oddly similar to Hebrew, not that I know anything mind you.

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Stories That Are Prophetic

I have two stories (books ?) that I have been working on for years, one of them I started in the early 80's on an Electric Typewriter. Lately, I have begun to see parts of both of them begin to come true in real life, and that frightens me because I think that my health will not hold out long enough to finish either. Sadly, the only people I would trust to finish them are not likely to outlive me by much if at all.

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Prostate Removal During SRS

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In a conversation I just had with an ER Doctor, he asked me if during my SRS surgery, had the surgeon removed my Prostate Gland? Back in 2007, when mine was done, I do not think they were doing that because it was felt that the proceedure was too dangerous to the nerves and blood vessels.

Apparently some or all surgeons are now doing it orthoscopically as a part of SRS. Are any of you aware if this change in surgical procedure has been implemented or is the ER Doctor wrong?

Gwen

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NO Pants !!!

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In talking with my Doctor, he finally sussed out that I am not a genetic female, much to my surprise that it took him this long. I've been very ill the last two months with Pneumonia, a UTI and intestinal flare ups.

In talking to me about ways to prevent more Urinary Tract Infections, he said to avoid pants, pantyhose, leggings and to use only cotton panties; none of the pretty stuff. He further recommended a full shower after riding my bike, even casually, and no baths; showers only. He also said to use baby wipes after every trip to the loo.

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9 years 11 months

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In the last day or so, the clicker thingie clunked over to 11 months so before Christmas I'll be at 10 years here. I remember it quite well. I was still very nutty from the divorce 2 years earlier, and being on huge doses of VA psych medications for PTSD. I'd previously published some stories over on Storysite, when I was approached either by Sephrina or Cathy; can't remember which. I was very messed up and broken at the time and spending time locked up in a secure cell at the VA every few months.

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Really, really ill

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In the nearly 10 years since my SRS, I have had many Urinary Tract Infections to the point that at my next Doctor's visit, I plan to talk about getting my Neo-Vagina removed. Because of my Amish conditioning perhaps, I have never gotten my head around having sex with a male outside of a lawful marriage, so it has had no use outside of my plastic bf. My hypothesis is that due to lack of use, germs build up in there and indirectly provide the source of the UTI germs.

I also plan to discuss the use of Lavage to perhaps keep that more clean.

I do not plan to live as a man.

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Coffee'd keyboard

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So, I poured coffee into my keyboard, a Blue Tooth one, that seems OK. Well, the keyboard still works, so I thought I'd tear it down and give it a bit of a flush out, since I have done it before numerous times on other ones.

My question? Is there a certain spray solvent to use?

Gwen

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Story Inspiration

Practicing some radical distraction, I was cruising YouTube when I found an hour long video of "Similarillion", a JRR Tolkien story about the beginning of all things. I was actually quite lovely. Then moving on I found a series of beautiful and astonishing videos by Skyrim that were so impressive to me. How do they write the code to do that and then to make the figures move so realistically? Then the scum on the bottom included some Rape Fantasy videos, apparently many countries outlaw them, but it does not seem like America does. :(

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Middle East War Years

I've been thinking about a chapter of the Hala Story that deals with very cynical account of the years from 2020 though about 2050. One of my protagonists would be involved in more war in Syria, Iraq, and Turkey with Daesh and finally the Russians. Thank God the US runs out of money to prosecute this war.

Not really sure I even want to write this chapter because I think there are enough Vets on this site that it would just traumatize them. Maybe all this can be handled in a paragraph or two. There is no glory in war.

Gwen

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Pounding The Anvil of Wordsmithy.

This afternoon as I was getting undressed after a bike ride, and mulling over the plot of a story that has me by the ear. I spotted several little gnats flying around inside the clear tank of my vaporizer. It only took a moment to take care of the little pricks; didn't want them laying eggs or defecating in there.

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Deserving a DUI ?

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So, for a very long time I have been too holy to drink, like ever.

Innocently I was on my way up to KFC to get my fat fix and I spied a little hole in the wall Italian Resurante. So, deciding that some culture could help cure my depression, I stopped and went in there. So, I had Pollo with mushroom sauce and pasta. YUM !!!! In a weak moment I had a pint of IPA beeer or ale or waht hever.

