Gwen Brown

Nun or None

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It's been two weeks since I've gotten groceries. I had to go, or the specter of starvation might overcome me. Since the stimulus there was money to shop. I was poking about for some eggs and then I spotted those precooked pasta. These had shrimp and lobster inside. I reached round a Native looking man to get some. Later we looked through the Cereal together. Then I noticed Watermelon Juice. So did he. A frision began to steal its way through my innermost parts. Later, at the check stand, he was behind me. What would I do about my vow to finish my life alone?

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The Study of Gender Variance.

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Gender Identity has been under study for just yonks'. There have been far too many folk moralizing about the various manifestations of it for like ever, or longer. Perhaps the issues with gender differentiation come from some not having to squat to pee? I wonder if no one had a Penis. We'd all be going round making messy little puddles.

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To Be Or Not To Be 2 Spirit

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Facing facts can be difficult, and the facts are that I no longer pass, especially wearing one of those horrid masks. Some are optimistic that we are at the threshold of having a viable Vaccine for Covid 19, but I won't allow my happiness to get out of hand.

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BBC, War of the Worlds

War of the Worlds has been reproduced many times. I am surprised. I just happened upon a delightful preview version of it on YouTube set around the turn of the 20th Century with the long skirts and such. I have been trying to rent the full version of it but the BBC seems reluctant to do so. I even subscribed to BBC and gave my address as Dumfries, but they seemed quick to suss out my treachery. My next approach might be to use something to show my address in the UK, but not be there. I'm reluctant to do that because I do not wish to be spanked.

Suggestions?

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Full Blown Crisis! Help

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A man that I have known for perhaps 25 years when I was attending an Evangelical Church, just told me about something that I've never heard of before and the way it was worded it seemed like he wondered about me. I'm shaken right to the core, and do not know what my future is going to be.

He asked me about the term, "Clovergender". I had never heard of it and no one ever accused me of any sort of abuse of a child. He felt that the idea is that folk like that are Pediophiles. I raised three children and there was never any of that sort of behavior.

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Copying others

The Film "Avatar" has just lots of six legged animals. It makes me wonder why there Navi are not six legged?

I've also been re-reading David Weber, where the birds, mammals (?) are Hexapods. They have Treecats that are 6 limbed and live in the trees.

How did the makers of "Avatar" copy David Weber's Heptapods and not be in trouble?

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Perhaps I just need a good slap?

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I'm feeling sort of tearful, perhaps without right? It's been years since I wanted a spanking. I thought that was over.

I was talking with my therapist and she asked me if I felt arousal when I got dressed in the morning? That brought me up short. I felt like I'd gotten poked with a stick.

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Thankful for your love.

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I've been at BCTS for a long time and many of you have expressed kindness to me in that time. I'm so thankful to you all. I just wanted to make sure I had a chance to express that sentiment in case things went really sour.

I live in Portland, Oregon, right next to the ICE center. The demonstration tonight included yelling, explosions and tear gas that got in my 4th floor apartment through an open window. There was no warning. The demonstrators were attacking without warning. I almost went to the hospital but some medication stabilized me.

Peace to you all.

Gwen

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The Handshake that Hides the Snake

I am reading a Kindle Book that makes me very uncomfortable because I have personal experience with the subject matter in a very specific way. I've been personally raked over the coals by the company and SEEN the manipulative way their parent company gaslights them. I'm very upset and feeling like I'm going to have a Panic Attack. AND, there is an admonishment to comment on the work and so far I can find no way to do it. I paid for the Book and think that it will be best to walk away from it. I can be a lot more specific but then Erin will be very upset. Dropping the Mike now.

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To Her, All My Blessings, and Love!

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Today, I suited up, using all I could to keep me warm, concealed and safe and rode my bike about 5 miles to the Hardware Store, and while I was rooting about in there, trying to find a certain soap, I came face to face with another T woman. OR she could have been Intersex, or any number of other things also. She had the hips, and was very slim. T folk are sometimes very critical of each other. I didn't say anything because that would mean I had clocked her. At that point felt all the love and support for her that another human being could feel for another.

Blessings to you all.

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Sweet story about twins.

