Stuck in a Rut.
By Rosalie Redd

Casey Church is a normal 13 year old girl, But in a world where there hasn’t been a girl born in over 100 years, Casey adjusts to her new life as a girl. Can Casey cope with everything that comes with being a girl, or will others conspire to ruin her life?

Chapter 44

I was feeling restless after the meeting with Marcia. I wandered about the house, everyone had gone to sleep. We had, of course, dropped Janie and Luna off at their houses. I tiptoed down the stairs. I saw a light on in the kitchen and made my way over. I pushed through the door cautiously, but it was just Mom.

“Can’t sleep, Kiddo?”

I sighed. “I’m just… so confused. Six weeks ago, I was just another geek-boy, I was nothing special, and nobody paid me any interest. I obsessed and fantasized about boobs and sex, like any other heterosexual boy... and now, I’m this girl… I’m more than certain I’m bisexual now. I have a boyfriend, a girlfriend, and a… I’m not sure exactly, but I love her too.”

I paused, and looked down as Mom put a glass of milk in front of me, and got out the chocolate powder.

“Thanks Mom. As I was saying, Everything’s become so complicated. I went yesterday, hoping I would come out of it hating Marcia still. But even though she’s done horrible things, I can’t entirely bring myself to do it. And then there’s this...”

I took out the sonogram and put it down in front of her.

“I look at this, and in my head pop up the words ‘why isn’t it me?’, and that scares me. Just over a month ago, I thought babies were gross little balls of ick, and now my hormones are making me crave one of these.”

I looked over at Mom, and saw her crying. She came over and hugged me. “I’m sorry I haven't been a good mother, I should be there more for you when it comes to this stuff. I went through it when I was your age. As you get closer to the end of your transition, your female hormones spike, and you get moody, irrational, you cry at the drop of a dime, you snap on people for no reason. I feel like I failed, not warning you sooner.”

Mom sobbed, and I looked at her. “Are YOU okay? You’ve been pretty emotional lately yourself. I’ve seen you crying a lot. Like this evening, when that commercial for the Humane Society showed all those kittens and homeless puppies. It’s like… wait. No. Don’t tell me… Are you?”

Mom looked up at me and nodded. I squealed and jumped up and hugged her tight. “I’m gonna be a big sister!” I cried in excitement. Then the enormity of that hit me. I’m going to be a big sister… I slumped to the floor in shock.

After a couple minutes, I managed to get back up onto my stool. “But how? I thought you said that the doctors said it would be nearly impossible for you, and that I was ‘your little miracle’...”

Mom smiled and hugged me again. “Sometimes miracles happen twice. I never expected it to happen again. We had given up hope, but Your Father’s soldiers stormed the beaches and planted their flag.”

I facepalmed at that description. “Mom, I don’t need the info on the Normandy Invasion of your uterus.”

We both laughed, and drank our chocolate milk.

“One thing though, it was going to be a surprise. We were going to tell you at your birthday Party on Saturday.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll act surprised.”, I said as I nodded.

After sitting and talking for a little while, I wandered upstairs. I felt better. That creepy baby-want was still there, but knowing I was going to be a big sister dulled the edge.

Morning came, and I got up feeling pretty good. The weepies were at bay for now, and I felt like the cat that swallowed the canary. I smiled at Mom, who was in her yoga pants and a polo shirt. I managed to avoid checking out her stomach, but it was far too early to see anything. Still, I didn’t want to tip off to Dad, and disappoint his fun.

DeShaun was sitting at the table, looking at the sonogram picture. He had refused to look at it last night, which was one of the things that had set me off. But now he was looking at it. And I may have seen a tear in his eye. I’m not sure.

After a while, breakfast was done, and DeShaun and I headed off to school together. It was a crisp day, as October days here tended to be, but it was still pleasant. We walked hand in hand, despite my need to walk fast to keep up to his pace.

We said our goodbyes, and gave each other a kiss on the cheek before heading to our respective homerooms.

I sat down and smiled over at Luna. As per usual, the Dark Queen of Cute was wearing something black with lots of lace and ribbons and floof. “You seem in a good mood.”, she commented.

“I am.”, I replied. “I got some good news last night.”

Luna nodded that ‘I know all about it’ nod that she has. Honestly, if we ever go to war, we just need to drop her behind enemy lines, and we’ll have all of their secrets in a few hours.

The rest of the class filed in, and the twins glared at the two of us.

“Oh, Hi Amy. Hi May. Marcia asked how you two are doing yesterday. She says you two haven’t been up to visit her. She’s awfully disappointed. Especially since you three were as thick as thieves.”, I said to them as they got a little too close.

The twins looked at us both with looks of panic and fear on their faces and backed off.

The classroom hustle and bustle died down, and roll was called. I payed marginal attention, until Luna nudged me suddenly.

