Once upon a time there was a little boy called Jeremy, but that was a silly name, because he was really a she in disguise, and her secret name was Chloe. We will call her Chloe even though others always called her Jeremy.

Chloe lived with her mummy and daddy in a nice cottage on the sea front called Shell Cottage. Chloe loved Shell Cottage, with its ivy and sea shells embedded on and in the walls, and she loved her bedroom too, but not as much as she could have because it was a boy’s blue bedroom and of course, she was a girl and wanted pink or lilac. Mind you, her bedroom overlooked the cove and the sand and the headland, and there were always things going on. In the summer lots of people went on the beach and there were plenty of brightly coloured boats bobbing about on the sea. In the winter the weather could be a bit frightening and the waves huge, but it was still fun and exciting to look at the waves crashing on the headland and the wind whipping up the sea.

Although Chloe lived in a nice place and went to the local infant's school at the top of the hill and had a nice time generally, she wasn’t as happy as she could be. The problem was that her mummy and daddy kept on telling her that she was a he and his name was Jeremy. Everyone at school called her Jeremy, too. It was most annoying. Even though she sometimes said to everyone that she was a girl, no one took any notice and insisted that she was not a girl but a boy called Jeremy. They taunted her and called her names and it made her cry sometimes. At other times, Chloe would get a bit angry and stamp her foot in a girlie sort of way. She would often go to the dress up box– even though everyone said that she (or rather annoyingly, he) was getting too old for such things–and get out a dress and put it on. People laughed at her but she didn’t care. She was happy in a dress and that was that.

Sometimes when the other children were horrid to her she felt like running away, but soon she developed a shell like a tortoise and she just either ignored them or stuck her tongue out. She was lucky that bullying wasn’t allowed at the school, otherwise she would have had a harder time, but as it was, she was sometimes pinched and had her admittedly slightly too long hair for a boy, pulled. It was something that she put up with but never liked very much.

One day, Chloe was off school because she had had a cold. She was over it now, but Mummy thought, ‘another day off–just in case.’

Chloe was feeling a bit fed up and bored. She was particularly fed up with wearing horrid boys’ t-shirts and shorts. She kept asking her mummy if she could have some nice dresses, skirts and other girl’s clothes but each time she asked, Mummy said, ‘No!’ as boys called Jeremy wear boys clothes.

‘But Mummy, I am a girl!’

‘No dear, you are a boy.’

‘I have nice long hair and...’

‘I think we need to get your hair cut...’

‘...No Mummy!’ she wailed, ‘please let me keep my hair!

‘Hmm, we’ll see; Daddy thinks it makes you look like a girl. Look honey bunch ...’

‘But I am a girl!’

‘Oh Jeremy...’

‘It’s not Jeremy; it’s Chl...oh never mind. I am a girl and I want to wear girls’ clothes and have some dollies and have tea parties and be as pretty as I can be.’

Mummy sighed and looked down at her only child who by now was quite tearful, and had to have a hug before she went off upstairs to play in her room.

‘Something is not quite right here,’ she thought. Looking back she could see that for as long as she could remember, Jeremy didn’t seem quite happy with himself and had times when he was looking out to space and mumbling to himself, almost as if he was holding some sort of inner conversation with himself. At one time she thought that Jeremy had an imaginary friend and that worried her. She confided in her husband who shrugged his shoulders and said that it was just a stage that Jeremy was going through and that he would grow out of it.

She sighed, rubbed the bridge of her nose and smiled ruefully remembering the conversation that she once had with her mother. ‘Well Anne, being a parent is sometimes like walking on a tightrope, long, thin and a bit wobbly, but if you are good, you make it to the other side.’

She smiled at the memory and now understood what Mum meant. She made herself a cup of tea and sat at the kitchen table dunking a Hobnob absent mindedly, miles away with her thoughts.

On an impulse, she put her cup down and then crept upstairs; skilfully missing the step that creaked half way up as she didn’t want to be heard.

She tip-toed to the end of the passage where Jeremy’s room was and as the door was shut, she knelt down and put her eye to the keyhole.

She could see some of the room but not all of it, but slightly to the side she could see Jeremy sitting on the floor, cross legged. She gasped as she saw that Jeremy was wearing a blouse that she had put in the wash bin the previous night. It was long enough to look like a dress on Jeremy. He had a doll in front of him and he was holding on to it tightly. The doll, she recognised as one of the ones from school. Jeremy must have taken it and had hid it away so that no one could find it.

Jeremy started to rock the doll and quietly sang a little song; it was 'rock a bye baby'.

Mummy was going to go in and tell Jeremy off, and then she stopped herself as he looked up for the first time–he was crying.

Mummy’s heart melted. She loved her little boy more than life itself. She could only have one child because the doctors said that she couldn’t have any more after the terrible experiences at the birth of their son, so she and Mark, her husband poured all their love into that little boy who was sitting cross legged on the floor in her blouse and holding onto that doll.

She felt like going in and giving Jeremy a big hug but then thought differently. She might frighten him or maybe make things worse.

As it was, she quietly got up and went downstairs feeling undecided. Eventually, she hesitantly picked up the phone and pressed some buttons.