I wanted to write a story about twins, girl and boy who were very close, perhaps right up through High School and longer perhaps. As twins sometimes do, they played games with their parents, switching clothes and so on.

I read this story more than 10 years ago, I think. Since the Author was so much better than I, It seems that it would be better to read their story rather than my own.

Has anyone an idea where I might find this story?

Thank you

Gwen

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Not about Religion

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It is not important if you are religious I suppose. Look at what is happening in the World, then read Revelations, especially Chapter 22, from the Bible. Not saying anything political. The Quran makes only oblique mention of it. Perhaps the Jews have something in their Tanakh.

Blessings to you all.

Gwen

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5 Languages, two degrees

A character that I am writing, a most exceptional young lady, writes and speaks 5 languages, English, Spanish, Arabic, Urdu, and Afghani. She writes two ancient languages that she uses for scholarly study. She has a Phd. in Archeology, and Sociology, with some expertise in other ancient History.

I was a blue collar worker, so have no idea how one would accumulate that much education. She's obviously a Polyglot and has a rather high IQ.

It is obvious that there are members here who know the answer to my question.

Thank You

Gwen

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Too fearful to write about this.

Perhaps someday I will write about this, but not now. None of what I am relating has to do with religion, rather more about Anthropology perhaps? Apparently this work is housed at the British Museum of History.

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Sexuality I don't understand.

With the recent disclosure of Paris Hilton, I begin to suspect that lots of people have severe trauma in their lives, yet somehow manage to hide it and pull together a reasonable life. I'm no exception. The mistake I made was to marry a severely damaged partner and eventually our lives caved in. She was an Alcoholic and I changed male to female.

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Serial or not?

I've found a story that I "think" I was working on over 20 years ago, before I came out. I remember writing it but it could have been as far as the late 90's, or before. There is a shameful amount of correction work needing to be done.

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Gender Stereotyping CNN Article

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https://www.cnn.com/2020/08/11/health/tomboys-lisa-selin-dav...

I am angered by the ignorance in this CNN Article. It's all about it being OK for girls to be Tomboys, and just goes on and on. Yet, if a boy tends to be effeminate, many of us know there is hell to pay.

It is amazing that they had the cheek to publish this article.

Gwen

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Not Pleased With Commenting Off Site.

I am writing this out of frustration and I hope that my ire is not offensive to anyone. With no one to spank me, there is no telling.

So I bought "Accidental Romance" and just finished it. The writing is excellent and it was a great story.
For me, SRS does not enable coitus. My problem, not yours. There does not seem to be a way to comment on it. :(

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"The Novitiate" by Angela Rasch

There are two versions of this story, the best of which by Angela Rasch. It is sweet and touching. I've read it twice and have not stopped living it over yet.

The other version is in Movie form and I am not entirely sure that I will watch it. I have to examine it first.

Gwen

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Things you don't expect.

Well, since Erin and some of my other favorite authors are starving me, I started watching some YouTube, and when I do that I often do lots of research on the authors, studios, cast and um stuff. I was going to start watching 50 Shades again, but started Twilight instead. Twilight by a Mormon woman, and 50 Shades by a BBC person. Hmmm

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Beer or Wine and what Kind?

Your protagonist has been living as a woman for 20 years and has the tackle to make it real. A man that looks a lot like Sam Elliott has taken her to dinner. He's gotten her a very nice Rib Eye, done barely legal with Asparagus, and Mushrooms done just right. What kind of Wine? All I can remember is Gevurtz Antramer 1972.

She's expecting some action.

Gwen

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Goodness !!! What a delightful story

I thought I had done this entry earlier but once again my ineptitude with the Computer is confirmed.

I've been reading "Butterscotch" and believe it is perhaps the most delightful and funny TG stories I have ever encountered. I would say it is an intersex story but it remains for the author to confirm that. It is also on Patreon.

Enjoy.

Gwen

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Lead, Don't be Led.

In these days, the spirit of a mean selfishness has drawn us into being less than we once were. People are saying and doing things in public that their scruples once prevented. I'm not afraid to say that the stories and fellowship at this site have given me the courage to keep on, and to not end it. Yes, they saved my life and I have worked so hard to make my own life worth living by being an encouragement to others.

