Stuck in a Rut.
By Rosalie Redd

Casey Church is a normal 13 year old girl, full of hopes and dreams and fears and anxieties. But in a world where there hasn’t been a girl born in over a century, what is normal?

Chapter 13.

After the game Janie and I talked mom into dropping us off at the mall for dinner. We had plans to hook up with DeShaun there, after all where else would a group of teenagers hang out on a Friday? With the strict instructions to keep our phones on, and that mom would be here to pick us up at 11, we sat in the food court. I slipped into the line at the Subway counter and looked over at Janie, in the McDonalds line next to it. I looked over to her and she nodded. We had worked out our strategy. With one of us in each line, we could get everything faster, and so it was only a short time later that I sat down to my foot long sub, and fries. Janie had her fries and salad with salami.

I took a drink from my cup and made a face. “I think I got your diet coke”, I complained to Janie. She sipped her drink and handed it over. After a cautious sip, I confirmed that it was indeed my regular coke. Leaving her for a second, I walked over to the Dairy Queen stand and got a large Heath Bar Blizzard. When I got back, DeShaun had arrived, and was looking incredulously at my tray.

I looked up at him. “What?”, I asked pointedly. “If someone hadn’t put it in, then I wouldn’t have to have so many calories.”

DeShaun looked at me sheepishly, and sat down quietly. I stuck out my tongue and then smirked at him. “It’s okay, really. I was just teasing you. I’m trying to not dwell on it, and get over what happened. I’m not thrilled to be changing, but it is what it is.”

He nodded and looked down, before picking up his burger. He had barely taken a bite, when a voice behind him spoke up, causing him to nearly choke, and start coughing.

“Mom, what are you doing here?”, he asked as he turned around. Behind him stood a mountain of a man, at least 6’8”, and full of muscle. He had deep, dark chocolate colored skin, a goatee, and shaved head. Next to him was evidently the woman DeShaun had addressed as ‘mom’, she was perhaps 5’5”, and had s soft cocoa skin tone, her hair was braided into long braids. The most prominent feature about her though was her shape. To say she was pear-shaped would be an insult to pears. If I had to describe it, I would say she was closer to egg-shaped.

“Your father and I came to do a little shopping. Who are your little friends?”, she asked, emphasizing the word ‘little’, even though Janie and I were taller than she was.

DeShaun stood up and gestured to Janie. “This is Janie Bond, she and I have Algebra together.”

I looked over at Janie, who shrugged at me in that ‘you never asked’ way.

DeShaun cleared his throat and indicated me next. “And this is Casey Church, we have Home Ec. Together.”
DeShaun’s mother looked Janie over a couple times and unapologetically said out loud. “Son, you didn’t diddle this cracker, did you?”

I could all but feel the anger rising from Janie, but she just calmly sat there and softly said, “No, Someone else raped and sodomized me, but don’t worry. I have no designs on DeShaun.”

With that said, Janie turned and kissed me on the cheek. I felt Mrs. McAllister’s eyes shift to me. I still looked male enough, despite the facial changes I had gone through thus far, and my outfit was baggy enough to hide the small changes that were visible elsewhere. No wonder DeShaun had not wanted them to know about me. Sheesh. I wrapped my arm around Janie. I looked over at DeShaun, and I could see the emotions on his face. He looked back at his mother, and then over at Janie, then to me.
I could see the emotional turmoil going on inside him.

We were rescued when DeShaun’s father coughed and then spoke. “DeShaun, be home by 11:30, son. We’ll let you and your… friends… enjoy your meal. Later, kids.” As he and his wife turned, he glanced back at me and his eyes narrowed. Did he suspect something? I still had my arm around Janie’s shoulder, and was giving her a gentle squeeze. Her eyes were watering, and I could tell that she was trying hard not to cry.

I waved for DeShaun to give us some space. What I really wanted to do was knock his mother on her weeble-wobble looking ass. I hugged Janie as she sat there fighting back the tears. I couple minutes later, DeShaun came back with an M&M blizzard, and handed it to Janie. That seemed to stop the tears.

After we finished eating, we wandered over to Barnes and Noble. It was cliché that he walked over to the sports books, I guess. Janie made a beeline for the self-help section. I didn’t really have a set destination, but soon I found myself in the ‘emerging girls’ section. I bit my lip and flipped through various books on becoming a girl. There were books on the psychology of it, the biological changes and implications, and even books about sexual dysphoria following the change. Sheepishly, I finished flipping through, and I grabbed several that were aimed at different issues I was facing.

