The head mistress looked at me and then Matron.

‘Well Connie, this is the youngster you was talking about?’

'Yes, Millie, this is Stephanie.’

I tried to smile but I think that it came out as a grimace.

‘Well, you had both better come in then.’

 
Orphan 17

by Susan Brown

 

The head mistress looked at me and then Matron.

‘Well Connie, this is the youngster you was talking about?’

‘Yes, Millie, this is Stephanie.’

I tried to smile but I think that it came out as a grimace.

‘Well, you had both better come in then.’

We followed Her into the office. She motioned us to sit down as she proceeded to take off her gown. She was wearing a rather pretty flowery dress under the austere black gown and she seemed smaller without large bulky thing on.

She sat down with a sigh and picked up the phone.

‘Hello Donna; can we have three teas please?’

She put the phone down and then looked at some papers on her desk.

‘I won’t be a moment.’

As she read, I looked around the room. It was quite large and had highly polished wooden walls; it had many shelves stuffed with books. Her desk was large too; with just an empty letter tray, a telephone, a black and white photograph in a silver frame and a large blotter; which covered a good portion of the desk.

I looked at Her as she shuffled through some papers. She had a frown on her face that made her look rather fearsome. My hand sought out Matrons and I grabbed it like a drowning person grasps a life belt or whatever they call that ring thingy on ships.

I looked at Matron and she must have seen the fear in my eyes because she just smiled reassuringly.

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

I jumped slightly as She yelled ‘COME!’

The door opened. It sounded a bit like a medieval castle door opening and I expected Lurch or someone to shuffle in, but it was only a young woman.

‘Here we are Head, I hope that you all enjoy the tea and biscuits.’

She put the tray down. It was silver and there were three cups and saucers together with a teapot and tea plates and some biscuits.

‘Thank you Donna, shut the door after you.’

The young lady looked at me and seemed to smile sympathetically; then left creaking the door behind her.

‘Right.’

She looked up at me and then, strangely she smiled!

‘Well Stephanie, how do you feel about coming to school here?’

‘I…I…I…don’t know.’

‘Why?’

‘Well. It’s all new to me and this place looks a bit frightening.’

‘Yes it would to someone who has never been here before. Now, Millie here has told me about your circumstances…’

I looked at Matron in horror. I thought that it would be a secret; now the head mistress knew everything about me. I got all hot, felt a bit sick and then I felt myself slump as everything went black…

When I woke up, I immediately saw that I was still in the head mistresses office. I was lying on a couch and a cold flannel was on my brow.

‘What…happened?’

Matron was sitting next to me on a chair and I could hear that the head mistress was on the phone to someone.

‘You fainted, dear; do you feel any better?’

‘A bit; what’s going to happen to me?’

‘You will be fine; don’t worry.’

But I DID worry. I shut my eyes. I couldn’t hear what the head mistress was saying on the phone, but just then I heard the receiver being put back on the cradle.

The head mistress came over straight away.

‘Don’t move dear, Nurse is on the way.’

I lay back down and must gone to sleep, unbelievable considering where I was and why I was here.

I woke up again to feel someone feeling my brow and holding my wrist. I opened my eyes and there, was a lady in nurses uniform… all starch cap and apron.

‘How are we feeling?’

‘OK, I think.’

‘Well you seem all right; a bit hot and bothered and your heart is racing, so calm down, have a drop of tea and if you still feel funny, let me know, OK?’

‘Thank you nurse.’

‘That’s all right honey, a sweet girl like you shouldn’t get all upset.’

With that, she smiled nicely and left me to the tender mercies of Matron and Her.

The kind nurse went over and said something to the others and then went out.

I sat up, feeling a bit better now and smoothed my dress down. My hair was in my eyes so I flicked it out of the way and glanced over to the two ladies who had their backs towards me and appeared to be whispering.

They must have heard me as they both turned round and then came over.

‘Feeling better?’ said the head mistress.

‘Yes, thank you.’

‘I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t realise that Connie hadn’t told you that I was aware of your, shall we say unique situation.’

‘Don’t you mind about me being a boy?’

‘Well, I must admit, I had grave reservations about all this. However, Connie here explained about what has happened to you and the fact that you are unsure of yourself. I know that you don’t want to move out of the area and that there are no places for you in the boys home. Also, Connie mentioned the fact that you appear to like being a girl…’

Matron then chipped in.

‘I know that I have broken your confidence, Stephanie, but I felt that Millie needed to know exactly how you feel so that she could decide, in your best interests what should be done. Can you forgive me?’

