When my youngest, Lawrence (or more usually Larry), began high school I was not surprised that he had problems. Not scholastically. Larry is a bright boy. No, the thing about Larry is that he is “odd”. I can’t describe it better than that since I haven’t been able to pin it down better myself. There is nothing tangible. He doesn’t look funny in any way. No big nose or limp or anything like that. He’s not a macho boy but in no way girly (even if some would characterize his love for ballet as girly, which anybody that had seen him on stage would know is a mistake). He’s just “odd”. He doesn’t go with the flow. In undefined ways he’s not like the other boys. I don’t think other boys realise that on a conscious level but the sure know that Larry is “other” and not “us”.

I hate to admit it but I spent the two weeks before the start of his freshman year trying to convince him to CONFORM. Yes, I’m ashamed of myself but I was convinced that I was doing it for his own good. Don’t stand out. Follow the flow. Don’t be odd. Conform. Be a sheep. A good white sheep that baaahs with the other sheep. I hated myself but I hated to see Larry unhappy even more.

Larry tried. He really did. Still, he soon was pegged as “odd”. And we all know what happens to “odd” boys in school, don’t we? I leaned on him to try even harder. He did. He was not very successful. I despaired.

Three weeks into the semester I took Larry to do some supplementary shopping. Among other things Larry needed some new clothes. He had recently hit a growth spurt. I was a bit surprised when he dragged me over to the girls’ side of the shop. There was a long rack of skirts. Pleated skirts. Lilac skirts. Very short lilac pleated skirts. I was appalled. Larry wanted a skirt? One of those skirts? I was conflicted. I certainly didn’t want to buy him a skirt at least not one of those. On the other hand I started to suspect that I finally had been allowed to look behind the curtain to see WHY Larry was so odd. To be honest I felt very uncomfortable but at least this was a breakthrough and we could work from this. It wouldn’t be easy but we could do it. However, for the time being it was better that he didn’t show this side of himself in school so I refused.

- But Mo-om, you said I have to CONFORM. All the other boys in school wear this skirt!