Gwen Brown

Aspergers tormenting...

Apparently they don't use the term Aspergers any more. Instead they use PTSD or CPTSD here on the west side of the pond. I don't know how those on the east side see it. I'm thankful to live in a place where they don't badger me to be a social butterfly, and the solitude agrees with me.

I see that I have written about "Spem in Alium" and other classical pieces that I find agreeable. It is doubtful that others would understand my love of "Queen" , "AD/DC" and among others ELO. Suffice it to say that my soul lives on that, Science Fiction and my quest for knowledge of the Creator.

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Sir Lee

I am confused about how a person who calls themself "Sir Lee" and can message me can do all that and not appear on the Author page. Based upon his criticism I cut a story that had 100 kudos because of my own hot temper when I did have the choice to make the corrections that he wrote about. According to the site index, he has been here over 16 years. In the future I won't publish stories that are so half baked. Sorry.

gwen

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Grief from Abuse !!!

I just learned that the couple that I think wanted to abuse me around 2005 to 2008 has been arrested. At least I think this might be them. He was at least 350 lbs and wanted to pee on me and lock me in a box under his bed. He wanted me to eat his fecal matter. He wanted to chain me up. She was skinny but went along with him. They have apparently abused perhaps a dozen children, and imprisoned them. I hope they haven't murdered anyone.

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I'm Wearing A Corset

I don't care if wearing a corset is a Fetish. It was normal back when.
I've been hating my self for feeling too fat, so I ordered an overbust one and today I put it on. It reduced me to 36" and that seems enough. (2")

I've also been inquiring about Spanking therapy. It does not appear in the DSM. I had it done years ago, and probably wrote about it here. It was wonderful. I know to be careful who I talk to about this. If I can't trust this crowd, that is pathetic.

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Boy or Girl Kit? :)

Riding weather is here again and I'm trying to decide if I will wear bike shorts or that with a pleated skirt over. I usually wear a hijab under my helmet for concealment and to keep dry. I don't bother with clippy shoes. I'm wondering if I should wear tights or would it have prevented my road rash? I had though I was mostly uninjured in my mishap, but it may have momentarily rang my bell. I've decided. Girl kit it is.

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Just Documenting Things.

Lately, I've stumbled upon a collection of masterpieces beginning with "The General's Daughter". The story kept me guessing every step of the way until the disappointing end. Wakening, sleepless in the middle of the night, I searched for and found more of the Author's stash; enough to keep me busy for a few days.

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Does Detransitioning mean you were not Transgendered?

I've felt a bit odd lately and have gone out in full male mode a few times. If my facial structure was more feminine, I could look like a Butch Dyke, pardon me. I had my hair all cut off to about to about 6.5 mm (1/4"). I am going out today for several hours and plan to do more of that. To me, it seems that my transition, including bottom Surgery, might have been ill advised. Warnings from the Psychological Community seem dire because many of them feel that it is a precursor to Suicide. I'm not feeling that. My children would undoubtedly support detransition.

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Crappy Internet

My Internet is undependable. I don't need speed. I don't game. Shopping is getting worse and worse. Ads on Facebook used to be relatively safe but now most are spam and some try to fishe me. BCTS has been fine aside from slow downs once in a while. YouTube used to have good movies but now it seems to be in decline.

Is it the Banks or what? I've been wanting a Laptop or Tablet but it is like dealing with criminals.

What?

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Grateful For Your Help.

I've wanted to be an Author all my life. Unfortunately, the forces of a life of parental abuse and after kept me distracted for a long, long time. Coming to Big Closet, almost as soon as it opened, my writing was awful despite the fact that I had taken Creative Writing courses even in the late 50s in school. For me, School was a happy place, giving me a chance to escape my tormentors and to be able to play. My grades were way below acceptable, almost failing and I did not care, a fact that exasperated my teachers.

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Many Thanks. It's Been Fun.

Creatures of darkness have gotten at my accounts and at my age I may not have enough gray matter left to fix it all. It is very late in life for me, and while there has been no official diagnosis, it is a struggle to keep track of things. Having gotten rid of my car, there is no car payment, Insurance, or petrol cost and these days that is a substantial sum.

