Stuck in a Rut.
By Rosalie Redd

Casey Church is dealing with the usual things that any Fourteen year old girl has to deal with. That is... if they are a girl in a world where girls aren’t born, they are transformed. Leaving her male life behind is difficult, and new threats are on the horizon.

Chapter 48

Trying to doze on the couch, I tossed and turned uneasily. Tomorrow DeShaun had another game. I knew the Wilder sisters were on suspension from school and from participating in Volleyball, but they were not banned from attending the football games, as they were open to all.

Mom had been grumbling about Amy’s suspension. She had wanted Amy off the team, but as a substitute assistant coach, she was voted down. I tried to not think about it too hard, rather I tried to shift my focus to Saturday, and the party. Mom had been working extra hard, setting up the pot luck and inviting friends and relatives. The friend list was very small, as I only really had three people I hung out with, and one of whom was living with us. I mentioned that I wanted Georgie to come, and she had sent him an invite, formally.

I thought about Georgie. She was going through a lot. She was in the early stages of the transition, her face and body only barely starting to show more feminine traits. I felt a responsibility to her, I had found her, I knew her. I had to help her.

I pulled out my phone and hit speed-dial.

“Janie, it’s Casey. I was sitting here thinking about Georgie. I invited her to the party, but I’m not sure she’s going to come. Have you spoken to her lately?”

Janie was silent, and I heard a darkly cute giggling in the background.

Janie finally spoke up. “I haven’t really, I was too bleh from my period. Now that the cramps have lessened, I suppose I should call her, or stop over.”

I heard Janie try to muffle the volume by presumably placing her hands over the mouthpiece. “Stop that! No… no! Not the arches! You fiend. Quit that.” Then she broke into a massive fit of laughing.

I sat there speechless, as the call disconnected. I’m sure I didn’t want to know. I was sure of one thing though. Those two might not yet realize it, but they were pretty much already a couple. But then again, DeShaun and I were a couple. Were we a pair of connected swingers couples? Trying to figure out the four of us would give me a headache. Then I grinned. Why bother?

I got up and walked upstairs, taking a long shower before bed. I sighed and snuggled up with my over-sized plush bunny. Since the change, I’m more of a feelsy, hands on person, I’ve noticed.

I fell asleep cuddling the bunny, warm and happy.

Waking up the next morning, I looked at the clock. My alarm was due to go off in 15 minutes, so I silenced it, and sat for a moment, just looking around my room. It was still rather boyish. I had to ask Mom and Dad about maybe painting it, once DeShaun was in Chicago.

I sighed when I thought of that. I was going to miss him, and tears flowed down my cheek. The new semester would start in December, and he’d be gone. Oh, I knew he would be back in the spring for the birth, and I’d see him in the summer, but it wasn’t the same. I touched the promise ring, and smiled. He was mine, no matter what the twins said.

Getting ready, I threw on a pair of navy tights, under some distressed blue jeans that showed off my legs and butt rather well. A gray long sleeve tee went under Mom’s jersey. I added a little flourish to the look with some red barrettes. I looked in the mirror at my hair, it was starting to get a little longer, growing out of the bob. Should I grow it longer?, I wondered.

I headed down to the kitchen. Mom was having a rough morning, apparently. I figured maybe she was coming into the morning sickness phase of her pregnancy. Of course, I didn’t officially know about it. But I did. I had been reading up the past few days, in preparation for becoming ‘big sis’. Additionally, this was now a tangible possibility for me down the road. Adding to that the fact that conceivably, my possible future step-son was gestating off at the psychiatric care facility. I had babies on the mind.

I was a little distanced from the desire that had overwhelmed me initially. In a way, I had a test baby coming next year. And if I broke him, I could tell Mom and Dad it wasn’t my fault. Joking! I’m joking!

I put some coffee in the machine, and puttered around. I hate coffee, unless it’s ice cream or candies. But I knew Dad would want some, and possibly DeShaun too. Mom was probably going to be a little irritable. I pretended to not have noticed that she no longer was having her morning cup.

I grabbed the wheat bread out of the fridge and started making toast. There was some white bread in there as well, but that was for making meatloaf. Mom’s influence, I suppose. We ate a little more healthy than the typical family, I suppose. I remember Dad once commenting on the little changes after they got married. Things like his protests about having miracle whip in the fridge, though Mom preferred mayonnaise. (To be totally truthful, so did I). The worst conflict of their newlywed days, apparently was the great chunky vs. smooth peanut butter debate. Though as with most things, Mom had prevailed and crunchy had been the family go-to ever since.