‘Hi Mark, it’s Anne. Look we have a problem with Jeremy–I can’t speak on the phone. Can you come home early–it’s important.

‘Yes love. I just have a few bits to clear up and I should be home in an hour. He’s not hurt is he?’

‘No love, don’t worry, just get here as soon as possible–please!’

‘All right love, see you soon. Love you.’

‘You too honey. Be here as soon as you can but drive carefully, I don’t want any more problems!’

‘Anne, stop worrying, I’ll get there as soon as possible–bye.’

‘Bye love.’

Anne put the phone down and then after looking through a telephone book, picked up the phone again and pressed some numbers.

‘Doctor's surgery, can I help?’

‘Hi Dawn, its Anne Phelps.’

‘Hi Anne, how are you?’

‘Fine thanks. Look I need to make an urgent appointment for Jeremy...’

‘All right; can you tell me what it’s about?’

‘I’d rather not on the phone. Is Julia available?’

‘She has a full list until four, but we can fit you I after that.’

‘Four thirty would be fine if that’s all right.’

‘Four thirty it is. Just one thing, he’s not in pain or anything?’

‘No...well not that sort of pain. Anyway we’ll bring him up at four thirty; see you then.’

‘Okay love, bye.’

Anne put the phone down and stared into the distance. Then she got up and went to the door, calling up she said, ‘Jeremy, get cleaned up. It’s lunch time in ten minutes.’

‘Okay Mummy,’ came the faint reply that sounded as if Jeremy was still a bit upset.

Anne hoped that the ten minutes would give Jeremy time to make himself presentable.

Sadly, Chloe put the doll back in her special place at the back of the wardrobe under a pile of hated boys’ clothes that were too small for use. Then she took off the blouse, sighing as she always did when she had to go back to looking like a boy. She went into the bathroom put the blouse back in the wash bin and then washed her face. She didn’t want Mummy to see that she had been crying as she had been told at school by Billy Rivers that boys don’t cry.

Well, she wasn’t a boy and had never been one. Ever since she could remember she had always known that she was a girl. Little boys liked rough and tumble–she didn’t. Boys didn’t mind getting dirty–she did. Oh sometimes she did get dirty, like when she played on the swing and then fell off once grazing her knee and landing in a muddy puddle. She couldn’t wait to get all cleaned up again after that accident!

Chloe liked to help Mummy with cooking and cleaning, although she wasn’t much good yet, and Mummy wouldn’t let her get near the stove. She did help mixing cakes and making biscuits; it was fun! Not many boys wanted to do things like that.

‘Jeremy, come and get your lunch!’

‘Yes Mummy,’ she said, frowning because Jeremy wasn’t her real name, it was Chloe– but there again, Mummy didn’t know her real and secret name and if she found out then she might get told off.

Chloe went downstairs wearing a clean t-shirt and shorts different from the ones she was wearing earlier, because she felt that the morning’s clothes were grubby. They weren’t, but Chloe hated the thought of wearing anything dirty.

Mummy sighed her usual sigh thinking ‘more washing,’ but said nothing and they were soon eating their sandwiches; Mummy had a ham sandwich and Chloe a jam one. Mummy had yucky coffee and Chloe a glass of fresh cold milk.

Mummy looked as if she was going to say something to Chloe, but kept shaking her head and after a bit, concentrated on reading a glossy magazine. Chloe was in a bit of a dream world herself, thinking about what colours she liked and dreaming of going shopping with Mummy and buying some pretty girls clothes. She smiled at the thought of having a big bonfire and throwing all the yucky boys clothes on it.

After lunch Mummy said, ‘Do you want to go and play in the garden for a bit?’

‘No, I’ll go upstairs and play with my do...I mean read or something.’

‘Do you still feel a bit funny?’

‘No, I’m all right,’

She felt Chloe’s brow; it didn’t seem hot anymore.

‘All right dear, off you go.’

Mummy watched her child go up the stairs and wondered what to do about the problem. On an impulse she had a look on her computer and looked at a few sites. Some of them were not suitable, and a few were a bit nasty, but eventually she found a site that seemed to be the sort of thing she was looking for...

Chloe was lying on her bed. She wanted to borrow some of Mummy’s clothes, but knew that she might get caught. She had been silly earlier when she decided to put on that dress thingie of mummy’s but she felt that she had to do it. She wanted to play with her dolly, too, but that would have to wait until bed time when she knew that she would be able to sneak it out from her secret hiding place and at least give her a cuddle for a little while. Chloe hated to leave Dolly in the dark closet, but she had sat her doll down and explained things to her. Dolly didn’t say anything, but Chloe could tell by the look on her face that she understood and wouldn’t make a sound or anything whilst she was hiding. She knew that her doll would have to go back to school soon, but hoped that she might be able to stay with Chloe for a few more days.

Chloe looked at one of her Janet and John books for a while and then probably because she hadn’t been very well, her eyes closed and she went to sleep dreaming of being a fairy princess with long golden hair that matched her long golden dress...

She didn’t hear the car draw up outside or the front door opening. She was sound asleep whilst her parents spoke in hushed tones downstairs in the pretty little sitting room overlooking the garden and the sea beyond.