My sincerest gratitude to those who have shared kindness between us. Sadly, my children are mostly useless if I need help. I have Lymphoma and right now it seems to be less troublesome.

Peace and blessings to you all.

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Not A Simple Copy and Paste?

I decided to do a simple Copy/Paste to Word of each of my stories, and print them all. I'm not sure where I will go from there. I don't have a pressing reason for doing this, though I suspect that one or more of my Electronic Hard Drives is on the verge or has packed it in. In Big Closet Top Shelf, it 'looks' like I can copy, but I don't seem able to paste these files, or any of them to my Word. I don't know what it would cost to have it all bound, and I have no idea what page size I would use. I suspect that 9 x 5 3/4 would be nice eventually but for now I will likely just do 8 1/2 x 11.

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Read My Own Old Story

Feeling a desire to reminisce, I read ' Lt. Katia in Afghanistan', a story I wrote in 2011 or earlier. I was deeply immersed in Islam at the time thought these days not so much. I was up until 4:00AM PST. I rather liked it, being one of my efforts at Sci Fi, Fantasy. I slept late in the day, regretfully causing me to miss an important meeting. Sorry.

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Don't worry

Don't worry, nothing to be excited about. I am as surprised as anyone, perhaps more. I had a huge attack of very painful Lymphoma over the weekend that almost drove me to the Doctor. Saturday, I went to the Barber and got a buzz cut. I don't even recognize myself now. I'm wearing Cargo Pants and a man's T shirt.

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MS Tarragon

Ms. Tarragon

By

Gwen Brown

This Short Story has been laying in one of my SSDs, neglected and unfinished for years. It seems that my protagonist is deeply confused about their gender. That’s not the half of it. What can we do to fix that? This is a story of secrets, deception, abuse, and war.

Producers Encyclopedia of Story Scenes

Most of my time is spent either writing, or watching movies on my computer. All too often I recognize scenes and situations from one movie story in another. I wonder if there is some group that keeps track of these things and use their lawyers to keep from getting caught impinging on copyrighted material from another work? "Marvel" seems to spend lots of time skirting the edge of legality. There was an author on BCTS who featured Strap on Wings in their work, and then died in Europe. I have seen those wings in more than one Marvel movie. Interesting.

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The Anthropology of Desire

I just finished reading a Wiki piece on the Eroticism of Islamic thought. The gist of it is that men are sexually attracted to a covered woman. And, generally women like being sexually attractive. In my years attempting to be a practicing Muslim woman, I liked being covered and really felt secure in the full face covering. The article strips the mystery away for me, not that I think there is anything wrong with being modestly covered. I think that being Muslim or not, generally men like to be in power over women. The Quran and Bible reinforce this. It's a funny funny world isn't it?

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Made To Look Like An AI

Made To Look Like An AI

By

Gwen Brown

Waking felt awful. I hadn’t been out at the Pub and had not been drinking otherwise. I could tell from seeing my breath that the room I was in was cold. Yet I was warm, and cosy so would have liked another bit of sleep, yet I was firmly awake and feeling more alert as the headache and unwell feeling passed. Had I been drugged?

Define: Finished Story

I've been wondering about two stories, and what happened. Anastasia Allread wrote Healing a Princess, and Admiral Krunch did Christina Chase. Both have lain fallow since the last chapters were written, though neither story felt finished to me.

Penny Lane's Somewhere Else Entirely seems to periodically get charming carry on chapters.

I suppose HAP could have ended with one more chapter? It is not said what happens to Christina Chase though there is a strong implication that something would follow.

I'm thinking of reading all three of these stories again.

Gwen

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Rago Open Bottom Corset with Garters

Once in awhile I need to go out to something a bit more formal and have been wearing pantyhose. I hate them, hate them! So I got the bright idea to wear stockings with a garterbelt, and finding a garter belt with real garter fasteners is a trudge. So, instead I got an open bottom girdle with real fasteners and serviceable stockings. They were quite nice except the girdle is torture. I reasoned that I would buy one a size larger than my 38 4x. The sad part is the seller does not have a 40. ?x. It is amazing to me that genetic women are able to tolerate such punishment.

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Only Porn Stories

I haven't been publishing stories on the site lately because all I have been writing is Porn and would be suitable only for a site like Literotica. Some may think that I only think of Vanila stories but sadly it is just not happening that way recently. Not sure when this will stop. Not sure what to do about it.

