The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1380 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

“She wants a feed,” said Jenny bringing down the latest addition to the family.

“She’s beautiful, jes’ like her ma,” Iain pronounced little knowing that if it was the case it would be by pure coincidence as I wasn’t her birth mother.

“She’s not mine, Iain, she was left to me as her guardian and I subsequently adopted her. Her mother unfortunately died as did her elder sister and father.

“Oh, I’m sorry–it’s just she looks like you.”

“It’s pure coincidence that we each have one head, two arms and two legs–so yes she looks like me, but then she also looks like you.”

He laughed and the wain began to pucker her lower lip and I had to speak to her and tickle her to cheer her up. “I’d better go and feed her.”

“If ye want tae dae it here, I’ve nae objections–in fact, I think it’s rather nice.”

“Okay then, c’mon little mother sucker,” Iain laughed again but this time Catherine’s attention was firmly fixed on my nipples and sucking them inside out.

Jenny made some tea at my request and I sat drinking it with Iain while the others had a glass of wine. Of course, the baby fell asleep at the breast as she tends to and when I woke her she gave a tremendous burp which I think probably originated somewhere down by her toenails and grew as it travelled up her legs and body. By the time it got to her mouth, Cambridge University probably picked it up on their seismometers.

It made everyone chuckle including the baby herself. Who followed with a smaller encore then resumed chewing and sucking my boob–the sucking’s okay but the chewing–she has a few teeth–not so good. Yep, this baby sucks.

“How old is she?” asked Iain.

Simon looked aghast, he had no idea.

“She’ll be a year in August.” I put her down and she pulled herself into a standing position, then promptly sat down with a bump. I made a joke of it and she giggled, doing it again another twice before she crawled over to Iain and pulling herself up his leg said, “Dad a, da da.” He roared with laughter and she sat down and went to Simon who picked her up.

“Hoo many children hae ye got?”

“Including Stella’s daughter who’s staying with us for the moment, eight.”

“Is it,” sighed Simon, “I lost count a while ago.”

“Hey, I’m not really a child,” protested Julie.

“You are until you’re eighteen, kiddo,” I reminded her.

“Yeah, but I could join the army and die for my country.”

“I don’t know if they recruit hairdressers.”

“Are ye a hairdresser, then?” Iain turned his attention to Julie who flirted openly.

“Well, I’m still trainin’ but yeah, I am.”

“Can ye dae plaits an’ things?”

“Yeah, course.”

“I’ll need tae ask yer ma, but it would be useful to hae a hairdresser at thae rehearsals frae thae weekend.”

“We’re not working through the weekend, are we?” I was horrified.

“Aye–in the hall, sae the lightin’ guys can set things up.”

Typical, he’s been here five minutes and he already knows more about the set up than I do. It transpired that Saturday and Sunday were full dress rehearsals and the run for the play had been extended from Monday through to Friday. I was really beginning to think I should have said no at the outset–I can’t pull out now, it’s too late–oh poo.

I was daydreaming and when I came back to the conversation, Simon, Tom and Iain were discussing costumes and battle dress in particular. Then they got on to armour and things like the collection in the Tower of London–it is impressive, especially Henry VIII’s stuff.

“Yeah. But they were smaller in those days, mostly anyway,” suggested Simon.

“They weren’t ten thousand years ago.”

“What weren’t?”

“People, there was a thing on the BBC that we got smaller since we started farming ten thousand years ago–something to do with restricted diet–lack of niacin or something.”

“Are you trying to tell me that my ancestors were bigger than I am?” asked Simon.

“I’m only repeating what I heard on the radio–they were taller, more muscular and had bigger brains.”

“So, you’re implying that not only are we more feeble, we’re more feeble minded, too?”

“No, because they suggested that with evolution, our brains didn’t need to be so big, rather like computers have become smaller but equally if not more powerful.”

“Oh yeah, so you reckon a cave man could cope with consolidating investment accounts and predicting which commodities would rise?”

“No more so than you could track herds or caribou and kill and skin them.”

“I reckon I could–I shot a deer once–they were culling some for herd management, and the ghillie and I butchered it and skinned it–Dad used to have it up at the castle, dunno what’s happened to it since.”

“Jings, thae biggest thin’ I ever shot wis a pigeon that wis eatin’ ma peas.”

“Whit aboot ye, Cathy, hae ye shot anythin’?”

“I don’t like guns.” I distracted them–I’d actually shot men dead with a gun and a bow and arrow. The latter, Simon was relating.

“...she’s a dab hand with a bow an’ arrow, shot a couple a guys who were trying to break in–they had guns too.”

“Guid grief, ye didnae, did ye?”

“Can we talk about something else?” I sniffed the baby, “I think, I’ll go and change her.”

“See if you can get a bottle of claret for her,” called Simon. I ignored him, my response–he would not have enjoyed. I thought about her parents and that day at Maria’s house with Trish when we found her. That was truly awful. Then I thought about the number of people I’d harmed because they were threatening me or worse, trying to hurt me or mine. I shuddered–what life demands of us sometimes.

I changed her and she barely stirred, however the fact that she was mobile meant back to using the gates at the top and bottom of the stairs–mind you, perhaps we should have for Puddin’ anyway, except that little minx has worked out either how to open them or get round them. I can see we’ll have to watch her.

After depositing her back to her cot and checking on Puddin’, who was fast asleep, as were the other girls, I saw Danny’s light was still on–he was reading. I poked my head round his door–“Okay, kiddo?”

“Yeah, s’pose I’d better put the light off, hadn’t I?”

“How long till the end of the chapter?”

He scrambled to turn over pages. “Two more.”

“Okay, finish the chapter and then bed.” I bent down and pecked him on the cheek and much to my surprise he gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek. He isn’t very demonstrative, so this was a real bonus. I blushed and ruffled his hair, “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Night, Mum,” he called back.

I wandered back downstairs and by now Julie and Jenny had elbowed their way into the conversation, I slipped into the kitchen and sat down with a glass of water and closed my eyes–I felt exhausted.

So, we had a leading A-list celebrity in the dining room laughing and joking with my family–and he’s as nice as his publicity claims he is–but, tonight I can top that, I had a kiss from a young man who’s very shy behind all the bravado–and that was worth a thousand celebrities. I felt a warm glow enfold me and I think I might even have nodded off to sleep because Simon called me to see Iain off. He gave me a kiss too, as he left and thanked me for my hospitality. I blushed. Julie and Jenny got a kiss too–but none were as special as that unexpected one I got earlier–that was very special.