Captain: You wear what I tell you Mr Ingram or you’re off the team!

Mr Ingram (in a lovely contralto voice, flipping his luscious long blond hair): With all due rethpect Thir I will not. We both know that my long, thmooth, tanned, perfectly shaped legth are the thekthiest within a ten-mile radiuth and that the mini-micro thkirt and thekthy pantieth theth off my pert little bottom to perfection, entithing even the motht heterothekthual man. However, I will wear the uthual whiteth. Dithtracting the other team that way... Well, it’th jutht not cricket.

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For those of you who have difficulties understanding us lispers:

Mr Ingram (in a lovely contralto voice, flipping his luscious long blond hair): With all due respect Sir I will not. We both know that my long, smooth, tanned, perfectly shaped legs are the sexiest within a ten-mile radius and that the mini-micro skirt and sexy panties sets off my pert little bottom to perfection, enticing even the most heterosexual man. However, I will wear the usual whites. Distracting the other team that way... Well, it’s just not cricket.