The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1355 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

My afternoon was spent roasting a leg of pork with all the trimmings–well I didn’t do it personally–I think the blue light would be somewhat pushed to do that–besides which, it could be embarrassing if it got up and ran away squealing when Tom was trying to carve it.

I did a nice variety of vegetables, carrots, mushrooms, roast potatoes, broccoli and some roast tomatoes–I love them, except they can get very hot and burn your mouth.

By the time Henry arrived, the pork skin was forming a lovely crackling–for those who don’t know this calorie laden delight–crackling is the skin of pork cooked until it becomes crunchy-chewy. It’s quite sweet tasting which should warn you there’s a bit of fat in it and it probably furs up your arteries all the way to your eyeballs–but it’s still delicious.

Simon opened a couple of bottles of rose for a change–and I decided I’d have a glass with my dinner. I was busy in the kitchen about to dish up when Monica walzed in and pinched me on the bum. I thought it was Simon or one of the kids and about to shout at them realised my mistake. I blushed and she roared–“Gotcha,” she said loudly. I said nothing because I’d probably do little for my supposed reputation as a lady.

She helped me carry through the food to the dining room, where Tom carved and Si poured wine. It was a pretty good meal, I have to say and we had to wait half an hour for dessert, not because it wasn’t ready–I made an apple pie with cream–but no one had any room to eat it for half an hour–we were, to a man–stuffed–actually to a woman and kid too.

The pie served as a light supper an hour later, giving Simon and Henry, assisted by Tom a chance to plot revenge on the plod–sounds a like an old B-horror movie — Lady Cameron and the Revenge of the Plod.

Next thing I know, the doorbell is ringing and Tom is admitting Jason–just as well I didn’t want any pie–he ate my piece. It struck me as amusing that I was the target of the police mendacity and they were in cabal not exactly excluding me but nor were they inviting me to join. Oh well, revenge must be a boy thing. I hoped that the police would now bugger off and leave me in peace–or I really do point Trish in the right direction and say, EXTERMINATE. She’d probably find some secret satellite with laser weapons on it and...

Danny went up to his room to watch some football on his laptop, Trish and Livvie were playing chess–Livvie, isn’t as good as Trish, but she holds her own by doing things Trish wasn’t expecting. It doesn’t always work but Trish hates losing so much that one win against her ten, really gets her going. I think I need to have a word with her quite soon–may ask Stephanie for some advice.

I played snakes and ladders with Billie and Meems and lost. Twice I got to ninety eight and hit the snake that takes you back to about twenty something. Grrr was I cross.

When I’d lost, I was able to make teas or coffees–Jenny looked after the two littlies and Puddin’ managed to force down about a hundredweight of pureed roast pork dinner–with apple sauce. She looked as if she enjoyed it–going to poo about ten minutes later.

It was taking in the teas and coffees to the war cabinet–yes, I know, very stereotyped–me tea girl, them powerful men–hah, very funny. They were actually finishing the wine and telling dirty jokes.

“So, how are we going to deal with this wayward plod then?” I asked.

“We’re still working on that, my dear,” said Henry leading for the defence.

“So I see–well, much as I appreciate your efforts, I’m off duty as tea girl from now–so if you want anything else, you’ll have to ask Simon to get it–he does know where the kitchen is.”

“Where’s Julie, babes?” Simon asked me.

“She went out before dinner–she has a date.”

“Is that wise–I mean, she’s not quite as perfect as you yet, is she?”

“You’ll have to ask her that–she’s seventeen–so above the age of consent.”

“She’s hardly going to do anything in a Smart car is she?”

“Don’t underrate her or her physical flexibility–she does do a yoga class.” She doesn’t but he didn’t know that and he went a lovely shade of pink–actually I think I might like my hall carpet that colour when we change it.

I watched Dr Who on the internet with Danny, who’d come down for a cuddle sat with me–the girls had created some board game and were noisily playing it in the sitting room, the boys were in the dining room and we were in my study–Danny and I that is, cuddled up together on the leather sofa–yeah, it’s new–Simon bought it for me as an Easter prezzie.

After it finished–the Dr Who programme, I asked Danny how he felt now.

“I’m okay now thanks, Mum–I do appreciate you, you know.” He put his arm round me and hugged me then pecked me on the cheek.

“Thank you, son,” I said and hugged and kissed him back.

“Some of my mates think it’s awesome that my mother is starring in a play with a Hollywood film star. They all want tickets–when can we get them, Mum?”

I winced–at his age I’d have been horrified if my mother had been doing such a thing–I probably still would–am I an embarrassment to my kids? I tested the water.

“You don’t think it’s embarrassing for you for me to be doing this?”

“Eh? Can you run that past me again?”

“You don’t find it embarrassing that I’m doing this play?”

“No way–it’s ace. When you did the Dormouse film, half the kids in the sixth form asked if you were married.”

Now I was embarrassed–sixth form totty–whatever next?

“D’you wanna cuppa?” asked Danny.

“Ooh, that would be nice–I’ll have to chase the girls up to bed and feed Catherine. I could feel some milk oozing into my bra pads.

So, I got the girls to bed, drank my tea–it always tastes nicer when someone else makes it–fed the baby and changed her and put her down for the night and was on the verge of sending Danny up to bed when Julie came home–in high dudgeon.

“Wassamatta, Sis?” asked Danny from the foot of the stairs.

“Sodding plod–they reckon I was speeding–I wasn’t, I was at least five miles an hour under the limit–it’s a set up because you beat them at their own game earlier–now they’re going to persecute me.”

Simon came out to see what all the fuss was about and looked very determined. “A dish best taken cold,” was all he said but it gave me the shivers all the same.

“Any dinner left, Mummy, I’m starvin’?”

“I saved you one, but I’d have thought it was a bit late to eat now.”

“Watch me,” she said taking the plated meal from the fridge and shoved it in the microwave.