Stuck in a Rut.
By Rosalie Redd

Casey Church is a normal 13 year old girl, But in a world where there hasn’t been a girl born in over 100 years, Casey adjusts to her new life as a girl. Can Casey cope with everything that comes with being a girl, or will others conspire to ruin her life?

Chapter 43

Janie clung to me as we entered the facility. Mom was with us as we entered the security checkpoint. Luna went through the meta detector first, causing it to beep. A guard stepped over and used a hand wand to scan her, revealing the culprit to be her earrings. Reluctantly, she turned those over, and they were handed to Mom. Mom wouldn’t be going in with us, so she agreed to hold our items.

Janie was next, and she handed her earrings and bracelet over to Mom, and went through the metal detector without any issue. I was next, and I handed over my jewelry, and followed suit.

Having passed the metal detectors, next was a pat-down, which was embarrassing and uncomfortable. I knew that it was needed, because of the nature of the people housed at the facility, still it didn’t make it any less scary. I wasn’t used to feeling vulnerable and scared, but now that I was a girl, I had to become accustomed to this feeling. I didn’t like it. Mom and Dad were still looking into the kick-boxing option for me.

After the pat-down, we were led down a long corridor. The guard spoke to us. “Do not hand anything to the patient, unless approved by the staffers in attendance. Do not make extended physical contact with the patient. Do not deliver outside messages from anyone on the list of people provided to you when you entered.”

That was relatively simple, because the only person on said list was one I never wanted to see.

We were led through the door at the end of the corridor, into a large room. There were tables spaced around the room. But only one was occupied at the moment. Off to the side stood two large men in white scrubs and coats. Our attention was focused on the person at the table. She sat there, her red hair buzzed short. She had on an orange top and matching pants. Marcia Hayes.

I looked at her, she had bags under her eyes, and what I had at first mistaken for being pudgy when I first encountered her was clearly now a baby bump.

I motioned Janie to sit in the middle, so that Luna and I could flank her and provide support. She nodded and sat. As we looked at Marcia, she motioned to one of the nurses behind her, and they handed her a large tablet, like an over-sized iPad. She typed on it and then held it up for us to read.

>> I did not expect to see you three on my visitor’s list, Did DeShaun accompany you?<<

I looked at her and shook my head. “He doesn’t want anything to do with you. Once the baby is born, he will take him, should the DNA test conclude that it’s his.”, I replied coldly.

She looked down and typed again. >>I understand the skepticism, but this is his son. I guess I can’t blame him. I did horrible things.<<

She looked at Janie, and I saw a tear streaming down Marcia’s face. She began to type again.

>>Jane, I know this may seem hollow to you, but I apologize with all my heart. I was sick. I know now that you have every right to never forgive me, but I hope someday you will understand.<<

Janie slammed her fists on the table, and yelled at Marcia. “Understand? UNDERSTAND?? YOU TRIED TO KILL ME, AND YOU KNEW I HAD TRIED TO DO IT MYSELF BEFORE, AND YOU USED THAT AS A COVER!”

Marcia hung her head, then reached for the tablet again.

>>I regret it, I do. I was sick. All those years of mother telling me that so long as I was a boy, I would be weak. And that I was really a girl. She made it clear that I had no choice but to become a girl. I never got to experience what it was like to be a boy. Every day, I had to wear panties, and pants and jeans that were made for girls. I had to endure lessons on how to be the idea girl. So I rebelled, and took out my frustrations on things that couldn’t defend themselves. Small animals, those weaker than me.<<

Her eyes turned to Luna, and she frowned. The typing began again.

>>Luna, I’m sorry, I abused you. I molested you. I kept you under my thumb by having Mother send your boyfriend away. When all the things I did were brought forward as evidence, I wasn’t surprised it was you. I deserved it.<<

Luna’s head lowered and she began to sob.

I reached across Janie and held Luna’s hand. Janie put both of her hands on top of mine.

I was angry. “You fucked over so many people, and your legacy is continuing, even with you here. You do know that, don’t you?”, I spat at her.

She looked at me questioningly, and typed.

>>Legacy?<<

Janie spoke up next. “The Wilders. They’ve declared war on Casey. They rigged the Homecoming election to get DeShaun and Amy elected as Freshman homecoming royalty, so that she could hog his time at the dance. They cornered Luna and Casey both and have beaten them both up.”

Marcia looked at us, then looked down. She took the pad and typed some more.

>>You are right, I did fuck them over, and I did cause this current mess for you. All of that is my fault.<<

I looked away, and then looked back at her. She was typing again.

