I sat on the bed and picked up Teddy. At least he didn’t have a go at me and listened to me, even though I was far too old for him and shouldn’t talk to him really.

I was very quiet as I changed into what Sheila called ‘sensible clothes.’

I was getting kind of upset…again and started sniffing. Water leaked from my eyes and then, as I picked up a blouse, put it on and tried to do up the buttons I had trouble as the flaming thing did up the wrong way., My arms dropped in defeat and I started crying in ernest. I was getting a right little cry baby lately and I didn’t know why.

I sat on the bed and picked up Teddy. At least he didn’t have a go at me and listened to me, even though I was far too old for him and shouldn’t talk to him really.

Sheila had left the room for something and as I was in full flow, she walked in stopped;
put her hand over her mouth and came over to me.

‘Stephanie, why are you crying?’

‘I never get anything right and I don’t want to wear these stupid clothes and your angry with me and…oh, I don’t know!’

She gave me a tissue and I wiped my eyes and blew my nose rather loudly.

‘I’m sorry, Steph. I wasn’t having a go at you, though come to think of it, it may have sounded like it. I’m a bit upset, that’s all. I wouldn't hurt you for the world. You haven’t seen the papers have you?’

‘No, I only read the Beano and there’s not much news in that.’

‘Well there was a house fire late last night. Two adults and five kids of different ages lived there. They were upstairs when it happened and they were trapped. Four of the children were dropped from a bedroom window and were caught in blankets. Then there was a gas explosion and the parents and one of the children didn’t make it.’

‘You mean?’

‘Yes, they died.’

‘That’s terrible.’

‘I know; everyone’s upset and worried for the poor things. Also, the cold hard fact is that the council now have four more kids to accommodate and they don’t know where they are going to put them. They don’t want to split the children up…they have gone through enough without having the added upset of putting them in different homes. Anyway, that’s the council’s problem. The reason why I said the things that I did was that it is now more important than ever that we get things right for you. I know that you have gone through the same experience as those kids, but although you have to pretend to be a girl for a while, you are fairly happy about staying here, aren’t you?’

‘Yes I’ve made some friends here and I would like to stay for a while. Anyway I’m a big gir…I mean boy now and I have to make the most of things.’

‘That’s good. I’m sure that it won’t be for too long. I know the council has asked for emergency funding due to the lack of care facilities and if everything works out, you will be settled somewhere soon.’

Strangely, I was a bit upset about hearing this news. I knew that it was strange, but apart from pretending to be a girl and though I hadn’t been here long, it was beginning to feel like home. The other children were getting like sisters to me and the adults like sort of parents. I belonged or I felt like I did anyway and it gave me a sense of comfort and security.

Mark seemed a long way away as I sat here, dressed as a girl and trying to behave like one. I was even starting to think of me as Mark being a different person…that was upsetting in itself as that was the only link I had left of my old life with my Mum and Dad.

Anyway I had no more time to think, as Sheila hurriedly helped me get changed. In no time I was dressed ‘appropriately’ in sensible blouse and skirt, knee socks and black shoes with a stubby heal. Bye,bye Mark, hello Steph.

I brushed my hair and then I was ready. Looking at the mirror, there were few if any signs that Mark was lurking in the background. I shrugged, if Mark was there, it would have been a bit awkward if I was going to try on clothes all day; I would have to accept the inevitable.

I shuddered a bit at the thought of shopping, but I didn’t have too much time to think.

We had a quick breakfast of sugar puffs, toast and a cup of tea and then we were on our way.

I put a cardie on as it was a bit cool outside and then we were rushing down to the end of the road as we had a number 36 to catch.

We just made it in time and I soon found myself sitting upstairs on the double decker bus, watching the world go by.

The bus conductor came up to us and whizzed his little machine around. Out spewed the paper tickets and he was off looking for more victims.

It was funny sitting there on the bus. I had been in such a rush that I wasn’t too aware of the clothes that I was wearing. I looked around but no one was taking any notice of me until I saw a small boy; about six I suppose looking at me strangely.

Had he realised somehow that I was a boy? He looked at his mum and then whispered something. She looked at me, smiled slightly then whispered back to the boy. I wished I that I could lip-read. The woman then looked out of the window as boy stared at me again then made his eyes cross and poked his tongue out at me!

This was a challenge so I did the same to him just as his mum looked back at me.

I went red all over and turned away.

‘Are you OK, Stephanie?’

‘Yes…er I’m OK, Sheila.’

