The room was huge! It had a high ceiling and three chandeliers. The walls had lots of paintings; some portraits, others were landscapes and few were animal ones like horses and cows...

 

Orphan 24

by Susan Brown

 

Previously...

Looking at myself in the mirror, I could see a rather pretty girl and no sign of the boy I once was. I sighed, wondering if I would ever want to be a boy again. Then there was a knock at the door.

‘Come in.’

Petra came in looking lovely. She had on a pale pink organza dress with thin spaghetti straps. It was lovely and I told her so.

‘You’re lovely too; that dress really looks nice. We had better hurry or we’ll be late!’

She took hold of my hand and we went downstairs. I couldn’t get over how big everything was; big corridors, big staircase, big hall. We eventually arrived at a… you guessed it, big set of doors and Petra walked in. I followed with some trepidation. I couldn’t believe what I saw!

And now the story continues…

The room was huge! It had a high ceiling and three chandeliers. The walls had lots of paintings; some portraits, others were landscapes and few were animal ones like horses and cows.

What really took my attention was the large long dining table, covered with a long white cloth and lots of gleaming cutlery. I think that the dining table could probably take at least 40 at a sitting but today there was only a few at the other end, seemingly about a mile away I could see Petra’s mum and dad and two toddlers that looked like twins in matching clothes and high chairs.

Bob and Sally stood up when we came in. Bob looked very smart in a dark grey suit and Sally looked radiant in a white floor length dress made of some floaty material, although this was offset slightly by the fact that she was wearing an apron that covered the front of her dress.

‘Hello girls,’ said Bob, ‘you both look very pretty.’

‘Yes Bob, they do. Come and sit down as dinner will be served in a few minutes. I apologise for wearing an apron, the twins are mucky eaters and I need some protection!’

We all laughed at that as we all sat down.

‘This is Michael and Andrea.’ said Petra, ‘both sixteen months old and almost walking.’

I waved at the twins from my seat and they both sort of flapped their little arms in reply.

Before anything else was said, some doors at the end of the room opened and two…yes I have to say it…servants came in carrying some silver dishes.

I sat, slightly open mouthed as first Petra’s Mum and then me followed by Petra was served some food. Finally, Bob had something put on his plate and then the operation was repeated twice and the servants then glided out.

Not a word was said as this was happening and when I looked at Petra, she looked at me and then gave me a long and solemn wink!

‘Shall we say prayers?’ said Bob.

I shut my eyes and bowed my head.

‘Dear Lord:

Thank you for this food.

Bless us all and keep us from harm.

Guide and direct us, through all our days.

And may we be thankful for our health and happiness.
Amen!

I opened my eyes and looked around. Everyone was smiling at each other and it made me feel all warm inside. I wasn’t very religious…with all I had been through, my beliefs had taken a bit of a knock, but that simple prayer reminded me that I shouldn’t be so self centred. I should be thankful for what I had and there’re plenty of other people a lot worse off than me!

Just then the twins started yelling a bit…sort of in stereo. I think that they were hungry.

Sally started feeding them from little bowls on the table in front of her and that seemed to quieten them down a bit.

I looked at my plate for the first time, what with everything going on, I hadn’t even noticed what was on my plate!

There were two little lamb cutlets, some new boiled potatoes, peas and baby carrots, covered in some rich dark gravy. Everyone except Sally, who was a bit busy, had started to eat, so I picked up the silver knife and fork and tucked in.

Petra looked at me and said, ‘do you like it?’

‘What?’

‘The food, silly!’

‘Yes, it’s scrummy.’

‘Our cook is Mrs McPherson, although everyone calls her Mrs Mac. She’s great.’

By now, Bob was helping Sally to feed the twins and I couldn’t help smiling as I now knew why Sally had to wear an apron and it seems that Bob should have too!

Eventually, the twins had finished and a lady in a nurse’s outfit came in and took the dirty duo away to be cleaned up and washed down. That gave Sally and Bob an opportunity to have some dinner and pay a bit of attention to me.

I was being a bit shy. I’m like that until I get to know people. They soon put me at my ease though.
‘Do you like you new school, Stephanie?’ said Sally.

‘Yes, it’s great apart from the funny uniform.’

‘It is strange, isn’t it? Mind you, it’s a good school, that’s why we sent Petra there and she loves it don’t you dear?’

‘Yes, Mummy, it’s really nice. I think that you’ll fit in well with the others, Steph.’