>>After my surgeries, I had a moment of clarity. An epiphany, if you will. Laying in the hospital ward, I had time to reflect on everything. I was sick, and I needed to get better. For myself, and for the baby. The surgeries alone put him at risk. He’s okay, by the way. Since I’ve been put on medications for my issues, I’ve been better. The meds are safe for him. And I feel like a real person now. With my own choices ahead of me. I’ve been attending school here. I decided to make up for what I’ve done somehow, though I don’t know how just yet. I know that my baby will be safe with DeShaun, so I’ve signed papers stating that he gets sole parental rights, I rescinded my own. And I made sure Mother is not allowed even visiting rights. I’m sure she will sue, but my wishes in the matter are on file.<<

Janie looked at Marcia, and lowered her head. In a low whisper, she spoke. “You hurt me, you disfigured me. You tore away my self-worth. I have to hide my arms now, or else people start to stare and pity me. I have nightmares, I shake and cry in the middle of the night.”

Marcia nodded sadly, and then held out her arms. She had on short sleeves, and her wrists were wrapped in bandages. She lowered her arms and went back to the tablet.

>>I am more sorry than you will ever know, and I serve my own penance. I’ll go through life the same way as you. With scarred wrists, covered in bite marks and suture scars. If I ever speak again, every word will be a bitter reminder to me of all the pain and suffering that I have caused.<<

Luna was still sobbing, and Marcia looked over at her. She paused for a second, and then wrote more.

>>Luna, You saved me. You got me turned in, you got me help. I am so sorry for all I did to you. Both Physically, and mentally.<<

Luna looked up, her mascara streaking down her cheeks. “You raped me. You tied me to a chair and you molested me, you raped me with all those different things. I was afraid, and you tormented me. I had nightmares of you catching me and beating me to death. Of course I had to turn you in, YOU WERE A MONSTER!”, She stopped speaking, and lowered her head, leaning supported against Janie’s shoulder.

Tears were streaming down Marcia’s face. She wiped some off the tablet, and wrote her next reply.

>>You are right. I was a monster, I killed things, I manipulated people, I raped you. I drugged the Wilders, pretty much the same as raping them. I took away their choice. Just like my mother took away my choice before I was even born. I’m no better than she is. But I want to be. Maybe if I had been allowed to be a boy, I’d still have become a girl. I don’t know. But I know that Mother made me a monster. When I found who I was going to be with, I threatened to have him killed if he didn’t make me a girl. He was a small, shy kid. Maybe he would have been better off as a girl. Maybe not. But I took that away from him. I don’t even know his name. If I could laugh at the Irony, I would.<<

I sat there looking at Marcia. “Why DeShaun?”, I asked.

Marcia slumped down, her body language clearly indicating sorrow. She typed slowly, erasing several times.

>>DeShaun was my mother’s choice, and in my sickness, I latched on to that choice and made myself believe I loved him. Maybe I did, but in a selfish, sick way. He was tall, handsome, athletic, he had promise and potential.<<

I looked at her. “So it was all a fantasy about becoming what? Some sort of power couple?”, I barked in indignation.

She sadly nodded, typing again.

>>And I screwed up his life. He’s going to be a father, Which I didn’t intend. No scholarships to college. No NFL career. Not with a son to support. Worse yet, I took something from him, something that wasn’t my right. Something that should have gone to you. And I’ll be sorry for that forever.<<

She rubbed her bump, and I saw the slight quiver in her lips. It was getting harder to hate her, to cast her in the role of the mustache-twirling villain, tying the damsel in distress to the railroad tracks. She too was a victim, Though I don’t know if Luna or Janie would agree with that assessment.

Life is so confusing and unfair. None of us here were winners. We had all lost, in one way or another.

The attendant that was standing nearby spoke up. “Ladies, visiting hours are coming to a close. I’m sorry, but you will need to wrap up soon.”, said the tall, muscular man.

I looked to Luna and Janie, who both nodded to me. I spoke for us all. “Thank you, I think we are done here.”

Marcia motioned for us to wait for a second, then she motioned to the attendant. She quickly typed on her tablet.

>>before you leave, I know I don’t deserve to ask this, but could you deliver something to DeShaun for me?<<

The attendant reached into a folder he was carrying, and handed Marcia a single sheet of paper. She placed it on the table and slid it forward to me. I looked at it and gasped. It was her sonogram. She wanted DeShaun to have a picture of their son. I nodded to her, and took the picture, holding it carefully.

After we had left the facility, and begun our trip back home, I sat in the car looking at the picture intently for the entire trip.

As always, I LOVE to hear your thoughts, opinions, concerns, comments