Once again I looked outside. From my high vantage point, I could see into the backs of some gardens. I wondered if the people that lived here had as much happen to them as had happened to me. It was strange that. I thought about those poor children caught up in the fire and I hoped with all my heart that they would be found somewhere that they could live together.

Soon we arrived at the High Street, all hustle and bustle.

We went down the steep stairs of the bus and got off.

The place was full of people walking along the road going into and coming out of shops.

I held Sheila’s hand as we walked along. I was too big for that, but it felt comforting somehow, gripping tightly on her hand.

We came up to a shop, British Home Stores it said on the big sign outside.

It was strangely quiet in there compared to the business of the road outside.

It was a big shop with lots of clothes for different ages, girls and women, men and boys; all sectioned off from each other.

We made our way to the girls department and I was soon knee deep in clothes.

Sheila went sort of mad and I soon had half a dozen things to try on. We went over to the ladies changing room, and I was hustled inside. Luckily, the changing rooms were all curtained off and I was able to try things on without being seen. It was a bit embarrassing though as Sheila was helping me dress and undress. Eventually though after the third or fourth change, I lost my embarrassment.

I lost count of the things I tried on. We went into shop after shop. By the time we sat down at the Lyons Tea Shop I was exhausted. Who said that girls were the weaker sex?

I had a Fanta Orange and a sticky bun and Sheila had tea, crumpet and a cigarette.

After lighting up her ciggie and drawing the smoke deeply into her lungs, Sheila sighed and then looked at me.

‘Well how have you found your first shopping trip as a girl?’

‘I never thought that it would make me so tired.’

‘The things we girls have to do, eh?’

‘Erm, yes.’

‘Well you have enough things to be going on with, but we need several more if you are going to stay as Stephanie for a while.’

‘I thought you said that the council might get some money and then put me somewhere else.’

‘Yes, but knowing the government, it may be some time before they would cough up the cash, if at all. So we have to wait and see. Are you sure you want to continue with this?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well being a girl. There is always the chance of being found out and I wouldn’t want you hurt.’

I sucked the Fanta up my straw and thought for a second.

‘I want things to stay as they are as long as I don’t get caught but if I do, I won’t get into trouble will I?’

‘No, everyone else will, but not you. I think that we are all willing to take that chance if it will make you happy. If you change your mind, we’ll transfer you out to an area that can take you. Is that OK?’

‘Yes, I suppose so. It’s my fault really. I said I wanted to stay around here to be near my Mum and Dad.’

‘Look, do not blame yourself. It was the circumstances not you that caused this. We have a government who is more interested in the trident program and stuff like that than are willing to look after the poor and needy people of this country; they are the ones to blame. The council are not blameless either, but at least they care enough to try to help.’

Sheila rubbed her eyes and sighed.

‘What with all that, we have an inspection tonight.’

‘Will they want to speak to me.?’

Sheila laughed bitterly.

‘They won’t speak to any kid. They never do. They are more interested in what we spend our money on than actually talking to the people that are the primary reason for being there.’

I sighed with relief. The last thing that I wanted was some do-gooder talking to me and asking how I was feeling.

Sheila finished her cigarette and then looked at me.

‘Treat time.’

‘Pardon?’

‘I think that you need a girlie type treat.’

‘Erm, Cadbury's Creme Egg?’

‘No silly, anyone can have one of those. Although I do like the gooey stuff inside and I love putting my tongue in and…’

She coughed and came back to reality.

‘No, I think that your hair needs….erm…cutting.’

‘But I thought girls had their hair long and mine isn’t.’

‘Yes, dear but it lacks that shape that screams girl. Know what I mean?’

‘Erm…no.’

Sheila sighed and looked at me, shaking her head.

‘Holy Mary Quant, give me strength. This is going to be harder than I thought. I’ve made an appointment at the beauty parlour for you. Aren’t you pleased?’

‘Um, should I be?’

‘Of course.’

‘Will it hurt?’

‘Probably not, but hot rollers tight on your head can be a bit of a pig.’

‘Can’t I just have pigtails or something?’

She laughed evilly.

‘You want to be with it, happening and now, don’t you?’

‘Pardon?’

‘Don’t you want to be groovy?’

‘Sorry?’

‘Hare Krishna, heard of that?’

‘Is that a disease?’

‘Flower power?’

‘I have hay fever,’ I said helpfully.

‘I see that I need to give you a crash course in what is expected of you, little one. In the mean time, be prepared. It’s time for your first initiation.’

I somehow felt that this initiation would not be easy and it was with trepidation and anxiety that I followed Sheila out of the tearoom and out into the big ,wide, scary world.

To be continued...

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