The wind was blowing hard, harder than before and small flakes of snow were starting to fall down from the sky. The sky above me was gray and cloudy and my whole body felt numb and small flecks of snow were falling down upon me. The door of the ambulance had just opened and I had been awoken from my sleep by the blinding light. My whole mind was numb too.
I felt the gurney being lifted up and rolled out of the doors, a cold gust of wind smacked me hard in the face. The wind sent a chill down the spine of my back. The parking lot was filled with ambulances, and as soon as I was unloaded I was rushed through the sliding doors of the hospital. The ride from Benton to Jackson must have taken less than twenty minutes, but it felt like years. In those twenty minutes I had done everything in my power to keep from freaking out. I wanted my mom, I wanted my sister, I wanted my dad and I really wanted my boyfriend. I wanted my family.
“I don't want to die.” I said as I closed my eyes and opened them again. Nobody seemed to notice me, they just kept pushing me down this long hallway. I was no longer afraid, I was no longer scared, I just wanted it to end. I wanted the pain to stop, I wanted to become a waitress at the little café my sister was going to open. I wanted to live my life as Jamie, free of emotional baggage that had kept James down. I wanted to scream out and yell it out. But when I opened my mouth, the only thing I could say was. “I don't want to die here..” And nobody was around to hear me.
I closed my eyes and opened them again. I was surrounded by nurses and doctors. A sea of green scrubs surrounded me, all them poking me with long needles. And then he returned standing behind the nurses and doctors was that damn shadow. Only this time it was not a shadow, but a darker, more sister version of past self.
“Don't worry Jamie.” He hissed as he moved through the nurses and doctors. “Death is painless. I promise, you're not going to feel a thing. We'll be the dying part you're not going to feel. No, the pain killers and the drugs will ease your passing. You'll be like little Alice, falling down a rabbit hole, only when you land, you'll be in Hell instead of Wonderland, and instead of colorful, friendly cartoon characters to greet you, there will be only demons and devils.”
I blinked and to my horror the thing started to move a little closer to me. It then stopped and looked down over the railing of the gurney at me. I could feel his eyes looking down at me. He then moved a little closer and then a little closer till he was only a few inches from my face. I could smell its breath fire and ash.
“Then we are going to torture you forever. You will live a thousand lives and you will be killed in each one. No prayers will save you, God will not send his angels to defend you. The collection of saints, mystics and holy women you pray too will never hear your prayers. All your prayers will fall on deaf ears. And you will suffer, you will suffer so much.” He whispered as he leaned down. I could feel his breath on my neck. My whole back stiffened up and I closed my eyes and prayed for the image to leave me. After what seemed like forever and a day I slowly opened them again. And to my horror there he stood.
“St. Joan will defend me..” I whispered a little as I reached up and touched the small saint medal that hung from around my neck. “The Maid of Orleans will defend me, she will save me.” I said in trying to sound braver than I felt. I mean, it was clear I was facing something demonic. I mean what a time to face a demon, minutes before going under and nothing to defend myself with but my wits.
“Where is the fable 'Maid of Orleans'?” He said standing up and looking around himself. He looked to his left and then he looked to his right. “I don't see her, could it be she still tied to that stake and still getting burned alive. Would you like that Jamie? To be burned alive at the stake like your favorite saint. To be sold out to the people you saved to the enemy? I can make that happen if you wish.”
Then I remembered something a prayer an old priest had taught me. The words came rushing out of my lips, I'm not sure how I managed to say them. The fever was getting hold of me, and the pain in my side was causing me to see double of everything including that damn shadow version of myself.
“St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, O prince of the heavenly hosts, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan, and all the evil spirits, who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.” I said, in a shouting tone of voice that caused all heads to turn me. I had lifted myself up and had taken hold of the shirt the shadow was wearing. Those words I had spat into his ash covered face.
The shadow started to back away.
“You will be asleep soon..” He said in a menacing tone of voice. “You will be in my world soon. Then we will see how strong your faith is. Then we will see the true measure of your strength. I will show you the true power of the demonic. Your battling forces your puny little mind can never fully understand. And in the end, you are nothing but a scared boy. Who decided life might be better as a girl. But true me when I say this James. I will see you in HELL. I'll drag you personally before the throne of my master, naked, whipped, whipped raw!” He bellowed. “And my master will make you his bitch.”
And with that he retreated into the shadows. What happened then was the nurses dragged me into a room. Once I was there a blonde hair nurse wearing green scrubs appeared beside me. The nurse was pushing a trolley that had a number of medical tools sitting upon the surface.
“Hey, Jamie.” She said smiling. “I'm Holly and I'm going to be your anesthesiologist today. Now that a pretty big word, but just remember I'm the person who's to put you asleep and wake you back up once you've had you operation.” She said in a soothing tone of voice. “Now before I put you asleep, is there anything you want to say or do something.”
“I want to see a priest..” I said. “Like right now..”
The woman blinked.
“I demand to have to have my last rites..” I said firmly. I knew what awaited me when I went to sleep. I knew what would happen. And somehow at that moment in time I could see past the pain, past the emotional turmoil and past the fear and dread that was nipping at my heels since this morning.
“Okay,” She said, blinking as she started to back up. “We have a priest on duty. I'll go find him.” And with that she left the room. A few minutes passed before Holy returned with a man who seemed no older than my dad. The fellow had short brown hair and odd colored eyes, I want to say they were reddish but they looked more pink. The man was dressed in a black button down shirt, black trousers that were held up by a black leather belt. And finally a white clerical collar and a small silver cross completed the outfit. The priest walked toward the side of my bed and took a seat. His pink eyes seemed to sparkle.
“Hello, my name is Percival Bell. I am an Episcopal priest.” He said in a measured tone of voice. “Is it true that you wish to have last rites prayed over you?” He added, again the way he talked made it seem like he was dragging the words out of his mouth. He had that old southern charm about him. It's hard to explain to an outsider, but I could tell from his accent he came from the upper rungs of society.
“Yes Father.” I said laying back down.
He nodded his head and reached his hand out. His hand was cold as ice water. I took a deep breath the minute I felt his hand touching my forehead and then in the same measured pattern of speaking he said.
“Through this holy anointing may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit. May the lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up.” He said in a powerful, commanding tone of voice and then he softy traced the sign of the cross in my forehead.
“May I ask your name young lady?” He asked.
“Jamie Sarah Potter..” I said quickly.
“I will be praying for you.” And with that being said he stood up and walked out of the room. Holly then put me asleep like she promised. My eyes grew heavy and I started to nod off. A group of nurses started to surround me, they started pushing me out of the room and into the hallway. I heard my mom and dad say something, it seemed they had just arrived at the hospital. I heard Lily too.
The hallway was filled with cartoon murals. And while those murals were supposed to be soothing and calming and a bit fun. The fever burning my brain had cast a dark shadow. And then I fell into a deep sleep. One that had me dreaming that I was falling through an darken hole, and as I feel I heard the mocking voices of all my loved ones, and most frightening of all they sounded so real I thought I was hearing them, I heard Lily's voice, a voice that had been supportive and comforting become mocking and teasing, I heard my mothers voice become scolding and condescending and my father's voice who had always been gentle and firm became hard and loud. I felt like I was falling into hell.
