My name is Caspar Ozymandias Duchamp. Please don’t mention that to anybody. I’m known as Cod. I know it’s a bit fishy but I prefer that to my real name. Besides it makes me a big fish in a small pond – I wish. I’m not really that important in school. On the other hand, my high school is not that important. To be honest, it’s on skid row. Nobody cares. The teachers have given up, most of them anyway. The sports teams are in a death spiral with dire results resulting in dire recruitment. For God’s sake they couldn’t even get enough girls to get a full cheerleading squad this year. But who but a cheerleader could care about the Kangville Kangaroo Rats? Just the name is enough to lose interest.

Talking about cheerleaders, my big sister was one of them. One of the last people to care about the school, school spirit and all that stuff. Yawn. To be honest she’s not bad at all, my sister. She used to pull all those pranks on me when I was little but now we are more close. I even help her practice her cheerleading. DON’T tell anyone. I’m a boy, cheerleading is for girls. Not that they have much to cheer about. But at least they have one of the last enthusiasts in school as coach.

Yeah, I was looking forward to spending my high school years pleasantly drifting through without exerting myself unnecessarily. The Principal is a nice guy but hopeless as a leader. Why should I take him seriously when even the teachers didn’t?

Just to show how “everything goes” the school was I was challenged by my sister to go to school in one of her skirts, not that she wore those much. Would be fun to see how the guys reacted. Strange feeling the pleated mid-thigh skirt felt swishing around.

At school there was a strange guy looking at us straddling into school. He came up to me and took my arm.

“Hey! Who are you? And why do you grab my arm, dude?”
“I’m the new principal and you address me with SIR or Principal Skinner”

That guy must be joking! Principal Skinner?! He must have too much Simpsons. Anyway, he dragged me into the Principal’s office and plunked me onto a chair. Then he sat down behind the desk that, for the first time in at least a decade, was cleared.

“I have a very important task for you, young man. You are going to help me drag this school out of the gutter and at least resemble a school again.”
“How?” He looked fiercely at me. “Sir”
“I’m going to use you as a warning example. I’m going to crush you like a bug. Pour encourager les autres.”
“Hey, don’t speak foreign to me!”
“SIR!!!!”
“Sir”
“To begin with you are in violation of the dress code. Boys aren’t allowed to wear skirts. Disgusting!”

“Dress code? Do we have dress code?
“SIR!!!!”
“Sir”
“Your insolence goes on the record. Understood?”
“Yes…. Sir”
“Yes, this school has a dress code. It also has a number of other rules that my predecessor failed to enforce.” As he said that he took a thick, heavy binder and plunked it on the desk.

“So, let’s see what the consequence for you for breaking the dress code is.”

At that point Coach Chen and my sister forced their way into the office. For once my sister was wearing a skirt to school, to support me I suppose.

“Principal Skinner, you are not looking at the relevant part of the dress code.”
“That, person, is a boy. I look at the boys’ dress code. It’s quite clear that boys aren’t allowed to wear skirts or dresses in school.”
“Ah, but that section is overridden by the fact that he is a cheerleader. If you look closely cheerleaders not only are allowed but obligated to wear skirts or dresses to school. No exception mentioned for boy cheerleaders.”
“A boy cheerleader? That is unnatural!”
“Please don’t say that. He’s an important member of the cheerleading squad and one of the few people with true school spirit left. And if you read the school rules there’s nothing there that stops a boy from being a cheerleader. It would be stupid and counterproductive to punish him. Not to mention to be against the rules. And we don’t want to go against the rules, do we?”

Principal Skinner turns to me and asks “Is this true? Are you really a cheerleader?”

I looked at Coach Chen and my sister. They had huge shark grins. And then I looked at Principal Skinner and was reminded of a barracuda. Not a good place for a Cod to be.

“GOOO ROOO RATS!”