Stuck in a Rut.
By Rosalie Redd

Casey Church is a normal 13 year old boy, full of hopes and dreams and fears and anxieties. But in a world where there hasn’t been a girl born in over a century, what is normal?

Chapter 4.

I grabbed an umbrella from the door-side stand, and slung my bookbag over his shoulder. It was hot and humid, and the rain did nothing to help the situation. Arriving At school 15 minutes later, I was drenched. Shaking off the excess rain, I headed to the locker area. Something was noticeably wrong. My heart was racing, and I couldn’t help but look around, anticipating something. What was going on?

The intense feeling seemed to subside when I got to class, only to spike again in the hallways. I managed to make it through to lunch, but I was nervous. What was wrong with me? I sat at the now-usual table. Janie came in and sighed, pushing her bag lunch away and resting her head on the table.

I glanced over at her, and raised an eyebrow.

She looked back at me and mumbled,”First period”.

“Teacher pile on the homework?”, I asked sympathetically.

She looked at me incredulously and sighed. “Boys..”

“Oh.. OH!”, I exclaimed. “I’m sorry.” As a peace offering, I reached into my bag and produced that which I had been saving, Mom’s prized cookies.

Janie took the peace offering gladly and glanced at me. “Are you okay?”, she said,
”You look like I feel”.

I sighed and related to her the strange sensation I’d been having in the hallway. She bit her lip and frowned noticeably.

“Sounds to me like you caught a whiff of a boy who piqued your interest. I felt the same way before, well… you know.”, She patted me on the back as my face probably was very pale.

I didn’t want it to be that. If it were, there was a boy somewhere in the school that was a match to me. Someone that was near the freshmen locker area between classes. Janie and I finished lunch quietly, each of us focusing on our own problems. We walked to the locker area. My heart raced, but I didn’t see them. I knew they had been there recently. The logical part of my brain dreaded us meeting, but somewhere, that illogical, emotional part buried way deep down was thrilled.

Thankfully today was more subdued than yesterday, Miss Petri was still blatantly being sexy, but when talking about cellular division in microscopic organisms, it somewhat lost the impact it had had the day before.

I looked over at Janie, who was clearly having a rough go of it. * sigh* would that be my future? I shuddered and hoped not. Class ended after entirely too much time, and I walked with Janie back to the lockers. Picking up the books I needed, I waited on her. That sense of exhilaration was still with me, but I couldn’t pick out the cause. It was only a matter of time before we ran into each other, me and my mysterious match. I thought of all sorts of illogical possibilities, like taking everything to all classes, but that wasn’t practical.

Fleeing the scene, I arrived at study hall, moments before Janie. She put her head down and took the opportunity to rest. I gathered she was cramping rather badly, but I wasn’t going to say anything about it directly. I just rubbed her back a little as she sat there hunched over. That got me a brief smile, then she put her head down again.

I managed to get most of my homework from my earlier classes finished, and with gym and art left, I most likely wouldn’t have any more. At lunch, I had noticed that the rain had let up. We would most likely be out on the track for gym, if it had dried enough.

After we were put through our paces out on the track, I headed back to the locker room. Being sweaty after running in 90 degree weather, I needed one. I hurried in and took my shower, scrubbing extra hard. I knew it was futile. No amount of scented soap or cologne would be able to hide me. I would have to run into ‘him’ eventually.

I slipped into the art room with no difficulty, considering myself lucky. I watched the clock, dreading when class would be over. The hour seemed more like five, as it crept along. When the bell rang, I ran to the lockers, hoping to avoid the mystery guy.

No such luck. I rounded the corner, and ran straight into fate. In this case, fate’s name is DeShaun McAllister. I knew of him, but had never been particularly close to him. He lived on the other side of town, and we didn’t interact much. I looked up into those deep brown eyes and squirmed, trying to get away. He grabbed my wrist, to keep me there. I struggled in vain to get away. Bart of me didn’t want to, an increasingly big part. My brain fought against my hormones. He was hot, nearly 6’ tall, and that dark rich chocolate skin looked... it looked too kissable. Why was I thinking that? I barely knew him. But the more I sat there struggling against his grip, the less I wanted to struggle.

In a daze, I got up and onto my feet. We looked each other in the eyes, a silent acknowledgment made that we needed to go somewhere more private. Leading me out of the building, we snuck off to the woods behind the school. I was sweating, but not from the heat. I was in full rut, lost in hormones and emotions. My rational portion of my mind cried out, but it was like it was trapped behind plexiglass.

