I found myself standing in the middle of a field or maybe it was a meadow. I could hear the babbling of a nearby brook. The soothing sound of water running over stones put me at ease. The buzzing of big fat bumble bees from one flower to another added its own charm. The sky was a deep blue color. A very peaceful blue. The whole area was surrounded by trees, huge fir and pine trees that reached high into the sky. Past the line of trees, I could clearly see snow capped mountains and beyond that I felt there must have been tiny little settlements. Old world style villages with cobblestone paved streets that were lined with mom and pop owned stores. No doubt in the center of everything was a fountain that spewed clear, cold, refreshing water.

Then it happened. In the blink of an eye all of this beauty vanished. The green grass, the wild flowers and trees vanished before my eyes. The earth became gray and black and smelled of ash. The trees now seemed to be on fire and burning brightly like torches. The sky had changed from a peaceful soothing blue color to red, gray and dark.

And those snow capped mountains, they became volcanoes that spewed rivers of orange and red lava, huge pillowing clouds of black smoke, and a fine rain of ash and hot cinders. And beyond those mountains of fire and ash, I fear laid the ruined remains of those little settlements. The houses abandoned and broken, the streets littered with the withered remains of villagers, and the fountains bone dry. I felt like I had been allowed to view heaven for a few seconds before the almighty had decided to throw me into the pit of hell. Because this must have been hell.

“Welcome Jamie.” A voice said from across the field. “I've been expecting you. Welcome to hell. Here go the souls of all good sinners. And people like you.” The voice echoed across the field. The voice had a mocking, teasing tone to it. The kind of voice that made your blood boil.
I stood there and said nothing.

“Silent as the grave.” The voice said. “Or are you brooding? Brooding because nobody wants you, or because you finally understand that your whole life has been nothing more than a waste of time and money. Born a boy, but played with dolls instead of toy soldiers. Born a boy, but always depended on your older sister to bail you out of trouble. A horrible boy, a weak boy. Who decided that life would be better if you were a girl. But you sucked at being a girl too. Heck even your older sister.. kind of washed her hands of you.”
Again I said nothing.

“Silence?” The voice said again and then the source of the voice appeared. The shadow, the mocking shadow of my former self appeared before me. I knew this was coming. The shadow walked up to me, and poked its fingers into my budding chest. “What wrong? Cat got your tongue? Or is the truth too much of a bitter pill for you to swallow?”

“Courage of Saint Catherine, who will never run from battle. The sword of Saint Michael the defender of the weak and powerless. And the blood of Saint George, that slew the dragon. These were the gifts given to me by my patron saint. Saint Joan of Arc.” I said, smirking.

And then it happened. Like something straight out of an anime. I felt a sudden surge of power come over me. My hospital gown became something of a loose yet form fitting blouse. Over the blouse there appeared a coat of chain mail that glimmered like silver and over the chain mail appeared a breastplate of silver. A pleated blue skirt appeared at the bottom of the breastplate. White stocking and brown shoes. And then in my hand appeared a sword that gleamed like polished silver.

“So.” The voice said. “You do have some fight left in you. You know, you look like some reject from some anime than a warrior. But since you want to play, I'll play. Just make it worth my time.” He said snickering as he reached down with his open palm. Swirls of dark clouds started to gather in the open palm of his hand. Those same dark clouds started to gather around him. And soon they had cloaked him from the top of his head down to the very bottom of his toes. Then there was a blinding flash of violet light that pierced my eyes and for a moment stunned me.

Slowly as the light started to fade, I noticed that the shadow self standing in front of me had undergone a transformation. Now he was dressed like me, only with trousers instead of a skirt. Black and purple flames danced around his sword and his eyes seemed almost on fire. They had gone from a murky blue color to a horrible red and orange color. And then it happened, we clashed.

I don't remember how it started. I don't know if I charged him, or if he charged me, but are blades crossed. The sound of sword meeting swords echoed across the field. I would attack and he would reflect my blows, he would attack and I would reflect. It was like we were dancing, a horrible dance that would end with one of us getting killed by the other. And that was the whole point of the struggle right? I wanted to kill this shadow standing before me, that what you do in battle right, you try to kill the other guy before he kills you. But what happens when you're trying to kill a part of yourself?