The noisy seagulls on the roof above didn’t wake her as they galloped up and down the roof and practiced take offs and landings.

She didn’t even wake up as Mummy and Daddy came into the room, and after a few moments searching in the closet, sat either side of her on the bed.

Chloe was on a silver white pony, galloping over the sand. The sea was blue and her lovely long hair was streaming out behind her. Her long flowing dress was billowing in the wind and she felt happy, alive and so much the girl she really was...

‘Jeremy.’

A hand had touched her bare shoulder and she came crashing down to earth. Opening her eyes, the smile faded from her face as she realised that her dream wasn’t true. She wasn’t on a wonderful pony wearing those beautiful clothes. She was dressed in a boys t-shirt and shorts and everyone thought that she was Jeremy.

Her eyes widened as she saw, in Mummy’s arms...Dolly!

Chloe looked at Mummy and Daddy, realised that she had been very naughty, and then burst into tears.

In moments, they were all hugging and Chloe cried her heart out. She cried because she had borrowed Dolly without permission. She cried because she didn’t know if her parents loved her any more. She cried because she was a girl and not a boy and finally, she cried because no one would listen and understand.

Twenty minutes later, they were in the kitchen. Chloe was clutching Dolly as if her life depended on her. She had a glass of milk and a Hobnob and dunked the biscuit in the milk before she ate it. She liked the squishy taste, even though her Mummy and Daddy didn’t seem quite so keen on the idea. They were drinking tea and munching on Rich Tea Finger biscuits.

After a few moments Mummy coughed and then looked at Chloe.

‘Look Jeremy, we know that you aren’t happy dear. Why don’t you tell us all about it?

Suddenly the Hobnob tasted like cardboard. Chloe knew somehow that she had to tell the truth and she was frightened that they might shout at her. She looked at Daddy. He was always nice and kind to her and rarely shouted at her–he did once, but that was because Chloe broke his golf club cup and tried to hide it under the carpet–not a good idea.

Then there was Mummy, she looked a bit upset and her eyes were watering. Had she been peeling onions again?

Chloe swallowed and then looked at her Dolly who seemed to be giving the impression that she ought to tell them everything.

Chloe took a deep breath and then without looking up told them all about it.

‘I kept telling you that I was a girl and you said always that I wasn’t a girl. I have always been a girl. I thought that you must need glasses as you couldn’t see it. Ever since I was little I have been a girl. Boys are yucky and dirty and like to play rough. I hate playing rough and I hate being dirty. I love being able to be me–a girl. I want to wear girls’ clothes, dresses and things. I don’t want to be a boy ‘cos I never have been one. When I am dressed like a boy, I think that it’s like playing pretend. Everyone says that I’m a boy and I might look a bit like one but I’m not really. I’m a girl and you shouldn’t make me look like a boy. Dolly thinks I should be able to be a girl and she knows that I want this more than anything. I took her from school as she was the only one to understand me. The teachers and other kids all say that I am silly and shouldn’t be so girly, but I am a girl so how can I be anything else? I’m sorry I took Dolly away. I was going to take her back real soon, but she helps me be me.’

With that Chloe started crying. She waited for the shouting to begin. She didn’t think that they would hit her like George’s parents did with him. Chloe had seen the bruises on George’s arms, and they looked horrible...

Suddenly she was in the arms of her Mummy. Chloe loved the smell of Mummy. She had a nice scent and it reminded her of lavender and the countryside.

Daddy was talking.

‘Jeremy are you really sure that you are a girl?’

‘Yes Daddy.’

‘All right honey. We have an appointment with the doctor later, and she will see if we can help you.’

Mummy moved away slightly and looked down on Chloe.

‘You know that it might be hard to be a girl when everyone thinks that you are a boy?’

‘That’s all right; when people see me in a pretty dress, they won’t ever think that I’m not a girl.’

‘Okay Jeremy, we’ll see the doctor and then we can decide what is best for you; is that all right?’

‘Yes Mummy as long as she says I can be a girl and stop pretending then I will be happy.’

Daddy looked at Chloe and smiled.

‘Whatever happens Jeremy, we will be here for you.’

‘Thanks Daddy, but...’

‘But what love?’

‘My...my real name is Chloe.’

‘Chloe!’ said Mummy with a gasp.

‘Yes...Chloe.’

Mummy turned white suddenly and looked at Daddy with wide eyes.

‘Did you tell her?’

‘No.’

‘Well I didn’t.’

‘What is it, Mummy?’

She looked at Chloe with wide eyes brimming with tears.

‘Honey, we were going to tell you when you were older, but when you were born you had a twin. She didn’t survive. Her...her name was Chloe.’

Chloe looked up at her parents and looked sad.

‘I had a sister?’

‘Yes dear.’

‘Called Chloe?’

‘Yes.’

Chloe looked thoughtful for a minute and then smiled.

‘There you are then. Chloe is me and I’m Chloe.’

‘But Jeremy...’ said Daddy.

Chloe looked up at her Daddy and smiled.

‘Not Jeremy, Daddy, Chloe...always and forever.’

Please leave comments and do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue