CHAPTER 79
Yes we went shopping, yes we bought a ring (joint account…I think I was missing a trick there) and yes it had to be paraded around work. Kirsty was insistent that it be worn “Otherwise some scrote of a punter will try chatting you up”

I had an appointment that week with Sally, and of course it had to be shown, and admired, and Doc Khan had to come round, and, well, you know how it goes. Sally was her usual dry self, though.

“So, I am assuming that you are starting your real life test, Annie?”

I laughed. “I think I started that one some months ago, Sal, to be honest. It just sort of crept up on me. Or rather, Eric did.”

“So it’s all about blokes, then”

“No, not at all, but one bloke in particular is very important to me”

“Important enough for you to cut your penis off for?”

“Not subtle, Sally, not at all. You know full well that this is a congenital thing, not a lust and randiness construction. My feelings for Eric come from what I am and not the other way round, aye? Nice try, by the way. No cigar, though”

“Ah, girl, I have to make the effort, I get paid for it. You just make it all a bit too easy now. Far cry from when you first came in, all that terror, wound up tighter than a duck’s arse”

“Sal, professionally speaking, should you be talking to me like this?”

She smiled, happily. “When I am signing someone off, I can say what I like. It’s a bit of a habit with me, it seems, getting to be too matey with my patients. Did it with Steph, certainly did it with poor Mel. Normal practice is for me to sign you over to another trick cyclist, and they will see you through the rest.”

I must have betrayed a little unease, because she put a hand on my arm.

“No, Annie, no. You are a friend now, a good one, so it isn’t goodbye, it’s just hands off on the pro front. Now, before I settle down to sort you a new sadist, tell me about what you have planned at this party”

“Ah, I am having as many folk as I can, providing food and drink in quantity, and then using Naomi’s expertise with hidden cameras to record the whole shebang for fun and profit through blackmail!”

She nodded. “Nothing out of the ordinary, then”

“Seriously? I have one of my odder pieces, I want Darren to have a go at it, and I really want to see him play among friends, as a session type thing, not just as someone on stage and out of reach.”

“This odder piece…knowing your tastes, is it Tull or something Scandinavian?”

“You know me too well, Sal. Scandinavian”

“I should know you, I get paid for it. That skinny blonde or the really scary ones?”

“It’s a really atmospheric one from Den Fule, and it has some odd percussion stuff, and I think Darren could make something of it if I gave him a listen”

“You really care about him, don’t you?”

“He’s a survivor, aye? I nearly gave up, but he stayed the course. There’s heart in him, and he has the Woods happy as anything. I shouldn’t really say, but he was talking about Chantelle Pickstock the other day, and I sort of got the impression that he not only knows her, aye, but, well, you know”

“You got any news about her?”

“Need to speak to Polly, find out what the score is. She was just about catatonic, they said, after the shooting”

“Not exactly surprising, girl. Look what stuff like that did to you. Somehow, as a man, I don’t think Stewie would be first choice to talk her through it.”

“He will be free for the do, aye?”

“Annie, I doubt he would miss it for anything. Just one question: do I have to get drunk?”

“Absolutely”

“Good-oh! Now, I’ll let you know the details of Shrink Mark Two as soon as I have them, but I have an idea who it might be. Want me to talk to Polly? I have an idea there myself”

Over the next few days I quietly coached Darren and Steph in the intricacies of ‘Fly med Mig’, and he was really working at it, trying to use one stretched drum skin to speak the whole of the tune’s beat. It’s a slow and slithery piece, with no real room for letting rip but plenty for subtle little twists and cross-playing. He got the idea immediately, and started experimenting with different beaters to get it ‘just so’ and, as we worked, I was badgering Polly.

“Yes, Sally did say. Is this going to be a full-on debauch, or would there be a more restrained start to proceedings?”

“Well, we want to have a bit of a play first, aye, and then a meal, and only then do we sort of anticipate getting uncivilised”

“I will see what I can do. It might actually be a good idea, get her in the middle of normal people being silly and happy”

I had to laugh at that idea. “Me? Normal? And Eric plays the banjo! Not to mention Ginny…”

And so it went. Geoff and I did some serious shopping runs in his van, while Naomi spent extended periods in the kitchen making what can only be described as ‘stuff’, a lot of which she froze. I can cook, but it is largely a matter of main meals rather than party food, so her skills were a foreign country to me. The eve of it all finally arrived, and with it the Woodruff clan and the Edifice, as Steph insisted it be called, which flowered in her back garden. Along with them came Mark.

I watched the two together, Kelly and Mark, and the only word that came to mind was serenity. Kelly had always, in my experience of her, been an effervescent girl, even with the tearful moment she had shared with me, but now it was much more grounded. The two of them weren’t joined at the hip, but I felt they were always aware of each other, and more than once I caught Jan looking wistfully after the pair.

“Penny for them?”

“Ah, Annie, nothing much. Just realising how suddenly my little girl isn’t any more. Time passes, too quickly. And then…and then I remember what Bill and I were like, and that’s sweet, and then I realise how long ago that was”

I smiled at her. “And then you realise that he’s still the same, aye?”

That brought a happy grin. “The same as he always was. You’d think he’d grow up, wouldn’t you?”

I gave her a squeeze. “Would you really want that? No? Didn’t think so!”

She squeezed me back. “We are all so lucky, us women here, in our men. Big Bill would make some comment about karma, but I don’t believe in that stuff. I think, somehow, just for us, for our family, life has been generous”

She caught my raised eyebrow. “Don’t be silly, as far as we are concerned you are family, just like Albert and Naomi, and young Darren, I suppose. I mean, they are never going to let him go, are they? I think he’d rather die than leave them”

I nodded sharply. “Aye, he’s smitten. I just hope the SS are sensible for once. I am hoping for something else from them tomorrow, though, so fingers crossed”

We spent that evening down the Sun, having a simple pub meal rather than cook, Darren latching onto the other younger people. They were old enough for there to be a gulf between them and him, but not as old as the rest of us, so he made the best of everything, and there was laughter, and teasing, so it seemed to work. I slept that night in one of Steph’s spare beds, as Eric murmured beside me, thinking on Jan’s words. Lucky. Truly lucky, and that luck lay dribbling beside me.

Naomi’s present to us arrived the next morning, and it was the oddest engagement gift I could have imagined. Portable toilets. Plastic cubicles of the sort I remembered from festivals, trucked in and deposited in the driveway. Practical, inspired and, in truth, sweet. No, not the toilets, they had the same chemical reek they always have, but the idea. We had our breakfast, and then a small group retired to the conservatory as Steph’s gift arrived, and a marquee took shape in the Woods’ garden, just before the mobile bar set up. Steph was apologetic.

“I would have preferred some casks, but we’d have needed three days to set up and rack the ale, so it is bottled stuff mostly.”

“Steph, who’s been arranging all this?”

“Eric, to be honest, but your mate has been busy too. Den”

Lucky. So lucky.

The morning and early afternoon were spent putting the final touches to everything, with a raft of hired patio furniture and the last of the cooking, and then people started to arrive after about two. The Wilsons, of course, and the girls, Stewie and Sally, Kirsty and her gorgeous bloke, they found their spots in the garden and pitched their tents, or settled into one or other of the available bedrooms. It will sound mad to consider camping in winter, but with the right tent, and the right sleeping bag, and the right person to cuddle, it is a delight.

About three o’clock there was a small earthquake, and the Norvin rolled up, followed by Sarah’s riceburner and a little convoy of cars. I made my way out to greet them all, and it was with some nervousness I recognised a stocky figure emerging from one of the vehicles together with a really beautiful woman. The solid one looked right through me, and then looked back, and a smile split her features.

“Sergeant Price! Looking good, girl!”

“Inspector Powell, aye?”

The hug was as solid as she was. “Annie now, isn’t it? Sar told me the story, no way I could miss out on this one, so we brought the family, aye? You know Siá¢n, my missus?”

“Sort of, never really met. Looking good, Elaine”

“Looking fat, you mean. Her cooking, it is, too much loving whatsits. Now, you have a few here you don’t know”

“I know Jim. Jim, he’s out in Steph’s conservatory. Wipe your…too late.”

“Ah, boys. Who’d have ‘em?”

Who’d be one? She carried on with the introductions. “This is my uncle Arwel, and his wife Alice, his boy Hywel and Suzy, Alison and Steve, their little sods are the ones who ran off after Jim. It’s cold, girl…”

“Oh, sorry! Cuppa?”

“Wrth gwrs.”

I felt almost intimidated, all the men seemed so big. Sarah gave me a quick hug before asking for somewhere to skin herself and Tony, and I led the rest into Steph’s kitchen, where rows of cheap camping mugs stood ready.

It was going to be a hell of a night.