So, now I need to aks the qurestion. Can I posseblyt be intoxicated on a mere pint? Serouisly?

Oh, I gots soem tiramisu too, thinkin it mite sobr be up.

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Costly struggle

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I'm in the middle of a struggle that is costing me lots of emotional strength and my two best friends don't even care, and in fact view my efforts in this area as fruitless, even silly. I don't force my views on others but if they decide to ridicule my own, there is no respect; they seem to feel they have a right to tear at things that make all the difference to me, the only reason I stay alive.

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Not Ferie Fey but Drow Warrior

I'm looking for a female Drow Warrior picture where she is clad fairly decently and not copyrighted to use as my avatar in various places. I thought I was Ferie but it seems clear now that I'm not that nice.

Gwen

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SKYPE issues

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To those who talk to me on SKYPE. I have huge issues with it right now because Microsoft installed it on my desktop using my real name. I am trying to fix this but it looks hopeless right now. So, I will not be using skype.

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(Re) Assignment

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I don't know the release date of this film entitled (Re) Assignment. It's a Canadian film and I just can't wait to see it. The premise is about a guy who involuntarily gets made into this hot babe, so she goes around offing anyone she is pissed at.

Vwewy interestink.

Gwen

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Living as a woman with a woman

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A huge surprise this last week or so. A Saudi Arabian friend of mine asked me if I could put up a female college grad until she finds an apartment, and now she will be moving out on the 15th, and that will have been three weeks. My Saudi Friend does not know about me and neither does she, and I'm not telling. It's given me a rare opportunity to glimpse into the female world.

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Cowgirl Hala

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Cowgirl Hala
By
Gwen Brown

This story is a sequel to "Hala's Snow Day". There are 8 additional chapters planned to this story.



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This story is 22 words long.

Denial of Service

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Experienced my first ever "Denial of Service" yesterday at a Sheri's in Hood River of all places. I've eaten in Hood River before, while out on one of my many sanity restoring "walkabouts". It was done carefully and craftily so I would not be able to file a grievance.

Donald Trump has made hatred even more prevalent than it ever was.

To those who have routinely been discriminated against, I am sorry that you had to go through that.

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Deception of Choice

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This is likely the third time I have blogged about this story since it came out around 2005. I began to read it in a time when my leaving this world was as likely as staying, and oddly the struggles of the protagonist had a steadying effect on me. Years later, it is clear that my own transition was no more voluntary than David's. To the wise, stay clear of psych drugs, and Counselors.

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I've Had A Lovely Time.

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Since 2004, life has been unimaginably hard at times but over the last 5 or so years it has gotten much easier. Being the odd sort that I am, I never really engaged with the LGBT folk's political agenda, choosing to simply be a woman. I've learned a lot about writing, but lack the talent to ever be a star. I'll likely be increasingly absent because, for now at least, I have lost interest in the whole male to female thing, and never had any interest in the female to male one.

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Thankful for this site.

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I'll just be straightforward about this. I am alive because those at this site gave me a friendly place to come to pour out my heart, to cry and to become sufficiently distracted to stop actively thinking of killing myself. I was invited to come sometime in 2007, but had been lurking on this and other sites for year. My transition was so painful, like it is with most of us due to those here, I am alive.

No fooling here folks, the site has grown so much that I would not even want to think about it.

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Idaho Statesman "TG" voyeur

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A so called "transgender woman" got caught in Idaho taking photos in a changing room in Target. Sigh ... Life just got a lot harder. I'd like 5 minutes with this person ...

I doubt that this was anything but a set up; and that "Shauna" is transgender.

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Bike Bite !!!

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A few of you have met me and know that I pride myself on being energetic, sassy and snotty, but fun. LOL. Though the last one of you to visit here saw me not feeling that well. I'm going to beat this fat butt into submission yet !!!

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Be Careful What You Tell Your Shrink

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I sat with my Counselor of some 11 years today talking about some Meyers Briggs testing that was done on me in 2003 and a similar test done on me in 1966. In records that were with the 2003 tests was a test that said that I am an INFP (Meyers Briggs Personality Type). I can say that the assessment describes me perfectly and as she read the information, she somehow interpreted it to mean that I could react violently to certain situations. At the time I thought nothing of it but upon reflection simply can't figure out where she got that.

