The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1361 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

Looking back over that evening, the motto, life is full of surprises, doesn’t go anywhere describing what happened.

I decided that I would follow my intuition and let it lead me to Julie. That was the first mistake. If you recall, I was sure that I had a bearing on her, just like I had on previous occasions, follow the light she was sending out, use mine to tune into her and strengthen the signal and there we go.

Um–not quite, I drove off into the island heading towards Sandown where I spotted a caravan park. Aha, I thought, here we go. It wasn’t a very big park only forty or fifty vans on it and I drove carefully round the site trying to get a fix. I drove round twice and got a tingle from one caravan which looked a bit more dilapidated than most. It suited my suspicions, so I parked and walked over to it. The curtains were drawn over the dirty windows, and I had no idea how many could be in there with Julie, but it certainly felt as if she was in there.

I tried the door handle gently–it was unlocked–not another set up? I looked around for some sort of weapon, something small but heavy or sharp–I spotted a small gardening trowel and seized it–if I hit someone with that, it would hurt them more than punching them, especially if I hit them on joints–wrists, elbows, knees backs of hands.

I gently eased open the door and the site that greeted me was shocking. Firstly, a small terrier dog came bounding at me wagging his tail and growling–a woman’s voice told him to behave, then called for help.

The dog nipped at my ankles so my heel accidentally caught it under the chin. It squealed and shot off out of the caravan. I threw open the partially closed door and there lying in a mess of food and broken china lay an elderly woman.

“Please help me,” she implored. I’d come to the wrong caravan.

She was smothered in gravy and the remains of her dinner that the dog hadn’t eaten for her, and had a nasty contusion on her forehead where she’d bashed her face against a table.

I quickly checked her out–she had a suspected broken femur, a broken dinner plate and gravy on the knee. A job for the paramedics. I called for the ambulance.

“Where’s Joss?”

“Who’s Joss?” I asked.

“My dog, you let him out.”

“I didn’t so much let him out as he escaped after biting me.”

“Well go and find him,” she said.

“I think I’d better stay with you until the ambulance gets here.”

“I’m alright, get my bloody dog, seeing as you lost him.”

“Who’s going to mind him if they take you to hospital?”

“My son.”

“Have you got a number for him?”

“He’s working.”

“I think this might be considered an emergency–you’ve broken your hip, I think.” I knew, I also knew she had a developing thrombosis and was about half an hour from death. One of these days I shall get some sort of handle on this energy and get it to do what I want, not t’other way round.

“I’ll be alright, just find my bloody dog.”

“I don’t think he’ll come for me,”–no, the ruddy thing went for me, not came to me.

“Well I’m not moving until you find him.”

“I think you’ll have to go to hospital.”

“Not until you find my Joss.”

“Can I call your son and tell him what’s happened?”

“He’s in work, I told you once.”

“What sort of job does he do?”

“He’s a policeman.”

My eye alighted on a photograph of a man in uniform–“Is this him?” I held up the photo.

“’Course it is, how many son’s d’ya think I’ve got.”

“Oh,” I said looking at it carefully.

“Oh what?” she demanded.

“He’s a nice looking chap, very smart in his uniform,” I wonder if they might be on the same ward, he was last seen under my car while trying to kill me. Small world innit?

“You’re right, I’ll go an call Joss.” I did and the bloody thing came flying up the steps nearly knocking me off them, he then sat on his owner and growled at me.

“He doesn’t like you.”

The feeling was mutual, “He can probably tell I’m not a dog person.”

“People who don’t like animals are strange–something lacking in them.”

The only thing missing in me was a small dangly bit, otherwise as far as I knew, I was more or less intact. “I like animals, we have a spaniel at home but I prefer dormice.”

“You prefer a dormouse to a spannel, what are you a weirdo? Bad as the bloody woman a while back, spent a whole hour boring the arse off us with her bloody dormice–she looked as weird as you.”

“With all due respect, I’m not the one camping in their dinner, so if I look strange, consider your position.”

“Cheeky cow, get me up then–’ere Joss have a King Edward,” she threw the little monster a small potato and he caught and swallowed it in one movement. He then sat on top of her again and growled some more at me.

“His table manners are as bad as yours,” I said, blushing as I realised what had slipped out.

“Only ’cos my teeth don’t fit proper,” with that she took her dentures out of her mouth, whereupon I volunteered to go and look for the ambulance. My stomach was queasy enough without looking at her choppers. As I turned to leave, the dog was licking said dentures.

A blue light came flashing into the driveway and I waved to them, they drove up next to the caravan. I told them what I suspected and warned them of the dog–and not to let it out. Then as soon as they went in the van, I ran to my car and drove off at speed.

Clear of the site, I could afford a little chuckle–I wasn’t certain it was her son who’d tried to kill me, but it certainly looked quite a lot like him–perhaps he has an evil twin? Yeah–sure.

“What do I do now? The blue light let me down. I was on a hill overlooking the Channel and to my left I could see the twinkling lights of Sandown, and there were several blue twinkling lights and they were travelling at speed–towards what looked like another caravan site. I sped off towards them.

I pulled into the caravan park only to be stopped by a policeman–“You can’t come in here, madam.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not at liberty to say.”

“That’s the armed response unit,” I pointed at a large 4x4.

“I can’t say, madam.”

Next moment the helicopter is hovering over a particular van, the searchlight beaming down on it and people are being led away from nearby vans.

“What’s going on?” asked an angry old lady.

“It’s for your own safety, madam,” said a young woman PC.

“I’ll catch my death out here,” she protested.

One man was refusing to go with the police evacuation, which is what I assumed it was. The copper who’d been stopping me was called by his friend to help, so I parked my car and ran off in the confusion.

I was a little worried, if there were armed police about, I was probably in danger of being shot by so called friendly fire by some gung-ho copper who was unable to control his trigger finger and his bowels at the same time.

I walked–well trotted–in a large arc round the van which they seemed to be surrounding. “Let the girl go,” shouted a copper with a microphone.

“Piss off, copper. If you come anywhere near me, I’ll kill her.”

This might be the right place at last–can’t be too many hostage sieges going on on the Island at this particular moment–though with my luck at present–I might be wrong.

I watched the stand-off going on for half an hour and was beginning to get cold, I walked to a new vantage point which was when I saw a solution. There was some building work going on and inside a makeshift fence–one of those freestanding wire ones they mount on concrete feet to hold them up–was a small digger with a remote arm on it.

I managed with difficulty to wrench part of the fence open and pulled it wide open, then I went up to the digger and found it was unlocked. Two minutes later I started it up and began to drive it towards the van in question. On the way I worked out which levers worked which bits and I lifted the shovel as high as it would go, then drove to the back of the van and in two small manoeuvres had ripped off half the back of it.

A man came dashing out with two policemen and a dog in hot pursuit. I meanwhile had jumped off the digger and run into the van to find Julie tied up and lying on a bed thing in the lounge.

“Armed police,” came the shouts as two great lummocks came rushing in.

“Piss off,” I said and continued untying her.

“Not you again,” said the officer in command, “Can’t you just wait five minutes?”

Julie, freed at last burst into tears and hugged me, “Mummy–I knew you’d come–I’ve been sending out the light ever since they brought me here.”

“Um–yes–I think I might be having a small problem with reception,” I said as she hugged me again.