The stories I have loved range from soul tearing to so funny that at times I thought I might just split open from heart felt mirth.

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Computer and Role Playing Games

I am really, solidly unimpressed with Computer and Role playing games. YET the other night I saw Horizon Zero Dawn (The Movie) on YouTube and watched all 6 hours of it in one setting. I sat down to watch it at 9:00 PM, figuring that I would stop at Midnight. I was completely surprised to find the cake all gone, and my beer glass empty when the movie finished. It is brutal to try to get up after so little sleep. It felt like I had the Flu.

The Movie is soooo good.

Gwen

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The Hell of Solitude.

I didn't know it, didn't realize, was unaware that perhaps the majority of my stories include the protagonist being romanced by a strong, commanding man who is handsome, strong, and regal beyond all reasonability. In the reality of my own life, I am often frightened of men I encounter to the point of paralysis. Once in a while, a man will be gentle and shepherd like with me, and a flip occurs. I am left completely stricken with the need to be obedient and held affectionately, not allowed to flee in terror. Those encounters are in my dreams and upon awakening, bereft sadness floods over me.

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Demanding I resume Psychotropic Drugs.

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Into full on whining tonight, sorry. It's been 13 weeks of Quarantine and it seems a bit excessive. If I do go out for groceries, or to take a break, it is strict face covering, goggles, and head cover. Yikes, I look like a Saudi Arabian Niqab wearing woman. As it is for all of us, being isolated in my apartment can be quite wearing, but overall I have been doing rather well, aside from frequent Ocular Migraine Headaches. These are not painful but a bit incapacitating, they are.

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Bicycles with Fangs

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Having shopped for groceries, I put them in my Paniers, and attempted to mount my steed when she shrugged and disbalanced me, causing me to fall to the pavement. To further emphasise her displeasure with me, she sank her fangs into my right ankle causing it to hurt just awfully. So humiliated was I that the pain caused me to mount her once again, this time with considerable vigor and I sped off down the street. God, my ankle hurt so much!

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Completely Despondent

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I am drained, absolutely, but am not going to use the word.

Stupidly got myself involved with yet another Mental Health person, and I thought it was going really well. Then she also began to involve a second year Medical Student. I've been feeling some frustration and over the weekend, and later, hours after a phone session with the Med. Student I became tearful, and have remained that way for days.

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Plausibility in stories

In many/most of the stories I read, even the so called, historical ones, the burden of proof is often not satisfied. But if the tale is reasonably well written, we can like it as entertainment. That goes for written work, and movies.

A point of confusion for me, the movie, "The Good Shepherd" by EM Forster was very good, rivetingly so. I thought that he was a veteran of the Navy. Much to my surprise, he was simply a good writer. He also wrote, "A Room With A View", one of my favorite stories ever.

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Even After All These Years...

Dedicated to the One I love. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M7gKZqgHn4

Reading Admiral Krunch's, "Being Christina Chase" once again after all these years is so very thrilling! In some parts I find myself bouncing in my seat like a child. I wonder what has happened to him and I do hope that he is doing well. I think his skills are great enough that he could easily have moved into writing his own published works in another venue, and I do hope that the years have treated him well.

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The Geek that becomes a woman

I'm looking for a story about a long haired, Computer Geek who starts to drive his car over the mountains and wrecks in a storm. Kind, helpful Russian Immigrants pick him up, and mistake him for a distant female Cousin. They get him cleaned up and all the mud off him and get him into girl's clothes and all that. Later she meets a Lawyer who falls in love with her, and you know where it goes from there.

I thought it was AA that wrote it but it appears not. Oh, it was Christina Chase!!! but who wrote it?

Gwen

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Internet Down, Disturbance In The Force?

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Without warning, Google, You Tube and some others are just gone. I tried a hard reboot and nothing. Much to my surprise, I have been able to get on line using MS EDGE. I think I saw a snipet about this but I ignored it at the time.

Is this permanent? Does anyone know what is happening?