We spoke about what I liked and didn’t like and the fact that I found the situation a bit strange.

‘Why’s that Stephanie?’ said Bob,

‘Well…I don’t, I mean…look, everyone is so nice to me but I’m really frightened that I might be taken away and put in a boy’s home.’

‘And you don’t want that?’

‘No…I have made lots of friends, I’m at a school that looks after people that are a bit clever and the pupils don’t bully you for being different….’

‘Is that the only reason,’ said Sally gently.

I looked down at my empty plate and felt my eyes water a bit.

‘If I was moved away from this area I would be away from where my parents are buried and I couldn’t stand that and then there’s all this.’ I moved my hand up and down my body.

‘What do you…’

Sally stopped saying anything as the servants came in and cleared away the plates. Then a few minutes later, I was looking at a huge knickerbocker glory….one of Mrs Mac’s specialities.

Soon, we were all tucking in and for several minutes, I concentrated on my food and my upset went to the back of my mind.
After we had finished our meal, I thanked Sally and Bob.

‘Don’t thank us, thank Mrs Mac…why don’t you and Petra go and see her whilst we sort out the twin’s bedtime.’ said Bob smiling.

Petra grabbed my hand and we went through the door that the servants had gone through.

We went down a short passage past a hatch where Petra said the dumb waiter was. I was tempted to open the doors and look in but thought that the waiter might get upset so I just followed Petra down a short flight of steps that led into a large kitchen with a huge range in the corner, several large kitchen tables, cupboards up to the ceiling and lots of pots and pans everywhere. This was a big kitchen all right!

There was a rather large elderly lady sitting at the table peeling vegetables and she looked up as we came in.

‘Hello there; you must be Stephanie?’

She had a slight Scottish accent and a ready smile on her red face. She was wearing an apron and had a sort of white hat on her head.

I went over to her and said hello.

‘Thank you for the lovely meal.’

‘That’s all right hen, you look like you need feeding up; all skin and bone like that bonny wee lass standing next to you.’

We both giggled at that.

‘Now, Stephanie, is there any food you don’t like?’

‘Not really…except tomatoes.’

‘Right…no tomatoes. Do you like porridge?’

‘I’ve never had any.’

‘That’s almost a sin. In Scotland, you could be sent to prison for less. I’ll give you some for breakfast and if you don’t like it, I’ll eat my hat!’

‘Okay.’ I laughed.

We said our goodbyes and we went back upstairs. I glanced at the door where the dumb waiter was and was tempted to ask Petra why he had to stay behind it but I felt a bit uncomfortable asking. Anyway, we were soon upstairs again and Petra took me into one of the many side doors leading off the main hall.

I followed her and I saw that we were in a not too large comfortable sitting room with sofas. Arm chairs, a television, a radio and a record player were dotted about the place.

Petra plonked herself down on the sofa and I sat next to her.

‘Well, what do you think?’ she looked expectantly at me.

‘About what?’

‘My home…this.’ she spread her hands out.

‘Pokey little place…seen better though,’ I said with a straight face.

I immediately fell about laughing when Petra threw an over stuffed cushion in my face and then tickled me like mad.

‘STOP IT.’ I shouted, ‘I’ll wet myself!’

She let me go and we both fell breathlessly onto the floor.

I looked at Petra and she looked at me and we both fell about giggling again.

When we got our breath back I turned to her.

‘Really…it’s lovely and everyone is so nice. I think your parents are brilliant and Mrs Mac, she’s nice too.’

‘Yes she is, isn’t she? Sometimes at night when I’m hungry, I come down and if she’s still there, she gives my some chocolate biscuits and a glass of milk.’

‘Och, that’s all right hen, I canna abide wee girls going hungry.’ I said in my best Mrs Mac voice.

Petra screeched with delight.

‘Gosh, that was brilliant. Who else can you do?’

I gave her, the Head Mistress, Matron and even pretended to be her horse, Suzie, but I’m not much good at horses and it made my throat hurt.

We were giggling and then heard some clapping coming from behind us.

My face went red as I turned around and saw Sally and Bob standing there smiling at me.

‘Looks like we’ve got a comic, Sally.’

‘Mmm. I hope she can’t do me.’

We all laughed at that.

‘Right girls, it’s getting a bit late and if you want to ride horses early tomorrow you had better get ready for bed. We’ll come up and say goodnight in about thirty minutes so off you go and girls, keep it quiet, the twins have radar for hearing and will wake up at the drop of a pin.’

