CHAPTER 59
Den just said, with a flicker of his eyes, “I will tell you a story one day, yeah?” and was off. The night was absolutely dead, work wise, and I spent large chunks of it nattering with Jim. I had, of course, noticed the civilian support staff flicking glances at my girls, but nothing worrying. Jim was at least open about things.

“Genie’s out of the bottle now, Annie. For good or bad, it can’t go back in. You are going to get grief, especially when we get regular customers in, scrotes who’ve known you. And that’s just the punters. What the troops are going to do, fuck knows.”

“Ah, Jim, there are a few types Sally warned me to look out for. Men’s men, women’s women, and wimmin”

I stressed the pronunciation of the last, and Jim nodded.

“That’s what puzzles me about that mad tuppence-licker you hang around with. I’d have expected her to be all militant feminist, not-a-real-woman thing”

I smiled. “Ginny is a one-off, Jim. I talked to her about feminist politics when I first met her, aye, and her words were something like ‘fuck that shit, I’m a peoplist’. There is a lot of depth to her, a lot of thought behind the mania”

Jim smiled. “She bloody terrifies me!”

“Aye, but watch her with her wife, see how they mesh.. What it is with Ginny is that she is alive, and likes to let the rest of the world know it. She said to me once that men were like marzipan; she didn’t like the taste, but that didn’t mean it should be banned on her say-so”

He laughed. “What did you say?”

“Oh, I tried to turn it round, you know, make it about marmite instead, and she actually got serious. She said that the world is full of flavours, and when you find one that works for you, you stick with it. She said we are like a dance band, there’s even room for banjos.”

“I thought you said ‘serious’, Annie”

“For her, that is serious. I think that what she was saying is that defining yourself by being in a group is silly, that people are people, end of, and should just get on and be human beings. And of course, once she got all that out, she made a rude comment about willies. She’s a complex girl, is Ginny, and there are things in her past I know are there, but don’t know what they are, aye?”

“I get what you mean. Like Dennis. There are other things going on there, apart from that corruption crap. One of these days…”

“Ah, there is news there. I haven’t told you this, aye, but he has purchased a bit of jewellery”

“You are joking!”

“No, he told me on the way out tonight. All very sudden, aye? They seem suited, and she’s keen, but even with the sergeant-constable thing it’s very quick”

“You don’t think she’s, you know”

He mimed a bulging belly.

“Nah, I don’t think that’s her style. I mean, if it were, she’d have done it when she was knocking off that DS from Horsham, aye?”

Jim laughed again. “The one none of us are supposed to know about. Yeah, point taken.”

“Jim, it sounds to me more like Den’s driving this one, not her. Do you know if he’s ever been married?”

“No idea. Coffee?”

We sat in silence for a few minutes as my palate tried to tell me I was being unnaturally cruel to it, but I slapped it down.

“Annie…”

“Aye?”

“You look…you look more relaxed tonight, I don’t know, more comfortable?”

“Well, I am, a decent bra works wonders for comfort”

“Stop taking the piss, woman. There, see, it just seems more natural to say that now. No, relaxed is the word.”

“I am that, butt. I think…well, I think one of the things that were breaking me down was futility, aye? The sense that whatever I did, I was always going to be stuck out of phase with everything, that whatever I did would change nothing.. Stewie said it is like being under sustained shelling, there is nothing you can do but endure it, and some can’t. Give them a hint of an end to things, and they find extra strength.”

“You have an end in sight, then?”

I laughed. “Oh yes, and you will laugh when I tell you. All I want is to be ordinary, just another working woman. No drama, no fuss.”

He nodded. “I suspect there are other dreams you have, Annie. How is he treating you? Ah, don’t bother answering that one, your face just did it for you”

I hid my smile with the mug, and he continued.

“Annie, I have arranged for your locker to be brought in here for now. We can’t put it into the women’s locker room yet, and Sam and the others are happy for it to be here pro tem. Yes, of course they know. How slow did you expect the rumour mill to turn? I am assuming that from now on Adam has left the building. But be careful.”

The shift ended some hours later, and Jim did the honours with my kit as I changed after the morning parade. That had been interesting, in a scary way. Sam held it, and I asked him if I could address the relief before I went home. ‘Centre of attention’ was barely sufficient to describe how it was in front of the oncoming shift, and I could feel the weight of eyes on my chest.

“Morning all. I am here just to set a few things straight. I know there are rumours about, and I know some are a bit over the top, so let me set out the facts before they get silly. I was brought indoors to Custody because I had had one too many horrors out on the bike. It builds up, and you all know exactly what I mean, which is why I also know that none of you think any the less of me for it. We are all coppers, we know how shitty the world is. We learn it the hard way.

“What made it worse for me was my nature, so I will cut to the chase, aye? Yes, I am what is often called a transsexual. Transgender. Gender dysphonic. I am not a cross dresser, I am not gay, I am not confused. I am just a woman with a few more problems than most, which will be rectified bit by bit--yeah, those bits--over the next months and years. If anyone has any problems with that, I am happy to talk, but not now, as I am off to bed.

“Oh, and by the way, these are real, all mine, and I am bloody glad I can let them out to breathe now. And while I am still Sergeant Price, the name is Anne. Annie to friends. Back in tonight for the last one, have a good shift”

Home, bike away, empty bed, except for Tabitha and a T-shirt. I made myself some breakfast, cereal and fruit instead of the bacon I craved, and then took a shower. My breasts were still filling out, and the last patches of body hair were being whittled away by the electrolysis, but my waistline was still too chunky. The girls had been right, though, and as I took my pills I realised that my arse did indeed still ‘look big’, and I giggled at the memory of Ginny squeezing it to check, and immediately switched mood as I thought of Eric’s hand there. It took me a long time to get to sleep.

The last of my nights was even more boring than the third one, and I was put through the same paces at the parade. Once more, I refused to answer general questions. If they wanted to know, they could scrape up the courage to do it to my face on their own. I caught Den once more, just as he was about to go.

“And?”

“Haven’t done it yet. Need to find the right moment, like.”

I put my hand on his arm. “Den, tell me if I am out of order, aye, but all I will say is that you are being very quick. If there is anything you need to talk about, any way I could help you, just ask”

There was something bubbling underneath, but he pushed it back down, nodding to me.

“Aye, Annie, I know you would, but not just yet. One day, yeah?”

I left him to his secret.

Eric astonished me by being in the living room when I forced myself awake at lunchtime so as to be able to sleep that night.

“Taken some leave, love. Got the interview tomorrow, so thought it made sense to save on a hotel bill by dossing at some mate’s place. Thought she’d probably have a spare bed or something”

I dragged him straight back with me. He clearly realised resistance was useless,