Stuck in a Rut.
By Rosalie Redd

Casey Church is a normal 13 year old girl, full of hopes and dreams and fears and anxieties. But in a world where there hasn’t been a girl born in over a century, what is normal?

Chapter 17.

I walked into History class and dropped my new books down on my desk. I looked to the back of the room, where Marcia was sitting and pretending to buff her nails. She looked over at me and sneered.

“I heard your girlfriend tried to kill herself yesterday, and that she might not make it. Don’t you feel terrible now? For stealing DeShaun from me, and pushing your crazy lesbo girl to want to die?”, She said to me tauntingly.

I looked at her with rage in my eyes. I could take her easily. I wanted to beat her ass up right then and there. But I noticed her two ‘dogs’ move to her side. The brunettes that were always there glared at me, making me reconsider. I also noticed the small girl hid behind her, she looked terrified, but not of me.
I moved back to my seat, as the gathered students watched us both carefully. Soon the teacher had come in, and the class began. But all through it, I saw the evil bitch glancing my way and smiling.

The school day drug past like a snail. I worried about her, about my love. All this had happened and I felt at fault. She was in the hospital, unconscious. Hanging on to life. Lunch was somber, DeShaun and I sat in silence, eating with our heads down. We glanced to each other in Home Ec, but there was nothing we could say.

Mom picked up DeShaun and I and drove us to the hospital. We were allowed only a few minutes, but I walked in and looked over her. Here arms were bandaged up, and wrapped She had bandages over her forehead and her left eye. She was in restraints. I turned and fled the room, coming out and burying my face in DeShaun’s chest. He wrapped his arms around me.

Janie’s Mom came up from behind us somewhere and looked at us with a glare that could kill. “I don’t believe it! I don’t believe your fucking audacity! She nearly killed herself, she was distraught because she thought she was losing you to him. And what do you do to my baby? You bring him here and rub her face in it!” She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me away from DeShaun. I turned and felt the impact. My face stung from the slap, and my tears ran down my face over the spot.

I ran away, down the corridor. I don’t know why I ended up in the chapel, but I did. I wasn’t particularly religious, hell, if anything I was a walking testimony to the hypocrisy of religion.
Despite all that, I knelt down and prayed. Not to anyone in particular, but I just needed to get my emotions out.

DeShaun entered, and knelt down beside me. I leaned in and put all my weight onto him. He was a rock. I had all these hormones and all these emotions swirling inside me and fighting. I would be angry one moment and crying the next. It wasn’t fair. Janie didn’t need to hack up her arms and try to kill herself.

I just leaned against my rock and sobbed, not saying anything. After what seemed like an eternity, I dragged myself to my feet and headed back to where Mom had been. DeShaun trailed discreetly behind at a distance. When I reached Mom, she was still outside the room, still with Janie’s mother.

I slunk up, and hid behind mom. Debra Bond looked at me, then turned away. I looked in at Janie once again, before Mom motioned to DeShaun. We walked silently to the car and left. I couldn’t get the image of Janie out of my head, she was so still and so small-looking. Not at all the vibrant, energetic girl I knew.

I sat on my bed thinking about everything. Seeing her with that ventilator breathing for her. The bandages over her forehead, both arms wrapped up like a mummy. That wasn’t her. She wouldn’t have cut up her arms, she wouldn’t have torn them up. It didn’t make sense. I lay on the bed, not going down for dinner, not going out for anything. I just lay there until I drifted into the realm of nightmares.

Morning came. I dragged myself out of bed. I threw on something and headed downstairs. DeShaun had practice in the evening, so I would be getting a lift home by myself. We both quickly wolfed our way through some cheerios, and headed out to the garage. Mom dropped us off without a word, and we headed to out lockers, and then I went to brave the war zone with Marcia.

I walked into the classroom with my head held high. My opponent was sitting in her usual place at the back of the class, with her enforcers and her… spy? I looked at the small girl again, and she cowered at my gaze. The thug girls move in front of her and blocked her from my sight.

“Marcia, DeShaun doesn’t want you. You have hung on him all this time, hoping that he would bew the one to rut you. And when you changed first, I know you were mad. But don’t mess with me, I’m not in the mood!”, I said in a loud voice. Everyone in the room got quiet and the focus turned to me.

“You are just the flavor of the week, so what if he made you into his bitch? So what? I’m his destiny.”, she said with a sneer. I looked at her and shook my head.

“Were you this nuts when you were a boy, or is this a recent development?”, I wondered out loud.

