CHAPTER 86
We took the new bridge, of course, which to me lacks the drama of the old one by Aust.

Eric had hired a Ford Focus for the trip, and I had the luxury of a CD player to keep us amused as we sped West. Geoff had, of course, managed to squeeze four bikes into his van along with a mess of ropes and odd metal bits that he and his good lady were going to be banging into rocks or something.

Steph had been right, and Arwel had tried to insist we stayed at Fishguard with the family, but I wanted somewhere we could be free from social responsibilities, free of the need to be giving our time to others beyond the task I was dreading. Elaine had found us rooms at a small hotel in Carmarthen, or yng Nghaerfyrddin as she insisted on saying. I had sent a letter to my eldest cousin, Miriam, the one in whom I felt most hope of a sensible discussion, if not actual acceptance. I had asked her to come round to the hotel for a chat, and for Mam’s two brothers and Dad’s sister and their respective families I had restricted my letters to “Will be over home for a while, hope I get a chance to say hello”

We got ourselves settled in the rooms, Eric beginning the ritual of the tea-making and vetting the available biscuits, and I rang Miriam to arrange the meeting. That was tricky; I had to remember who I was supposed to be. One thing I was not going to do, though, was pretend. I was Adam no longer, and I never really had been. I was Annie Price, now, tomorrow, permanently. I was starting to funk up when the room’s telephone rang, and Eric answered for us.

“Elaine’s at reception, love. Shall I ask her to come up?”

“Please…what the hell am I supposed to wear?”

He came over and put his hands on my shoulders. “That summery dress, flat shoes and a cardy. Woman, not whore, not clown. Just leave her in no doubt what and who you are, and to be blunt the cleavage will make it a bit harder to ignore”

There was a knock, and he let Elaine in. She was in civvies, which relieved me. Less of the threat that having a copper in full view would have provided.

“You up for this then?”

“No, but I don’t really have a choice, aye? I either make the effort, or I write them all off, all of my family”

She sighed. “And if they tell you to fuck off? Curse you as an abomination before the Arglwydd Uchaf?”

“Then at least I will have tried. I have to do at least that.”

“Then I have your back. How are you planning on doing this one?”

“There is a tea shop down by the hospital, and I have given her a time to be there. I intend to let Eric and the Woodruffs go in first, then I will take the plunge. If you want to come along, just join the others”

“Is she likely to get physical?”

“Miriam? God, no! Sarcastic, snide, nastily insulting, if she sets against me, but not physical. You’ll know if she does, she’ll set her knees together and put her handbag there on top, like a shield, aye?”

“OK. I’ll watch and wait then, for the bag code. What are you wearing?”

I showed her the dress and explained Eric’s logic. She smiled.

“Take this the right way, girl, but are you sure he is all man, with that sensitivity and dress sense---oh, you blush so well! So he IS all man, then!”

“You are a sod, Powell!”

“Inspector Powell, to you, my girl! Come on, let’s get the ball rolling. There are respectable people to offend and appal. I have my car, we should all squeeze in”

Half an hour later I watched the four of them head round the corner to the café, and three minutes after that Eric sent me a picture of a thin dark-haired woman sitting alone at a table behind a gurning Steph. I checked my face one last time in the wing mirror of a parked car, and then set off round that same corner after texting Eric back to put my order for tea and cake in. He knew what I liked.

The door had a bell that rang as I entered, and Miriam looked up as I shut the door. She gave me the once-over before turning her attention back to the Sudoku puzzle she was doing, and then her head rose again as her eyes widened. I crossed the space in three slow steps and drew back the chair opposite her, catching a slight nod from Eric behind her.

“Dear Lord…Adam, what is this? I mean…”

She made a gesture around her chest, and I knew that Eric’s choice of neckline had been right.

“It’s a long story, Merry, and it’s not been ‘Adam’ for a while now. It’s Annie now”

Her knees closed, and the handbag came up, but only to swallow the book of puzzles and her pen, and then to be set down on the spare seat. She drew in a long breath.

“So it was you, then, when I was fourteen?”

The tea arrived just as I was trying to work out what she meant. I limited my reply to an obviously puzzled expression as I poured.

“You know what I mean, Ah-Annie. The washing line stuff”

“Ah! Don’t be daft, what would I have wanted with another girl’s knickers? I wanted my own! That was Dilwyn Vaughan, anyway, he used to boast about it in PE”

“OK, I will take that one in good faith, then. But what exactly is this?”

“What does it look like?”

She gave me a truly intense scrutiny, from hair to heels, although they were flat shoes, as Eric had insisted.

“Those are not false breasts. You are not looking awkward in the clothes, and I suspect that the small quantity of paint you have on your face was put there by yourself. I would assume, therefore, that you are one of those sexual reassignment persons, which of course leads me to an obvious question. Have you had yourself mutilated yet?”

“No, not yet. But I will be, if all goes as I hope”

“You feel you must alter what God has created?”

“Better than destroying it, aye? That’s what the choice is”

Her eyes widened again. “That was what you were thinking? Self-harm?”

“Self erasure, Merry. Yes, and I was doing it the slow way, before my friends stepped in. I was drinking myself out of this life”

“Strong drink–“

“Yes, I know, a mocker and a rager, but it was doing its work for me, so there you have it”

“Where are they, then?”

“Who?”

“Your friends. The tea and cakes did not order themselves….ah, are you her friends?”

She had turned straight to my four supporters, who looked at each other and then nodded. It took me a little while to realise what she had called me, as she insisted we push our tables together and we began the process of introductions.

“Merry, my eldest cousin, my dad’s sister’s girl. Miriam, this is Stephanie, and her husband Geoff, my very good friends. This is Inspector Elaine Powell, a colleague and another very good friend”

Miriam nodded. “And is this your fiancé? What’s your name?”

“Eric Johnson…how the hell did you know that?”

“The way you look at each other is a starter, but there is the matter of that ring on her finger. I am often accused of curtain-twitching, and that is a calumny, but I remain observant.”

I was astonished. “Merry, you keep calling me ‘she’ and ‘her’. I never expected that”

Her face softened. “You think your dad didn’t talk to his sister, aye? I knew all about your dolls”

“He burned Jessica…”

She was trembling, I realised. I took her hand.

“Merry, I know this is a shock, but this is something I have no choice in. Either do it this way, or end everything”

“Oh, I know that, just as I know this is so obviously who you have always been. I just wish you could have told me earlier. Tell me, this man here, this Eric person, is he good to you? Ah. No need to answer that one. Eric, Johnson was it? Be aware, now, that if anything untoward happens to my cousin here, or if you hurt her, I will visit you and it will not be pleasant.”

Elaine laughed, tension visibly draining from her solid frame. “Merry, if you only knew what some of her friends are like, you would know what an army of Furies lies in wait for anyone who would even think such a thing. For starters, this ginger person here rejoices in the nickname of the ‘Smiling Assassin’”

Geoff was nodding rapidly. “Scares me, and I sleep with her! And then there’s Ginny”

Merry raised an eyebrow at that one. “Annie, your friends, they all accept this?”

“Merry, my friends helped me through the evil days. They stayed with me when I was at my worst. This is a nothing, aye?”

“Then they are true friends. Job stayed true to his Lord throughout, friends can do no less. I just have two things I must say. Firstly, how do we bring the rest of the family round to a proper acceptance of your situation?”

Indeed. That was my worry from the beginning. Miriam was still speaking, though.

“Secondly, given the circumstances, can we go somewhere I can get a very stiff drink?”