Thanks

Gwen

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Writing an honest Female Character

For over 10 years I had a Phd Psychologist at the VA who I thought at first was a help. Then I realized that she seemed to suck my brains out at each session, and then to sift my consciousness and finally put it back in. One day, I finally understood that and on my way home decided that I'd had my last session with her. I went almost a year without a counselor, then one afternoon, walking up the street realized that there was no reason to live.

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Stories That I Like.

I've spent 99% of my time in my apartment since the last week in February, and when I do go out I look like a Niqabi with my mask, helmet and long sleeves. There is no idle conversation on the street. My expeditions to the street on my bike are to make an effort to prevent blood clots in my legs, and the resultant Pulmonary Embolisms that I've been warned about. Most Doctors don't talk to me because of my refusal to take their drugs.

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The Good Old Days

I just finished "Emily", and before that "Boy's School" by Sarah Lynn Morgan. I'm saving "The Gift of The Unicorn" until last. I love sweet, romantic stories, perhaps because there so little of that in lives. I've been pleased to sigh with longing, to giggle with mirth, and to nearly swoon at sweet moments.

The last I heard from Sarah is that she'd missed out on a job with NASA, and was heartbroken. I wish her well and hope that she is pleased with life and that there were bright spots.

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Authors Succeeding.

One of my most profound joys is seeing other Authors find success in the real world.

Some of you may remember a story called "Legacy of the Anari" on this site. It was pure Sci Fi and expertly written. The Author showed amazing imagination.

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Nez Perce care

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I've followed "Trials and Tribulations of a Girl" for quite a while. A while back, I was talking with the wife of a Nez Perce Native who works here in Portland. I mentioned to her that I'd been doing research on my own Heritage and think it is Apache, or Navajo, but could be Cherokee. Oklahoma where my GrandParents were from, has 39 different Native American groups in it. My Spirit favors Navajo, but none of us know for sure. I told her that I thought I was Two Spirit and when she talked to her husband, he told her that I would be seen as totally normal in Nez Perce culture.

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Please Take Care Of Yourself.

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Coronavirus.

I urge you all to be very proactive about your own Medical Selfcare. Drink lots of water. If you smoke, perhaps cut back a little? Avoid crowds. If you see a NIOSH 45 mask, buy it. If you can, wash your hands a lot. Weak Coffee rather than Iced Drinks.

So far, I am "well" for me. I am COPD, and a bunch of stuff. I have good inhalers and use them. I live very close to two Hospitals and have been self isolating for over a week. Please be careful. I love you all.

Gwen

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Malwarebytes Issues

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Malwarebytes, I've used to protect my Computer for at least a year. Now it is saying that BCTS is a not secure site, and telling me not to come here. I've had a similar issue with BBC but it has never caused a problem.'

I have written to Malwarebytes to complain. Now what?

Gwen

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Too Much For You?

I've had a dream, a very vivid, and erotic, and at times, impossibly lewd one. It was so clear that when I wakened, I was not sure I was awake, and not sure that it had not really happened. For me, the dream was impossibly powerful, realistic yet so very improbable to me. I'm frightened to write it down and publish it here.

In working on it, the story keeps changing shape in front of me. It is a mix of things I've experienced and heard, and perhaps things that I hope no one ever must experience.

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Google Announcement this Morning, 2/26/2020

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Not sure I interpreted their lengthy announcement correctly, but from what I saw, I doubt that I'll have an issue with them. I just try to be doubly sure that I haven't copied anything I have "seen".

There is an outfit that collects Photos for Facebook, and I think it is clear that if you have put a picture on the Internet, or anywhere on any Computer, this company will deem that it belongs to them. I do have a half dozen picture of my badly bruised hindquarters that got that way when a man, who was texting, rear ended me. No one is going to pay to see my butt. LOL

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Making Sense Of It.

Early on, in childhood, I suffered enough physical violence that continued for 14 years, from my Stepfather to now have severe PTSD, to include dissociative episodes and panic attacks. I'm 72, divorced, and actually had surgery to change from male to female as much as possible. I was not "transgender", but did not know it then, and am Celibate now. I just wanted sexual feelings and lust to end, to be over, to be gone from my life. Forever.

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