Mr. Hedges was standing before me, frowning that I hadn’t been paying attention. “I said, Miss Church, Who was Josef Mengele, and why did they become one of the most hated and feared men in the 20th century?”

I swallowed hard and thought over my answer. “Mengele was Hitler’s chief physician and scientist. Hitler gave him access to the population of his camps, in order to study the ‘newly minted’ female Jews. He would perform such experiments as attempting to transplant the uterus and ovaries of newly minted girls into sterile ‘original women’. He experimented on fetuses, attempting to reverse the change, and restore humanity to a state as it was prior to the ‘event’. Thousands of women and children died under his watch.”

Mr. Hedges looked at me. He walked back up front of the class. “Okay class, your homework is to read chapter 19 in your textbook, and be prepared for a quiz tomorrow.”

The class groaned and several sets of eyes focused on me. I shook my head dejectedly, and got up to leave once the bell rang. Luna caught up to me after class.

“Are you okay?”, she asked.

I explained to her about my listlessness and the whole confusing baby thing. I looked at her, as we walked down the hallway. “Did you ever feel it?”, I asked.

Luna looked up at me. “Briefly, until Anthony was sent away. Then I kind of resigned myself to the thought that I’d never find another boy to be interested in me. Truthfully, I think I kinda subconsciously decided that no guy would come along, so it’d be best for me to become a lesbian.”

I looked at her, stunned. “Do you still think that?”

“I did, but then I was absorbed into your group, and decided that DeShaun was too hot to not consider having the ‘D’, when possible.” After she said that, she looked me in the face and stammered. “O...of course, t-the only way I’d ever do it with him is with your permission. I know you said that thing at the dance, b… but… um…” She was beet-red and a mess, stumbling over her words. I smiled and decided to take the tension off by giving her a quick peck on the lips, when I made sure nobody was looking.

We soon reached the Freshmen lockers, and went our separate ways.

Lunch rolled around, and found Janie and I sitting together. DeShaun had been called into the office for some meeting, and so it was just Janie and I. We sat silently for a bit, and then Janie turned to me.

“You’ve been kind of… off. Ever since we returned from seeing Marcia. Are you okay? Did she do something?”, she asked with concern plainly on her face.

I sighed and put down the bologna sandwich. “No, not really. Not directly, anyhow. She gave me a picture of the sonogram to give to DeShaun, and along with some other… news… that I got, I’ve just been out of sorts.”, I said.

“Is this about your Mom expecting?”, she asked.

I looked at her, stunned. “You know?”, I said as I stared at her wide-eyed.

She rolled her eyes. “It’s not like she’s been that hard to read. Luna and I picked up on her mood swings and crying jags almost instantly.”

I nodded. Of course the Dark One would notice. She notices everything.

“After all that, I’ve just kind of been having a crisis of identity. Not that long ago we were both heterosexual geeks, focused on boobs, and trying to catch peeks of girls changing into their gym outfits. Now look at us. You have the best boobs in the 9th grade, and I could get a part in the re-shoot of the Sir Mix-a-Lot video. I feel like I’m not me sometimes. All the mood swings and hormones. The impatience to jump DeShaun and have him inside me. And that scary, inner voice that is jealous that it’s Marcia having his baby, and not me.”, I sobbed.

I lowered my head and felt the tears coming again. Damn weepies. I struggled through the rest of the day, my mind clearly not on school. When I got home, I flopped on the couch and the tears just flowed. Tomorrow I will be 14 years old, and I am an emotional wreck. I sat there on the couch, absent-mindedly stroking my stomach. Mom came in after I don’t know how long.

“I hope that’s not indicative of anything.”, she said with a smile.

“No. I can barely get my finger in, much less that monster of DeShaun’s.”, I said with a playful jab at Mom.

“Erm, well… l... um…”, Mom stammered.

I laughed and tossed a throw pillow at her. That’s why they are called that, right?

“Just giving you grief.”, I laughed.

“Does remind me though, we need to get you set up for an appointment. I know Doctor Foster has been your pediatrician ever since you were born… but I think for the rest of your transition, we should get you seen by a gynecologist. I mean since all that’s left to change is your reproductive system, correct?”

I nodded.

“Yep, all girl. With all the emotional landmines and all the weepies and all the jealousy over my boyfriend having a baby with someone else.”, I mumbled.

Mom, with that Mom-way she has, make me feel better instantly with a few words. “You’ll have plenty of time when you are more grown to think about babies, maybe with DeShaun, maybe with someone else. But for now, enjoy not having to look forward to feeling like you should have ‘Goodyear’ tattooed on your sides, not having to go through 32 hours of labor, and not having something the size of a large ham tear your vagina apart.”

Gee thanks Mom, feel better already.

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