We got further into the trees, obscured from any prying eyes. He sad me down and leaned in. I looked at him and licked my lips. I was lost in his eyes and his face. Our lips met and gently kissed, tentatively. Then harder, and harder. Our tongues slipped into each other’s mouth, exploring. Hands groped at my back, as I likewise pawed at his shirt. I begged him to take mine off, in between kisses. As he did, I raked at his, fumbling to remove it.

I looked at his bare chest, those exquisite muscles flexing as he reached for my pants. In my head, I could hear the little nagging voice screaming, but I didn’t care. I was lost in a sea of testosterone.
Our pants joined the pile of clothing, as I leaned him onto his back. Our raging erections briefly touched as I positioned to lick his pecs. I was breathing hard, and he was moaning audibly as well.

Mmmm... those abs. As I slid down those washboards, I shivered in anticipation of what lay below. He arched at my touch and startled slightly as my lips paused on the head of his dick. I hungrily took it in and sucked and swirled my tongue around it. As he moaned and panted. Our bodies were both covered in sweat, as we rubbed together. He slid around and began to lick my cock. I bit my lip hard, and tasted the iron taste of blood. I was too lost in sensation to care. Hormones coursed through us, shoving rational thought aside. We were wild animals, lost in the rut.

After licking and sucking each other, I was lost in a haze of endorphins, I turned and felt him against me. I got on my knees, and we faced each other, tasting each other’s lips again. I was so lost in the experience that I didn’t notice that he had re-positioned behind me, not until it was too late. I moaned and mewled as he kissed my neck, realizing too late that he was kissing me from behind.
I was helpless, I couldn’t get out a coherent word. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and that voice that was whispering in the back of my head began to scream.

I nearly choked and screamed as he bent me over, and when he pushed into me, I cried out in a combination of ecstasy and pain and regret and shame. I whimpered as he thrust back and forth into my painful ass. He grunted and groaned as he pistoned in and out of me, the pain not helped at all by the slick blood covering my ass and his dick. When he finally came inside me, there was a loud scream, but I wasn’t sure if it came from him, or from me. I orgasmed with him, and the sheer exertion caused us to pass out from fatigue. Adding insult to injury, I lay in my own cum, as he lay on top of me.

I woke up not knowing how long it had been, but the sun was further towards the horizon. He had fallen asleep cradling me in his arms, and I very carefully extricated myself. Gathering my clothes, I painfully put them back on, and crept out of the underbrush. The walk home was unbearable, pain coursing through my entire body. I felt light-headed as I reached the door to my house.

I opened the door, and walked in slowly. Mom was in the living room, cleaning. I stumbled over to her, and collapsed into her arms. I didn’t have to say anything, it was obvious by my bloody clothes, and the blood on my thighs. She just sat there cradling me and holding me tight.

I heard her reassuring voice telling me that everything would be alright, and that she would take me to see our doctor tomorrow. Very gently, she picked me up and carried me up to my room. She helped me off with my bloody clothes, and began to draw a bath. I only vaguely remember any of it. I know she washed me, like she did when I was little, but I was so out of it that I don’t remember just when she was done, nor when she managed to get pajamas on me.

As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.

I didn’t sleep comfortably, as nightmares haunted me. I had nightmares of being stuck between genders, not fully male, not fully female. Others involved my giving birth painfully. In some, I had boobs that were so big, I couldn’t stand. The most terrifying ones involved Paul Bettany raping me.

I woke up several times with night sweats, and more than once, I woke up screaming. Mom came in to check on me when I did, and she stayed until I managed to fall asleep again.

Eventually morning came, and I got up to face the music. I was afraid of what Mom and Dad would say or think, but they were calm and reassuring. There was no shouting, no screaming, no telling me I was a disappointment.

Dad was the one that spoke first. “I’m sorry Casey, I feel like this is our fault. We should have been more forthcoming with you. I know that the rut is a shock if you aren’t prepared. We had planned to talk to you about it, but we figured we would have more time. You are only 13, and that’s on the early side for the rut to take effect. We should have done better”, he admitted solemnly.

Mom placed her hand on his shoulder, in that way that Moms do. She chewed her lip and spoke. “Casey, are you okay? I know you told me what happened to Jame… er, Janie. I know you were worried about it being violent. He didn’t force himself on you, did he? If he did, it’s not your fault.”

I lowered my head and the tears started. “No, it is my fault. It’s all my fault! I couldn’t say no, I couldn’t speak. I was so lost and confused and swept up in the moment that I couldn’t say no. I failed. I deserve what I got! Meek little me, unable to say what he wants. I was always afraid of it happening, and it did! I got what I deserved!” I stormed off, up the stairs. I got to my room, and I slammed the door. Gingerly, I laid down on my stomach and cried into the bedspread. I just lay there crying, not even hearing Mom talking through the door.

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