I looked around, finding Janie looking at books about surviving rape, clinical depression, and even self-defense for women. I approached, making my presence known, and put my arm around her shoulder.
She leaned in and nestled against me as we stood there. After a few minutes, we went searching for our third, and found him obliviously reading through a book on ‘Great Athletes in University of Minnesota History’, I peered over his shoulder, and to my shock, he was reading an article about mom.

Having surprised him, he quickly put the book back, pretending that he wasn’t doing what he was caught doing. I sighed. “Yeah, Mom was amazing, and is hot and all… but jeez could you not drool over her? Please? She might be your mother-in-law some day”, I chided. Then thinking about his mother… probably not.

Janie rolled her eyes and mouthed ‘boys’ silently to me, which got a chuckle out of me, before I realized it. I led Janie up to the cashier, and we paid for our books. There was plenty of time left, so I suggested we go upstairs to the movie theater.

DeShaun wanted to see Jurassic World, Janie offered up The Purge, and I mumbled inaudibly that I wished to see the Christopher Robin movie. Both of my companions shook their heads at my suggestion, and in the end we ended up watching Happytime Murders.

With Janie on my left and DeShaun on my right, I sat and watched the movie, laughing when both simultaneously tried to put their arm around me, only to encounter each other. Not so much when they each took my hand and held it, preventing me from eating my popcorn.

After the movie, it was almost time for mom to pick us up. DeShaun looked at me nervously and then spoke, “C… can I have a kiss?”

I had an idea at that point, and I couldn’t not do it. “Sure”, I said. “Just close your eyes.”

Obediently, he did as asked, And with a silent nod to Janie, I stepped back, out of the way. She placed both hands on his cheeks, and leaned in, giving him a big long juicy open-mouth kiss. After about a minute, I cleared my throat. His eyes snapped open and he pulled back, in a panic. In doing so, he fell backwards and landed on his butt, on the sidewalk.

After a few chuckles from Janie and myself, I nodded, and came closer. I gave him a peck on the cheek, and said, “good night.”

Timing was perfect, because right then, I heard the car horn honk. I looked over and Mom was looking out the driver’s side window of the cayenne. Janie and I both got in, and mom asked DeShaun if he wanted a ride. He shook his head, and informed us that he was going to get a ride back with his friend that worked at the Hallmark store. We waved goodbye as we pulled out of the lot. Mom dropped Janie off at home and I promised to call her in the morning. We pulled into the garage, and I climbed out of the car. I reached in and grabbed my books. Walking into the house, I headed upstairs to get ready for bed.

I had finished brushing my teeth, and was standing in front of the bowl, to pee. I waited and it started to come, slowly and uncomfortably. After several minutes I was finished, but I was in tears. Life was kicking me in the face with another reminder that I can’t be happy. After I washed my hands, I headed into the bedroom and flopped down on the bed with one of my new books. I opened it up and looked up my symptoms. It outlined everything in black and white and with diagrams. My urethra was narrowing in a few days, I could expect my penis to close up entirely, as a new one was already growing to replace it in the female location.

I closed the book and turned out the lights, sitting there in the darkness. I cried until I fell asleep.

Morning came, and I crawled out of bed. I made it downstairs as mom was fixing breakfast. I dropped my head onto the table with a soft thud. She looked over and noticed my position. “Something wrong dear? I thought you had a good time at the game, and after with your friends.”, I looked at her and sighed.

“Why does life hate me? Every time I think I’m adjusting, it pulls the chair out from under me and reminds me that I’m deluding myself”, I whined. She put the bread down and turned from the toaster and hugged me.

I explained what had happened last night, after we had gotten home. She rubbed my back and spoke to me in a gentle, loving voice. “I know that right now things seem bad. Hell, I took this part worse than you did. There was crying and screaming and yelling involved. I know that you didn’t choose to be female, but once you get past the rough parts, you will see how wonderful it can be. I did, and I have you to remind me of that fact every day.”

I smiled weakly. I knew mom’s heart was in the right place, but I was too depressed to care. All that I could think of was that my insides were playing some weird form of hide-and seek, combined with tag, and some other game that I didn’t know the rules of. I remembered that I had promised to call Janie, so after a couple pieces of toast, I decided to do just that. I needed to hear that voice, her voice. That would tell me that everything would be okay. She was the only one that could understand me, because she hadn’t wanted this either, and she had made it out the other side.

Janie arrived about 10 minutes later. She came up to my room, and found me curled up in the fetal position. She informed me that Mom had taken dad out and that they would be gone until Janie or I called them. I heard her, but it really didn’t register. I laid my head in her lap, and she stroked my hair gently. After a while, she took her shirt off, and then unfastened her bra and removed that as well. She laid down along side me, and once again she let me suckle on her breast like a baby as she held me and made me feel safe.

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