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What's a Sissy?

To be clear, I am Post Op MTF. I am not sure that I am transgendered save to say that my experience with males was dismal and I hated them. I have never had sexual relations with anyone save my wife when I was married.

I am reading a story where a guy is being Sissified, but has a female fiance. Make your head spin? The reason my original marriage ended was I was too feminine for my X. She felt I was gay. I am not.

I present as a woman now and have for 18 years. I don't think Sissies are gay. Perhaps the people that insisted that I transition were simply incredibly stupid?

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Horizon Zero Dawn (Aloy)

I sat up very late watching a movie in which a Gamer took all the parts of a Sony Video Game and put them together to make a movie. I have NO idea how they did this, since I am not a Gamer. Said movie, about 6 hours long was much better than the movies I rent and it called "Horizon Zero Dawn. The main protagonist is called Aloy.

If you look it up on YouTube, I hope that you enjoy it.

Gwen

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Uninstall Kindle?

I seem to have filled up my PC Kindle. I have hundreds of books on it, to the point that they won't let me add anything unless I delete something. Now I have found "Uninstall Kindle". What does that mean? If I do that can I just start over again? I'd like that.
Any ideas? I would like to start over on David Weber's books and maybe The Dragon Riders of Pern...

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Taking Your Ideas

Are you aware that folk that are not part of the BCTS community often use your ideas, often very blatantly. I don't know if someone is stealing your stories, or if some of the authors here simply are part of another creative community. I see this emulation most often in the Hollywood Marvel and other "comic book" realm. Not going to mention names here.

Not crying fowl here at all. After all it could all be quite voluntary.

Gwen

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We Shall Fight On The Beaches by Sue Brown

I've just read what there is of "We Shall Fight on the Beaches" and am surprised that it was not finished.

Was the story ever finished? Does anyone know anything about the welfare of Sue Brown? She wrote just lots of very good stories. I hope that she is well.

Gwen

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Can Someone Explain ?

How did I get here? I am not Gay, never was. YET somehow I am a post operative MtF woman and enjoy living that way. At 75 years old, there will never be intercourse, of that I am completely sure. Lots of those who I know figure I am Gay. I was married to a woman until 2005 for 38 years. She was as messed up as me perhaps, very unaffectionate. We rescued each other from terrible abuse. I worked very hard to heal from its effects. She refused to acknowledge that it ever happened.

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Amadeus Irena

I am trying to finish "Amadeus Irena" by Shawna on Kindle. I have to say that it is expertly written and a hard read. I am vulnerable to significant depressive episodes but still muddling through it. I hope to finish this week end. After that I am going to try to find some Sci Fi for teens.

Gwen

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Using An Editor

A long time ago, someone offered to edit my stories, and I was grateful. They are deceased now. The results were not good in my estimation. I don't remember if that story, or chapter ever got published. Since then I have gone over what I have written sometimes a half dozen times before I published it. Sometimes stories just go comatose on my Hard Drive because I can't get it right.

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Legacy of the Anari

I just finished re-reading "Legacy of the Anari" by Ashley Blayze. I have no idea how I found the story after a dozen years. In my opinion, the story is as good as many of the other SCI FI greats, and yes, it contained Gender Change but without some of the tiresome tropes that most TG tales contain.

Sadly, the Author seems to have done this one off, and disappeared. I do hope that she has gone onto better things and had great success doing them.

Gwen

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It was yonks ago

Many years ago, perhaps even in the 90's, I read a story that could have been Medieval, in which a female (Witch, wizard ?) controlled time by cranking a reel to reel tape back and forth from a tower, splicing and editing it as necessary. It could have been on BCTS but also could have been on another site. It was a good story.

Gwen

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Life Is Sad At Times

I had been friends with someone here for many years and she helped me through times when I was Suicidal. We used to PM and use SKYPE a lot. I even drove hundreds of miles to visit a couple times. Then she decided to get married and suddenly it was just off and completely so. When I asked questions, suddenly another member here felt obligated to be mean and blunt with me, treating me as if I am a idiot. She even asked if she needed to spell it out for me? Then another member with no knowledge of the situation from across the pond was similarly acting like a YOB.

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