I nodded as I could see that she did want to help me.

‘I promise that neither the head mistress or I will betray your confidence again; OK?’

I nodded again, feeling a bit like a nodding dog in the back of a car.

‘Right,’ said the head, ‘I want to ask you some questions; are you up to it?

‘Yes Miss.’

‘If you don’t want to answer or you start to get upset again, we’ll stop. Now do you like dressing as a girl?

‘Well… it’s strange, but I do.’

‘Why strange?’

‘Cos I’m a boy, I mean that I have boy bits...’ I could feel myself blush deeply.

‘And boys don’t dress as girls and girls don't have boy bits?'

‘That’s right.’

‘So you like the dressing up as a girl, but anyone can do that, do you feel like a girl?

‘I don’t know what a girl feels like.’

They both laughed at that and then Matron spoke.

‘Good point; I think we understand what you mean. What we are trying to say is; the way you feel now, do you think that you are more a girl than a boy?’

‘I don’t know. Sometimes, when I’m with the other girls, I forget that I’m a boy under all the pretty clothes. It’s like… I am more comfortable with things. I don’t need to be a big strong boy. I can cry and no one will laugh at me. I like the way I dress and look. I was bullied at my last school because I was… was a bit smaller and somehow without knowing it, I probably didn’t fit in as a normal boy, they used to call me "pretty boy".’

My eyes had started to water. I hate that, but I was confused and I wanted to fit in with the other girls and above all it seemed so right. The strange thing was that it had taken me being treated as a girl for a few short days for me to realise that I was different from other boys and that I could, maybe, find myself…as a girl.

The head mistress took my hand…how could I think that she was such an ogre when she looked at me like this — full of compassion with a tear in her eyes too!

‘Stephanie. Here’s a hanky, blow your nose and wipe your eyes. No that’s wrong wipe your eyes then blow your nose; there’s no need to cry.’

I did as I was told and it somehow made me feel better.

‘Right, let’s get down to business. You are not the first child to come here who has had gender problems. Since I have been head, there have been three children here that were brought up as boys. One was a hermaphrodite; that is someone with male and female organs. The other two were born as boys and believed that they were born in the wrong bodies. This is a semi private school that is partially funded by the state but has it’s own ways. I have sole discretionary powers to accept pupils in this school. Now, a problem could arise if other girls find out that you have boy bits and are not as you seem. It is difficult, as I have to protect all pupils, not just you, do you understand that?’

I did my nodding dog impression.

‘OK, I will accept you on condition that you see a gender specialist; she is a psychiatrist who has had a lot of experience with gender confusion. If she feels that you will fit in and not be a threat or danger to anyone here. I will accept that and offer you a place. However, I have a few conditions; firstly, we will tell a white lie to the rest of the pupils, enabling you to dress and undress in private — a minor medical condition should fit the bill — all my staff will be made aware of your situation; they were all appointed by me and I know their position on this based on the previous pupils I told you about. I can confirm that they are caring and supportive. If you need a shower, you can use the staff room one. Other than that, I think things should work out OK. If things go wrong, we will have a report from the gender specialist to back up the fact that you are the way you are due to things out of your control. If there is any flack over this, I am prepared to back you up, just as Connie here has at the home. Do you agree to all of this?’

‘I don’t want to get anyone into trouble.’

‘You won’t, but as I said before, we need to protect you and also the other pupils. I think that now we are in the 70’s we are more enlightened than ever before. Society has a long way to go, but I think that we are at least nudging it in the right direction. Now, I repeat, are you happy to be a girl at this school if we get the go ahead from the psychiatrist?’

I thought for a moment and then smiled. Perhaps things will be all right after all.

‘Yes please!’

‘Good; now I want you to follow me.’

I got up, still a bit unsteadily, but with Matrons helpful arm, I was able to follow the head mistress out.

There was nobody about as everyone was in lessons, I supposed.

We went next door to another room. It was an empty classroom.

‘Right, sit here Stephanie. I have a test for you; its not a nasty one, it just gives me some idea of your level of education. You have about half an hour. We will leave you alone; but don’t worry, as no one will disturb you.’

I looked at the questions, they were in sections; general knowledge, maths, geography, yucky history, English…lots of different questions, some were yes no answers, others multiple choice and some I had to even think of my own answers! Not a nasty one, well that was a fib if ever I heard one!

I sighed and picked up a pen. Brushing the hair out of my eyes I set too and started the test….

About 20 minutes later, I had finished.