I saw the ire and rage in her eyes. I had struck a nerve. “Shut up! Just shut up! A boy? I was never a boy. Momma told me so. I was just a girl in a broken body, but now I’m me at last. And now that I am, you will pay for taking him. Just like your…”, she trailed off and sat there silent.

Her goons stepped up in front of her. The blue-eyed one glared at me. “Don’t think that you will get away with insulting the boss, because we will find a way to hurt you.”

I turned away, and as I did so I glanced again at the weak link in their group. She was still trying to hide behind the others.

I walked off to my next class. I hardly remember the rest of the school day. Mom picked me up and drove me home. I stripped off my clothes and flopped face-down onto the bed. I must have fallen asleep, because I didn’t hear DeShaun knocking on the door. When it opened, I stirred and then screamed. I didn’t roll over, I didn’t face him. I forgot to cover up. I just screamed for him to get out.

What else could go wrong? I lay there for a while, then Mom knocked at the door. “can I come in?”, she asked in a quiet voice.

“One minute!”, I responded. I hurriedly put on some of the boxers Mom had gotten me and a tank top.

“Ok, I’m ready”, I finally responded. Mom entered and looked at me with a thoughtful look on her face.

“DeShaun wanted to come up and apologize, but I thought it might be better if I came up and smoothed things over. But first, stand up.”, she said.

I did, and she looked me over, before making a little ‘turn around’ gesture with her hand. I sighed and did as she asked. She bit her lip and got that far away looks she gets when thinking intently.

“What?”, I asked, a little miffed at the staring.

She frowned and then apologized. “I’m sorry, I just haven’t seen you in anything baggy or that covers you up in a while. It was kind of a shock to see how far you have changed. You are far ahead of where I was after the same number of days.”

I shook my head and sighed. “and?”, I said dejectedly.

“And nothing. You are growing into a very beautiful young lady. Be prepared for other girls to get jealous of you. I know how it can get. When I was developing into a girl, I had my share of haters.”

“But I’m not-” I started.

Mom cut me off. “Don’t be modest. You are already very pretty, and will only get more so as you continue to change. After all, you are my kid”, she said with a laugh.

I smiled at her. “Thanks Mom.”, I said. “I’ll be down in a little while.”

I went into the bathroom, and looked at myself in the full-length mirror. I still had no breasts, but did have nice half dollar sized areola, and my nipples had grown to the size of a brand new pencil eraser. My upper body was losing the boyish rigidity, and becoming softer. I looked down my chest to my flat tummy, and the narrow waist, taking notice of how it had definitely drawn inward, creating more noticeable curves when taken in with my expanding hips. I turned and looked with dismay at my butt.

It was plump and firm looking, with a definite swell. Great…. I was going to be flat chested with a bubble butt. I brushed my hair behind my ears, showing off my rounding face. I could see hints and signs of Mom’s Norse goddess ancestry. Dad’s sharp, severe angles and chiseled hard angles were fading. My nose was smaller, and buttonish, with a slight upturn. And my lips were getting bigger, giving me a hint of a pouty face.

Okay, so maybe I’m not going to be ugly. But I’m still not hot. I’m not going to be hot.

Sighing again, I threw on a pair of gray sweats and that pink and gray hoodie I was becoming fond of.
I marched downstairs to find DeShaun sitting alone on the couch. Mom and Dad apparently were out back on the patio.

I looked DeShaun squarely in the eye. “First of all, don’t enter my room without permission. If I don’t respond, don’t do it.”, I said in a huff.

He slumped his shoulders, and looked down.

“Secondly, what did you see?”, I demanded.

He blushed and fidgeted. “I.. I’m sorry. I got a look at you from behind. I only saw your backside. I swear. But if I might say something. It’s a sexy backside. And you are getting curvy and hot. I was crazy about you before, but wow.”, he said as he crossed his legs awkwardly.

I laughed. “Flatterer. I guess I have no choice but to forgive you … this time. But I mean it. I don’t want you to see me like this. Not as some freakish half-way. Only as I was, and only as I fully will be.”, I said with a grin. Then I walked over and promptly plopped myself in his lap.

He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly, kissing my cheek. I leaned back into his chest. Content for the moment. I understood why crazy bitch wanted him. But for me, it wasn’t just his body, he cared and was compassionate. The more I thought about her though, the more suspicious I got. Something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I sighed as he kissed my neck, and I snuggled in against him. My boyfriend. I liked that. But when I thought of that, I got sad again. Janie was fighting for her life. And It was all my fault.

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