We made our way up to our rooms. As we reached my door, Petra said goodnight.

‘We need to get up early, so I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for coming. It’s great to have a friend to share things with.’ She gave me a hug and whispered in my ear,’ tomorrow night, we’ll have a secret midnight feast!’

‘Wow!’ I whispered back, ‘that will be great. Can my Teddy come?’

‘Yes, I’ll bring Polly.’

‘Polly?’

‘Yes, my doll.’

We hugged again and I went into my room and closed the door.

As I sat on the bed to take my shoes off, I smiled as I remembered the lovely afternoon and evening that I had just experienced.

I finished undressing and folded my clothes neatly on a chair. I noticed that I had some chocolate on the hem of my dress, no doubt caused by some twin or other and I smiled again. I liked this family, they were nice people.

I picked up my nightie and went into the bathroom. I had a wee; I always sit down as my little friend was a bit small and I tended to spray everywhere if I stand up to do ‘it’.

I washed my hands and cleaned my teeth; then I slipped on my nightie…I always loved the silky feeling when I did that. I picked up my brush and brushed my hair till it shone. When I had finished, I turned the light off went over to the bed, picked up Teddy then slipped between the cool white cotton sheets.

‘Well, Teddy, what a day I’ve had; we…’

I stopped at the knock on the door.

‘Come in.’

The door opened and Sally and Bob came in.

‘’Already in bed…good girl!’ said a smiling Sally, sitting beside me.

Have you had a nice day?’ said Bob.

‘Yes, it was fun. Thank you for letting me stay.’

‘That’s all right pumpkin. I’ll say goodnight. Sally wants a quick word with you.’

He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. It was rather nice and my face tickled a bit with his slightly hairy face…but I didn’t mind.

He gave me a little wave and said,’ right, I bet that Petra’s not in bed yet…’ as he left shutting the door quietly behind him.

I looked up at the smiling face of Sally.

‘’I’m glad that Petra has found a particular friend. Don’t get me wrong, she has a lot of friends at school, but you are the only one who knows a bit of what she had to go through. Also, you are the only one she has asked to stay for the weekend.’

‘Why is that?’

‘She is still very conscious about who she is. We tell her that it doesn’t matter. It’s the seventies now and society is a lot different and more tolerant than when I was a young girl. There is still a bit of a stigma attached to children who don’t identify with their birth gender. Do you know what I am trying to say?’

I just nodded.

‘Now we come to you. While we were having dinner, we were interrupted; you were trying to tell us something.’

I looked uncomfortable.

‘Please tell me. I might be able to help and it’s good to talk sometimes.’

‘It’s just…just that I feel that I…’

I found it difficult to put it in words. I held onto Teddy rather tightly and then as if a damn had burst, it all came out.
‘I…if I get caught, I would be taken away from my friends and my school. I would be taken to somewhere a long way away as there is no room in this area for boys who need homes. Then if I move away, I would have to be a boy and I…I…I don’t want to be a boy any more.’

‘Why not, honey?’

Somehow, I was being held by Sally…it was nice.

‘I’ve only been like this for a little while…dressing as a girl, but it feels right, as though…it’s like, you know when you go to the shoe shop and you try on a pair of shoes?’

She nodded.

‘Well, it’s like all my life I’ve been wearing the wrong sized shoes and now, as a girl, they fit, just right.’

I was crying now…I must be a girl, because boys don’t cry as much as I do!

She hugged me and rocked me gently until I had calmed down.

‘Feeling a bit better?’

‘Yes thanks; it’s nice to talk to someone about this.’

‘Yes, it’s good to get things off your chest. Now, Steph, look at me.’

I wiped my eyes and looked at her. She had a pretty smile and I found it hard to believe that she was Petra’s mother as she looked far too young.

‘Both Bob and I will make sure that no harm comes to you and if you have any worries at the Home or at school, I want you to promise to come and see us; we are on your side; okay?’

I just nodded. I could feel the truth of what she said in her voice; it was comforting and reassuring and it made me feel a lot better.

‘Right; off to sleep, missy and I’ll see you in the morning.’
She gave me a kiss and settled me down in the bed.

As I cuddled Teddy and felt Sally gently stroke my hair, my eyes began to droop and then shut.

‘Goodnight, love.’

‘Night…Mummy.’

I could hear a small sob as the door shut quietly behind me and it wasn’t until the next day that I realised what I had said.

To be continued…

Please leave comments as Teddy reads all correspondence.