“Not so bad,” I thought, going over the questions again, “probably got tons wrong. Ah
well, I wonder if they have a dunces class?”

It was about 15 minutes later when I heard the door open and the Head Mistress came in.

‘All finished?’

‘Yes Miss.’

‘Well done; Matron has agreed to show you around whilst I mark your paper.’

Matron then came in.

‘OK, Stephanie, lets go and explore, shall we?’

‘See you later,Millie.’

‘OK, it shouldn’t take too long to mark this, see you in about 20 minutes?’

‘Fine.’

I followed Matron as she showed me the sites.

‘This is the main hall.’

It looked like a church and said so.

‘Yes, one of the previous owners were the lord and lady of the manor. It wasn’t unusual to have a sort of in house church in those days.’

Then we saw the dining room, which was vast, with high wooden beamed ceilings. Next was the sports hall, yet another huge room, with vaulting horses, mats bars and lots of gym equipment. There were some girls and a teacher with a big shining whistle in there. Everyone was dashing around like mad in their sweaty gym kit and I felt tired just looking at them!

Next we went down a corridor with lots of doors. On each door was a subject, like 1st and 2nd year maths, or 3rd year English.

Matron stopped at a door that said 2nd year geography and peaked through the window.

‘Would you like to see what your friends are doing?’

‘Yes please,’ I said eagerly.

The window was high so I had to stand on tiptoes to see in the classroom.

I could see about 15 girls working hard at their desks. I saw Tracy and Rachel and Phillip; something was strange though.

‘Matron.’

‘Yes dear?’

Where are the horrid school uniforms, they are all wearing gingham school dresses?’

Matron laughed.

‘Come on lets go outside and see the playgrounds and I’ll explain.’

We sat on some swings in a large playground.

‘Well, Stephanie, about one hundred years ago, the rich family that owned this place moved abroad and bequeathed the house and grounds to their son. He died suddenly some years later but luckily made a will in which he turned the estate over to an old school friend as he had no wife or children of his own. The friend was a school teacher and he in turn changed building into a school.’

‘But what has this to do with the uniforms?’ I said trying to go high on a swing without showing my knickers, very hard; you try it!

‘Well I was coming to that, be patient. Well as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted…’

‘Sorry.’

‘You’re doing it again! As I was saying, the school was a great success and on his retirement the school teacher, who was by now obviously the head master, put in his will some strange codicils.’

‘Codicils?’

‘Conditions, if you like. He was very concerned that the girls of the town were getting a raw deal. It isn’t like today where girls are nearly the equal of boys; then, girls and women didn’t have the vote and had to do what the men folk said.’

‘That’s not fair!’

‘Exactly, that it why the head master decided that his school should be a girls only school and the girls would be taught stuff that before had been the province of boys only; like woodwork, metalwork, even football! However he also thought that girls should be proud of what they were and he stressed that they should be as feminine as possible and wear clothes that were fitting and right. They should be brought up as ladies and be able to fit into society.’

‘What has that got to do with the will?’

‘I was coming to that. The will stated that the objectives that he was trying to achieve must continue through the trustees and governors. Most of the things included in the will are now normal for most schools but one thing continues — that the original school uniform must always be worn out of school. Over the years, it has been watered down a bit, but all girls are required to wear the uniform going too and from school and whenever out on school trips or any other activity involving the school.’

‘Sounds daft to me,’

‘Yes, I know, it’s hideous but if we don’t keep that one tradition, the school property reverts to the state.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yes, as you say, oh. Now come on we have to go and see the head.’

As we walked back, I asked the obvious question.

‘So how come the girls wear normal uniforms in doors?’

‘They change to normal uniforms when they get here and then change back when they go home.’

‘Sounds strange.’

‘You’re telling me, we have two uniforms to wash regularly and do you know the cost of washing powder?’

We arrived back at the heads office, Matron knocked on the door.

‘COME!’

We went in and sat down in front of the desk.

‘Did you see everything you wanted to?’

‘I think so, Miss.’

‘Do you like what you see?’

‘Yes, it looks great!’

‘That’s good; now I have been looking at your test and I’m surprised.’

‘Sorry Miss, I tried really hard. I suppose I’m a dunce.’

She looked at me; mouth open and shutting like a gold fish.

‘Stephanie, she said pulling herself together, ‘what are you talking about; you have scored 98% that puts you up in the highly talented, possibly genius level. I don’t know what class to put you in, what are we going to do with you?’

To be continued…

Please leave comments as Teddy reads all correspondence.