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The Symbiont

"The Symbiont" was just in Random Solos, and I had just started reading it and I had to leave for a moment and when I came back the page was closed and now I can not find "The Symbiont" again and I am feeling quite cranky about it and I tried using Search but the confounded thing will not find it for me so would someone please help me find it again? On the verge of a good sob.

Gwen

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Insanity at the VA

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A couple weeks ago, I went to the VA to get a Doctor to look at a spot on my back that never heals, so I wanted to see if it was Cancer. Spent about a half hour with the doctor and left, and then in about a few days I get a call from another Doctor that said that she was told that I wanted to start living as a man again. What ?!? The!

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Plagarism

Close Hauled On the Edge of the Winds of Plagiarism

Gwen Brown
5/21/2016

As I have said enough times before that it is likely getting tiresome, I have been working on a story for years, perhaps fifteen of them. It’s been an off and on project and I’m not sure why I didn’t just sit down and finish it. Perhaps the answer is that the fates had not completed parts of it.

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How many people are you?

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As authors, if we are going to be any good, perhaps we learn to sort of "be" other people since we must develop characters as we write a story and most often our stories have more than one person in them. As I have been thinking about this, perhaps lots or even most T folk learn to be more than one person in our real lives and each of them are very real. Then I thought about a police officer who must be an authoritarian figure at work, and when he gets home he is dad, hey you, or some such.

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Languages: spoken

I did not wish to completely derail Julia's thread so decided to start my own.

Another aspect of languages, dialects and such is our ability to adapt to, even adopt the speech patterns of those around us. I am from Oklahoma Dust Bowl stock and when I get around them quickly begin to sound like them.

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4%

Lots of T folk, even post op ones, seem to feel the need to rat themselves out, even the ones who pass impeccably.

I have just been through a couple very tough and bruising weeks dealing with the Bathroom thing. It's very difficult to establish a balance between forgiving those who hurt us, and being very mad, incensed even at their ignorant and stupid position. In my case, having come from one of those groups, I feel quite qualified to beat them about the ears with their own clubs.

I'm feeling quite knackered now so will try to stand down for a while.

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Bathrooms

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Lots of good conversation going on in the news and on places like Facebook, where Target, the American Family Association and other sites feature homophobes.

Though participating in the commerce is exhausting, I think a lot of good is coming of it. I'm just too snotty and sassy to let some of what the ignorant are saying just go by. Though, the time will come when I need to step back and take a break.

Many on the news and in Facebook are sympathetic to our plight, something that surprises me.

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So crazy, so insane

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Life is bigger, too bigger for me right now. Why is it that the "50 Shades" trilogy makes so much sense to me; that I see myself in Anna, Christian and his subbies? Why do I vainly hope for that good ending? Why do I inwardly "rage against the dying of the light"? I've been tasked with writing a letter, my final appeal to a group of men that I have little respect for, and further my friends ask me to not be insolent and sassy, and disrespectful. They tell me that even if this last effort fails, at least it will benefit those behind me.

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The Danish Girl

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For reasons unbeknownst to me, I've become curious about the movie, "The Danish Girl". Early reviews indicated that it might be too poignant for me, so I passed when it came out. So, how was it? Was it decently done? I'm post op and know how it is. Was it worth it?

Gwen

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Our own stories are mysterious

Having gotten to what feels like a secure place in my own estimation personal identity, it is quite nice to not worry about it.

Lately I have seen the use of simile and metaphor in stories that I feel is quite clever. There are likely other literary tools that I don't even know about. I smile at the thought that some of you simply thought you were writing something that appealed to you, or you thought you were just writing out your pain, and along the way some of you have become very skilled at wordsmithing.

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Explicit Sex Scenes

There was a time in my youth that I could not determine which was better, great sex, or a full dump. Miniature Ectomorphs tend to have issues with getting their digestive systems to work. As to the sex these days there is desire about once or twice a year. When I write about the 'act', it tends to be in the most vague of terms, since it is just much more important to me to hold or be held affectionately. Perhaps it is a bit of the XXY creeping in?

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Hyperviolence

A few writers have approached me about their new stories and I do not know why anyone would seek my approval. I like reasonably well written stories but excessively violent stories and and those with sad endings are not likely to be read by me. I've seen just so much violence and sadness in my own life that I just don't want more. This should not be a reflection on any one's stories.

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