The battle raged all across that field, neither I or the shadow gave one inch of ground. Time to time one of us would get lucky and land a blow on the other. Soon both he and I were covered in cuts, and before long both of us had been worn down to nothing. Droplets of blood splashed down on the ground in front of me, the droplets of blood came from the many wounds the shadow inflicted on me, and on the shadow droplets of what appeared to be black tar dropped down from the many wounds I had inflicted upon him.

And so there we stood, peering at each other, chest rising and falling in unionism. Both of us were breathing pretty heavy and the shadow seemed to have plenty of fight left in him. I on the other hand was starting to feel the effects of my wounds, while I was aware that I might be dreaming, I was also aware that dying in a dream was pretty messed up. But then again.. was this really a dream? Was I really dreaming? I mean as far as I know, I could be laying dead on the operating table right now and the nurses were just about to pull the sheet over my head.

“Something troubling you?” The shadow called out as he drew in another deep breath. “Because you stopped the waltz.” He added as he closed his eyes and breathed out a heavy sigh. “It's rude you know, to stop a waltz.”

“You talk a lot of shit.” I responded.

“I'm you.” He responded. “And now I'm going to do to you what you did to me!” He called as he seemed to gather up his last few ounces of remaining strength His eyes became blazing balls of fire once more. And it seemed the time was at hand to finish this fight.

“I'm about to kill you, Jamie Sarah Potter.” The shadow said in a menacing tone of voice. “I'm going to kill you in the dream world, then drag your remains down into hell. I'm going to drag you by your hair, before the throne of my master. Your soul is damned to the fires of hell, and nobody going to miss you.” He paused.

“Any final words? Any last words before I drive my sword sixteen inches through that bony body of yours?”

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.” I chanted. As somebody who had been raised on the high side of the Anglican faith. I was use to chanting my prayers. And the prayer just fit. I think eighteen maybe nineteen hours had passed since this twisted adventure began. Okay it was more like a rollercoaster.

“Praying again? I fail to see the point in you praying at all. Again, I ask you, where is your God? Where are these supposed armies of saints and handmaidens that pray without ceasing around the throne? I see only a broke, bleeding doll. A clay pot that is about to be shattered. You are dust Jamie Sarah Potter, and to dust you shall return.” He bellowed as he tighten his grip on the hilt of his sword.

And then it was over. It happened all to the fast, I remember sprinting toward the shadow, I caught him off guard and drove my blade deep into his chest. I drove the sword to the hilt. And to my horror I felt him driving his own blade into my chest as well. Our blood mingled and spilled on the ground together. Then we dropped together. My eyes grew heavy as my warm blood gushed forth and soaked into the blackened earth I was standing on. And the shadow slowly vanished, he became like dust and a sudden powerful gust of wind scattered the dust to the four corners of the earth.

And for the first time that day I allowed myself to smile. I had defeated the shadow.. and that all that mattered. And slowly as my eyes closed, I allowed myself to shed one final tear. This I thought was the end of me. Something told me my life was about to come to an end, and I was about to move from one world to the other. Maybe this battle had been my travels through purgatory and maybe I'll once more see those green meadows, those beautiful snow capped mountains and play in those clear running streams and brooks.

“Good-bye..” I said smiling softly. “Good-bye Ben, I'm going to miss you. It was so fun being your girlfriend when I had the chance. Don't mourn for me too long, find that special girl and start a family. Good-bye mom and dad, thank you for accepting me and giving me something special to hold on too. Good-bye Lily... I hope you and Robin find successes with your bakery business. I would have loved to help.. to maybe prance around in a cute maid costume.. but I guess, I guess I won't have that chance.” I felt myself choking on my own blood. I could feel it now, the last few ounces of sand pouring out of my hourglass. And with that I closed my eyes. Unsure what would happen when I opened them again.