I sat mulling over such things, would DeShaun and I ever be like that? I know I’m thinking waaay too far in the future, but my new gender has made me more introspective, I guess. Barring some sort of injury or major life upheaval, he had plans to go to college. Even as a freshman, he was on the radar of major football programs.

Of course, I would want us to go to the same school. By the time We would enter college, the baby would be nearly four. I could take time off, and stay at home with him. Then once DeShaun graduated, I could go. As I sat there ruminating, the man himself entered the room. He went to the cabinet and got out the Wheaties. I chuckled internally at his choice of ‘The breakfast of champions’. Dad came down a short time later, followed by Mom. She looked half-dead, as she stumbled into the kitchen. She went over to Mr. Coffee, and was about to pour a cup of his boon. I coughed and she looked up, realizing what she was about to do. Mom sighed and walked to the fridge and got out some orange juice.

DeShaun and I looked up at the kitchen clock and after we finished our respective cereal choices, (mine having been raisin bran), we gathered our books and headed off to school. It was a little chilly, and my jacket didn’t completely help with that. Thoughtfully, DeShaun had noticed and took off his jacket, and draped it around me. That was another thing that sucked. After the semester, With DeShaun gone, we couldn’t participate in the old high school tradition of the ‘girlfriend wearing the boyfriend’s letter jacket’, as he would likely not get one for here. It made no sense for him to buy a jacket after the semester was over, to put one season of patches on, and then have to buy another for spring sports and the rest of his years at his new school.

I sighed, and moved closer to him. He put his arm around my shoulders, and we walked together into the school. Parting after the morning locker visit, we headed out separate ways, I reached home room and saw Luna sitting there like the black cat that ate the canary.

“So, have fun tormenting Janie’s arches?”, I asked as I sat beside her.

Luna giggled and laughed. “Can I help it if she has ticklish feet?”, she stated in an attempt to defend herself.

I looked at Kitten and spoke up. “You know, I’ve been watching you two. And as much as I love you both, you really need to ask her to be your girlfriend… or she, you.”

Luna stared at me blankly, then I saw her pale cheeks turn bright red. “T...trying to get rid of me?”, she questioned.

I laughed. “I don’t think I could at this point, even if I wanted to.”, I stated, then followed that up with a raspberry.

We both sat and laughed until Mr. Hedges came in and the bell rang.

When lunch rolled around, I sat in the usual spot. DeShaun was late, as Coach Grant had needed to talk to him about last minute things. Janie plopped herself down to my left. She looked better, the dark bags under her eyes had pretty much gone away.

“Feeling better?”, I asked.

She nodded and spoke, the cheerfulness back in her voice. “I seem to have quick but heavy periods, Mom told me that most of hers were fairly light but would last a whole week, sometimes a few days longer.”

“Oh, I hope for light and fast.”, I said with a little fear in my voice.

She looked at me, and laughed. “If that turns out to be the case, I think I’ll hate you forever!”, she said, following up with her giving me a raspberry. (Yes, we are in the cafeteria, but I don’t mean the fruit.)

“Oh, by the way, I was talking to your foot molester in first period. You really need to ask her to be your girlfriend, formally. I think she’d be over the Moon for that.”, I said, as I poked at my turkey sandwich.

Janie nearly choked on her milk. “What brought that on?”, she said after her coughing fit.

“Oh, I’ve just been watching the two of you. You love her, as much as you love me. But with her, it’s different. You don’t have to settle for being second fiddle. We can all be together still, but you deserve someone that loves you first and foremost.”, I stated, in a matter of fact manner.

Janie paused and sat there quietly for a while before responding. “You know, I do love you, and I always will. And not just because you were my first. But you might be right. I do need that, and I think she does as well. She doesn’t really talk about it much, but I can see she’s still hurting about Anthony.”

I nodded sadly. It was so unfair what had happened to her. She was so sweet, I can imagine her as Luke, resigned to the fact that nobody would want to be his girl. I had recollecting all the pictures I’d seen of her as Luke, he was just too small and delicate looking, not that much bigger male than she was now. She had been lucky she had met Anthony, she could have gotten someone abusive and ‘gung-ho macho’. They would be good for each other.

I sat and thought about the two of them, and then my mind drifted to someone else. I hadn’t seen him yet, but I wanted to see Georgie, and see how she was doing.

“Janie, did you talk to Georgie, at all?”, I queried.

“Yeah, she’s still struggling. She did mention that you invited her to the party. I’m happy you did that. She seems so lonely and confused. Her Mom and Dad are trying their best, and they are all in counseling, both family and individual, which is good.”

I nodded and went back to my sandwich, becoming a girl is so confusing and frustrating. Why did the occurrence have to happen?

I prefer crunchy, wheat bread, and mayo.

If you have questions, comments, ideas, or food preferences, please feel free to share.